Chapter 31
Sawyer
The easiest way to ignore her is to just leave my phone in my room.
Dad lines me out over breakfast, and it’s not like the wifi reaches much past farther than the walls of the house anyways.
I don’t even know what to say to her.
If I tell her the truth, it’ll just push her away.
I’m too fucking young for her.
And too damn inexperienced to be able to tell if this is just a crush or real.
As the cars start to pull in, the house gets fuller.
Louder.
Everyone is smiling and laughing for Thanksgiving.
Then there’s me wanting to crawl in a hole and hide.
I don’t think anyone even notices when I slip out to go to Scotty’s house. Maybe they expected me to leave?
My knuckles rap on the frosty door as my breath billows around my face.
When the dim porch bulb flicks on, it makes me squint as Mrs. Martin opens in surprise.
“Sawyer! I didn’t expect you? Scotty stayed up on campus.” Her green eyes remind me so much of Val, I can’t believe I didn’t see the resemblance before.
“I know. But I still wanted to bring this by.” I hold out the plastic bag filled with steaks and roasts, more than I’ve usually brought in the past.
“Oh, you’re so sweet. Please, come in?” She waves me into the warm house and sets the package on the counter.
“Don’t you have a houseful now?” Her gray hairs highlight her braid under the kitchen lights.
“Yea. There’s a lot of babies.” I glance around at the cozy living room.
The worn arms of the couch. The coffee table that has a piece of two by four bolted to it.
Heck, it’s been that way as long as I can remember.
This place has been like a second home to me forever.
But it feels a little empty now.
“It would be wonderful to have a bunch of children running around. I miss when Val and Scott were little.” She sets in the last cut into her sparse freezer and closes it.
“I keep hoping Scott finds himself someone and has a family.” With a wistful, faraway look, she limps closer and settles into her threadbare recliner.
“I don’t get much from my social security, but I’d love to spoil some grandbabies.” Her smile falters as she stares at the flames in her small woodstove window.
But then she turns, clasping her palms with a renewed grin. “How about you? Does your dad let you leave the ranch long enough to meet anyone? You’re like a second son, you know.” With a twinkle, she winks at me. “I’d treat yours like my own.”
I swallow hard.
That means Val hasn’t told her.
I really was just a fling for her.
“Nah. I mean, there was a girl…” My voice fades around the lump forming in my throat. “But she didn’t want anything like that.”
“Oh, honey.” Mrs. Martin’s wrinkled hand reaches out to pat mine. “Her loss. She just didn’t appreciate what an amazing heart you have.”
“Maybe,” I grumble.
I caught a glimpse of Eli that night. I can see why Val would be drawn more to him than me.
His clothes looked expensive.
Much better than what I wear. I’ve never had much of a reason to buy anything fancy since I’m always just working on the ranch.
Everything I own always ends up covered in shit.
“Do you want to come back with me?” I don’t want Mrs. Martin to be alone tonight.
“You’re so sweet. Val said she might stop by, so I’ll probably stay in tonight. But thank you for the invitation.” She tugs up an old crocheted blanket across her lap.
That makes my pulse race.
Val’s coming here?
“Well, I’d love to stay, but I should get going. I promised Dad I’d get the Christmas lights up on the house tonight.” I push up out of the couch, then hold up my palm as she starts to rise.
“You stay comfy. Happy Thanksgiving.” I try my best to have a pleasant expression while inside I want to puke.
“I miss you boys staying up all night playing video games.” Tears rim her lids over her gentle smile. “Be careful driving home, Sawyer.”
“I will. Have a good night.” Stepping out into the cold, I tug my coat tighter.
What a stupid thing to think of how much I’d love to grant her wish.
One day I’ll meet someone who wants me just as badly as I want them and I’ll be able to bring Mrs. Martin a baby to hold.
Snow is coming down in fat flakes by the time I make it home. There’s still a whole mess of cars in the parking lot.
Looks like even the sheriff showed up with his girl.
Dad said they were getting married soon.
I don’t think I can handle seeing them. It reminds me too much of Halloween.
The first time I got to kiss Val.
Pulling past the main house, I roll to a stop in front of the mechanic shed.
It’s warm enough in here to be comfortable and I know there’s beer in the fridge.
I might even start cutting out the pieces for the brush guard I want to put on my truck.