Chapter 7
Chapter Seven
A buzzing interrupts the sound of the TV. We all look around for the source, and Sebastian hands me my purse. I pull out my phone, setting the bag down behind me on the sofa.
“I’m just going to step into the hall a moment.” I hold up my phone, which is still vibrating in my hand. The screen is lit up with Ronnie’s name and picture.
“We can pause the show,” says Sebastian, already grabbing the remote.
“Thanks.” It probably doesn’t matter as I probably wouldn’t be any more lost if they were to keep watching, but it’s sweet of them to do anyway.
I swipe the phone screen to answer the call once I’m in the hallway. “Hey, is everything okay?”
“I’m fine, but I heard there was a fight at the party,” says Ronnie. “Did those guys take you home? Are you okay? Do you need me and Trevor to come get you?”
“I’m fine. Must’ve happened after we left I’m actually,” I look back to make sure the guys can’t overhear me, “at the guys’ house to watch a movie.”
“Oh. Wow. But you’re okay there? Can they bring you home later? If so, I’ll stay the night with Trevor.” Ronnie’s voice drops to a whisper. “I think things are starting to get serious between us. He told me he’s not seeing anyone else right now.”
I’m not going to ask Ronnie to come get me mid-episode, even if I’m kind of confused by the plot.
Especially if she’s still with Trevor. I already don’t think he likes me much, and if he thinks I’m cock-blocking him I’ve got no hope of him ever coming around.
I don’t care if he likes me for my sake, but if he and Ronnie do end up being serious, her life will be easier if Trevor and I get along.
“I’m good. I’ll get a ride. Don’t worry about me, go have fun with Trevor.”
Ronnie squeals with glee. “Thanks! Don’t wait up!” The line goes dead.
I stay in the hallway a moment, looking back toward the living room archway. The show might be kind of silly, but the guys are nice.
When I return to the living room, however, I nearly trip over my own feet in shock.
Felix is holding a piece of pink paper in his hand, and the others are all reading it over his shoulder.
It looks like my purse has fallen over on the sofa, spilling some of its contents onto the cushion.
Including, it appears, the stupid sex list Ronnie had slipped in there earlier.
I’d completely forgotten about it, and now my heart plummets into my stomach as I watch the guys’ intense perusal of the evidence of my sexual inexperience.
I should call Ronnie back and beg her to come get me, even if she is with Trevor.
Even sitting in the back of Trevor’s car knowing they’re both thinking about all the fun naked things they’d rather be doing won’t be anywhere near as bad as this moment right here.
But it will take her at least fifteen minutes to get to me.
I have no quick way out of this scenario.
Even if I order a ride off a rideshare app, I’ll have to wait for it to get here. Any amount of time is too much.
But as I head back into the living room to retrieve my bag so I can run far, far away from here, my humiliation morphs into anger.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Even if it did fall out of my purse, what makes them think it’s okay to read it?
Reaching over the coffee table, I grab the list out of Felix’s hands. I’m glad for the piece of furniture between us. All trace of embarrassment has temporarily left me, and I’m seeing red.
“Your bag tipped over when you got up,” explains Sebastian, fanning his hand toward the now empty cushion. “We were picking your things up.”
“When did picking things up start to include reading other peoples’ personal papers?
” I fold the list in half, then fold that in half too.
I keep folding, making it smaller and smaller until I can’t fold it one more time.
My fingers curl around the small pink square, and my cheeks flood with heat as my shame returns full force as quickly as it fled.
I wish I could fold up this moment just as small as the paper and hide it. Or better yet, throw it away like I should have done with that idiotic list last year when I first wrote it.
“There’s no reason to be embarrassed,” says Lukas.
“I’m not embarrassed.” It comes out louder than I mean it to, and I know my face looks like a tomato right now, which only intensifies my mortification.
Great, now they think I’m either some sort of sex-crazed pervert who carries around a list of sex acts like a shopping list, or so inexperienced I have to keep my sex study guide with me at all times, and on top of that I’m also standing here looking like I’ve got the world’s worst sunburn.
“Okay,” Felix says. His voice is calm, like he’s trying to soothe a feral animal. “Good. Because you don’t need to be. You just … look like you are.”
“I’m not embarrassed,” I repeat, and this time I mean the force I put into it. More quietly I add, “I’d like to go home now. Please take me back to my dorm.”
This was supposed to be a nice, casual way to get to know them better. A movie, some popcorn, and a plate of nachos. But instead, I just want to throw up and then hide in a hole for the rest of time.
This was a bad idea. As soon as I get home, I’m going to crash into bed and pretend like this never happened. I can block their numbers, and I’ll never have to see them again.
“Okay.” Sebastian hunches his shoulders, his expression morphing from intrigued to defeated. “If that’s what you want.”
“We’ll put away our snacks and then drive you home.” Elliot turns off the TV and picks up the tray of partially-eaten nachos.
He looks so sad and heartbroken I almost feel bad for him, except that all my sympathy is directed at myself right now.
So instead of consoling him, I merely step to the side to give him more room to bring the tray into the kitchen.
The other guys move to help while all I do is stand there wishing the floor would swallow me whole.
“You don’t all have to drive me,” I mumble. “It only takes one person to drive a car.”
Sebastian stops in his tracks on the way to the kitchen. “That’s not how we do things.”
There’s that doing-everything-together thing again. If you’d asked me an hour ago, I’d have said it was cute, if a little weird. But now, I’m finding it nothing short of maddening.
“You know,” says Lukas, coming back into the living room, “we didn’t lose our virginity until college.”
“Statistically, most women don’t have sex until just after high school, so you’re not far from the average,” adds Felix from the doorway. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“I’m not embarrassed,” I reiterate. “I’m mad. You violated my privacy.” Do they really not understand that this was a serious overstep? That I have every right to be mad at them for reading something that was obviously not meant for them to read?
“We’re sorry,” Sebastian tells me, his tone and expression earnest. “You’re right, we shouldn’t have read it, even if it did fall out face-up and we couldn’t help but see the title and it got our attention.”
He has a point, not that I’ll admit that to him. If I saw a piece of paper titled “Sex List: Things to Try Before Graduation,” I probably would have a hard time looking away too.
I look down and realize I’m still wearing Lukas’s sweatshirt. I shrug it off and drape it over the arm of the sofa, missing its warmth but not about to give them any reason to contact me ever again once I’m safely delivered back to my dorm.
“You know.” Lukas glances around the room, holding a silent conversation with each of his friends before continuing. “If you want, we could help you.”
I stare at him, not comprehending.
“With your list,” he clarifies. “We could help you cross a few things off it.”
“Or all of them,” adds Felix softly. The lenses of his red-framed glasses glint in the light from the TV, and something about him reminds me of a large cat, a panther or a lion.
He looks soft and sweet, but there’s something else coiled beneath the surface.
Something intense, and animalistic, and thrilling.
Something I am one hundred percent not going to think about, now or ever again.
“Absolutely not.” I shake my head, my own glasses sliding down my nose with the force of the movement.
It was stupid to write out that list in the first place, and stupider to carry it around with me instead of tearing it into a million tiny pieces and flushing it down the toilet.
I don’t even really want those things I wrote down.
Sure, I’m curious about sex, but there will be time to explore that after I graduate. “Nothing about that is a good idea.”
“Why not?” asks Sebastian.
“Because …” I trail off, not sure what to say.
Because if I’m being completely honest with myself, I don’t have a good answer.
Something about these guys makes me want to know more about them, and it’s not even worth denying my attraction to them.
The fact that Lukas’s suggestion has my blood racing and tingles spreading through my lower belly is proof enough of that.
“You have a list of sexual activities you would like to partake in,” Sebastian states. “And we would like to partake in those activities with you. You said you’re not interested in dating, and we’ll respect that, but you can explore sex without dating.”
“And if you change your mind and do want to date us, we’re amenable to that,” says Elliot.
“One thing at a time.” Sebastian tells him, and smiles at me.
I realize that I don’t think I’ve seen him smile before, at least not like this.
They’ve all always been so serious and straightforward, but Sebastian’s grin is bright and totally changes his face, making him look more boyish and playful, and …
fun. But it’s short-lived, his no-nonsense mask falling back into place almost as quickly as it lifted.
I let my gaze fall on each of them in turn even as I’m mentally yelling at myself.
Why are you hesitating? You cannot possibly be considering this.
Say no. Say hell no, and get out of here, and block their numbers, and maybe consider transferring schools and legally changing your name.
But I can’t help letting myself half-imagine it for a moment.
Me, naked and on all fours, with Felix kneeling behind me as he pounds into me with that cat-like control, shoving me forward so that I take Elliot’s cock deeper into my throat with each thrust. Elliot’s hands buried in my hair, holding my head right where he wants it as he fucks my mouth.
Sebastian underneath me and bucking his hips against his own hand, his lips locked around one of my nipples, sucking, as he pinches the other between those dexterous fingers.
He twists them just so and bites down gently, sending a bolt of pleasure through my body so I come hard, my whole body shaking with the effort to keep sucking Elliot off instead of collapsing on top of Sebastian.
And Lukas, fisting his own thick length as he watches his friends and me pleasuring each other, whispering “Good girl” in my ear and triggering a second orgasm for me as they all find their release simultaneously.
I force myself out of the fantasy, dropping my gaze to the ground and gathering my hair into a low ponytail over one shoulder just to have something to do with my hands.
What am I doing, thinking about that, right in front of them, and in such graphic detail?
All week I’ve been looking at their pictures and refusing to let my fantasies turn fully sexual, and then I choose this of all moments to fling open the door? What is wrong with me?
“Can I think about it?” My voice comes out hoarse, barely above a whisper, thanks to the lust now coursing through me.
Their expressions all sharpen for just a moment into ones of hunger, allowing me another brief glimpse of exactly how different they can be from what they’ve shown me up until now.
“Of course,” says Felix. The others nod in agreement.
If I say no, what will happen? Will they give up on me forever, move on and find some other girl who already knows what she’s doing and won’t need to be taught?
I’m not ready to commit to this yet, but the thought of someone else taking my place in that fantasy I just had almost has me agreeing to this ridiculous proposition.
“Okay.”
“Okay, you’ll do it?” Elliot looks even more excited than when I agreed to come over for a movie night.
I shake my head, my eyes wide. “No! I mean, okay, I’ll think about it.” Yikes, if I do go through with this, I’m really going to have to watch my words moving forward. They take everything so literally.