Chapter Fifteen
Sofiya
The knife feels powerful in my hands. Dangerous. Dimitri has been the dangerous one for the entire portion of our marriage but now it’s my turn.
He lied to me. Used me. Manipulated me. All because he wanted to break me down.
I’ve had enough. My body may want Dimitri. My mind too if I’m being honest with myself. The desire to be around him is strong but I can’t let him get away with this. Can’t let him act like what he did was for my benefit.
He hired men to kidnap me so he could make himself look like the savior.
I’ve never felt this sort of rage before. The desire to truly hurt someone. It’s a terrifying feeling and yet, a powerful one. One that feels utterly and completely right.
Dimitri is still in the foyer when I come back. “Sofiya, let us talk about this.”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I snarl before running at him with the knife. His eyes widen when he realizes what I’m doing and he jerks back before I can stab him with it.
In one quick motion, he grabs my wrist and holds on tight. I wince through the pain. I refuse to drop this knife. It’s the only way I can protect myself against him.
“You’re going to kill me?” he asks, complete shock in his voice.
“I need to hurt you like you’ve hurt me.”
“You think stabbing me is the way? Do you really want me dead, Sofiya? Truly?”
I just know I want Dimitri to feel the way I do: abused and ashamed and taken advantage of.
“I hate you,” I hiss, trying to move my wrist but he holds on tighter. I know I’m going to bruise.
“Do you really hate me? Because I know you need me, Sofiya. You need me bad. You’ve given me your body. All of it. I know how much you need it. Need me to show you pleasure and pain.”
“You don’t know anything.”
“I do. It’s why I hired those men to kidnap you. I needed you to be broken for me so you could rise again and be the wife you truly were meant to be. The woman of my dreams.”
“Stop making it into a positive. What you did was not ok. Why can’t you just admit it? Why can’t you just say you’re sorry?”
His eyes widen again but for a different reason this time. It’s more like surprise, like he never expected me to ask him for that. “You want an apology?”
“Yes,” I sob. “I want to hate you so bad but I can’t. I want to hurt you so bad but you’re not letting me. I need something, Dimitri. I need you to say you’re sorry. I need to know that you feel bad for what you did.”
He tightens his grip on my wrist until I can’t take it anymore and I drop the knife. It clatters to the ground. “Sofiya, come here.”
“No.”
“Come here.” He pulls me into his arms and holds me. Before I can stop it, tears rush to my eyes and I sob into his shirt. What is he doing to me? I feel like I’m always constantly crying and I’m sick of it. Yet, I can’t get the tears to stop.
“Why do you make me feel this way?” I whisper into his shirt.
“Because you need me. Just as much as I need you. And you need to know something, Sofiya,” he says into my ear. “I am not sorry.”
I tense but don’t pull back. Instead, I cling to him harder as if that will get him to change his mind. “Why not?”
“Because you need this. And I will never be sorry for that. You want to give all yourself to me but you haven’t yet. Your mind is still resisting but it would be so easy for you to give in to me. Just give in, Sofiya. Just give in.”
“I don’t know how.”
“Come with me.” He takes my hand and leads me to the basement door. I want to fight him but all the fight has left my body. It’s not a surprise when he leads me to his cage and locks me inside. “You’re going to stay in there for the rest of the night. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I grip the bars. “Stay with me.” It’s not even that I’m afraid to be locked inside. It’s that I want Dimitri with me. How messed up is that? Dimitri is right: my mind is still fighting his control. I’m not sure that will ever change.
“You need to think things over. Can you forgive me for what I did? For you to give yourself into me, that’s what you need to do. Think about tonight, Sofiya.” He walks away without another word and I slump onto the floor and curl into a ball.
With nothing else to do, I think over what happened. Now that the anger inside me has passed, I can think more clearly. Dimitri claimed he was never a good man. I always knew that but now I can see just how much he meant by that. He is not a good man and never will be.
But does that mean I can never love him? I know it seems absurd to love him after everything he’s done to me. The lies and manipulation but he’s also been soft at times. Loving at others.
And makes me feel more alive than anyone has in this world.
I think back to when he gave me a bath after taking my virginity. Or when he held me close to him in the shower. Or how he always puts my pleasure first above his own.
I know Dimitri has the ability to care within him. I believe that he does the things he does because he cares. He just has a messed up way of showing it. But he wants me to be all of his and… I want to be all of his. Just like I want him to be all of mine.
I can’t deny it. For a moment, I wanted him dead but now that I have time to think, the thought of losing Dimitri forever is like a hole in my chest. It hurts too much to even think about.
I know what my answer will be when Dimitri eventually comes back down to get me out of this cage. I know why he put me in here to begin with: so I could calm down. I find comfort in this space for some strange reason. It forces me to confront when I don’t want to. And what I want is Dimitri.
So how can I get my mind to be at ease with that? I’m not sure and that’s terrifying.
Sleep eventually takes me because I wake up when Dimitri returns, opening the cage door. The sound of the creek is what makes me open my eyes.
In nothing but my satin nightgown, my entire body feels on display for Dimitri. His eyes rake me over on the ground of his cage and I don’t move. I want him to look at me. To desire me. I need it more than I’ve ever needed anything.
“Have you thought about it?” he asks.
“Yes.”
“And?”
“I’m still not sure.” It’s the truth. My body and soul need him but my mind is still fighting me on it.
“Then let me help you.” He gets into the cage with me and stands over me, looking me down with his powerful intense and lust-filled eyes. “Get on your hands and knees.”
My body shivers at his command. Even if I’m not fully sure what he’s going to do to me, I know it’s going to make me go wild.
After I get into position, Dimitri kneels down behind me. My arms are shaking from nerves. I can barely hold myself up.
He pushes the end of my nightgown up over my hips and places his hands on the waistband of my panties. “Why do you insist on wearing white panties? It always drives me fucking insane.”
A flush of arousal hits me. That’s the power he has over my body.
“Now that I’ve had my cock in you, I need to feel it again. You will take this like the good girl you are. Make me proud.”
He rips my panties down to my knees. I can hear him unzip his pants and then feel his length touch my inner thigh.
Dimitri taps each of my thighs, silently telling me to spread my legs wide for him.
My inner walls clench down at the thought of him being inside me.
It’s too much to handle. I’m still sore from what we did yesterday.
But that will lead to pain which always leads to pleasure. It’s messed up and yet I can’t seem to find it in myself to care.
Dimitri doesn’t bother warming my body up as he presses his erection to my entrance. “You will take me inside of you and you will scream my name when you come.”
“What if I can’t?”
“We both know you can. Though, after you tried to kill me, I’m not sure if you deserve an orgasm. But I’m being generous. I know I hurt you and I’m willing to do this for you as a sign of good faith.”
I bow my head. “Dimitri…” There’s nothing else I can say. The only thing I can do is infuse all my energy and pain and desire into that one word.
“I’m going to fuck you again, Sofiya. And you will love every moment of it.”
My body throbs from the desire he’s making course through me. It’s all too intense. All too much. I can’t stop it.
Without warning, he pushes his length into me. On instinct, my inner walls clench down onto him, almost like I’m trying to stop him from getting deeper. It hurts but it also feels so good that it’s scary.
Dimitri shows my body no mercy as he pushes his entire length into my vagina. I cry out from the sensation. In this position, he can sink even deeper. It’s uncomfortable and a little painful. Yet, I want him. I want all of him.
He steadies his hands on my hips. “You feel so good wrapped around my cock. Wouldn’t you agree, baby?”
“Yes,” I moan, unable to help myself.
“Good. Now take my cock like the good girl you are.”
He brings his length out of me, just keeping the tip in, right before he dives back into my core. I cry out, from pain or pleasure I’m not sure. It’s all mixing together.
He shows me no mercy as he truly fucks me. Thrusting in and out. Tip and then full length. Since his hands are holding my waist, I can’t move. All I can do is let him take me like this. Take me how he wants. I just have to accept it.
I can hear Dimitri grunting behind me. It’s animalistic. Wild and dangerous and taboo. I try to grind my hips back but he still keeps me in place.
God, it feels so good and yet hurts so much. My inner walls keep clenching down onto his cock, unable to stop myself. I need this just as much as he does. Maybe even more. I need to know that I’m forgiven for trying to hurt him. The need to make him proud is consuming me.
Dimitri’s thrust are relentless. Again and again and again.
My arms give out and I have to hold myself on my forearms. His body is too powerful inside of me. Too much. Too good and yet too painful.
A moan escapes my mouth despite how I’m feeling. That’s the power he has over me.