Chapter 41
I stopped, my body shuddering in panic when I recognized the persistent voice calling me. Then I ran, stumbling over my own feet.
“Antonella, please, wait!”
“Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me!” I panicked, using my arms and legs to try to push him away when Benjamin reached me, gripping my shoulders forcefully so I would stop.
“Ella, calm down and listen to me, fuck!”
“If you don’t let me go right now, I’ll scream.” I hated the fragility in my trembling, tearful voice, and I hated even more feeling so weak, incapable of escaping his hold.
“All right, all right.” He released me, lifting his open hands. “Just listen to me, please. You don’t have to say anything. Just listen.”
I took a short step back, my hands clenched at my sides, but the wall at my back kept me from putting the distance I wanted between us. I could try to run, but Benjamin didn’t seem willing to let me go before hearing him out. More lies, probably.
From the corner of my eye, I looked for someone, some kind soul who could help me. The street was empty and quiet. Everything seemed to be against me.
Sobbing, I released the words as if the mere act of uttering them wounded me:
“I don’t want to listen to you. I don’t want you to touch me… I only want you to stay away from me.”
In the shadow of the night partially covering his face, I saw his features sadden, but I couldn’t believe the regret in his sorrowful eyes.
“Ella, I’m not going to hurt you…”
“More, you mean? What else can you do to me? You destroyed everything. There’s nothing left. Don’t you see? …Except kill me.”
“I would kill myself before laying a finger on you… I was a son of a bitch, but I swear I would give anything, absolutely everything, to go back to that moment and do the right thing. I fell into the trap of my desire, but everything changed. Seeing the suffering I helped cause made me realize I had made a terrible mistake. I was the worst of men, because yes, Antonella, I love you, but I want you happy.”
“You have an unfortunate way of showing it.”
His hand tried to touch my face. I flinched, and he let it fall.
“You may not believe it, but I wanted to tell you. Call me a coward, call me whatever you want. I won’t defend myself, because I truly was one…
I lacked courage, and I was afraid you would hate me, afraid of seeing your eyes the way they are now…
I realized too late that seeing you happy is more important to me than being with you.
You don’t know how much I blame myself for putting all this suffering in your eyes.
Seeing your tears and knowing they are partly because of me is worse than knowing I’ll never have you. I’m sorry, truly sorry. Forgive me.”
“I can’t forgive you, and even if I could, I don’t want to… you were too cruel.”
“Let me try to fix this… Let me help you. Seriously, I want to help you… There’s nothing I want more in this moment than to help you.”
“Are you insane, Benjamin? Do you want me to trust you after everything? Do you have any idea what you did? Any notion of the magnitude of the pain I felt all this time because of a lie you reinforced against me?”
“Please, Ella, let me make up for my mistake.”
He really was crazy.
“No…” I shook my head. “I don’t want anything that comes from you.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw a taxi approaching, and taking advantage of his distraction, I shoved the traitor, then ran, gesturing for the car to stop.
Ben didn’t try to stop me when the taxi pulled over.
I opened the rear door of the car and heard him say:
“I’m not changing anything I said. I’ll have everything ready. I really want to help you. Call me. I’ll be waiting, if you change your mind.”
I stared at him for one long moment.
There was so much disappointment that no more words could fit. I shook my head, looking down at the ground, and got into the taxi.
The discovery should have relieved me, but the feeling of such despicable betrayal was too strong, crushing any relief I might have felt.
Why? Why the fuck had he done this to me?
Nothing justified his vile act.
As I crossed the mansion garden toward the front door, I felt my cell phone vibrate in the clutch I held against my chest.
Bzzzz! Bzzzz! Bzzzz! Bzzzz!
I wasn’t going to answer, but the insistence made me take it out, and when I looked at the screen, my tears overflowed once again.
“Antonella…”
“It was him, Pietra. He helped her… Ai, Dio, how could I be so stupid? I can’t believe I didn’t see it before… it was there the whole time, and I…”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“Benjamin. H-He helped Norah.”
“Son of a bitch! Amada, listen to me. Don’t do anything stupid. The day after tomorrow, I’ll be there…” I remembered earlier. “…Ella, are you listening? Josie, Nathan, and I found Jason. We have something really good…”
“Did you know Heithor was selling the mansion? Did you know, Pietra, that he intended to move without saying a single word to me?”
“Ella, I…”
“Of course… You’re his sister, right? Family… It’s fine.”
“Amada, it’s not what you’re thinking.”
“I already heard that today. And you know what? It was exactly what I thought… Forget it. I have to hang up.”
“Ella, wait. Let me…”
I leaned against the marble column on the porch.
The phone began ringing incessantly. I felt stabbed from every side, all my scars and new wounds torn wide open.