fifteen
Athena's life is good, actually her life is great. She has the best dad in the world, she's is the number one recruit in her class for soccer, and she has Paige. That's all she could ever ask for. If you told 11 year old Athena, who was crying daily about her mom, that she would be the happiest she's ever been since, she would laugh, then slap you for ever thinking she could be happy again. But it's true. Athena was the happiest she has ever been.
Ever since that late night at the end of June, the night when Paige and Athena shared their first kiss, it was like a dam broke. That first kiss opening up the option to kiss each other every chance they could. When they were alone, when they were taking breaks from talking, sometimes they would even sneak away from group hangouts to hide away in a bathroom.
They stilled called it 'helping out a friend,' Paige literally saying, "it'll be good practice for your first relationship, trust me." Athena did trust Paige, with her life, so she went along with it. Paige was the one to mainly initiate the contact, but Athena had her moments.
The first night they spent together after their first kiss was a tiny bit weird, them not really knowing what to do, but when they both made eye contact while laying down on Paige's bed, facing each other, both of them leaned in at the same time and connected in the middle.
When either of their parents weren't home, the other would show up to their house and spend the day. Majority of their days included locking themselves in their room and memorizing each others taste.
Once a week Paige would show up with a new, unopened pack of chapsticks. It was their favorite game to play, because they would both be winners. They would start off playing the game like how it was supposed to be, then halfway through, Paige would swipe the chapsticks off the bed and push Athena down, hovering over her and leaning down to kiss her.
Then never went past the kissing, although some hands, Paige, got dangerously close. She couldn't help it, she wanted to feel the soft skin of the girl under her. Every time she would lift Athena's shirt up just enough to sneak her hand under and place her palm on the girls abs. She would venture around, her fingertips moving up to graze Athena's bra and back down to the waistband of her pants. Athena's hands always stayed on Paige's head, having one tangling in her soft hair while the other cupped her cheek.
They did get heated sometimes, Athena usually ending up in Paige's lap, straddling her thighs with Paige's hands rubbing from the side of her legs up to her lower back. Paige then pulling back and trailing kisses from the girls jawline down the side of her neck and, finally, reaching her destination on Athena's collarbone, sticking there for a moment before reversing the order back to Athena's lips.
It was purely platonic.
Summer was spent like that, but then once school started again, it started to crumble.
At first it was good, the pair making time for each other, spending their evenings just how it was in summer. They acted way more touchy with each other in public, before they kissed they had been touchy, but just little things, like always sitting next to each other in a booth or huddling together under a blanket. Then it skyrocketed, going from little moments in private to having the same moments in public around their friends. Everyone saw the shift between the two of them, acting almost like they were a couple. Their friends voiced their observations to the two separately, but they both just brushed it off and denied it.
It was only until December did the outside concerns start to become internal realities for the two.
Athena had spent multiple nights in December staying up late and staring at her ceiling, she was starting to feel things with every touch Paige gave her. Every kiss, every touch, from as small as a brushing on hands to a full hug, Athena's entire body would shiver. At first it was the touches, then it progressed into Paige becoming her every thought. Everything she saw, she always found a way to connect it to Paige.
Paige wasn't any better, except she started thinking that way at the end of October, the night of her birthday party.
She had invited a few of her friends over just to hang for her birthday, but once word got out that her parents wouldn't be home, the whole grade was invited, that spreading to the school. Athena still hated parties, but with Paige they were better. Paige acting as her bodyguard, keeping a hand on her at all times so she didn't slip away.
It had been around midnight when Athena asked Paige to sneak away for a little bit, Paige automatically agreeing without hearing where they were going. Athena grabbed Paige's hand, intertwining their fingers and leading her upstairs to the blonde's room. Paige ignored the looks she got when they saw her walking away with Athena to a private place, only caring about the girl in front of her and letting her drag her anywhere she wanted.
Paige watched as Athena led her to her room, and locked the door behind them. She grabbed a blanket then dragged Paige over to the window, opening it then stepping out onto the roof. Paige followed her, confused but intrigued. Athena found a flat enough spot, she placed the blanket down, sitting on it, then looking up at a still confused Paige. She patted the spot next to her for Paige to sit, the blonde following her request.
"Ok close your eyes." Athena said once Paige was comfortable.
"Why? Are you going to push me off?" Paige skeptically questioned.
"No stupid, i have something for you." Paige did as told, closing her eyes waiting for whatever Athena was about to do. She heard some rustling going on before Athena's soothing voice spoke again, Paige could listen to her talk for hours, "open"
When Paige opened her eyes, Athena was sat in front of her with a cupcake in her hands, a birthday candle sticking out of it, and a dopey smile on her face, "happy birthday superstar!"
Paige was at a loss, stuck with her mouth slightly open and her eyes flickering between the cupcake in her hands the most beautiful green eyes she's ever seen. Eventually a smile cracked through, scooting a little closer to Athena and getting ready to lean in but was stopped by her voice, "well...blow out the candle and make a wish, or wait- i need to sing to you first!"
Athena sang happy birthday to Paige, then lifted the cupcake to be level with Paige's mouth. Paige closed her eyes and thought of a wish, every year before she had wished for her to be able to play in the WNBA but this year she wished for something different...for Athena, for her to always be in her life, until she died. Paige opened her eyes and softly blew out the candle on the cupcake, Athena then cheering.
She handed the cupcake over to Paige for her to enjoy, the birthday girl accepting then splitting it in half and handing the other half to Athena, the brunette taking it without protest. They both sat in silence and watched the stars as they enjoyed their half of the cupcake. Athena finished before Paige, dusting her hands off then laying back on the blanket to stare up at the stars. Paige finished her last bite then followed Athena, laying down next to her.
When they made eye contact Athena noticed a little bit of purple icing on the corner of Paige's mouth. She was about to reach her hand up to wipe it away, or tell her about it, but she got a better idea. The confidence of the single drink she had and the thought of their previous kisses driving her movements as she leaned closer to Paige's face, her eyes locked on the frosting. She then looked into Paige's eyes and leaned forward the last inch between them, placing her lips just above it on her cheek, slowly inching down with her kisses until they hovered over the icing. With one last kiss, she slipped her tongue out and licked the sweetness off the corner of Paige's mouth, then pulling back with a satisfied smile.
Paige was left, yet again, stunned.....and extremely turned on. Her baby blue eyes turning darker as she watched Athena lick her lips with a smile on her face like she hadn't just done the hottest thing to ever happen to Paige. The blonde reached her hand up to grab the base of Athena's neck, soft enough to not hurt her but hard enough to pull her forward and kiss her hungrily.
Athena melted into it immediately, placing her hand on Paige's waist as she kissed her back. Paige keeping a fast pace, moved her other hand down, placing it on Athena's back and tugging her closer. It was not the most comfortable position, them laying on one arm and barely being able to move it, so Paige took the opportunity to switch it, moving the hand from her back to the back of her thigh and pulling Athena up to straddle her lap then sitting up.
With Athena now being the taller of the two, for once, Paige had to tilt her head upwards to be able to kiss the girl. Her hands were wondering, per usual, this time getting more confident and placing them just above Athena's ass on the curve then moving back to their home under the brunette's shirt on her the bare skin of her hips.
Athena was annoyed with her shirt for Paige, it was in the way. She pulled back from Paige's lips, receiving a whine from the girl in protest but cut short once she noticed what the girl sitting on her was doing. Paige froze for a moment, then helped her, grabbing the ends of Athena's shirt and helping it off her, leaving the soccer player in just her bra.
They were drunk...that's why this is happening, they both had too much to drink...right? Whatever, Paige didn't care, just as long as it washappening and not just her mind.
She traced her palms up and down Athena's, now bare, sides, her eyes in sync with her hands and her mouth open. Her movements stopped once they reached the shorter's stomach, feeling it flex from both, her touch, and the cold air of the night.
Athena leaned back down to reconnect their lips, wanting to taste Paige again. Her hands were less adventurous, staying loyal to the blonde hair in between her fingers, tugging every now and then and feeling the vibrations of the girl's groan in her mouth. However she thought it was unfair how she was shirtless and Paige still had all her clothes on, so she decided to even the odds. Her hands left their home base, and trailed down the body of the girl under her until they reached the edge of her hoodie. She tugged it up enough for her to get the idea, then breaking their lips to let her take it off.
Paige kept eye contact the whole time she took off her hoodie, then throwing it to join Athena's discarded shirt. Athena did the same as Paige did to her, placing her palms on the newly exposed skin and moving up her abs, feeling them tense under her touch. She kept her hands glued to Paige's stomach as she kissed her again.
Paige broke away again, to trail kisses along her jaw and the side of her neck, then focusing in on the girl's collarbone, Athena moving her hands back to the blonde hair that now looked messy. Athena managed to get out as she felt Paige bit down on her skin, "Paige...don't...my dad will kill you."
"i don't care....i know how to fight." Paige mumbled into her neck, continuing her actions.
"Paige-" Athena moaned out, tugging on the girls hair again.
She was going to protest again but a knock on Paige's bedroom door followed by a voice cut them off, "Paigeeeee? Are you in there?"
The two of them shot apart, abruptly standing up and staring at each other flustered. They both went to grab their tops, only to bump heads. Athena rubbed her head briefly then picked up both their clothes and threw Paige her hoodie as she put on her shirt. She climbed back into the house without a second glance at Paige.
When Paige climbed back in, full clothed, the girl behind the door was still knocking. Paige, angrily, stomped over to the door and opened it, "What!?"
"Geez, i was just wondering where you were....we are playing a game if you want to join," The girl, one of Paige's friends said. She looked past Paige and saw Athena standing there, "you too...might want to fix your hair first though Bueckers." The girl then left, leaving Paige and Athena to be alone again.
"Uh...do you want to go back?" Athena asked, looking in the mirror and fixing her lipstick.
"I mean we can...i kinda want to continue what we were doing though..." Paige said as she walked behind Athena and placed her hands under her shirt on her hips, tucking her head into her neck to place kisses on the skin.
Athena closed her eyes as she placed a hand on the back of Paige's head and tilted her head the opposite way to give Paige more access, "it isyour birthday party...the last one you'll have here, and all your friends are here..."
"i don't know half the people down there"
"still you should be there"
Paige knew she was right, as much as she wanted to stay locked in her room with Athena all night, she should probably go downstairs and talk to the people she probably would never see again after this year. She groaned as she picked her head back up and begun to fix her messy hair in the mirror.
That was the first night the thought of Athena as something more then a friend invaded Paige's mind. By the end of November she was still confused but was more accepting of her feelings towards her best friend. She still thought it could just be the possibility of the combination of all the kissing and every thing but that faded the more time they spent together.
Christmas came around, it was tradition for Athena and her dad to spend it together. They would stay up late the night before and make cookies, then wake up early the next morning and open the gifts they got for each other. The holidays had always been the Booker's favorite time of year, especially Calliope's. Her mother went all out for Christmas, buying tons of gifts, making cookies for all the neighbors, and hang decorations every where around the house.
It was also tradition for Paige and Athena to have their own gift exchange. They would both met at one of their houses, a day after Christmas, this year being the Bueckers' as Athena's dad had a meeting and she didn't want to bother him.
Athena was excited to give Paige her gifts this year, she had gotten her three things. First a personalized note to Paige from her favorite basketball player, that took forever to get, second she got the new basketball shoes she had been talking about since they came out, she had to beg Paige's parents not to get her them so she could give them to her, and finally she got matching rings, for the two of them. She was proud of her gifts this year, and excited for the gifts Paige got her since she had been hyping them up since the beginning of their break from school.
They sat in Paige's room, the Christmas movie, Elf,playing in the background, "ok same time?" Athena suggested.
"No wait i want to go first." Paige said. She wanted to see Athena's reaction when she opened her gifts.
"Ok superstar, go ahead."
Paige first opened the big one, that being the shoes, "NO WAY!" Athena laughed at her reaction, it was exactly the one she expected.
"I had to beg your parents to not get them for you so i could give them to you."
"Thank you so much Thea!" Paige said, dropping the box of shoes and hugging Athena.
"you still have two others"
Paige opened the envelope containing the note, she read it silently, her smile not once faltering, "how did you do this?"
"I'm Athena Booker."
Paige rolled her eyes then thanked her again. She opened the last gift, seeing a single ring inside. She looked back up at Athena, a little confused. Athena noticed her confusion then held out her hand, the same hand that had the matching ring on. Paige immediately took the ring out of the box on put it on.
"ok now you go"
Athena opted to start with the smallest one first, until Paige stopped her, "save that one for last." Athena complied, picking up a slightly bigger box. She opened the box and saw a customized UCLA hoodie for her. A blue hoodie with yellow letters, the number 3 and Booker on the back. She put the hoodie on over her shirt and thanked Paige. The next gift was also in an envelope, Athena opened it pulled out the two pieces of paper inside. They were concert tickets for her favorite band, Artic Monkeys, "i know how badly you wanted to go but couldn't get tickets so i found some online and....yeah."
"Paige....they must have costed a fortune, i'll pay you back. How much was it?"
"no, no pay backs. It's called a gift for a reason. Open the last one." Paige said. She was both excited and nervous for this last one, it could go really well or really horrible.
Athena carefully unwrapped the small box, a velvet case inside. She opened the box, and inside it contained her mother's wedding ring attached to a necklace.
"you were devastated when you lost the real one, so i found a replica of it and had someone put it on a necklace, so you won't lose it again." Paige explained as Athena stared down at the ring. "....do you like it?"
"Paige I- I love it...thank you...you're incredible.." Athena said as she looked back up at Paige. Paige had a soft smile on her face, one that Athena replicated. "can you put it on for me?"
Paige nodded and picked the necklace up out of the box, she moved behind Athena to put it on her. After doing so, she placed a delicate kiss on the back of the girl's head, then moved back to her original spot. Athena reached up to touch the ring around her neck, only letting go to pull Paige into a tight hug. She pulled back only a little bit to place a kiss on her lips, that feeling like the only way to express the feelings she was having right now.
Christmas was a success, now moving into New Year's. Nothing bad went wrong, in fact it was great. The Bueckers and Bookers gathering together for their own little celebration, watching the countdown in NYC live. Paige had dragged Athena into the empty hallway a minute before midnight, wanting to kiss her for the New Year.
They held hands as they talked for about 45 seconds, then when the 15 second countdown begun, they placed their foreheads together and waited for the clock to hit midnight. As soon as they could hear the shouts from their families in the other room, they leaned in and sweetly kissed for the New Year.
January was great, the two of them attached at the hip the whole time. Regularly having heated make out sessions much like they did at Paige's birthday party. They even experimented with...you know. Paige used the same line from summer, "what if i was your first time...and you were mine. I mean...you trust me right, because i know i trust you."
By February they both had fully accepted they had feelings for their best friend, Athena later then Paige, and Paige way more terrified then Athena. They both knew back in January, hell, they hooked up, multiple times, but it was more of a background thing in their minds. They were not each others valentine though, Paige accepting a valentine from a boy named Jalen, and Athena riding solo.
Athena was crushed when Paige mentioned the valentine from Jalen, she felt her heart physically crack with every word the blonde spoke about the boy. But she was happy for Paige, or at least she tried to be.
March hit and Paige and Jalen were officially dating! Yay! Not.
Athena tried to be happy, she really did but every time Paige mentioned him, or she saw them together, she physically ached. She wished it was back like it was in January. They still hung out and stuff, but they hadn't kissed again since before Valentine's day.
Athena was confused about the sudden switch up, how they could go from having sex to barely being able to hug without it being slightly awkward. She started to resent Jalen, even though it wasn't his fault, she just needed someone else to blame because she could never put it on Paige.
April was a lonely month for Athena. She probably saw Paige for a total of 24 hours the whole month combined. Every time she texted her to hang out, Paige would make an excuse, saying she already had plans with Jalen or some other friends. It was starting to be like they were just regular friends. Well do your other regular friends know how you taste Paige?! OR how you sound when i use my tongue- i can't say that BUT I THINK NOT!
May was horrible. Athena didn't see Paige at all. Not for the entire month, only texts, and those were dry. Athena didn't even get an invite to Paige's graduation party, she just saw pictures on her social media a few days after it.
Athena's dad could see the difference in his daughter's mood. She was more zombie like, just going through the motions each day. He had to do something, and fast. Daniel had texted Paige to see if she knew what was going on with Athena, which he didn't receive an answer to. That was odd considering any time he had texted Paige, she immediately answered.
He brushed it off then looked for other techniques. He tried some of the ones he used when his wife died, but they didn't work. They didn't work then either, Paige had been the one to cheer her up, so it was useless. Daniel did everything he could think of, buying Athena her favorite foods, doing things that always made her laugh, but nothing. She was like a robot.
Athena wasn't even excited when they graduated, or when a bunch of achievements announce as she walked across the stage, she was just....numb. All because of a stupid girl.
June could be considered the worst month of her life. Paige hadn't talked to her in 2 months, and she had no idea why. She keep beating herself up for it though, whatever it was it was probably her fault.
Athena shut down. It was like her mom all over again, except this time she didn't have Paige to be her shoulder for her to cry on. She knew Paige had her reasons, whatever they were.
The whole month was constant swinging from extreme anger to depression. One day she would want to punch Paige in her stupid, beautiful face, then other days she would sob into her pillow, wondering where she went wrong.
One day, Athena was more angry than usual, she was fuming. She made the impulsive decision to drive over to Paige's house, bust into her room not caring if her and her boyfriend were in the middle of hooking up, and demand answers. She's waited long enough.
Before she could back out, Athena pulled up to the Bueckers household and knocked on the door. Paige's mom answered the door with a confused look on her face, "Athena? Gosh it's been forever, how have you been darling?"
"Good. Uh- is Paige here?"
"Yeah she's in her room. Good to see you again dear."
"You too." Athena said to Paige's mom then made her way to the all too familiar room. She knocked on the door and for the moment Paige took to answer it, she debated sprinting out of there and going home.
She didn't get the chance as Paige opened the door, "Athena? What are you doing here?"
"Can i come in?" Paige stepped aside to let her in the room.
"Uh- I-" Paige started but Athena cut her off.
"-What did i do?"
"huh"
"What did i do to you? Why have you been ignoring me for the last 3 months?"
"I-"
"Just tell me. Even if it hurts, i just- can't take it anymore."
Paige stared into Athena's green eyes, the eyes she adores. She didn't want to do this, but she had to. For both of them.
"you're kind of a lot." Paige said, not being able to keep eye contact.
"what does that mean?"
Silence.
"just tell me Paige. I don't care what it is. Just tell me what's going on, please."
Paige almost gave in there. The tone of her voice sounding so raw all the blonde wanted to do was kiss her blue.
"i can't put up with it anymore....with you anymore."
"oh...how long have you been-"
"past few months....you're just very clingy and always want to be around me or touch me and i can't handle that anymore," the next words about to come out Paige's mouth are something no one should ever say, especially not to the purest soul on the planet, "and i don't know if it's because you don't have a mom but you're like....super weird..."
She wanted to take it all back, go back to January and live in that moment. She wanted to tell her how she was reallyfeeling, that she loves her and Athena loves her back and they could be together forever. She couldn't do that, she would risk everything, and even if Athena did feel the same, by August they would be on opposite sides of the country, no one can make that work.
Paige thought this was the only way for them to have a clean break, instead of going through the pain of fizzling out over text. She didn't want to lose Athena, of course not, she wanted to hold her, kiss her, love her.
Paige can't even bare to look into her eyes, knowing as soon as she did she would fold, get on her knees and say she didn't mean it. Instead, she burned a hole in the ground.
"what did you just say?" Athena couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her best friend, the girl she thought she could trust with her life, just called her weird for her mom dying. Athena was waiting for the moment Paige would break and tell her this was all a joke, a sick joke, but a joke.
When that didn't happen, she became furious, clenching her hands in fists and imagining punching Paige in her stupid, pretty face.
"you heard me."
"Are you serious right now?! You think I'm weird because my mom died from an incurable disease when i was 11?!"
No. "well yeah...didn't you like watch her die...that's gotta fuck you up in the head." Stop talking. Please shut the fuck up.
"wow...you know you are the only person i ever talked about her with...not even my dad. I thought i could trust you," You can! I promise you can! "guess not."
Athena wasn't done, if this is really how Paige felt then she made sure that Paige knew how she felt.
"what about our hookups?! Hm? You think i was weird then too? You didn't seem to mind though, the way you were moaning my name and begging me to please you, multiple times. That's what's weird, not crying over the person i love most in the world.....How bout basketball?! You sobbed for hours in my arms over the smallest loss, that's pretty weird! Not once did i ever cry for an hour over losing a soccer game!"
I don't mean it, i swear i don't mean it baby. Please, hear my mind. I'm so sorry.
"That's different."
"No! It's not! What about our code?! The one you insisted we make!"
Oh.
"It's just a piece of paper. It's worthless."
"Yeah ok whatever Paige...you want me gone, fine. I'm gone....and I don't everwant to see you again."
Athena threw something at Paige, the blonde catching it against her chest, then flinching when she heard a door slam shut. She looked down at her hand and when she saw the matching ring Athena got them, the same one they both wore daily, even when they weren't talking, Paige broke. She fell back onto her bed, hands covering her face as she sobbed.
She just ruined the best thing to ever happen to her, even better than basketball, all because she was too scared to tell a girl about her feelings.