Chapter 18
Iwoke that night to the feeling of someone watching me. I slid a hand beneath my head for the gun I kept under the pillow, curling up as if I were still asleep. A voice stopped me just as I wrapped a hand around the hilt.
“It’s me.”
I sagged into the sheets, relief flowing through me when I sat up and pried my gritty eyes open.
Grey was in the armchair near my dresser, suit jacket off, sleeves rolled up, and his shirt partially unbuttoned. He had his hand shoved through his hair, which was already a mess, but the part that stuck with me was that he had no shoes or socks on. Greyson was almost never barefoot.
For whatever reason, it sent a ripple of foreboding down my spine.
“You startled me.” My voice was rough with sleep.
He’d been quiet on the ride home, not that I was much better. He’d stuck close at dinnertime, and when I’d faked a migraine and gone to bed early, I’d expected him to call me on it, but I didn’t think he’d do so in the middle of the night.
He didn’t answer, so I tried again. “What’re you doing in here, Grey?”
“Thinking.”
Dread coiled in my stomach, but I played it off with a raised eyebrow. “In my bedroom in the middle of the night?”
He nodded absently. “After Antoni, I had nightmares. Of him dying. Of you dying. It was impossible to sleep, so I’d sneak in here at night just to watch you.”
I didn’t answer. Barely moved. Greyson had been my closest confidant for years, but he rarely opened up about my brother’s death or his struggles. It was a part of him I’d never been able to reach, but in the dark of my bedroom, I could see his admission for what it was. A gift and a price.
“Do you still have them?” I asked, putting off the truth for just a moment longer. “The nightmares, I mean.”
“They’ve disappeared mostly, but when they come back, I just come in here and watch you breathing. It helps me.” Greyson’s eyes narrowed, and I steeled myself. “Talk to me, Mari. I need to know what’s going on.”
We’d been circling each other since Dominic had come back, and after the club, I’d been too scared to talk to him for the first time in our lives. There was so much we needed to say and so much that could wrong. But Greyson deserved the truth.
Inhaling, I held the breath, trying to force myself into a measure of calmness. By the time I let it out, I felt as ready as I’d ever be. “What do you want to talk about?”
His eyes trapped mine as he answered. “What did Sean offer you?”
“What?” I’d been expecting to talk about us first. The club, our feelings, something else. Anything else. I should’ve known better. Greyson never went for the easy targets. He went for the throat without fail.
“You’re hiding something, and it has to do with O’Bannon.” I started to refuse, but he growled under his breath. “Don’t lie to me. I’m not an idiot, Marianna. In fact, I think I’m probably the only person in the world who knows you just as well as you do. So, what is it? What did he offer?”
I couldn’t speak. A part of me thought if I said the words, it would make them real. Like we’d have to move on, only getting to have that one perfect moment together. I didn’t want that. I wanted Greyson. So, I did the most selfish thing I could.
I kept my mouth shut.
He shoved out of the chair with a frustrated snarl, pacing back and forth at the end of the bed. Every movement was more agitated than the one before. Finally, he turned to me, and all that anger washed away to a resigned weariness that ate at me.
“I thought when Dominic came, that it was the end of us,” he confessed quietly. “I thought that any chance we had together was over because he was back and you had history. Distancing myself from you and my feelings seemed like the best option. You’d get Dominic, and I’d be able to stay close. I didn’t realize that he would be the one to bring us closer, but he has. Did you know he’s the one who pushed me to take a chance with you?”
Surprised, I shook my head, and he scoffed, like he couldn’t believe it either. “He’s been pushing me, egging me on since he got here. At first, I thought it was the same old shit we did as kids, but it wasn’t. He wants you happy, and he knew that you wouldn’t be without me in your life. I didn’t want to risk us, but he kept goading me with the idea of us together.”
He sat next to me on the bed, his hand grasping my neck lightly, long fingers brushing against my jaw. He looked through me, like he was seeing all the parts of me and the whole at the same time. “I was too scared to make the first move, but the thought of never having you got to be too much. So, I took a leap of faith, and you caught me. For one night, I had you, and everything was perfect.”
He tightened his fingers on my neck, and a surge of heat rushed through me. Greyson’s eyes darkened, noting my reaction. He brushed his lips against my cheek, my jaw. Soft whispers of touch that sent goose bumps across my body. “I thought things had changed after the club. You said we would figure things out, but we didn’t. Now it feels like you’re slipping away all over again, and I can’t do it. I can’t lose you when I’ve just gotten you, but I’m so tired.”
“Tired of what?” I whispered.
“I’m tired of fighting against you, and I don’t know if I should fight for you. I need to know if this is something you want, Mari. If I’m something you want.”
It was as if the dark gave him the comfort to offer up his secrets. Maybe it would do the same to me.
“I want you.” It was the safest thing I could say, especially when my final secret was so close to the surface.
Grey exhaled, shoulders dropping with relief as he pulled one of my hands between his and pressed his lips to it. When he spoke, he did so against my skin. “Stop shutting me out. We’ve fixed every problem we ever faced as a team, so let’s be one now.”
Moment of truth. I could feel it, like the universe was telling me things would never be the same. I gave myself a second to grieve the possibilities of the future, just in case, then I nodded.
“What did Sean O’Bannon offer you?” Greyson asked.
I brought our hands to my mouth and pressed a kiss to his fingers—one last kiss in case it all went downhill. One kiss to hold on to forever, even if I lost him. “He offered Aislynn’s hand in marriage.”
Grey’s head jerked back. “For you or…?”
Honestly, I could have handled it if he’d offered Ash to me. We could’ve made an arrangement that gave us both our freedom, and I would’ve kept Greyson. But Sean wasn’t as forward-thinking as I was. He cared about heirs for his legacy, not love or devotion.
My stomach twisted as I shook my head. “For you.”
As if someone had pressed pause on the moment, Greyson’s whole body stilled. His eyes, though… They were dark and confused, his brows furrowed. He was trying to sort out an equation with half the variables and coming up with an error.
“When?” he finally asked.
“Opening night,” I admitted. “He saw you dancing and suggested we unify the families.”
“That’s when you pushed me out. What happened after the club, then?” He wasn’t talking to me, but to himself. “Nothing, unless you count Nate coming, but that shouldn’t have mattered.”
Almost unconsciously, he stood and pulled his hands free to pace. The sudden, irrational panic sweeping over me only solidified what I already knew. I didn’t think I could handle losing Grey in any capacity.
“Greyson.” Fuck. Is this what a heart attack felt like? My chest felt like it was caving in, and I could barely hear over the heartbeat in my ears.“Please?—”
He turned back to me, and he had nothing but turmoil on his face. “Did you agree?”
I felt the words like a blow to the chest. “What?”
“O’Bannon’s offer. Did you agree? Are you ordering me to marry her?”
The cramp in my gut was a full-blown ache. “Do you want me to?”
For a moment, we just looked at each other. Memorizing the moment. It felt like we were on the precipice of something with the potential for a lot of damage. Then, he nodded, and I felt like I was dying.
Before I could do anything else, Greyson crawled up the bed, trapping my body under his. Had it been anyone else, I would’ve lashed out or even frozen, but I felt no fear with him. Only safety. Trust. I felt more grounded with his weight on me, like my own personal sensory blanket.
“You know that I’d do anything for you. Anything.” He ghosted his lips over my shoulder, my neck. “Ask me to lay down my life and I’ll do it in a second, but my heart? It can’t belong to anyone else when it’s been yours since we were children. I’ve never known how to love anyone but you.”
The relief was almost painful, but his answer… “But you said?—”
“Do you want me to marry her?” His voice was as fierce as the look in his eyes, and no part of me could lie.
“No,” I admitted. “If I could keep you to myself forever, I would.” You and Dominic. I couldn’t think about Nate. He wasn’t an option.
“Then do it. I’m willing to share you if it means I get even a piece of you,” Grey whispered like he could read my thoughts. “Please don’t let me go.”
Thoughts whirled through my head, plans to be made, discussions to have, but in the end, only one question mattered.
At the end of my life, who did I want standing at my side?
The answer was so fucking simple: Greyson and Dominic.
Fuck O’Bannon. Fuck Cash. Dominic was right; there had to be a way to get the Irish on board without giving up Grey, and we’d figure it out like we always did. As a team.
Feeling lighter with my decision, I ran a hand through Grey’s hair, chuckling at just how uncharacteristically disheveled it was. “You’ll do whatever I need?”
The tenseness of his body on mine made it clear he didn’t want to say yes. He didn’t want to be sent to her or anyone else. Despite his reluctance, his voice didn’t waver. My soldier, through and through. “Whatever you need, reina.”
Cradling his face in my hands, I brought us so close we shared the same breath. I didn’t want a millimeter of space for the words to get lost in. “I need you to love me. Not just now, but for good. Forever.”
“Always,” Grey promised.
He pressed a hot kiss on my mouth and then another, until I was arching into him, desperate for more contact. Our hands skimmed each other’s bodies, my fingers making easy work of Grey’s button-down until they met skin.
“Is this okay?” I asked, running my palms along his chest.
“Christ, yes,” he groaned. “If you stop, I’ll lose my mind.”
This Greyson was nothing like the one at the club, and I loved it. I loved that he could command me in public and worship me in private.
I loved him.
I gasped as he nipped and sucked along my collarbone. One hand drifted down my side, hooking under my shirt so the slide of his hand pulled the fabric with it. He didn’t bare me quickly like I expected. He took his time studying every inch of my stomach and chest until he ripped the shirt over my head and sat back.
I missed the weight of him already.
He traced lazy circles over my exposed skin, his expression warm as he took in every reaction. “These fucking freckles. They’ve starred in so many dreams, it’s almost embarrassing. I’ve always wanted to kiss them.” He maintained the distance between our bodies as he leaned over and nipped the waistband of my panties between his teeth. He dragged them down my legs torturously until he could press kisses to the newly exposed freckles too. “Now I can say I have.”
When I laughed under my breath, he grinned at me, eyes dancing just like they had when we were younger. When there was more to smile about.
“I would have let you,” I confessed.
“Would you?” he mused. “Are you sure? I bared my heart to you, and you’ve given me little to nothing in return.”
“Am I nothing?” I teased, running my fingers through that incredible hair.
“No, mi reina. You’re everything.” Sincerity dripped from his words, but the devotion on his face was what made my heart stutter. Had he always looked at me like that, or was this the piece of him he’d kept hidden to protect his heart and mine?
Would he always look at me that way? I hoped so.
I pulled him to me for a kiss and rolled us. I trailed my lips along the warm muscles he worked hard for every day. Muscles I’d dreamed of but could never touch. When I ran my tongue along the waistband of his briefs, he hissed, hips bucking. It took me no time to strip the last of his clothes until he was naked below me.
With a hand softly caressing his thigh, I stared. Just took my time soaking in a naked—and slightly vulnerable—Greyson.
Softly golden skin, lean muscles, and a seriously nice dick. Add in the sex hair and those eyes that felt like they saw all the way through me, and even if I hadn’t been in love with the man, I’d have been sunk.
How had I not realized how fucking beautiful Greyson was? Well, I had, but I’d ignored it. I’d pretended he wasn’t, so I didn’t have to think about the one thing I could never have.
Except now I did.
“You can’t stare at me like that if you want this to last,” he rasped.
“Stare at you like what?”
“Like you want to devour me.”
“But I do.” I grinned, adjusting so I was inches away from his cock. “And I plan to.”
“No.” Admittedly, I pouted, but I didn’t even care when he laughed, loud and carefree. It’d been so long since I’d heard him laugh like that. “I’ll let you suck every drop later, baby. But right now, I need to be inside you.”
Well, okay, then.
With a wicked grin, he wrapped a hand around my neck and pulled us both up until his back was against the headboard. Chest to chest, eye to eye, with his cock nestled between my folds. It was the most intimate position I’d ever been in, and I didn’t mind at all. “Condoms?”
“I’m clean, and I’m on birth control. Haven’t had a new partner since I got tested.” Which he already knew because he’d gone to the doctor with me, but it felt necessary to repeat.
He brushed my hair out of my face, cupping my cheek reverently. “I’m clean. I got tested a few weeks ago just in case, but I haven’t been with anyone in years.”
That floored me. “Years? But I thought?—”
“There was no one else I wanted to keep, and I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting you over someone temporary. My hand worked just fine.” He said it like it meant nothing, but I could see what it cost him.
While I’d done whatever—and whoever—I could to ease the ache of loneliness, he’d been stuck there watching. Celibate in his own personal hell.
And I’d never even noticed.
“I’m sorry, Grey,” I whispered, pressing kisses everywhere I could reach.
“I’m not. I would have endured it for the rest of my life if it meant I got one night with you. This is more than I could’ve asked for.”
This man was going to ruin me. I could feel it. Good thing I didn’t care.
I slid myself against him until his dick was coated in my arousal, and it pulled a groan from his chest. “Are you sure about this? Because once I’ve had you, there’s no going back for me. This is forever.”
“Are you sex-drunk already, love?” I asked with a laugh. “I thought most people confessed their love, but that sounds like a proposal.”
His head snapped up, eyes wide. “Call me that again.”
If someone had told me he’d won the lottery, I’d have believed it just from the way he glowed at the nickname. The joy he felt was enough to bring a smile to my own lips, so I leaned over, whispering it again. “Love.”
He gave me that boyish smile. “You already know how I feel. I don’t need a ring to prove that. I just need you.”
I kissed him slowly, nipping at his lip until he groaned into my mouth. “I’m sure, Grey.”
With a deliberate roll of my hips and no doubt in my mind, I took Greyson inside me for the first time.
We both cursed. It’d been a while since I’d had sex with a man, let alone anyone Greyson’s size. The girth wasn’t the problem, though it was lovely. It was the length and a wicked curve that hit me in all the right places and made my knees shake.
“Holy shit, you feel so fucking good.” Grey’s fingers were tight against my hips as I started to work our bodies. Slow rolls of the hips that made him alternate between cursing and praising me. Even though I could feel how tense he was with the need to move, Grey held himself still, letting me ride him how I wanted. Though I usually liked hard and fast sex, the slow push and pull of Grey’s cock was nearly drugging, but I still felt the impending orgasm. My nails dug into his shoulders, his back, as I tried to hold it off. I wanted to come, but I wanted more time, so I nipped at Grey’s neck as a distraction.
“Who said you could bite me?” he teased, his fingers tight on my thighs at the feel of my teeth. “Or withhold your orgasm from me?”
Not dignifying either of those questions with a response, I bit him harder. He moaned, hand at the back of my head holding me against him and hips kicking up to meet me. The angle of his thrusts pulled a gasp from my throat, and I held on as he started fucking me back.
“Trying to claim me already, baby?”
I hadn’t intentionally been, but the more I thought about it, the more I liked that idea.
“My turn.” With a groan that was almost a growl, Grey sank his teeth into my neck. The pain was sharp but the pleasure dulled it immediately, and I cried out, my body jerking against him.
“Yeah, you like that.” He bit me again, soothing the bruising sting with kisses. I couldn’t answer. My neck ached and my pussy was drenched, so the sounds of our slow fuck were becoming obscene. But Greyson didn’t need me to respond. The moment his hand touched my throat, I moaned. He wasn’t choking me; he was holding me. Claiming me.
Hand tangled in my hair, Grey pulled, arching my back until my head nearly touched the mattress before he shifted his grip to sit half on my hip and half on my ass. “My sweet girl. My precious reina. Mine, mine, mine.”
Held tight in his grasp, all I could do was take what he was giving me. And he was giving so much. The curve of him gliding against my inner walls with every slide of our bodies.
The slick sound of his thrusts and our broken gasps filled the air until everything was Greyson. I hadn’t expected how good it would feel as he worked me over. Every thrust hit that perfect spot that had warmth spiraling through me, and he knew it.
“You’re almost there. Come for me, Mari. Soak my cock and make my fucking night.”
No, no, no.I shook my head, still not ready to come, but Grey had other plans. He dropped me to the mattress, hiked my leg up to my shoulder, and let go of whatever restraint he’d held on to. The feeling of Grey going feral between my legs sent me into a shaking orgasm almost immediately, but he didn’t let up. He kept fucking me until I’d come so many times my entire body vibrated and my voice was hoarse. Only when I was almost too weak to move did he let himself come too.
In that moment, it felt like the stars had aligned. After years of waiting, we were finally together. My whole being was brimming with happiness, even as the pragmatic side reminded me that we had things to discuss and decisions to make.
“Later,” Grey whispered, knowing where my head had gone.
“Yeah, later.”