Chapter 36 #2
“What? Do you mean…” Panicked, I peer into my nearly drained drink.
“Where do you think it gets the pink color?” he asks in amusement.
“Why wouldn’t you warn me?” I accuse. “Who just doses people without permission?”
“Who would complain about being dosed with seraphis?” is his response. He appears genuinely mystified that I might not want to walk around in a state of arousal.
God. I’ve been drinking an aphrodisiac.
I don’t feel any effects, though. Maybe it’s not going to—
“You’ll start feeling it in about thirty minutes,” Jasper says, shooting down my hopes. “Takes a while to enter your system when it’s that diluted. But it’ll kick in real fast if you chew it.”
He breaks off a small piece of the dried, bright-pink root and pops it into his mouth.
Xavier is agape. “That was a lot of seraphis, brother.”
“What? I’ve had a shitty night. I plan to not leave a bed until tomorrow afternoon.” Jasper winks. “This should keep me going for a while.”
He breaks off another piece and holds it out to Xavier, who turns toward me with a hopeful look.
“Can I?”
“Do whatever you want!” I sputter. “Oh my God. I’m going back to the party.”
Thirty minutes on the dot, I feel it.
It starts as a low ache.
Like the ache I’d get when I was kissing Cross and his tongue was in my mouth and his hands were roaming my body. An ache that turned into a persistent throb when he finally touched the one place that craved him the most, right between my legs, stroking, teasing…
Ignore it, I order myself.
The party is still going, but it’s quieter now. The drums have stopped. Harmonica strains have faded away. Someone else picked up the guitar and is playing something softer, more seductive.
I’m sitting with Gray on a blanket. He’s lying back on his elbows, laughing at the antics of a few teenage boys across the fire.
Nearby, Xavier and Jasper are holding court.
They’re both undeniably magnetic, drawing attention without even trying.
Jasper oozes more sex appeal. Every time he leans in to talk to someone, he gives off the air that he’s sharing a secret, just for them.
Whereas Xavier possesses a sarcastic kind of charm, an intensity in his eyes when he looks at you.
I see that lure working on the woman he’s currently flirting with. She touches Xavier’s arm, dragging her fingernails over his biceps. The gesture feels familiar, triggering a memory of…the other morning. During the briefing, when Gray stroked Evlynne’s arm.
“I have a guess,” I blurt out.
His forehead wrinkles. “About what?”
“Your Mod ability.”
“All right, let’s hear it, cowgirl.”
“You’re an empath!” I say triumphantly.
“You already guessed that. And I already said no.”
I grumble in frustration. Months! I’ve been trying to guess his power for months.
“You did something to Evlynne in the mess hall,” I insist. “I heard her snap at you. She said not to calm her down. Is that what you do? You calm people down?”
The enigmatic smile doesn’t leave his face.
“Come on,” I complain. “I’ve pretty much guessed it.”
Chuckling, he decides to take pity on me. “Fine. You’re basically right. I’m a grounder.”
I blink. “What the hell is a grounder?”
“I can’t feel people’s emotions like an empath, but I can shift them.”
“Shift them how?”
“Soothe them. Calm them down. If they’re especially intense, I might not be able to soothe, but I can numb.”
As I try to process his words, my mind flashes back to any times I’ve been emotional with Gray. The night I broke up with Cross. That numb feeling that spread through my body as he hugged me, dulling the pain long enough for me to get back and dull it myself with glenshade.
“You did it to me the night I broke up with Cross?”
“Yes.”
“Any other times?”
That gets me a nod and a hint of a smile. “Often.”
I glare at him. “Often?”
“Your emotions are always so close to the surface. I’m surprised you’re able to function.”
“Fuck off,” I growl, punching his arm. “That’s not true.” I pause. “Is it?”
“It’s a little true,” he says quietly.
“I’m not sure how I feel about this. I don’t know whether to be grateful or freaked out. You do it to people without their permission?”
“Sometimes. If it feels right to ease their anxiety in the moment, I will. I don’t erase anyone’s feelings. But I’ll help if I can.”
I think about how easy it is to be with Gray, suddenly realizing that his ability must be partially responsible for that.
It’s easy because he makes it so. Like the day I found out Fiona told the entire base I could incite, the anxiety I felt when everyone was staring at me in the mess hall.
Gray squeezed my hand, and I remember the weight in my chest easing.
I’m momentarily distracted when I notice Kitty leaving the party with a tall, dark-haired man.
I shift my gaze back to Gray. “You really weren’t able to change Kitty’s mind?” He told me that his pitch to the Faithful leader about joining forces had been unsuccessful.
“No. She’s stubborn. When I asked her to bring it to the other Faithful leaders, she said she won’t waste her time. The Faithful have no interest in fighting the Company. They don’t care who’s ruling. They just want to live their lives.”
“On the run, though?” I point out. “In the shadows? Wouldn’t they rather be part of a society that welcomes and accepts them?”
“No, because they don’t want to be part of a society in the New Era. They want this.” He gestures at the debauchery all around us. The flickering embers from the bonfire reflect in his green eyes, making them dance playfully. “Not sure I blame them. This is a lot of fucking fun.”
“Emphasis on the fucking.”
He snorts softly.
I notice him shifting on the blanket a lot. He’s restless. Fidgety. At one point, he tries to discreetly rearrange his zipper, but I see exactly what he’s doing.
“You do know what’s in your drink, right?” I say in amusement.
He wrinkles his forehead. “Grange.”
“No. Grange laced with seraphis.”
His jaw falls open. “Fuck off.”
“Nope.” I sigh. “Jasper told us.”
“Well, that explains it,” Gray says, sighing, too.
I can’t help but glance at his groin. It definitely looks thicker than usual. When I lift my gaze, our eyes lock. His linger a bit too long before drifting slowly toward my chest.
“My eyes are up here,” I say.
He smirks. Then, to my shock, he takes another swig.
I burst out laughing. “You’re still drinking it?”
“I’m already in this deep.”
He holds out his drink to me.
My heart stops. And I don’t know what I’m thinking, because I take another sip, too.
The music comes back on. Not live instruments this time, but an outdoor speaker that plays a slow, sultry melody that pulses through my veins. Gray gives me another sidelong look. Heat rises in my cheeks, and I try to ignore the fluttering in my chest.
When I hand him the cup back, my fingers brush against his, and electricity travels between our flesh.
It’s the root, I tell myself. You’re turned on because of an aphrodisiac.
“I bet you wish Karra were here right now.” I keep my gaze straight ahead, but I feel him watching me.
“No,” he says roughly. “I don’t.”
I try not to read too much into that, but how can I not?
“Poppy told me Karra steps out on you a lot.”
Shit. I don’t know where that came from.
It doesn’t seem to faze him. He glances over again, and this time I turn my head toward him.
“She has in the past, yes.”
“And you don’t care?”
“No. Not really.”
“Shouldn’t you care if the person you’re with sleeps with somebody else?”
“Probably,” he says. His long fingers trace the rim of the cup. I like his hands. They’re strong. Steady. I picture them piloting an aircraft, maneuvering the controls with confidence. There’s something very, very sexy about that image.
Silence stretches between us. It feels endless.
The night feels endless. This entire moment feels endless.
My body is buzzing, arousal surging through me, and I have to clench my thighs together.
There’s no way he can know I’m doing that, yet his gaze lowers to my thighs before raking back up my body, lingering on my breasts.
“Wren,” he says.
“Mmm?”
My heart flips when he suddenly leans toward me. Closer and closer, until his face is a mere breath away. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, the deliberate motion sending a shiver down my spine. I don’t know if it’s the seraphis or his touch, but my pulse is dangerously fast.
I can’t wrest my gaze off him. His eyes are hazy with the same desire that’s swirling through my body, and then…his mouth slowly begins moving toward mine.