Chapter 37
Every fiber of my being wants our lips to meet. It would be so easy to let it happen. But I don’t have a clear head right now, and so I force myself to place a hand on his chest, stilling him.
“You have a girl,” I remind him.
For a second, Gray’s expression flickers with something I can’t decipher. Maybe it’s regret. Or confusion. But what it isn’t? Guilt. Not even a trace of it as he lets out a hoarse chuckle.
“Yeah,” he says. “I’ve got a girl.”
“I know I’m an impulsive person, but there are some lines I won’t cross.”
Even as I say that, the magnetic pull between us remains. Our eyes lock again.
And then, without warning, the ground beneath us gives a violent shake. A rumble vibrates through the forest, and I jolt as a tremor runs up my legs.
“What the fuck,” I blurt out, instinctively clutching his arm.
With a loud, eerie growl, the ground shakes again. Tiny lingering tremors ripple beneath us before finally stopping.
“Was that an earthquake?” I exclaim.
Gray chuckles. “Yep.”
Holy shit.
Talk about a sign from the universe. I’d been two seconds from letting an aphrodisiac trick me into kissing a taken man, and the literal earth stopped me.
Jasper, who’s standing nearby, calls out in our direction. “Don’t worry, children. Just a mini quake.”
“Mini?” I say to Gray. “It felt like the ground was going to crack open and swallow us up.”
“Nah, he’s right. That wasn’t bad. There’s a leftover fault running underneath Ward E. This area gets tremors all the time.”
Either way, I’m grateful for the interruption. Saved by the tremors from making a stupid, reckless decision. Luckily, the sexual tension has dissipated, though remnants of desire continue to flutter low in my belly. I’m blaming the seraphis for that.
“I’m grabbing another drink,” Gray says, hopping to his feet. “Preferably one that isn’t going to give me a hard-on.”
I watch him go, still thinking about the kiss that had been dangling between us. How close I’d been to acting on it.
A shadow darkens my peripheral vision. I look over to see Xavier approaching and get up to greet him.
“I saw that,” he accuses.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say lightly, and then we change the subject and pretend I didn’t almost kiss a man who isn’t Cross.
I spend the night in the main cabin, which I discover belongs to Kitty.
She puts me up in the spare room, where I sleep like a log until long past sunrise.
Gray, who slept on the living room sofa, is still out cold when I pad on socked feet into the kitchen.
Kitty told me last night that hers is the only private kitchen in the Hollow.
Everyone else uses the communal kitchen in the dining hall, where they take turns cooking for the entire camp.
I find her at the narrow wooden island in the center of the room, brewing a cup of coffee.
“Would you like one?” she offers.
I nod gratefully.
“Your lieutenant had a lot of fun last night.”
I can’t help but grin. I think last night Xavier discovered what he wants to be when he grows up: a Faithful.
He’d disappeared from the party with two of the women he and Jasper had been charming, Jasper wandering off with a third.
Apparently, this camp is basically a big playground for anyone who’s willing to play without rules and restraints.
I can see how Jasper fits right in. He doesn’t like rules, he likes chaos.
And Xavier, despite the structured discipline of the Command, is built for action.
“Jasper has vouched for him,” Kitty reveals.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, if the lieutenant wants to stay, I’d allow it.”
I stare at her in shock. “When did you even talk to Jasper about this?”
“We linked this morning.”
It takes me a second to realize she means telepathically.
Jasper Reed is a Mod?
And if he’s using telepathy with Kitty, that means she, the leader of this Faithful camp, is also a Mod.
Kitty looks amused as she pours coffee. “What is it?”
“You and Jasper are Modified?”
She shrugs as if to say, So what?
“I had no idea,” I admit.
“We don’t hide it,” she says, giving me a funny look. “There’s no difference between me or someone who isn’t Modified. We’re all the same here.”
“So there are Primes and Mods living in this camp?” For some reason, that didn’t even occur to me. I just assumed they would all be Primes.
“Existence isn’t some sort of blood fight for us, Darlington.
The General and his Company, they’re scared of our blood, and that drives them to try to crush us.
Kallister and his Uprising, well, they like to say they’re fighting for equality, but make no mistake—they feel superior to all those ‘piss-veins.’ That’s not what unites us here.
The Faithful don’t care about that nonsense.
We reject the New Era. We don’t want it. We just want freedom.”
“How is that a sustainable lifestyle?” I ask, because as appealing as it sounds, as intoxicating as it can be, it also feels very na?ve.
Freedom is as fleeting as the wind, blowing through the trees and leaving no traces after it’s gone. It’s a nice concept, but I’m not sure if anyone is ever truly free.
“I can see how you might think that,” Kitty says.
“But you’re conflating freedom with lawlessness.
Ours isn’t a life without rules. Even the Old Era had rules.
We don’t steal from each other. We don’t kill each other.
But we are equal here, regardless of whether our veins glow silver, or whether I can use my mind to speak to Jasper but not to your lieutenant. It doesn’t matter. Not here.”
I digest her words. I have so many more questions, but the conversation ends when we hear Gray shuffling in the other room. He joins us a moment later, running a hand through blond hair that’s rumpled from sleep.
“Morning,” he says, nodding in gratitude when I hand him a coffee. He looks at Kitty. “I don’t suppose you’ve changed your mind about helping us unite all the Faithful in the wards?”
Her smile is a tad patronizing. “I think I’ll leave the war to you, Blake.”
At that, she strides off, leaving us alone in the kitchen.
Gray and I eye each other, the memory of last night dangling between us.
All the sensations flood back, too. The warmth flushing through my body. The buzzing in my veins. The way my lips tingled to taste his. The way my core throbbed.
Seraphis root is really something.
“I’m sorry about last night,” he says.
“It’s fine,” I reply.
And that’s the end of it. He changes the subject so swiftly, I’m almost impressed.
“Can you contact the Dagger?” he asks, which reminds me that we ditched our comms in the city, and he doesn’t have telepathy.
I check in with Adrienne, who says they can’t risk a pickup for us until after dark and asks if we can stay in the Hollow until then. Fortunately, Kitty agrees to let us stay, and I’m excited to see the Hollow in the daylight.
“I’m going to look for Xavier and make sure nobody killed him yesterday,” I say, setting my coffee on the counter.
But it’s Xavier who finds us. I step onto the creaky front porch to spot him striding up the path, clad in the black clothing he wore on our recon mission.
“Hey,” he greets me, and the second I see his face, I know what he’s going to say next. “I just spoke to Kitty.”
“You’re staying,” I say unhappily.
Gray appears in the doorway. “Like hell he is.”
Xavier spares the other man a dismissive look. “I’m not going back to your mountain.”
“You don’t have a choice in the matter.”
“Actually, brother, I do.”
Shoulders set, Gray takes a step forward.
“Try me,” Xavier mocks, his eyes gleaming. “You might know how to fly a plane better than me, but you’re not a soldier, and you sure as shit aren’t a fighter. I could break your neck without batting an eyelash.”
He’s not wrong. I’ve seen Xavier fight.
“I don’t need to ask your permission,” he continues, “but as a courtesy to our mutual friend—that’s you, Darlington—I would like to request to stay behind.”
An ache tightens my chest. He’s one of the few people at the Dagger whom I explicitly trust. More than that, he’s become a good friend.
“I don’t belong there,” he tells me, reading my mind as always. “You know that.” He holds up his wrist, now bare. “I don’t belong with a tracker on my wrist. Restricted access to everything. Surrounded by people who look at me like they can’t trust me.”
“I wonder why they can’t trust you,” Gray cracks.
“Grayson,” I warn.
He gives me a frown. “How do you know he won’t go running back to the Command the moment we leave the Hollow?”
“Because I don’t belong there, either,” Xavier says simply. “I’m a deserter. That’s punishable by death.”
“Cross Redden is your childhood friend. He’s not going to let you die.”
“Do you really think Cross has any power right now? With his brother running the show? That’s not a chance I’m willing to take. The Command aren’t my people anymore. And you and your little Uprising were never my people.”
“But the Faithful are?”
“They could be. And if I discover I don’t belong here, either, I guess I’ll walk into the woods and blow my fucking brains out.”
“Don’t you dare,” I order.
He grins at me before refocusing on Gray. “Either way, I’m not going back with you. So if you want to put that bullet in my head yourself, go for it.”
Xavier stretches his arms out as if to say, Take your shot.
“Nobody’s shooting anybody,” drawls a familiar voice. Jasper appears on the path in a white button-down shirt, open to reveal a bronzed, muscular chest. His lips quirk when he sees me. “Good morning, Wren.”
“Morning, Jasper.”
He addresses Gray next. “Leave the lieutenant with me. I’ll take responsibility.”
“That’s really sweet of you, brother,” Xavier says, good-naturedly smacking Jasper’s arm before narrowing his eyes on Gray. “So? What’s it gonna be, Blake? Should I expect your Authority to dispatch an ambush squad and force me back to your mountain?”
Gray seems to be turning it over in his mind. I bet he wishes he had telepathy right now. Or at least his earpiece so he could consult the Authority. But we had to dump all our tech to be allowed into the Hollow.
“I could try to work on Kitty for you,” Xavier says as if to sweeten the deal. “See if I can convince this camp to join your cause…”
Nobody can talk Kitty into anything she doesn’t want to do, I suspect. But Xavier’s offer does give Gray some leverage with the Authority if they decide to chew him out for this decision.
“Fine,” he finally agrees. “I’ll deal with the others. But if I find out you went back to the Command, I’ll kill you myself.”
We spend the rest of the day getting to know the ins and outs of the Hollow. We still have several hours before we need to leave for the airfield just outside Ward E, because Kitty won’t authorize a landing anywhere near her camp.
For dinner, we join the Faithful in their rustic dining hall, which is buzzing with voices, the air thick with the smell of grilled meat and freshly baked bread.
Too energetic to sit still, several children run back and forth, skittering between the long wooden tables while their mothers chide them, asking them to stop.
And although the overhead lights flicker occasionally, it doesn’t take away from the warm, welcoming vibe that the Hollow offers.
When it’s time to go, I’m reluctant to say goodbye to the Hollow. Xavier, Kitty, and Jasper escort us to the transport gate, where a bullet bike awaits. As Jasper slips a thin, silver comm into Gray’s hand, Xavier tugs me from the group.
“I need to talk to Darlington,” he tells the others.
He drags me away until we’re well out of earshot. His features, usually twisted into a mocking expression, are soft. Regretful, almost.
“You could stay here, too,” he says, sounding hopeful.
“Why, so I could watch you live a life of debauchery and sleep with everyone in camp? I’ll pass on the offer, but thank you.”
“Hey, I’d put on a good show.”
I let out a long, dramatic breath. “Okay, look. I’m only going to say this once, and I don’t ever want to be reminded of this moment, but…I’m going to miss you.”
He surprises me by wrapping me in a tight hug.
I pull back to say, “Just be careful here, keen? Don’t cause any trouble. And don’t get eaten by a horned bear or anything.”
A smirk tugs on his mouth, the way it always does when he’s about to make a sarcastic remark. Which, in Xavier’s case, is always.
“Don’t worry, I’m adaptable. I can survive in the wilderness. Especially this wilderness, where I’m getting seraphis-induced hard-ons and being serviced by beautiful people.”
“I don’t think I needed that much information.”
“Sure you did. How else will you live vicariously through me?”
I press my lips together to stop a sudden burst of emotion. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”
“Hellfuck, Darlington, did your voice just crack? Have some respect for yourself.”
“Sorry. You’re right. Wouldn’t want to ruin the moment with actual feelings.”
He flashes a grin. “I know it’ll be rough without me, but you’ll be able to mostly manage.”
“ ‘Mostly manage’?” I echo with a snort.
“Well, I can’t promise you won’t cry yourself to sleep the first few nights.”
“Obviously.”
At that, he gives me a lazy salute. “Go and fight your little war, sweetling. I’ll be down here, fighting bears and getting laid.” He dips his head and brings his mouth to my ear. “I’ll miss you, too.”