Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
R onan
After one final look in the mirror and wishing I had something other than the t-shirts I always wear, I walk downstairs, checking the time on my phone. 1:50. Almost time for Kate to arrive.
Today, there’s no food to show her I remember what she loves and no plans so she and I can spend some time alone. There’s just me and my intention to tell her how I feel.
Then hopefully, assuming Marius wasn’t exaggerating about what he claimed Kate said to him last night when he saw her, she’ll know once and for all that I’m crazy about her. All I’ve wanted after seeing her was for us to get back together. It’s just that I wasn’t sure it could ever happen because I felt so messed up after what happened to me.
Now after that fight with Marius this morning, I feel like I’m back to my old self. Yes, I’m still missing my hand, but Kate doesn’t seem to care about that anyway. I do, but I can see I’m the same Ronan I’ve always been.
The same Ronan a beautiful and smart woman like Kate would want to be with again.
Eleanor is in the kitchen when I walk in to grab a water since my mouth seems to have forgotten how to make saliva today. “Have you decided what tomorrow’s menu will be?” she asks as she stirs something sweet-smelling in a pot on the stove.
I shake my head. Tomorrow’s lunch may not happen if Kate doesn’t like what I have to say today.
“Not sure it’s going to happen yet. I’ll know later, though.”
Worry settles into Eleanor’s features. “Why? I thought it was all planned out and all you needed to do was decide what to eat.”
“It still may happen. I just won’t know until after this afternoon.”
She nods and returns to whatever she’s making. “Okay. Just let me know.”
As I try to calm my nerves about talking to Kate in a matter of a few minutes, Sabrina comes rushing into the room. Flustered, she flails her arms around but doesn’t say anything. I look over at Eleanor, but she doesn’t understand what’s happening any more than I do.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, unsure what could make her act like this.
In a frantic voice, she says, “Matthias and Ava went out for a little while, and I’m watching the boys. Matty’s taking a nap, but when I went to take Theo out of his crib, I couldn’t find him.”
“Couldn’t find him?” Eleanor says, echoing Sabrina’s exact words.
The nanny covers her face with her hands and sobs, “I couldn’t find him! He’s nowhere in the house!”
Jesus! What the hell could have happened to Theo?
I jump up, nearly knocking over my bottle of water. “He’s got to be here somewhere. He’s a baby. It’s not like he can go far. He can only crawl, right?”
Sabrina nods, dropping her hands from her face. “Yes.”
Eleanor quickly turns off the stove and pushes the pot to the back burner. “Oh my God! That sweet little baby. There must be some explanation for where he is, right?”
I don’t know who she’s asking. All I know is my heart’s racing a hundred miles a minute.
“You check downstairs here. I’ll check upstairs,” I say to Sabrina.
“Oh, I’ll look down here too,” Eleanor says in a teary voice.
“Then I’ll go upstairs with Ronan,” Sabrina says, following me out of the kitchen.
Racing toward the front stairs, I take them by two to the second floor, not bothering to wait for her. “Theo! It’s Uncle Ronan. Where are you, little guy?”
Behind me as I walk into the first bedroom that used to be Kellen’s, I hear Sabrina practically sob as she reaches the top of the stairs, “Oh, Theo! Where are you? Come out so I know you’re okay.”
After quickly rushing through Kellen’s old bedroom and bathroom, I don’t find the baby. Where could he be? The kid couldn’t have made it that far. How he got out on his own is another question. Isn’t Sabrina supposed to be watching him at all times?
I move to Matthias’s old room next, but a fast look in here and the bathroom shows Theo isn’t here either. With each second I can’t find him, I start to really worry. If something happened to little Theo, I don’t know what my brother and Ava will do.
Sabrina stands in the center of the hallway calling his name while I go into my room. Since I just walked out of here not ten minutes ago, I doubt he’s in here, but it can’t hurt to give it a check. As I suspected, the baby isn’t in this room either.
Heading out to the hallway, I yell downstairs to Eleanor, “Did you find him?”
The fear in her voice is palpable when she calls back to me, “No! You don’t see any sign up him up there?”
“No! Keep looking, and I’ll keep looking through the bedrooms.”
Now I’m really scared, so I storm into Marius’s room and find him kicked back on his bed wearing only a pair of black shorts watching some war movie. He gives me a look like he plans to tell me exactly where I need to fuck off with barging in on his private spot, but I immediately shake my head.
“Not now, Marius. Little Theo is missing. Sabrina said she couldn’t find him when she went in to get him from his crib.”
Horror fills his expression, and he jumps up off the bed. “What do you mean she can’t find him? He’s barely a year old, for Christ’s sake! He can’t even walk. Where could he go?”
I march into his bathroom and scan the room. He’s not here either.
When I walk back out to the bedroom, Marius is standing there like he can’t believe what’s happening. “What the fuck is going on? Theo can barely crawl. How could he have gotten away? Snails fucking move faster than he does.”
Already tired of listening to him, I snap, “How the fuck should I know? What do I know about babies? All I know is he’s gone. Not where he’s supposed to be. Now suit up and help us look for him instead of asking me stupid questions!”
I don’t give my brother a chance to say another word before I run out to the hallway. Sabrina leans against the wall with her hands over her face crying. Feeling like I should say something comforting, I walk over to her on my way to the nursery.
“It’s going to be fine. We’ll find him.”
Behind her hands, she sniffles. “I don’t know what happened. How could he have gotten out?”
“I don’t know, but he’s here. It’s not like someone walked in and took him.”
Even as I say that, I have to wonder if that’s a possibility. Matthias refuses to have any serious security at the front gate of the estate. They simply open it with a damn button to anyone who wants to drive in. None of us worry about locking the doors here either. We never have. The estate has always been safe, so why would we? And most of the bedroom doors are wide open since nobody’s using those rooms.
Sabrina drops her hands from her face to reveal utter horror in her eyes. “Took him? How? A house like this has to have the best security in the world.”
We don’t have time for me to explain that’s not exactly the case, so I say, “Yeah. Well, go look in the nursery one more time while I check Matthias and Ava’s room.”
She nods and hurries off as I see Marius walk toward the stairs while he finishes slipping a green t-shirt over his head. “I’ll look down on the first floor.”
“Eleanor’s doing that, so find her and see where she’s looked already,” I say before running to the master bedroom.
It only takes a few seconds for me to find the little guy. Lying on his back on the floor in front of Ava’s closet, he stares up at me and then smiles as if to say, “It’s okay, Uncle Ronan. I’m just relaxing for a little while. No need to get all upset. I’ve been here the whole time.”
I scoop him up and set him on my left hip, checking to see if he’s got any bruises or cuts. He seems fine. In fact, he seems sort of confused why I’m carrying him at all. I guess that’s not surprising since I don’t think I’ve held this nephew since last Christmas.
Calling out to everyone in the house, I let them know I found him. “Got him! He was in the master bedroom just hanging out.”
Sabrina comes running out of the nursery and stops dead right in front of me. “Oh my God! He’s okay! How did you get out, Theo?”
Of course, he doesn’t answer. All he does is stick his entire fist into his mouth and then pull it out again covered in baby spit.
As she takes him from me, she smiles. “I can’t thank you enough. I don’t understand how he got in there. I’m so happy you found him safe and sound.”
I nod, just relieved he’s okay. “No problem.”
Marius and Eleanor rush up the stairs, and just as they reach the second floor, Sabrina steps forward and hugs me, wrapping her one free arm around my body as little Theo presses against my other side. “Thank you so much, Ronan. Thank you.”
Perhaps she’s just overwrought about the thought of the baby missing, but she seems really emotional right now. I want to pull away after what Marius said about her liking me. I don’t want to encourage her to think I feel the same way, but that feels shitty to do to someone who’s so upset.
So I put my arm around her and softly pat her back. “It’s okay. He just likes to roam, I guess. We’ll have to keep a closer eye on him from now on.”
Just as I finish, I hear Marius clear his throat. I look up at see it’s not just him and Eleanor standing at the top of the stairs.
It’s Kate too, and the expression I see on her face tells me what my brother said earlier about what she told him last night was one hundred percent true. And here I am with Sabrina in my arms and the two of us looking like some happy in love couple.
Fucking fabulous.
Gently, I push Sabrina off me and tap on the tip of the baby’s nose. “Time for this little guy to get a nap,” I say, hoping to God Kate isn’t thinking what I think she’s thinking.
“Thank you so much, Ronan. You’re a hero. Really,” Sabrina says, sounding more like a fan than someone working for my brother and sister-in-law.
I wave that whole hero thing off and turn to walk over to where Kate is standing so I can explain what happened with little Theo, but Sabrina stops me and plants a kiss on my cheek. I look down at her, stunned for a moment, and then out of the corner of my eye, I see Kate turn away and disappear down the stairs.
Fuck! Now I know she’s got the wrong idea.
Eleanor follows her, leaving Marius standing at the top of the stairs giving me a look that screams, “Told you so.”
As I pass him smirking at me, I grumble, “I don’t need whatever you want to say right now, okay? I need to find Kate.”
“Well, I’d look for her walking in the direction of her car.”
I swear he’s not helpful at all.
Once more, I take the stairs by two so I can catch up to her. I find her just as she’s walking out the kitchen door, pretty much like Marius said.
“Kate! Wait for me!” I call after her, but she doesn’t even turn around.
“This was a mistake. I knew it was, and still I couldn’t not come after you texted you needed to see me.”
I catch up to her right before she reaches her car. “That isn’t what you think. I swear. The baby got lost and I had to help find him. That’s it.”
She spins around, and I immediately see her eyes are filled with tears. “Last night, I decided this wasn’t going to work between us. I’m not what you want, which is fine. I just didn’t need to have how much I don’t belong here acted out in front of me. Goodbye, Ronan.”
What is she talking about? I don’t have a clue, so I put my hand on her shoulder to stop her from getting into her car and possibly driving out of my life forever.
“It’s not like that. Sabrina was just happy I found Theo. I guess he had crawled into the master bedroom.”
That gets me a look that says I’m either a complete idiot or I don’t understand what the hell is happening. Right now, I may be both, to be honest.
“What? I’m not lying.”
“I don’t think you are, but here’s a little fact for you, Ronan. Babies Theo’s age don’t just get out of their crib and walk to their parents’ room.”
“No, he didn’t walk. He crawled,” I explain, sure now that I’ve offered her a reasonable explanation that she won’t be so upset.
I couldn’t be more wrong. Her expression changes from telling me I’m an idiot to telling me I’m the dumbest person she’s ever met.
“Ronan, I’m okay with not being sexy or bubbly, but please don’t insult my intelligence.”
Shaking my head, I say in all honesty, “I don’t understand.”
“He didn’t crawl anywhere. Seriously. You live with that child and don’t have a clue about him. She put him in there and then waited for you to find him, which is exactly what you did. Then she took that opportunity to kiss you, coincidentally or not just at the moment I showed up. You’re not a stupid man, Ronan. Figure it out.”
It takes me a few seconds to process what Kate is saying. Marius did tell me Sabrina was into me. I guess it makes sense.
But that doesn’t mean I’m to blame for any of that.
“Okay, even if she did, why are you angry at me?”
Kate opens her mouth to tell me but then she closes it again. She does that a second time before hanging her head.
“I’m not angry at you, I guess. I just don’t think I’m ever going to be enough, so that’s a me thing. I just need to go.”
“No, stay. Please. I want to talk to you.”
She lifts her head to look into my eyes, and all I see is sadness in hers. “Why? I can’t compete with her just like I couldn’t compete with Amanda. It’s always going to be this way because you’re you and I’m me. You may not play ball anymore, but you have that special something women want. I’m just that same nerdy girl I’ve always been. The one that people like your brother make fun of because I’m not sexy or bubbly. I can’t change that, Ronan.”
“I don’t want you to change that! I’ve always loved how smart you are. For the first year we were together, I was sure there was nothing I loved doing more than watching you study or helping you with getting ready for tests. Then I was sure you’d leave me because you’d realize I wasn’t smart like you. I love that you’re smart, Kate. And if you think you’re not sexy, you’re crazy.”
None of that makes her smile, though. If anything, all I say seems to make her even more unhappy.
“Then I’m crazy. Add that to the list of things women like Sabrina aren’t. Let me go. I want to leave.”
“No. I want to talk to you. I asked you to come over today because I couldn’t wait until tomorrow.”
Kate sighs. “There’s nothing to talk about. We are who we are. That’s never going to change. Just let me go.”
Jesus, I’m losing her for a second time. I can’t let that happen. I can’t let the only woman I’ve ever loved walk out of my life again.
“No! I love you, Kate. I’ve always loved you. Don’t go.”
Her eyes are filled with surprise, like she can’t believe I just said that. “You still love me?”
“Yes. I never stopped. You broke up with me, and I couldn’t stop loving you. I wanted to talk to you today to find out if you think you could ever love me again. I know I’m not the person I used to be because of the accident. I get it that my issues might seem like a lot. But I swear I’m getting better with them every day. I see a therapist, and she’s helping me see I only lost my hand. I still have everything else I need to be happy. She’s wrong, though. I need you to be happy. I need you, Kate.”