Chapter Eight
Sterling stared at the water for longer than he cared to admit.
It was as if he zoned out. Sometimes, it was like he was two people.
When he was with Buck, Buck overshadowed everything, chasing away the voices in Sterling’s head.
The moment Sterling was alone again, he went back to overthinking every aspect of his life.
He was trapped between both versions of himself.
Shaking his head, Sterling stood. He needed to get Lightning out of his saddle and brushed down before he went home.
Sterling wanted to focus on tonight. There had been a lot of promise in Buck’s eyes.
Sterling craved the old, gentle Buck. The one who made love to him and swore they were forever.
Sterling desperately needed Buck to take over his life and decisions.
He no longer trusted his own mind. Sterling wasn’t built to be in charge.
He reached his horse’s stall just in time to catch Quince pulling the saddle from Lightning. “Hey. I was just heading in here to do that.”
A bright smile flashed Sterling’s way. Warmth settled inside Sterling’s chest. Quince had always been like a father to him. Sterling loved him. Almost losing him had crushed him while he was already down much harder than he would ever admit to a single soul.
“Hey there, kid. I had an extra minute. How have you been?”
Sterling shrugged. He fought the urge to pour his heart out. His eyes burned at the thought. What if he’d had a real parent? Where would he be now?
Before Sterling could figure out how to answer, Buck raced into the stall.
A laugh burst from Sterling as Buck’s mouth covered his.
His laughter quickly turned into fighting a moan.
Buck pulled away, looking sexy as fuck. Their faces were still only about six inches apart.
Love filled Sterling until he thought he would burst.
Buck took off his straw cowboy hat and placed it on Sterling’s head. “Take this. Your face is burned.”
Sterling groaned. “Great. More freckles.”
“I love them.” He kissed the tip of Sterling’s nose and disappeared as quickly as he arrived.
When Sterling focused on Quince again, Quince was completely expressionless.
He finally blinked. “Um. What the hell was that? What did I miss?”
Sterling had forgotten Quince had been in the city with Jathan through all of Sterling’s drama.
No matter how hard Sterling fought, he couldn’t stop smiling.
“Oh. Sorry. I forgot you haven’t been here.
” It hit him. Of all people not to know what was so obvious to everyone else, Quince was the last person Sterling expected to out of the loop.
Sterling shook his head as he eyed Quince. “Did you really not know?”
Quince still looked dumbfounded. “I haven’t been around as much. For some reason, I thought you were dating German.”
Sterling chuckled. “No. We’re just friends. Buck and I have been together since I was nineteen. Off and on,” he added reluctantly.
Unfortunately, Quince did not look happy to hear that. “Nineteen? He has a son nearly the same age as you.”
It hit Sterling. This was exactly what Buck feared.
Before recently, Quince had been Buck’s boss.
If Quince had realized they were together years earlier, he might have fired Buck immediately.
Sterling saw the truth in Quince’s eyes.
He thought less of Buck now. That realization fired something dark inside Sterling to life.
“No.” The word sounded harsh and cold even to Sterling’s ears.
That didn’t stop him. “We fought too long and hard to be in a healthy place in our relationship. You won’t ruin this by treating him differently now.
He’s the only thing keeping me sane.” Plus, Quince was older than Jathan.
If anyone should understand, it was him.
Sterling didn’t want to drag that point into the conversation, but he would if Quince said a single word against this relationship.
Quince eyed him. The tension slowly left Quince’s body.
Sterling watched Quince visibly relax. He dipped his chin, acknowledging Sterling’s feelings.
“It’s all good. You two just caught me by surprise.
I always expected you’d end up with some celebrity.
” Quince went back to work with Lightning.
He spoke as he went. “A huge part of me expected you to disappear after moving to Miami. In a way, as much as it would’ve broken my heart, I kind of wished you’d never look back.
I wanted you to find people who gave you everything you didn’t have here. I hoped you’d find happiness.”
Despite the conversation, a huge grin split Sterling’s face.
He brushed the horse, while seeing nothing but the images inside his head.
“Being with Buck is the only genuine happiness I’ve ever known.
Maybe I needed to see we weren’t some case of me seeking love anywhere I could get it.
I know better now. He’s always been the only life I’ve wanted. ”
“Does that mean you’re not returning to the team?”
Sterling shrugged. He hated this conversation, but at least Quince seemed willing to drop the whole Buck conversation.
“My agent is looking into things for me. When he has all my options gathered, I’ll have to make a decision.
For now, I just don’t know.” Sterling genuinely didn’t.
No matter what he chose, there would be a downside.
Either way, he ended up brokenhearted. Right now, Sterling wasn’t strong enough to face that.
Buck leaned against the wall in the next stall and openly listened to every word.
He had purposely kissed Sterling in front of Quince for a reason.
Quince had always been the second reason—behind Buck’s son—that Buck had kept Sterling a secret.
He had never been sure how AJ would react, but he had known exactly how Quince would react.
Quince was like a dad to Sterling. If Quince had learned the same news a few years ago, Buck would be out on his ass, and Sterling’s relationship with Quince would have been altered forever.
Sterling was much stronger now. A hell of a lot stronger than he had been back then.
Sterling had handled the situation like a boss.
Buck knew that was something Sterling needed right now.
It was important for Sterling to get back to managing tough positions and knowing his own mind.
Plus, Buck was just greedy and selfish. He had wanted to know if Sterling would hold his ground with Buck against the world. Buck couldn’t be prouder of him.
When the conversation turned to other things, Buck got back to work.
He had to check the fences and see if Quince had drawn up next week’s schedule yet.
If not, Buck didn’t mind handling it. He understood Quince had been gone for a while.
It might take some time for him to get back into the swing of things.
Sterling lived in his mind as he worked.
Love sat hard on his chest. Fuck. It felt like forever since he felt Sterling beneath him, looking at Buck like he knew Buck could move mountains.
He was a little scared he would never have that again.
Sterling had let Buck inside since his return, but that night should have never happened.
Buck felt sick every time he remembered that encounter.
Sterling had come home after being completely violated, only to have Buck treat him like a whore.
Now Buck didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what Sterling needed.
He never, ever wanted Sterling to be scared or think of that piece of shit coach when they made love.
Everything about Sterling had always made him feel completely out of his depth.
Maybe he should wait for a while. That was probably for the best.
“Are you hiding out here?”
Buck nearly jumped out of his skin at Quince’s quiet arrival. He did his best to hide his surprise. “Quince. Hey. No. I was checking the fences. It’s that time of year.”
Quince nodded. His nearly silver eyes cut through people.
That feature especially wasn’t comforting today.
Despite his conversation with Sterling, Quince likely had some words for Buck.
He was no longer in the position to fire him.
Still, he had always thought of Quince as a friend. Buck didn’t want to lose that.
“Did you know Sterling is considering not returning to the career he spent nearly his entire life striving toward?”
Buck nodded. “He’s hinted at that.”
“Is that because of you?”
Buck hadn’t considered that. He assumed his departure from the team was fully on the head of that slimy bastard coach. “Not that I’m aware of.” But it might be, and Buck needed to think about that. “I assume it’s because of what happened to him.”
Quince looked confused.
Oh no. He had opened a box he couldn’t reseal.
“Why would a manic episode stop him from returning?”
Buck’s shoulders fell. He already knew Quince wouldn’t let this go.
Buck sure as hell didn’t want Quince approaching Sterling over the matter.
Another thought occurred to him. How did Quince not know any of this?
There had been a public confession and everything.
The whole incident might not have as much coverage as Buck suspected.
He had avoided the news like his sanity depended on it, because it did.
Still, Quince’s man was a huge basketball star.
Sports news was likely a staple in their home.
Quince still stared at him, openly waiting for answers.
Buck cleared his throat. “Do you really not know? I thought the entire household had already passed around all of Sterling’s business.”
Quince shook his head. “I’ve been out of town and the guys don’t talk to me like I’m one of them.
They treat me like I’m their boss. All I heard from Tip—very reluctantly on his part—was Sterling had some sort of relapse.
I could tell he didn’t want to tell me that much, but I assumed that was because I was still healing. ”
Well. Shit. “I assumed it was all over the news.”
“What was all over the news?” His tone said he wouldn’t wait much longer before snapping.
Buck was trying his ass off here. The information Quince wanted was only an internet search away. Damn. It was best Quince heard the news from him. He cleared his throat again. “I wish you wouldn’t make me say it. Sterling’s coach drugged and raped him.”
“What?” The deep growl to Quince’s voice wasn’t good for anyone. He didn’t wait for Buck to answer what had likely been a rhetorical question. “I’ll kill him. Jathan can afford to keep me out of prison.”
Buck got it. He felt the same, but no one could help Sterling if they were all in prison. Plus, if they killed the guy, the case would get even more attention. Sterling needed peace.
“The guy confessed, which is why I’m shocked you haven’t heard this. It was likely all over sports news channels.”
“We rarely watch that. Jathan studies past games and whatnot, but when he spends time with me, he’s spending time with me.
What happened after he confessed? Is Sterling in counseling?
” Quince paused for a second as the full ramifications seemed to settle in.
“Is this why he came home and fell apart?”
“The guy is in prison, and yes.”
Quince turned around for a second, as if he needed a moment to calm down without anyone looking at him. When he turned back, Quince looked devastated. Buck imagined he looked the same. The impact of the news never lessened.
“What can I do?”
Buck had to be straight with him. “You can pretend nothing has changed. Sterling doesn’t want to go back because he knows how everyone will look at him.
He knows this bullshit will be in his face every day, overshadowing every accomplishment he’s made.
He needs this place to be a soft, normal home. ”
Quince nodded. Buck could see in his eyes that doing nothing felt impossible.
That was how Buck felt every night when he sat down to write the next love letter.
The helplessness woke up alongside him like a second person living in his home.
Every day, Buck felt useless as hell. He didn’t know how to stop.
Quince motioned toward the fence. “Let’s get this done so you can get back to him.
I’m sure you’re all he wants right now. The way he smiled after you plopped that hat on his head said everything.
You’re where his happiness lives. Right now is the time for you to focus on that.
The schedule can lean heavier on me for a while. Sterling needs you.”
Quince could never know how much that meant to Buck. Buck never knew if he did the right thing. He needed someone else to tell him what to do. If Quince thought Sterling needed more of Buck, then Buck was about to make the guy completely sick of him. It was time.