Chapter Nine
While standing under a hot shower, Buck stared at nothing, lost in his head.
His entire body was lit like a firecracker, begging for Sterling’s touch.
No one could possibly understand what it was like for him to have Sterling’s attention.
He had been a single dad since AJ’s mom had relinquished all rights the day he was born.
Buck had taken one look at his newborn son and felt the weight of the world land on his shoulders, along with more love than he had ever felt in his life.
It had been a struggle, staying afloat as a single dad.
While, thanks to his parents, he had still found time to keep bed hopping, that hadn’t lasted long.
No one, male or female, had any real interest in a guy with a kid who was also nothing more than a farmhand. Then came Sterling.
The day Sterling had begun heavily flirting with Buck, he had been more than a little horrified.
But Buck couldn’t deny loving the attention and feeling desired again.
He had never intended to touch Sterling.
Little by little, every day, Sterling had broken him down.
Each day Sterling flashed heated looks his way was another chink in his armor.
Sterling was beautiful… and way too young for Buck.
Except Sterling possessed an old soul since he had never truly been a child.
Sterling had carried the weight of being the invisible and unwanted kid.
He had such a playful personality, but when he looked at Buck, damn.
That was a grown man staring at him. Everything about Sterling was ten times more than anyone else.
Sterling didn’t care Buck was older or had a kid.
He always treated Buck like he was just a man Sterling couldn’t resist. That was fucking addictive.
Now Buck had to go to Sterling’s and act like the proper gentleman.
He needed to be there for Sterling as the man who loved him and supported him.
Buck was scared he would fail. He missed the passion.
Mindlessly, Buck’s hand slid down his stomach until he gripped his cock.
His eyes fell closed as pleasure ran through him.
Behind closed lids, he saw the way Sterling always held his stare as he made his way down Buck’s body.
The heat in his expression as he swallowed Buck’s erection was mind-melting.
He was desperate to feel that hot mouth now, knowing they didn’t have to hide.
Knowing Sterling would be his husband. Nothing was just an out of reach fantasy anymore.
Buck stroked faster. He was already balanced on the edge of a knife.
Buck had been too long without the slow way they made love.
God, he craved the connection. His heart was famished.
Buck’s every breath came out as a pant. Sterling’s perfect nude body filled his mind.
Fuck, it was always so hot and tight on his dick.
The way he kissed Buck’s neck was enough to break Buck.
The moment imaginary lips touched his neck in Buck’s mind, a loud gasp tore from his lips.
He stroked harder and faster, riding the ecstasy to the end.
For a moment, Buck stood under the water, panting for breath with a completely blank head.
Then the most invasive of all thoughts hit.
What if he truly was the reason Sterling gave up all his dreams?
If so, Buck had to live with that. He didn’t know if he could.
Sterling chewed the side of his thumbnail.
Buck had texted and let him know he was on his way.
His impatience was through the roof. Even on the best of days, it wasn’t good to be alone with his thoughts.
He needed a break from himself. Sterling had all the plans to lose himself. They all involved using Buck.
When the knock came, Sterling bolted to his feet and toward the door. He tried not to look too desperate as he pulled open the door.
Buck held a box. “I was thinking I should—”
Sterling grabbed two handfuls of Buck’s shirt and jerked him inside. He captured Buck’s mouth. The box hit the floor. Sterling went to work on Buck’s jeans. He was already down to nothing but workout shorts. A lube bead did its job. Sterling was ready to go.
Suddenly, Buck tore his mouth away. He panted for breath. “Are you sure this is a good idea? I don’t want you to—”
Sterling reclaimed Buck’s mouth, refusing to hear whatever bullshit thing he had convinced himself was true.
Buck hadn’t touched him in weeks. Sterling couldn’t take it.
This was the one place he needed to feel normal.
They were what kept him sane. Sterling had no trouble stripping Buck from his shirt.
Unfortunately, that meant freeing his mouth for a moment.
“I just need to know this is really what you want.”
Sterling went flush against Buck, letting him feel how much he wanted this. “I love you.”
Buck’s flushed face was sexy as hell. He didn’t hesitate. “I love you too.”
Sterling gave him a sharp nod. “Then trust me. This is what I wa—”
Buck had Sterling over his shoulder before Sterling could finish.
Sterling hid a smile against Buck’s back.
Buck was so big and strong, taking up too much space.
He always manhandled Sterling, but also made love like Sterling was precious to him.
Buck had always been the exact thing Sterling needed for his battered soul.
He carried the mental load, taking the hard decisions from Sterling.
Buck was such a perfect place to feel safe. He was Sterling’s home.
Buck gently placed Sterling on the bed. The way he looked at Sterling had Sterling’s heart crawling to his throat.
He shouldn’t have left. Sterling never should have accepted that contract in Miami.
If he had just stayed here with Buck, so many terrible things never would’ve happened.
Unexpectedly, tears filled his eyes. His vision blurred.
Buck was there, holding him in an instant. He kissed Sterling’s temple. “Shh. It’s okay. I’ve got you. I knew it was too soon. I should’ve been stronger in my resolve and stuck with that.”
It took Sterling a second to push words through his swollen throat. “No. That’s not it. I’m sorry. Don’t let me ruin things.”
Buck pulled away enough to hold his stare. “You’re not ruining anything. You’re in my arms. That’s all I’ve ever wanted from this life. You’re my everything. This is all I need.”
Sterling shook his head. “It just hit me how I ruined my life. If I hadn’t left you.”
“You would’ve missed out on a dream career while I still jerked you around.
If you hadn’t left, I might not be here now with my first box to move in.
We might not be getting married. Hell, if you were smart, you’d be done with my bullshit way before now.
You leaving and forcing me to see what I lost is what saved us.
A lot of bad happened, but none of it is your fault. ”
Sterling clung to every word, desperate to hold on to his sanity. “I need you to make love to me.”
“Baby, I—”
“I’ve already done the lube bead.”
The neediness in Buck’s eyes gave him away. He wanted this. “What kind of man would I be if I took advantage of you right now?”
Sterling wasn’t having that bullshit. “You’re not.
I’m taking advantage of you. I need you to hold me and make love to me.
Please?” He wasn’t above begging. Sterling felt too needy.
The boy desperate for love inside him was in charge tonight.
He didn’t know what would happen to his mind if Buck said no.
Buck’s hand swept down Sterling’s hip, taking Sterling’s shorts with him.
The air seemed to thicken. Buck stole the shorts, leaving him nude.
His heated gaze slid down Sterling’s body.
Sterling nearly moaned at the lust in Buck’s stare.
Buck moved away long enough to strip away his clothes and grab a condom.
“I jacked off before I came here so I wouldn’t fall on you with all the pent-up need inside of me. Of course, it didn’t work. It’s you. I swear there’s something about you I’ve never stood a chance against.”
Sterling soaked up every word like a needy sponge.
Sometimes he thought there wasn’t enough love in the world to fill him.
He was an empty vessel riddled with cracks.
Sterling felt incapable of holding on to anything, but he would do whatever it took to keep Buck.
“There’s nothing special about me. But I absolutely love you more than anyone else ever could. ”
Sterling found himself covered in nearly three hundred pounds of cowboy.
“Don’t say that again.” Buck looked intense as hell.
“You are special. That’s not just my opinion.
You are loved by the people on this ranch, especially your brother and Quince.
More than anything by me. You’ve got talent like I’ve never seen before.
I’m willing to bet everything I own that teams all over the world are rubbing their hands together, waiting to see if you’re up for grabs.
Every day, I wake up knowing that you’re so amazing, there’s zero chance I’ll get to keep you.
You were always too important to spend your life with me. ”
He saw the moment Buck had talked himself straight into regretting Sterling.
Sterling gently pushed, urging Buck onto his back.
He straddled Buck, forcing Buck to stay put.
Buck looked like a runner. “No. Don’t do that.
” Sterling kissed the corner of Buck’s mouth, teasing him.
“I’m supposed to be the fucked-up one. You’re perfect.
” He kissed the other corner of Buck’s mouth.
“Only a fool would walk away from you. I won’t be that idiot again.
” He swiped his tongue across Buck’s bottom lip.
Buck opened for him.