16. Amber
16
AMBER
As I take the elevator up to Star’s office, I hug myself, a smile playing on my lips thinking about last night.
I woke up to the agreeable scent of bacon wafting through the air, followed by the aroma of fresh coffee. Bronco had gotten up early to make me breakfast. I’ve never had anyone make me breakfast before. He also made poached eggs, buttering my toast like we’re an old married couple.
I don’t know how I feel about that, but I know that Bronco is one of a kind. I can’t even put into words how attentive this man is without my eyes clouding over. Maybe this fucking your best friend thing could really work?
I poured my heart out last night. I was a mess. Yet, he comforted me in ways that I didn’t think were possible. I know I’ve held back from him, and I don’t expect him to understand, or forgive me, but it wasn’t my intention to be secretive. In truth? I’m embarrassed about the tattoo. I hate it. Yet, I meant what I said; it is a reminder of how far I’ve come. Or at least that’s what I used to think. Now I realize I’ve been living under a rock, and those old excuses I kid myself with no longer work. I’ve been carrying this around with me for so long, it’s like the monkey on my back that I can’t get rid of.
I bite my lip when I think about our conversation this morning…
“Mornin’ sleepy head.”
“Wow, you made me breakfast?” I yawn, sitting up propping myself against the pillows.
“Need to keep your energy up.” He gives me a wink.
Here I was thinking this was going to be awkward.
“I think you used every last inch of my energy last night.”
“I aim to please. How are you feeling?”
“Aside from my va-jay-jay feeling like it’s been to pound town and back? I feel good. A little tired…”
He looks sheepish for a half a second, dipping his eyes to his feet in the most adorable way. “I didn’t hurt you?”
I shake my head. “Hurt me? No, Bronc, you didn’t. You were fantastic. I’ve just been out of action for a while.”
“I’ve still got it then?” He places a hand over his heart.
I smirk. “You’ve still got it.”
He sits on the edge of the bed. “And us? Are we cool?”
I pick up a piece of toast and bite into it, eager to tuck in, but not wanting to look like an oinker, either. “Of course, why wouldn’t we be?”
“Well, that whole friends with benefits thing you keep goin’ on about? This isn’t that, by the way.”
“It’s not?” I tilt my head. “What is it then?”
“That implies that it’s a casual thing.”
“It is casual.”
“Yeah, but you’re not plannin’ on seein’ anyone else, right?” He palms the back of his neck.
“Wait, are you putting some alpha claim over me now we’ve slept together?” I can’t help but laugh.
“Not sayin’ you’re my ol’ lady, but we’ve got a good thing goin’ on, can’t deny our chemistry.”
Of course, he wants me to be exclusive without the attachment, and to be honest, that kinda suits me. I don’t want to be tied down, but he told me he was sick of playing the field. So what happens if one of us catches feelings for real? I can’t say I’m immune to my best friend and all his charms. He’s amazing.
“We said it was one night,” I remind him, my chest tightening.
He gives me a pointed look. “So, we’re done?”
“Last night was amazing, but remember all that talk about being friends, and it making things weird?”
“Are things weird?”
“No, but this isn’t a normal situation.” I wonder for a second if I’m trying to reason with him, or myself.
“Define normal. I know how you feel about relationships, but are you sayin’ we can’t do any of that again, or you don’t want to?”
Of course I want to. I want to scream his orgasms from the rooftops, but I’m not sure the neighbors will appreciate that. “I didn’t say I didn’t want to, but all that stuff about feelings ? —”
“We can feel and not get heavy, right?”
“So we’d be friends with benefits,” I reiterate. “You can say it.”
“It’s not that.”
“So what is it then? It isn’t like we’re dating, we skipped that part and jumped into bed.”
“I can take you out on a date. After all, I am your fake boyfriend.”
“Ha-ha. We crossed a line, and it was fantastic, but we need boundaries.”
“Uh, oh this sounds scary.”
“You mean to tell me you’re not gonna play the field in the meantime?”
He frowns. “I haven’t been playin’ the field for a long time. So it would bother you if I did?”
“Well, you know I don’t sleep around.”
“But you’re also not looking for anyone permanent in your life.” It’s not a question.
My mind begins to race and I answer it anyway. “I guess not.”
He opens his mouth, then closes it again. I don’t like how he’s holding back, but I have no room to talk. I held back some pretty big revelations, and I’m not sure I’d be so accommodating if the roles were reversed. We tell each other everything, and now he thinks I held back information. I feel sick about it.
“I don’t wanna overcomplicate things. But I also don’t want another man in your bed. There, I said it.”
I arch a brow. “Well, I just told you I don’t sleep around, and you know that’s true.”
“Right, so we’re a thing?”
“I don’t know what we are.”
Is it just me, or did his shoulders just sag a little? We agreed on one night of amazing sex, and now it’s hard to walk away, for both of us. Maybe I’m overthinking the whole friends with benefits situation?
“Maybe I should be a little more blunt?” he says.
“Maybe you should.”
“Well, this could really work. I don’t wanna fuck anyone else, and all the guys you date are morons.”
“Thanks for reminding me ? —”
“At the clubhouse, we can keep up our fake dating charade. It’ll keep Cupcake off my back and those other assholes off yours.”
The words sting, even though they shouldn’t. I don’t want it to be fake, but I’m the one who just said all that stuff about feelings. “Let me get this straight for a second. Are you saying you’re not done with me?”
He smirks. “Oh, Princess, I don’t think I could ever be done with you.”
My eyes go slightly wide, so I do what I always do and make a joke out of it. “You say that now, but then again, you did see me eat my weight in junk food last night, and that didn’t seem to turn you off.”
He laughs as I stab into my egg with the side of my fork, spreading it across my toast as I avoid his gaze. “I like that you have a big appetite. I don’t know where you put it all, but no complaints here.”
“You know this is madness,” I tell him. “And it won’t stop everyone speculating at the clubhouse and poking their noses in.”
“So date me.”
“Bronco, if we date then it means something more, and I’m not sure I can give you that.”
“Well, if my dick’s inside you, that means somethin’.” He shrugs when I almost choke on my mouthful of food.
“Bronco!”
“I’m kiddin’... sorta. You’re the one who said I was too sexy for words.”
“That’s because we shouldn’t be fucking each other’s brains out.”
“Funny, I didn’t see a rule book statin’ anythin’ like that. We’re makin’ our own rules,” he states calmly. “If that’s what you want?”
I swallow hard. What do I want? I feel as if I’m giving him mixed signals already. I want him, but I don’t want him to be my boyfriend because I’m scared of being hurt again. “It’s hard to know what I want, but I know last night was amazing. Let’s just not put any pressure on ourselves until we figure this out.”
He nips my chin. “Fine by me. Now, eat up. I gotta go into the shop early and open up, then collect Titan on the way. What time is your meeting with Star?”
Bronco assured me that Titan was more than fine on his own for the night. He likes a little me-time.
I texted her as soon as it was reasonable on a Monday morning, she said she’d fit me in today with no problems.
“Ten o’clock.”
“And you’re sure you don’t want me to come with you?”
“I’ll be fine, honestly. I’ll let you know what she says.”
He nods. “As long as you’re sure.”
“I’m sure, don’t worry about me.”
He watches me eat for a moment, not saying a word. When I look up at him, he gives me a chin lift. “I’ll always worry about you, and I still haven’t forgiven you for not tellin’ me about your ex and the cult, and that tattoo.”
I swallow my food, feeling the heavy beat in my chest. “I know, and I’m sorry. I should have. I don’t like keeping secrets from you, but I know firsthand how bad your temper is.”
“Don’t worry about my temper, Princess, no matter what happens, I’ve told you if you need to confide in me, you can, I promise I won’t go postal.”
I don’t know if he really means the part about not going postal, but I still smile. “Now get that goofy look off your face, or everyone at Iron and Ink will know you got lucky last night.”
He stands, heading toward the shower, looking at me over his shoulder. “If only they knew how lucky I am.”
His words still tingle inside of me. Bronco makes me feel like a million dollars, and here I was thinking things would be awkward between us. We just picked up where we left off, and that was that. I’ve decided to go with the flow and enjoy myself, don’t overthink anything.
When I arrive at the correct floor, I’m greeted by Star’s assistant, Halo.
“Oh, hey!” I say, surprised to see her since she just had a baby only a few months ago. Star had twins a few months back, so that’s twice the fun, but she’s only taking on a few clients on selected days. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”
She smiles brightly. “Hey, Amber, so great to see you! Romeo is with his daddy for a few hours, so I came in to help Star get on top of things.”
“That’s so nice of you. How are things with the baby? That baby shower was so cute.”
She welcomes me inside, which is typical Halo behavior because she goes out of her way to make other people feel comfortable.
“Oh, he’s such a good baby! I tell Riot he gets that from me,” she giggles.
“Oh, totally, I can see that. He’s a handsome little devil. That teeny tiny outfit he had on was so adorable.” He was dressed in a gorgeous sailor suit, including the little hat.
She laughs. “Riot wanted a mini motorcycle jacket, but we couldn’t get one to fit.”
I laugh, too. “Starting them young, huh?”
“Something like that.” She asks me to take a seat while Star finishes up on the phone. “So, how are things with you?”
“Mainly good,” I say, knowing that I’m going to have to fess up sooner rather than later. “I’m here because I need help locating my sister-in-law, Erica. She left her niece with me almost a month ago, and I haven’t seen her since. I’m running out of options, other than calling the police.”
Worry lines form on Halo’s forehead. “I’m taking it that’s not her usual behavior?”
I shake my head. “She’d never leave Olive unless she was in some really big trouble.” I take a breath. “And I’m just hoping it isn’t our past catching up with either of us.”
Halo squeezes my arm gently. “Well, that’s why we’re here, and don’t worry, everything you say in this office is strictly private and confidential.”
“I appreciate that.”
“Star won’t be long, but I do have some paperwork if you’d like to fill it in.” She hands me a clipboard, and I already feel nervous about this whole thing. But paperwork is unavoidable, so I take it and smile.
By the time I’m done filling it in, Star greets me and we head into her office.
“How are the twins?” I ask.
A smile curls across her lips. “They keep us both on our toes, but motherhood is amazing. It’s not something that we really planned, but I love it.”
“I’m so happy for you.”
“Thank you.” Star smiles warmly.
Halo joins us, taking notes as I fill them in on the whole story. When I’m done, they both stare at me with slightly different expressions. Halo looks sad; her eyes watery. Star, sympathetic with a soft smile. I have to stop a few times, dabbing my eyes with a tissue. I also gave Star the handwritten note Erica left me.
“I have nowhere else to go, other than the police, but I’ll be honest, I’m scared. The police aren’t always helpful, and I know Erica would be really mad at me, but what choice do I have?”
“If you think she’s in grave danger, then I’m not opposed to that,” Star says. “From what you’ve told me, it sounds like she’s trying to deal with a problem herself. Is there any way you think the church is involved?”
“I don’t see how,” I say. “They would have no way of finding us. We both changed our names, moved states, heck, I moved a couple of times. I know Steven and Vince wouldn’t leave Illinois for anything, so I find it hard to believe it’s anything to do with them.”
“But there’s a child involved, essentially, Steven could have filed a missing children’s report, which I’ll be checking. If that’s the case, it could explain why she’s being so secretive, and also keeping her daughter safe,” Star says.
“I still don’t know if Steven would do that. He doesn’t like drawing big attention to the church, or his own actions. It isn’t how they operate. They work better behind closed doors,” I say. “Where nobody can see what they’re doing.”
“I’m sorry,” Star says. “For what you went through, that can’t have been easy.”
I nod slowly. “It was tough, but we always believed we would escape. It took teamwork and a whole lotta luck. Erica is like a sister to me — the sister I never had. This just isn’t like her.”
“And you don’t know about any boyfriends, or anything different with her at work?”
“No,” I say. “I’ve called her workplace and they said she’d put in a leave of absence but didn’t know when she’d be back.”
“Okay, well, I think I’ve got enough to go on. I’ll need a recent picture of Erica, cell number, email address, and her date of birth, anything you think that would be helpful.”
“Okay, thanks ladies. I really appreciate this.”
Halo puts her pen down, walks over and folds me into her arms. “It was very brave telling your story,” she says. “We’ll do everything we can to find Erica. Star knows people in all kinds of places that can help, with your consent, of course.”
My eyes meet Star’s as she says, “Sometimes I ask Rock and Jett for help with security footage and hacking. Is that going to be an issue?”
I swallow hard. “Won’t they be obliged to tell Cash?”
“If it’s on club time, then yes, but they can be discreet as long as the club isn't implicated. At the moment, Erica is missing, but this isn’t a club related issue.”
“I should probably tell Cash myself.” I look down at my hands. “I didn’t want to involve the club because this isn’t their problem to fix.”
“You know you’re considered club property now you’re dating Bronco,” Halo chuckles. “So he’ll want to jump in and involve everyone.”
“That’s what I’m worried about,” I admit. I don’t tell them about our secret pact. They don’t need to know any of that.
“I can’t say I didn’t see it coming,” Star says, surprising me. “I think it’s pretty obvious he’s nuts about you.”
“Really?” I try not to sound too confused. Is it really obvious? Or is Bronco just really good at charming women? He admitted he was trying to ward off Cupcake.
Star and Halo both nod in agreement. “He’s not been seen with any chicks for ages at the clubhouse,” Halo goes on, clasping her hands together excitedly. “That’s a dead giveaway. It’s sweet, if you ask me. Bronco saving all his cookies for his best friend, who was right under his nose all along. Aww!”
“It’s early days yet,” I add quickly “We’re just seeing where things go. Now that Olive is in my care with some degree of permanency, that changes things a little.”
“Well, Bronco is very reliable,” Star says, shuffling the papers on her desk. “I never thought I’d say this, but in the last six months or so, he’s really stepped up. Not only at the club, but with his own business, taking charge of the shop and running it all smoothly. He’s put a lot of work in.”
Everyone knows how hard Bronco works, and a big part of that success is his ability to adapt and put his mind to anything. I’m proud of him. I don’t like lying to my friends about our relationship, but this little white lie about us dating isn’t going to hurt them, right?
“I think I’ll have to get some more ink now that the baby’s born,” Halo agrees. “Some of his work is freaking amazing.”
I think about the tattoo on my wrist; the same one I covered up with makeup and my cuff this morning. The same one that Bronco wants to cover up with a new tattoo. My heart bleeds and melts at the same time. He was so distressed when I’d confessed what it was. I’d never seen his face change with the different emotions before. Confusion. Horror. Disbelief. Then anger.
I swallow down the guilt that threatens to rise. “It is. He really is talented.”
“So, I’ll do some digging, and I’ll let you know what I come up with.” Star gives me a small smile. “Don’t worry, I’ve been doing this a while, and I’m confident we can find something. I’ll probably start with bank records, and a phone trace.”
“But her phone isn’t in service,” I say. “I’ve tried calling multiple times.”
“We can still get a trace with GPS tracking, even if the phone is switched off.”
I don’t ask if any of this is legal or not. Instead, I nod. “Thank you. I really appreciate it. I just hope she’s not gotten too in over her head. I just wished she’d have told me.”
Star nods, tucking her hair behind her ears. “I’ll call as soon as I know anything. In the meantime, if you think of anything else, even if you believe it’s not relevant, let me know. The smallest details can often help more than you think.”
“Okay, I will.” I hug them both, then head out.
My heart is heavy, the dread in the pit of my stomach threatens to take over. I know Erica. She wouldn’t do something like this. Then I realize; yes, she would. If Olive were in danger, she’d do everything to protect her. It just hurts that she can’t tell me who or why, or how I can help.
This isn’t nearly the same thing, but I catch a glimpse at how Bronco felt when he found out my secrets. I don’t know why I did that to him. I saw the hurt on his face, and it’s killing me. I never want him to think I’m being sneaky or secretive, but that’s exactly how it must have come across. I’ll make it up to him, I’ll try and be a better friend. Or a friend with many benefits. I think I like the sound of that better.