Chapter 13 #2
Zane was a lot of things, an asshole being one of them.
What he wasn’t was a liar. He was a straight shooter, to the point of being rude.
He didn’t say anything to spare feelings.
He pulled no punches. If he was telling me working for him was a better option than working for The Company, then he found something he didn’t like about the group. That worried me.
“We’ll be in touch. In the meantime, you’re one of us. You take your team’s back. Declan is the team leader. His word is law.”
“Christ, Z, you make it sound like I haven’t been in this business damn near as long as you.”
“No. You’ve been in the spy business. Where there is no loyalty.
You people will disavow motherfuckers faster than I can blink.
You’re a damn good operator, but your ability to be a part of a team is yet to be seen.
Any of those men in that room will take a bullet for you.
You let that settle in and think on it. If you can’t return the favor, get your shit, and good luck to you. ”
“I got it.”
“Good. Don’t let my men get dead.”
Nothing but dead air. In true Zane fashion, he had the last word.
I handed Declan back his phone and fought the urge to punch the rat bastard in his stomach.
“Damn, it’s like she’s been a part of the team for years.” Max laughed.
“If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone call Z an asshole, I’d be retired living the good life. How long have you known Zane?” Kyle asked.
“A long time. I knew of him long before I met him in person. Russia was the last op I worked with him. After what happened, he refused to execute anymore CIA contracts. Not that I blamed him. That mission was a whole lotta fucked-up. Too much intel was held back. Bad plays were made. Jasmin and Zane caught the shit end of it. I worked with Linc after that. Almost two years behind the scenes on his trafficking case. I’ve worked with Leo and Eric, too. ”
“Why’d you leave the CIA?”
My lungs seized and my brain told me to tell Thad to mind his own business. But I couldn’t, not when I couldn’t forget what Zane had said – these men would take a bullet for me. Not because they knew me, simply because I was a part of their team for this mission.
“Monroe asked me to.”
“The fuck?” Brooks grumbled.
“He said he wanted a family but my work was too dangerous. When he asked, things were still good between us. I wanted kids, so I agreed. After I quit, he found having a wife at home was too much for him. Things got bad. Let’s just say he’s a keep my private life and personal life separate kinda man.
” Brooks stared at me, clearly not understanding my reference.
I went on, “It’s rather difficult to hide your other women when your ex-CIA wife is home full-time. ”
“He cheated on you.” Declan observed.
“Too many to count.”
“Too many to count,” Brooks repeated.
“In San Diego there’s a Frog Hog on every corner waiting to suck a Team Guy’s dick.
He wasn’t even careful about it. He’d come home smelling like various different perfumes telling me he was working late.
He’d already been sidelined from being deployed, so he was babysitting tadpoles at X-Division.
He hated that command. The longer he was there the more of an asshole he became. ”
“Fucking disgrace,” Max said. “Why didn’t you call his command? He would’ve been court marshaled and chaptered out.”
“Not the kinda woman who fucks with a man’s career. He did me dirty, but still, I’m a big girl. I didn’t need to go tattle to his commander.”
“You would’ve done the teams a favor. No one wants a cheat at their back. A man can fuck over the woman he’s promised to love, he has no problem stabbing you in the back,” Thad told me.
He was right about James. He had no problem breaking our vows, but he did have his team’s back. He was all about his team. He lived for the next mission. He believed he was the best man on the team and they wouldn’t survive unless he was there. He was a narcissist prick. Better than everyone else.
I was done sharing, so I asked, “Any of you been married?”
I got four nos and a mumbled response from Declan.
I was getting ready to ask him to repeat his answer but when I looked at him, I stopped myself.
Pain clear as day. I wasn’t sure if it was because he’d wanted to but never had married or if he had and was divorced. Whichever it was, I wasn’t touching it.
I felt like I had to come clean with the team on one more topic. “I have full workups on all of you. Nothing personal. I only went through your service records. I don’t know how much Tex gave you on me, but if you have any questions, I’ll answer.”
“Remember that first day we met you and you and Brooks were sparring?” Thad chuckled. “You said your accomplishments weren’t important. Care to share now?”
“Same as most of you. Only without all the dive, that’s water and air both, master quals. Master range officer, rifle and pistol. I went through modified sniper training. Close quarter combat, hand-to-hand. Same training you got at BUD/s.” I added the last part just to ruffle their feathers.
It didn’t take long for the banter to start. All of them calling bullshit on my statement.
“I don’t know, boys. Every facet of SEAL school has been publicized and made into History Channel documentaries. It’s pretty tough but no one really knows what happens at The Farm. For all you know, it’s harder.”
I couldn’t hold back my laugh when the four former SEALs’ mouths opened and shut not knowing what to say.
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” Kyle was the first to break. “A fuckin’ documentary doesn’t tell you shit.”
“Like to see you try and get through Hell Week,” Thad added.
“Only those of us with the testicular fortitude to endure extreme conditions made it through,” Brooks said and I burst out laughing again.
I had been waiting for Declan to put in his two-cents.
He was Army, not Navy. Former Force Recon, who had been recruited to the CIA and had trained at The Farm.
But he remained silent. Which was puzzling.
I wondered if his team knew he’d been with the agency.
They all seemed tight, and it didn’t seem like something he’d keep from them.
But if he was, then he had his own reasons for doing so and I’d keep my mouth shut.
“All right, all right. Sheesh. BUD/s is tougher than The Farm,” I gave in.
“You really don’t know anything about who you work for?” Thad inquired.
I wouldn’t say his tone was accusatory but more inquisitive.
“No. And from what Zane just told me, I’m beginning to question the sagacity of my decision. I took the job because I wanted to work alone. I needed time to put my life after James back together.”
“What happened when you were captured?” That was from Declan.
The whimper that followed was unintentional. I cut my eyes to Brooks, ready to lambast him for sharing something that was not his business to share. But I found he wasn’t looking at me, he was staring at Declan. And he was pissed.
“How much do you know?” I asked.
“Just what Zane told me. You were following a lead on some artifacts coming out of Iraq into Saudi Arabia. You were ambushed by some men who were with Lucre and they had you for two days.”
“Then you know everything,” I told him.
“Right.”
“What do you want, Declan? You wanna see what they left me with? It’s not pretty.
Forty-eight hours they played with me. Two fucking days they whipped me, knifed me, tied me up, laughed at me.
And when they were done, they walked out with four relics all under three inches.
All four pieces could fit in your hand. That’s what they wanted.
Toying with me? That was nothing but fun for them.
So again, you know everything. There’s nothing more to the story.
They found me, took me, scarred me, and nearly took my life. ”
Four angry growls came from the men. I couldn’t handle anymore. Q and A was over.
“Tatiana—”
“Don’t, Declan. I get it. You’re protecting your team. I don’t have any motivation other that the mission at hand. My assignment was to win an auction, then move on to some ancient cones coming up for sale. My orders have shifted and I’m on board.”
“I just wanted to know if we get to a place where we’re hauling Al Issa’s ass in, if you’ll be okay.”
“Then I’ll tell you the same thing I told Zane. I see Al Issa, I’m puttin’ a bullet in his head. He owes me more than a pound of flesh for what his men did to me. I live every day in a body that is desecrated because of him. I’m taking my payment.”
“They violate you?” Brooks’ low growl had me rocking back on my heels.
“Violate?”
“Rape you?” he clarified.
“No. They were having too much fun carving me up. Making sure every time I saw what they left me, I’d be disgusted.”
“Nothing disgusting about you, Doll.”
“Right. Everyone loves to see skin that looks like a cheese grater’s been taken to it.”
“Those marks are a reminder of how strong you are. What you went through and came out even stronger.”
“I’d rather not have the reminder.”
“And I’d rather you didn’t as well. But you do, and they’re fucking beautiful.”
He was too close. I needed him to step back before I did something stupid like wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face in his chest. “Every line on your back a testament to your strength. Every scar a reminder you are breathing. You get that shot, take it. But, baby, it’s not going to make the scars disappear.
Only you can do that. And you do it by embracing them.
Not one fuckin’ thing disgusting about you. ”
I wanted to argue with him, remind him of what he’d seen when he saw me with my shirt off.
How gross my back looked, but I couldn’t.
I was too fucking tired. Bone-deep tired.
Emotionally drained from talking about the two worst topics in my life.
Why didn’t they want to know the easy stuff like my family life, where I’d grown up, if I had siblings?
Questions that wouldn’t put me on the brink of a nervous breakdown.
I just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep. The scariest part was, I wanted Brooks curled behind me holding me tight. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea tagging along with the team. Maybe I needed a clean break.