Chapter 15
He was too close. His lips lingered a scant distance above mine and I wanted him to kiss me. Which was a bad idea. Because kissing would turn into something else, and that would lead to even more something, then I’d be a double slut. And the guys would probably hear again.
I knew this. I knew it was a bad idea. So what the hell was wrong with me? Why did I want him to lean down, just a tiny bit more, and take my mouth? Because I was a double slut, that’s why.
Instead of closing the distance I mumbled, “Right.”
“I will never understand society, women especially. A man goes after what he wants and gets himself some, no one thinks twice about it. A woman takes what she wants, and other women call her a slut. Which leads her to call herself a slut. Which only further makes her think poorly of herself for doing something that is not wrong. And if she’s lucky, she had a good time doing it.
So I will tell you again. No one in this house thinks you’re a slut.
And most especially not me. I don’t care if you took one look at me, thought to yourself, I’m going to fuck him , and two minutes later you went about doing it.
That makes you a woman who knows what she wants.
A woman who will take it and not give a shit what anyone else thinks about what she’s doin’.
Nowhere in that does it mean you are a slut. ”
Well, I now knew his view of women’s sexuality and how they treat one another. It still didn’t change the fact I had taken one look at him and the fantasies began—in earnest.
“All right, Brooks. Then I’ll rephrase. I’m easy.”
“Wrong again. There is nothing easy about you.”
“Yeah. Okay. The first time I let you kiss me you were just coming in the room to tell me dinner was ready. The next time, I walked straight into the shower fully clothed and without thought about anything, including safe sex, I let you fuck me against a wall. All of that not only screams ‘easy’ it screams sl?—”
“Tatiana,” he warned.
I ignored him and continued, “It took James months before I let him kiss me. And after that it was another month before I let him touch me.”
“That says more about him than you.”
“How the hell do you figure that?”
“Doll.” He said “doll” in a way that was more like him calling me dumb than saying my name.
“That’s not an answer.”
“It says you knew you needed to go slow and protect yourself from him. You were cautious, slow, calculating. It also says he’s an idiot.
In more ways than one. When a man finds a woman like you, he does not delay making you his.
It does not take months to get in there.
And when he finally ties you to him, he does not act like a dick and step out on you.
He recognizes what he has, and fights like hell to keep it. ”
“I can’t argue with you about him being an idiot. But it wasn’t just him. I’ve always been cautious and slow.”
“Then you never found the right kind of man.”
“Uh huh, and let me guess, you’re the right kinda man?”
“When you first saw me, what was your first thought?”
Oh, no. We weren’t going there. There were some things a girl didn’t divulge. First thoughts was one of them.
“I didn’t think anything. I was working.”
“Bullshit. I was working, too, but I took one look at you in your shirt and sexy heels and all I could think about was what those long legs were gonna feel like wrapped around my back.”
“So you thought I was easy upon first glance?”
“No, Doll. I saw a beautiful, sexy woman and knew I was gonna do what I could to get in there. And when you threw me attitude, I knew a hundred percent I was getting in there.”
“That’s easy.” I pointed out.
“Again, nothing easy about you, Doll. You are the very definition of not easy. And straight out, just so you know what happened in the shower, it’s gonna happen again. Only it’s gonna happen with you in a bed where I can take my time.”
No. No it wasn’t. I’d already embarrassed myself enough.
The guys heard. Declan had shared what he’d heard with Zane, so now he knew, too.
I was embarrassing myself. I was behaving like a floozy.
I had a job to do, employment I was now questioning, and revenge to enact.
Nowhere in there did I have time to complicate my life with great sex.
And it was great. I figured if sex in the shower with Brooks standing up was great, sex in a bed where he could take his time would be even better.
Off the charts better. So, no, we weren’t doing it again.
“That’s not going to happen. I told you already, I don’t want the complication. I let myself get caught up in the moment once. I won’t do it again.”
“We’ll see.”
“Yeah, we will. And we’ll see, it won’t be happening again.”
“Did you miss the part where I told you, a man sees something he wants he doesn’t delay?”
“No.”
“Right. I also told you you were the opposite of easy. Which I have to tell you, works for me. I don’t like easy.
I’ve had easy. And, Doll, it isn’t all that great.
Lucky for you, I like a challenge. You telling me what we shared in the shower isn’t going to happen again is like waving a red flag in front of a bull. So, I’ll repeat, we’ll see.”
Maybe I was going about this all wrong. Now that he told me he didn’t like easy, I needed to change up tactics.
“I see you’re workin’ something out in that smart little head of yours. Just so we’re clear, you coming on to me now will not be a turn-off, either.”
Damn. I had nothing else to say, so I muttered, “You’re annoying.
” I heard him chuckle and it was a nice sound.
Deep and rumbly. I liked it. Maybe too much, so I continued, “And you’re egotistical.
” His chuckle turned into a full body laugh and I forgot what we were talking about.
It was so good I let it wrap around me and soak in.
Mistake. Big fucking mistake. I was going to let it happen again. Double damn.
“Time for bed, Doll, I’m fuckin’ wiped.”
“Sounds good. I’ll just go out to the?—”
My words were cut off when he twisted us. He was back on his side, my back was pressed against his front, he curved back around me, and tangled his legs with mine.
“Night, Doll.”
“I think?—”
“Go to sleep.”
“No, really, I think?—”
“Sleep, Tatiana.”
“Fine. But I want you to know I’m not fucking happy about the sleeping arrangements.”
His body shook and I knew he was laughing at me again. Asshole.
“Noted.”
Bigger asshole.
I laid there not knowing where to put my hands, with one of his under my head and the other a tight band around my stomach. Anywhere I rested mine would touch him.
“Relax, Doll. We have a long day tomorrow.”
“How can I relax when you’re touching me?”
He had no such trouble figuring out where he wanted my hands.
He moved his from around my waist grabbed both of my hands, threaded his fingers with one of mine and held them to my chest. Shit.
My ex didn’t like to cuddle. Even after sex.
When he was done, he was done. He rolled off, moved to his side of the bed, and went to sleep.
We had a king-sized bed for a reason, he liked his space.
Not even in the middle of the night did he turn closer to me.
There was an invisible line down the middle.
He had his side, I had mine. He never wrapped himself around me.
Never held my hand, or pinned them to my chest while his thumb grazed my skin.
Never. Not once. Not even when he was working to make me his.
This was a problem. A huge problem. I didn’t know I liked to cuddle until that very moment. And now that I knew, I was screwed.
“Relax, Tatiana.”
His mouth was at my ear, and I felt more than I heard his words. And what I felt was a zap to my girly-parts. See? Totally screwed.