Chapter Fifty
Brynn
Killian isn’t in bed with me when I wake up.
I feel a touch of sadness when I roll over and see I’m alone, but there’s a note on his pillow, so I grab it.
Brynn,
I had something to take care of, but I’ll be right back.
Do not move your pretty little ass out of this bed or next time I’ll handcuff you to it.
-Kill
P.S. I’m going to your place to feed Toast.
I smile at the note, but then I immediately disobey it and climb out of bed.
I shouldn’t even be here, let alone doing what he tells me.
I don’t know yet if I’ll leave before he gets back because I don’t know when he’ll be back, but I hit the bathroom and brush my teeth as best I can without a toothbrush, then I pick up the clothes strewn all over his bedroom floor.
My dress is completely ruined, but I know he doesn’t want me to keep it anyway since Aiden bought it for me.
I shouldn’t care what he wants, but I can’t seem to help myself. Especially after last night.
I was sure he would be sleeping with her by now, even if not because he wanted her just because Killian has a pretty strong sex drive and he wasn’t getting it from me. If he’s marrying her, he’s going to sleep with her, so why wait?
That reminder of reality bums me out. I grab the dumb dress and bundle it up so I can throw it out, then I grab Killian’s wrinkled clothes off the floor so I can hang them up in his laundry room.
I’m not expecting company and I’m still naked, so I freeze when the front door opens.
Then Killian freezes. A slow smile claims his lips as his appreciative gaze drifts over my naked body. “Now, that’s what I like to come home to.”
I roll my eyes at him good-naturedly and resume my path to the trash can. “I’m glad it was you. I don’t imagine Sloane would have appreciated the view quite so much.”
“She doesn’t let herself into my apartment.”
I really don’t want to talk about her, but since she’s the fiancée and I’m… whatever the hell I am, I don’t say so.
“Funny, I seem to remember her doing it once,” I murmur, pushing my dress down into his trash can.
He sets down the bakery box and coffee he brought in with him. “Not that I don’t appreciate it, but why are you cleaning my apartment when I told you to keep your pretty little ass in bed?”
I turn back to face him. “Because you’re not my boss,” I say with extra impertinence, though I’m sure it lacks sting when I’m saying that with his laundry draped over my arm.
He cocks an eyebrow and starts toward me. “Oh, really?”
“Mm-hmm,” I murmur, backing toward the laundry room. “I do what I want.”
His blue eyes twinkle. “Is that so?”
I feel a thrill in my belly as he stalks toward me, but he gets too close, so I turn and hightail it to the laundry room.
Predictably, I don’t make it. I squeal as Killian sweeps me off my feet, dragging me back against him and locking his arms around my waist.
“Got you,” he murmurs against my neck.
I smile, looking back at him. “Damn.”
He slides one hand up to catch the weight of my breast in his palm. “I brought those chocolate chip muffins you like for breakfast.”
I’m enjoying him holding me and touching me, but my heart drops at his words.
Because while I do enjoy those muffins, I also know where that bakery is.
By Sloane’s house.
Since he ditched her last night at the ball, I imagine he had to go smooth things over with her this morning.
That sucks to think about and drains the merriment I felt playfully running from him a moment ago.
“Thanks,” I murmur, pulling out of his embrace. “I’ll hang up your stuff so it doesn’t wrinkle more than it already has, and then we can eat. I shouldn’t stay long, though. I need to go home.”
“Why?” he asks, taking the jacket out of my hands so he can take off the lapel pin I hadn’t noticed.
“What is that?” I ask, looking at the diamond-encrusted sapphire pin shaped like a drop of blood.
“My Blue Blood pin,” he says as he puts it down on the counter. “We all get one once we’re initiated. It’s how you can recognize another Blue Blood you may not be familiar with when you’re out in the wild, say at an event.”
“Ah, that makes sense.”
He nods. “We need to discuss a few things,” he says, his hand sliding down to cup my ass. “But now I can’t remember what they are.”
I crack a smile, reaching back to gently push his hand away. “I need to put on clothes. Maybe then you’ll remember.”
He puts his hand back on my ass, squeezing it and sliding his hand between my legs. “That seems drastic.”
“Getting dressed is drastic?” I tease, reaching for his wrist to try and stop him.
“Mm-hmm. There has to be another way.”
My tummy tumbles and I grab the edge of the counter as he forces his fingers into my pussy and the breath abandons my lungs. “You… You…” I close my eyes and try to focus as he spreads me open, pushing the blunt end of one of his fingers up to brush my clit. “Killian.”
“Yes, baby?”
My tummy thrills and my heart squeezes. “You have to stop.”
“No, I don’t. I’ve decided I need free use of your body. I want you too much. All the fucking time. All this telling me to stop bullshit isn’t gonna work for me.”
I sigh, clutching the counter and trying to ignore my racing heart as he teases me. “You want free use of my body? Get unengaged and you can have it. But as long as you’re engaged to someone else—” My words cut off on a sharp gasp as my legs tremble, completely betraying me.
Stupid legs.
Fuck.
This is the opposite of what I intended, but he’s incapacitating me with his fingers, and then, probably just to prove a goddamn point because I told him no, he unzips his pants.
“Killian, I’m not on birth control. Please—”
He withdraws his finger from my pussy, clamping his hand over my mouth to silence me.
I’m startled, but then he bends me over the counter and situates himself between my thighs, and I give up. I hold on as he shoves into me, and then I take his cock like a good girl.
He fucks me until I come, then he fucks me some more.
Once he’s satisfied and I’m bent over his counter with cum leaking out of me, he seems to remember what we needed to discuss.
“We need to talk about your living situation,” he says, tucking his cock away and zipping up his jeans.
I am too depleted to stand, let alone think straight. I’m not even sure my legs can hold me up, so I don’t try.
Killian doesn’t seem to mind. While he’s fully dressed and no doubt looking like a dream, I feel like a mess.
Finally, I peel myself off the counter and stand on shaky legs, looking around for a roll of paper towels or something I can use to clean myself up.
“No.”
My gaze snaps back to him, then Killian takes a clean cloth out of one of the cabinets I haven’t explored yet.
“Did I say you could get up? Bend that pretty ass back over the counter.”
My eyes widen slightly, but I do as I’m told.
“Good girl,” he murmurs, sliding his hand over my ass and giving it a little squeeze of approval.
I watch Killian move over to the utility sink and wet the cloth, then he moves behind me and slides it between my legs.
I gasp at the intimacy of him cleaning me up after fucking me. A shudder passes over me, and my tummy bottoms out.
It feels nice.
Soothing.
It feels like a lie, but a nice one. A promise that he’ll always take care of me.
I guess he does want to take care of me, just not the way I want him to.
As if our minds are on the exact same wavelength, he says, “Now, your living situation. It was smart of you to move in with the Dean’s daughter.”
“Thank you,” I say softly.
“But now that the fall term is over and we’re going on break, that’s not going to work. I know you moved there to keep me out, but it was a pretty effective way to keep any Blue Blood out unless they were invited in. Sally’s going home for the holidays, though, and I can’t have you living on your own for a full month. You won’t be protected without her there.”
I swallow. “Do I need to be protected?”
“Yes. So I’m going to put you up in an apartment in Silvan’s building. There’s a smaller two-bedroom available, and Silvan’s dad owns the building, so this isn’t connected to Blue Bloods. His dad isn’t one, he has his own power in this city, and the Blue Bloods don’t want him for an enemy, so they won’t fuck with his property. The building has excellent security. People have to check in and out to come or go. I’ll be able to give instructions at the desk to ensure certain people can’t get in at all, and I’ll be notified immediately when anyone scans in. You’ll be safe there.”
“Not from you,” I murmur.
“You’ll never be safe from me,” he states, turning back to the sink to rinse the cloth. “But I’d never hurt a hair on your goddamn head, so you don’t need protection from me. You need protection from the ruthless people who view you as an obstacle right now because of how I feel about you.”
“Hex?”
“Yes.” He puts the warm cloth back on my pussy. “I’m working on getting everything straightened out, and once I do, you won’t have to… be afraid of him, but right now, he still considers you a threat to a powerful alliance that was made on his watch, and I’m worried about him deciding to take matters into his own hands to fix it. Hex can be heartless when he has tunnel vision and he can see a logical solution to a problem people are letting emotions complicate. I know he’s my friend and he doesn’t want to hurt me, that’s why he hasn’t acted already, but he only has so much tolerance, and there are other things he considers, too. At the end of the day, in his twisted fucking mind, I think there’s some part of him that would view getting you out of my way as doing me a favor in the long run. Something I’d thank him for someday when I pull my head out of my ass.” He finishes cleaning me, then puts a firm hand on the small of my back. “All right, you can stand.”
I do, but a chill settles over me and I hug myself as I turn to face him.
Killian grabs a clean T-shirt hanging in the little nook behind him, then he hands it to me.
“Thank you,” I say softly before pulling it on. As I pull my hair out of the back, I look at him seriously. “You think he’d… hurt me?”
“Yes,” he says without hesitation. “I can think of multiple ways he would deal with you, and each one makes me sicker than the last, so… I need to put you somewhere he won’t be able to get to you. Somewhere I can keep an eye on you while I get everything settled.”
I swallow. I don’t want to be set up in a separate residence like a mistress. I’m feeling enough like one right now, and that just feels like… it feels like giving in to it.
It will kill me to live like that.
But I suppose Hex might actually kill me, so I should probably listen. “All right. If that’s what you think needs to happen.”
“I’m sorry you have to move again, but I’d really like this to be the last time. You’ll like the building, and I think you’ll love the apartment. Silvan and Sophie live there, so maybe we could hang out with them from time to time.”
“She wouldn’t find that weird when you’re engaged to someone else?”
He shakes his head. “Sophie doesn’t know anything about that. She’s not the most social person, so we haven’t really hung out, and Silvan keeps all our Blue Blood business away from her. I think having to deal with his dad is enough for her. Anything more might scare her off,” he adds with a faint smile.
So he wants to set me up in an apartment he’s paying for near his friend whose girlfriend doesn’t know he’s engaged and therefore would never question us being together there.
“You’re trying to make me your mistress,” I state.
“I am not trying to make you my mistress.”
“I’ve read regency romance novels, Killian. I know what mistress life looks like. All you need to do is buy me some jewelry and I’ll have the whole starter kit.”
“My priority is keeping you safe. I really don’t give a fuck how it looks to anyone else. All I know is I’d never forgive myself if I failed to protect you, and then Hex got to you because I left him an opening. Silvan can help me keep you safe, even from Hex, because of who his dad is, so I’m moving you into his building. I’d like you to agree to it, but you’re moving in either way.”
“Well, with options like those…”
“It’s the best way I know to keep you safe,” he states. “My apartment isn’t going to cut it. It’s not secure enough, and…”
He doesn’t say it, but I finish for him. “It’s Sloane’s dad’s property.”
He nods wordlessly.
“Hex likes Sloane more than me.”
“He doesn’t like her more, he just considers her more of an advantage. It doesn’t matter what he thinks I should do, anyway. I just need to make sure he can’t interfere.”
My lips tug up faintly, but without humor. “Is this the cage you were referring to last night?”
“No. That… I didn’t mean to say that, but you made me crazy. Just think of this as a pretty new home.”
“With bars on the windows,” I say dryly.
“To keep the threats out, not to keep you in. Totally not a cage.”
“Where you have free access to me anytime you want, and I have no power to turn you away because I’m completely reliant on you for every aspect of my survival. Kinda sounds like me being your pet, Killian.”
The smug bastard locks his arms around my waist and looks down at me, barely able to contain his pleasure at the prospect of having me so thoroughly locked down. “I did tell you I wanted free access.”
“And I told you how to get it, but you’re still engaged to Sloane—and getting everything you want, regardless.”
“I’m working on that,” he tells me.
Sure you are, I think.
It took a lot of effort to get my life set up this way, to find ways to keep him out, and now he’s found a way to unravel all my careful work and claim it’s in my best interest.
It’s not that I don’t believe him about Hex being a threat, it’s just…
I don’t believe there’s a chance in hell he’s not going to marry Sloane Whitley, and once he gets me in a cage, I have doubts he’ll ever let me out.
That isn’t the life I want.
I want him, but not that way.
I don’t want to be the pet he visits while he lives his real life with someone else.
I want him in my bed every night when I go to sleep, and I want him to be there with me in the morning.
And if I can’t have it all, then I don’t want any of it.
I don’t want fucking crumbs.
But he’s made it clear he wants me, however that looks, and if he has to keep me in a cage to get his way…
I think he probably will.