Chapter 11
Helena
“She died.”
Something about Daniel’s tone tells me that his admissions should not lead to further questions.
I look down at my plate out of reflex. In the past, when Nikolai spoke to me in such a tone, it meant that something bad was going to happen soon. He could only be pushed so far before he snapped. I knew more about his temper than anybody else. Sofia shouldn’t be flinching away from questions like that. I can’t make a mistake like that again.
I knew that much about Henry’s mother from the rumors that I heard, but I wasn’t ready for him to say it so bluntly. The whole conversation up until this point has felt like he was pushing me for information. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s normal—this is how people on first dates get to know one another. I have to stop projecting my dishonesty onto him, but it’s so hard not to.
“Oh… I’m sorry,” I say lamely, trying to think of a way to recover and get back to the conversation from earlier. I don’t like that he’s the only one who seems to be welcome to ask questions.
“As am I. However, yes. Henry’s mother was not a wife or girlfriend, if that was what you were really trying to ask me,” he supplies evenly. It wasn’t, but I’m going to pretend that it was.
“It was a pretty clumsy attempt, wasn’t it?” I blush and avert my eyes, pretending to be shy given the forwardness of my question. If he needs to change the subject, I would rather he goes ahead and gets it over with. “You don’t have to say anything more about it, if you don’t want to.”
“It’s okay,” Daniel says. “It was long enough ago that I need to learn how to talk about it. Henry still doesn’t like to speak about what happened, but someday I imagine he’s going to want to… so I might as well start practicing now. I will never be half of the parent that she was, but I try my best.”
“He’s a really, really great kid. It must mean you’re doing something right.” It’s one of the only honest statements that I have made all evening.
I think I’ve killed the mood. Which is really awesome… because there is still so much more that I need to learn about him. Daniel reaches over the table and places his hand atop mine comfortingly. It’s such a casual gesture, but it is also reassuring. It lets me know that maybe I haven’t totally ruined the evening after all.
“Wanna get out of here?” It’s an abrupt change but maybe the fresh air will do both of us some good. Maybe a walk or something will lighten the mood. I’ve lost my appetite as it is.
It would be only too easy to push my fingers through his, but it’s not the right moment for that.
I nod once. Daniel goes to take care of the check. I like that he did it without making us have that awkward ‘wanna go Dutch?’ conversation. I was worried for a moment that by dating a normal man like him, it might come up.
When he returns to the room, I grab my purse and step into his touch. He lightly places his hand on the small of my back. The quintessential gentleman. The valet drives around in his car with the same overjoyed grin he had when he first got to drive it. Another thing I like about Daniel is how subtly he tips the boy.
This time, Daniel holds open his car door for me and guides me inside. I get the message loud and clear. Earlier at the school, he had playfully told me that we would establish the rules of what I can and can’t do. We haven’t even gotten to cover that yet. It’s hardly even nine, so we have plenty of time to spare.
Normally, if I were on a date where we didn’t even get to finish dinner, I would consider said date a failure. But this feels more like a change of pace instead of us calling it quits. I don’t know what he has in mind. Maybe he’s going to try to cut straight to the chase and take me to his home. Where is he staying? Maybe it will be someplace nice.
I should play it coy and modest… but I want him. Even if we aren’t a match in anything other than lust and appetite, there’s no denying how attracted I am to him.
When he gets into the car, I angle myself toward him and cross my legs at the ankles. “I hope I didn’t ruin the evening by talking about something uncomfortable. I’m having a great time.”
I push softness into my voice, the sort of girl next door sweetness that uptight men like him are sure to love. He wants a woman that he can control, the sort of submissive woman that will do what she is asked and never question why. I can be that for him. At least for a little while. He will be attracted to the innocence I’m exuding. They always are.
He reaches over and places a possessive hand on my thigh. It”s not the move I was hoping for, but it”s close. His thumb brushes against the soft fabric of my skirt, and I anticipate him slowly inching the fabric upward, hoping to touch my bare leg... However, he does not. Normally, this is the point in the evening when the men I”ve been out with begin to expect something in exchange for the dinner they just bought.
No such thing as a free meal.
“Not at all. I just felt we needed a change of scenery, but if you prefer that I take you home…” he trails off while glancing at me out of the corner of his eye.
I don’t even have to really consider it. I’m not ready to go back home. If he’s asking to take me to his place, I’m willing to see how it goes.
“No, the night is young.” I’m tempted to part my knees just enough to make him think that I’m giving him permission to touch me more. I have to be careful not to push him too quickly. Be coy, I remind myself. “It’s your turn to ask a question, you know.”
Daniel grins and the car starts to speed up. I need him to start talking again so that I don’t start to panic. I know I’m overthinking things, but being in a car like this puts me on edge. I’m not sure where he’s taking me or what he has planned.
“Fair point. So, what’s next? Once you get back up on your feet like you said?” He glances at me as he starts to head toward the edge of town.
“I don’t know yet,” I confess. It’s true enough. “I didn’t think that I would like teaching as much as I do. I’m really enjoying it.”
“Henry said something about this being your first time teaching, is that correct?” Daniel asks conversationally.
“It is,” I refuse to look out of the window. Seeing all of the trees and lights blurring around us will make my head start to spin.
“So, it’s something that you chose to do on a whim? Or because you had the opportunity, and they were hiring?” Daniel asks.
It takes concentrated effort to keep fear from messing up my words. I can’t tell him that being in a car going this fast makes me nervous. How pathetic would that be? “Something like that, yeah.”
“You’re still young. You could try to head back into the city and?—”
“No,” I interrupt a little too quickly as he speeds around a sharp turn. We’re far outside of the city limits now, certainly too far from my home to feel like I could run for help should the situation warrant it. Which it won”t. Because Daniel is just a normal wall-street-type businessman.
Still, I answered too sharply, and he gives me a strange look.
“Sorry, the turn surprised me,” I say quickly, hoping that he’s going to be polite enough not to question my lame excuse.
“Do you want me to slow down?”
I nod once. “Please,” I answer, because the blur of scenery around me isn’t doing anything to help calm my nerves. I don’t like how close the trees are getting together or how the moonlight isn’t so bright as we wind up the mountainside.
Daniel doesn’t slow down.
“Why don’t you want to go to the city?” he asks me evenly, his grip on my thigh tightening fractionally. I’m sure it’s not for any good reason, but it’s oddly comforting—like he’s holding me into my seat. I reach up to the handle over the door and hold on tightly.
“No reason,” I blurt out. “I just don’t think that’s a dream I need to try and fail at.”
“What if you don’t fail?” he turns again, and I sway.
“Daniel, please slow down,” I ask softly. The whimper in my voice isn’t fake this time. I don’t know why he’s going so fast. My paranoid brain won’t let me think rationally—it must be because he’s taking me far away from the city to abduct and murder me. He’ll try to shove me off of a cliff. I don’t like heights. My stomach twists and I can’t think straight.
“I know plenty of people in New York I could put you in contact with, Sofia. They would love to see a talent like yours.” Daniel says and flashes me a smile.
Why is he pushing it? I can’t tell him that there’s no way I could ever be seen in a huge city like that. Nikolai would find me for sure. I understand that men in positions of power like to think that they can just open any door they want for anybody. It never seems to occur to them that sometimes we want to earn things for ourselves.
“Is it an aversion to the bustle of city life? Is there somebody you don’t want to see?”
“I changed my mind. I am not feeling well. Can you take me home, please?” I ask. I try to sound forceful, but I fail. My voice sounds so small I almost don’t recognize it.
“We’re almost there. It will be worth it, I promise. I’ve heard some really great things about this place. More rumors though.” He grins. Moments ago, his smile had been swoon-worthy, and now it feels ominous. What does he know that I don’t? What things and rumors has he heard? He’s going to kill me and leave me in the woods. He must be a man sent by Nikolai to play me for a fool, and I bought into it. I was conned. Swindled. I’m going to die. He’s going to kill me?—
“What’s wrong?” Daniel teases, glancing at me with a good-natured smile that somehow feels evil. I might be having a panic attack, and I can’t seem to stop it for anything. “You’ve been alone with me all evening and now it’s too much for you?”
He’s teasing me, and somewhere in my mind, I know that. Earlier, I would have teased him right back. Sofia would have been playing with him already, but I can’t make words come out of my mouth.
The car stops, and I’m frozen in place.
My blood feels like ice in my veins as he puts the car into park and pulls out the keys. My eyes dart all around looking for something to defend myself with—a weapon, anything hard that can be used as one, but all I have is my purse. I don’t even have mace on my keychain.
Daniel rolls the windows down and squeezes my thigh happily before he gets out of the car and walks around to my side. I feel like I’m sweating. What’s wrong with me? I can’t calm down. He pulls the door open and holds out his hand to me.
“Sofia?” he asks and bends at the waist to see what’s taking me so long. “Are you really not feeling well?”
I can’t let him know how terrified I am. I’m being silly. This is just a normal thing. Of course, he wants to be alone with his date. Wasn’t I the one making a big deal about wanting to have privacy earlier? He’s just respecting my wishes.
I plaster a smile on my face and shake my head. I take his hand and turn to exit the car gracefully. “I sometimes get car sick. Still adjusting to the extra pressure in the air up here.”
It’s a pathetic excuse but he seems to accept it.
Then I stand up and look around to see where he”s taken me. We”ve pulled over to an overlook. A steep cliff face ahead offers a panoramic view of our town. The sparse lights flicker from the homes and businesses, and I can see for miles. For a brief moment, the beauty of the setting overcomes my fear. From this vantage point, the beauty of the town overwhelms me.
Even more wonderful are the stars.
One of the things that I loved the most about Nikolai’s home outside of Moscow was that I could see the night sky so perfectly. I used to love sitting out on our bedroom balcony with a cup of cocoa. I would spend hours listening to music and watching the stars when he was away. When Nikolai was home, I would have him make love to me for hours under those same beautiful stars.
It was sort of poetic that it was the very same balcony I loved so much that he tried to murder me on.
These are the same stars that I have always gazed upon and loved so deeply, but it feels different now. Of course, Daniel wanted to bring me here. He likely heard that it was the most romantic place in the whole town, and I feel stupid for getting so worked up about it.
A night breeze pushes through the trees around us carrying with it the scent of white pine.
I need to get a grip. I almost tried to attack him. I was plotting my escape from him moments ago, and this is just a man who wanted to share something beautiful with me. Shame on me.
I wrap my arms around myself to stave off the slight chill in the air. He’s already confirmed what Amy, the English teacher, told me earlier about his intentions to help make the town a better place.
Maybe this is just the spot that inspired him to do so.
My gut is trying to steer me wrong. Plain and simple.