35. Harper
Chapter 35
Harper
Is there a monumental telephone pole up my ass, or is that just the panic of facing this room full of powerful, violent, murderous men?
I would have been more terrified to face my father one-on-one after everything I’ve done, so I suppose I should be grateful I could kill three birds with one bombshell.
Riley was right. New hair changes everything.
New hair, new me. The old Harper could never have done this. I’m impressed by myself for the first time…maybe ever. And it’s so terrifying, stepping into my own personal power, that I want to run from the room as soon as I can.
I hope Shane can’t see me shaking. He’s staring hard enough.
“Harper, why did you run away?” Though serious, his tone lacks the vengeful edge I expect. Maybe my attempt to flee marrying his son didn’t offend him as much as I worried it might.
Forcing myself not to fidget, I roll my shoulders back to straighten my posture and stand tall, even though I have all the courage of a tealight candle.
“Because…” The rock in my throat stops the words.
The silence drags on as I hesitate.
When my father can’t take it anymore, he leans in my direction, as if to control me with his imposing stature. “Answer him, you ungrateful, traitorous?—”
When Shane holds up his hand a second time to quiet my father, impatience shines on his face as well.
“You choose to defy me with your silence?” Shane cocks an eyebrow at me.
I almost keep quiet, but then I sense Cian shift behind me, and that little candle flame of courage grows just a little bit more. I’m not alone here.
“I ran away because I couldn’t do it.” My head’s shaking, back and forth, tears dripping down my cheeks. “I was ordered to…to seduce your son, to pretend that I loved him, and I couldn’t do it.”
Fire comes to Shane’s face. “By whom?”
My father shouts over him. “ Liar !”
I shake my head. “I have nothing more to say.”
I’m as tense as I would be facing down a firing squad, but none of them stop me as I spin on my heel and march for the door.
Cian’s still standing in front of it. His eyes find mine instantly.
I try to get him to read my mind. Let’s get out of here.
Whether he understands the wish I don’t say aloud, I have no idea. All I know is that Cian steps aside, holding the door for me as I go.
I stride straight over the threshold. I don’t breathe a single puff of air until I’m in the hall and the door is shut tight behind me. Then I exhale and my shoulders slump as the tension eeks out of them.
I rub my face as I turn to Cian. “Well, that was?—”
He’s not behind me.
Cian, he…he stayed in the office. He isn’t coming after me.
Aching disappointment nearly bowls me over, but really, am I even surprised?
Cian went in there with me and stood by to ensure nothing bad happened. He fulfilled the promise he made to me before we returned to New York. He promised to protect me, and I’ll never forget it.
I don’t expect him to give up his entire world for me. Or his job. I don’t expect him to go against my father, his boss, or any of the Kings’ administration.
The fact that Cian was willing to go in there and confront them with me, even though it could cost him his position, his privileges, even his life…it means everything to me. More than I could ever, ever say.
All I want now is to tell him thank you .
So, though I’m terrified and exhausted, and my incision is starting to burn from strain, I wait there, leaning just outside the door, and pray he’ll be the next one to come out.
And, several minutes later, he is.
Wild gratitude claims my body as I marvel at him.
I didn’t know I could admire anyone this much.
Especially not a man.
It’s only for a second, but gazing at him allows me to forget where we are. No one’s supposed to know something’s going on between us. It would only complicate things. But still, I can’t help the way my arms reach for him. The way I wrap myself around him, hugging him tightly to me despite the sharp pain it sends through my swollen torso.
Maybe I do it because I’m not brave enough to face him when I speak.
“Thank you for going in there with me.” Warm tears roll down my cheeks and right off the edge of my jaw, tumbling onto the crisp black fabric of his shirt. “I was really, really scared.”
Cian squeezes me back, thank God. I would’ve felt like an idiot if he didn’t budge an inch.
Even though I want to hold him forever, I release him a few moments later.
What I really want to do is go somewhere where we can be alone and take a nap with him for a few weeks, but I know that’s not possible. He won’t even look me in the eye.
The tsunami of emotion that crashes over me washes away the temporary high of standing up to my father.
“Anytime.” The defeated slump of his shoulders breaks my heart.
I don’t want to leave him or things between us like this, but what can I do? My heart is a runaway train, racing in my chest.
“ So ?” Riley asks me later, when my voice trails off in the middle of this part of the story. “Then what happened?”
I stare up at the ceiling. Lying flat is about the only thing that doesn’t hurt. “Cian walked away.”
“What did he say before that?” Riley shoves a fistful of popcorn into her mouth. We’ve taken over my bed with snacks, magazines, and nail polish in the hours since my little announcement to the Kings’ leaders.
“Nothing, okay?” I blow out a frustrated breath, dragging my hands over my face.“He didn’t say anything else.”
“And what about you?”
Helplessness devours me. “I didn’t say anything either.”
Riley gasps a little. “You didn’t tell him ?”
I frown at her. “Tell him what?”
“That you want to elope with him and have his giant, beautiful babies.”
I must look like someone nailed me in the face with a red paintball, I blush so hard. Hand swiping out, I snatch a pillow from somewhere and smash it over my face. Too bad I don’t have enough strength or determination to smother myself to death.
My sister laughs. “What’s the big deal?” I hear her crunching more kernels. “Cian’s liked you for a while, right?”
“You don’t know that,” I whine, kicking my legs as much as I can.
I don’t need to see her face to hear her smile.
Letting the pillow slide off, I again fix my eyes on the ceiling, twenty feet above us. Just smooth white plaster. “What do I do, Ry?”
“Only you can answer that question.”
“Thanks, Oprah.” I reach toward her, groping around in the bowl for popcorn. For a few minutes, we chew in silence, enjoying one of our top three favorite snack foods of all time.
“I know I’m like the team mascot when it comes to exiting the family, but…” Riley sets down the bowl and flops onto her back beside me. “Are you sure you want to strike out on your own?”
“Of course I’m sure.”
“It’s hard.” Riley’s tone gets so serious. It’s like she’s pouring cement into my belly. “Being on your own, isolated from everything and everyone you know. It’s lonely.”
“I know that.” I sigh. “Two months of it was about all I could take.”
“What do you mean?”
“The day Cian found me…” Seems like eons ago now. “I was a few seconds from breaking down and calling you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah.” When I angle my head toward her again, our eyes meet. “Worrying about you being worried about me…drove me insane.”
“While you were gone, some of my night terrors came back.”
My heart drops. Riley screaming in the middle of the night when we were children was the most terrifying, heart-wrenching sound I’ve ever heard in my life.
“I’m sorry I put you through that.” My voice wobbles.
“It’s okay.” Riley smiles. “Really. It was scary, and I’m so glad you’re okay, but I don’t have any regrets. If you hadn’t run away, I wouldn’t have Finn.”
I find the strength grin at her. “And you’ve always wanted Finn.”
It’s her turn to blush. “Whatever.” I giggle, but Riley goes on, even more serious this time. “The point is…life is hard. The world is a horrible place a lot of the time. You’re on your own. All of us are. Unless you find someone. Someone who makes you happy, who’ll stand by you come hell or high water. Someone you’d do anything for.”
Cian springs to life behind my eyes.
The way he gazed at me when he caught up with me in the streets of Waikiki.
His perfect mouth like an eternal spring that brought me to life with every kiss.
How he holds me so tight, like he never wants to let me go.
The way he puts himself on the line for me, over and over.
I’m so warm-hot-bubbly-frantic inside that I might die.
Riley hits me with the same look our mom used to give us whenever she’d bust us stealing cookies from the jar.
“If Cian Mahoney is that person to you, I think you owe it to yourself and to him to say something.”
When we fall asleep hours later, my sister’s sage words still blaze in my mind.