Chapter Eleven #2
He nodded. “Thank you. It hurt like hell at the time. Then when I remember, it hurts like hell all over again because I know that not only is he gone but what he stood for is gone as well.” Pushing his plate away, he frowned at Thornton.
“When I was forced to walk away from Hannah ten years ago, it was the hardest thing until Nedrington died. It’s why I can’t let anyone else in, can’t let her close; it will break me if I lost her too. ”
Why did I tell him that?
Since reigned between them for the space of a few heartbeats.
Finally, the duke broke it. “Do you have feelings for her, then?”
Did he? “I don’t know.”
“You are also a bad liar.” Thornton rested a speculative gaze on him. “Why do you feel comfortable or safe with her?”
Evan shrugged. “She reminds me that there are others in the world who are fighting the good fight, or want the truth. She reminds me of what we all must continue fighting for, because she is one of the good ones who can lead if society let them.”
“Or even if society doesn’t,” his friend added in a soft voice.
Then he nodded. “You are correct, though. Every day, people like your friend will carry on and touch others, prompting them to do the same. I suspect your mistress is attached to causes and charities, as well, and is doing something beyond herself.” When Evan nodded, Thornton continued.
“Continue your friend’s work, then. Do it in his name.
In that way, the tide will always strengthen when your actions are motivated by love and the heart. ”
For long moments, Evan watched his friend. Then he blew out a breath. “It feels like a fairy story… hope, especially with the world the way it is, with the prevailing attitudes in London as they are.” Knowing that Hannah would never be accepted in society sat heavy on his shoulders as well.
“You can have that fairy story for yourself, you know. When you’re the duke, you’ll have the platform and voice to enact change; you’ll have a seat in the Lords, too. Beyond that? Prioritize what you want, decide how much risk you’re willing to put out in order to achieve it.”
What wasn’t Thornton telling him? “I am Bettington’s true heir.
” Yet he couldn’t have that without losing Hannah.
Despite not wanting to let her close, she made him want things, dangerous things, things he’d never dreamed of before…
or rather since the last time he’d known her, but his life wasn’t settled, and he couldn’t abandon her again.
Was he the reason for the shadows in her eyes? There was no way to tell until she let him in as well.
Thornton nodded. “Then go after that, but make very sure of your decision. Once things are put into place, they cannot be undone.” He stood. “If you’ll excuse me? I have matters to attend.”
“Preparing to leave Town?”
“Indeed, I am. My wife is quickly approaching the confinement period for our first child. I would like her settled at my country estate well before that date arrives.”
A stab of envy went through Evan’s chest. “Be careful in your travels. Write when you can.”
“And your direction?”
He snorted. “The club for the foreseeable future.” But damn, he wanted that to change, and soon.
No 8 Portman Square
Marylebone, London
Dinner was an hour off, and since Evan had come to call around teatime, she didn’t mind.
Something about the captain both made her come alive from his attention but alternately made her remember far too much, and it hurt her heart, brought that grief barreling back.
Along with it came guilt, for she needed to confess all to him.
Yet now was not the time either. Perhaps she would never be ready.
Occasionally, he would read her interesting bits from the paper while she worked at some embroidery. It reminded her of the times they’d spent together ten years ago, before he ruined everything by sailing away from England and never coming back.
Before he was assumed dead, and her heart had withered and died because of that.
Perhaps she had gone insane, for as she set her embroidery into its basket at her feet, she glanced at him.
“We should have some of your clubmates and their wives over for dinner soon. Sometime before All Hallow’s Eve.
It’s a lovely, cozy time of the year, and though we can’t entertain lavishly due to the state of the economy and limited food, it would be fun to have others to talk with. ”
Possibly people who wouldn’t judge her life choices.
“What?” Surprise reflected on his face as he stared at her. Then he frowned. “We are not a respectable couple.” In fact, there was a bit of panic in his light blue eyes. “Ours is a scandalous relationship, and not one for public consumption.”
“I see.” That took her by surprise, for she assumed he’d accepted her as she was, just as she did him.
The urge to cry welled in her throat, but she swallowed a few times to keep those emotions at bay.
When her cat, no doubt sensing her distress, left her perch on a chair to jump onto the sofa beside her with a questioning meow, Hannah smiled and scratched the feline behind her ears.
“I thought it might be a fun way to spend the evening. Help you integrate into society by catching up on the news and gossip. Very much like a salon.”
“Ah.” He bounced his gaze away from hers to land on Cleo.
When he held out a hand to the cat, she sniffed his fingers but didn’t take steps closer to him.
Eventually, he dropped his hand. “Besides, I’m not of a mind to socialize just now.
Perhaps sometime in the future, so might we talk about something else? ”
“Of course.” Still petting the cat, Hannah watched him with a frown. “You seem troubled, perhaps even distracted. Is all well?”
A huff escaped him. “I’ve much on my mind.”
So do I, but I’m not making myself disagreeable.
“Understandable.” The odd desire to take care of him and look after him took hold of her.
“Since you have stayed to dinner, I had my cook make a couple of your favorite desserts, or at least they used to be your favorites when last I knew you…” Her words trailed away, for if they indulged in that conversation, it would end with far too emotion.
“Dessert was difficult to come by while on my ship, so I appreciate the effort.” Unfortunately, the captain’s expression was inscrutable, even in profile. When he finally turned toward her, those sensual lips curved downward with a frown. “Why are you doing this, Anna?”
It was her turn to feel confusion. “Doing what?”
“Being lovely and accommodating to me? Most in society assume I’m a deadly pirate while the rest think I’m indulging in sour grapes by attempting to take the ducal title from my half-brother, for he’s told his lies too often and to too many people.”
“What does any of that matter?” As more confusion clouded her mind, she gently laid a land over his that rested on the sofa cushions. “I am your mistress, Evan, we’re friends and lovers. Did you wish for me to flog you instead?”
Something deep inside him twitched with both fear and carnal interest, yet he shook his head as a chuckle escaped him.
“Of course not. I suppose it’s taking a bit to acclimate to being on land and in England again.
Additionally, I’m worried that the next confrontation with my brother will prove… violent.”
Cleo hopped onto one of the cushions to sniff at Evan’s hair.
Hannah smiled. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Though he frowned, a shiver of need went down her spine to lodge between her thighs. Her fingers itched to touch the dark stubble on his cheeks and jaw.