Chapter Eleven #3
“I’m sorry that life isn’t as easy as you might have thought it would be.
I have been caught in that trap of my own making a time or two.
” With gentle encouragement, she urged him down until he rested his head in her lap and stretched out his legs in front of him on the sofa.
As she combed her fingers through his soft, thick hair, Cleo jumped down to land heavily on his belly.
He groaned, but she bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing, and still she continued to finger-comb his hair.
It was a simple thing to bring men to calm, and this one was no different.
“Tell me why you are at sixes and sevens.” Talking to men was a skill of hers, and perhaps she might learn more about him and what he’d done during his absence.
“It’s all so much.” As he spoke, Evan stroked Cleo’s head.
Oddly enough, the Siamese cat allowed it.
She stared at him with her light blue eyes, and he stared back with those same hued eyes.
When he moved his fingers to scratch behind her ears or under her chin, the cat began to purr.
“Life on my ship, though busy and full of routine, was just that. I knew where to go, what to do, what was expected of me.”
“Yet there was very little excitement, I’ll wager,” Hannah said in tones she hoped were soothing.
“While that was true, the sea itself was the excitement. But there was a predictability there as well.” He frowned while petting the cat.
“God, I miss hearing the sound of the waves slapping against the hull, miss breathing in the salty air, miss hearing the cries of the water birds as they flew over the ship.” A mournful sound much like a sigh left his throat.
“There is none of that here, and everything is quite different. Society is still full of waste and excess, even though the state of the world is cocked up and so many people are struggling to survive, if one believes what one reads in the papers.”
“You can see the struggles on the streets,” she gently reminded him as she continued to stroke his hair.
Cleo, apparently deciding to trust the captain, flopped onto her side while on his belly. She dug her claws into his chest then retracted them in a cycle of contentment and continued to purr.
“Oh, I’m well aware of that, and it makes me ache, for this isn’t the world that I left.
” When he tried to pet Cleo’s belly, the cat gave his hand a light bite in warning.
He returned his hand to her head to scratch her ears.
“Too many things are pressing in on me, and I’m feeling trapped.
There is no sea to escape to, as is usual when pulling into port for a quick two days to either take on cargo or offload it. ”
No doubt his whole world had been turned on its head… and he didn’t even know what he’d left behind ten years ago. How could she add to that? Instead, Hannah said, “Such are the ways of things when one is a duke.”
“I’m not that yet.”
She gave into a chuckle. “You are a better man than your father, Evan, a good man. You will prevail, and then you’ll take the title to places where it can help others. Of that I have no doubt.”
“Perhaps.” He closed his eyes and continued to pet Cleo.
Silence reigned in the room while Hannah lost herself to thoughts.
More changes would hit him once he wrestled his title back.
Evan’s path would go in one direction while hers would go in another, as they always had.
Would she return to being a courtesan when he discovered that he couldn’t keep a mistress in a new marriage?
She wasn’t certain. He would be adored in society as a newly minted duke, and because he had charm and looks about him even if he was almost a smidge over forty, he would be snapped up by a young beauty, possibly in her Come Out, no doubt the daughter of an earl or marquess.
Tears threatened and tightened her chest. That response made her irrationally angry for allowing herself to feel again. And once more, it was because of this man. Unfortunately, the more time she spent with him, the closer she was drawn, and that couldn’t end well.
This is why I didn’t want him in my life again.
Why couldn’t she just enjoy the time she did have with him without spoiling it by thinking about the future? Because she wanted that future. She was cheated out of it before; didn’t she deserve it now? There were no answers.
So she didn’t move and neither did he. It was far too domestic and… right being here like this with him. In her mind’s eye, she saw them together, and in that vision, their nine-year-old daughter laughed and played nearby while two other small children ran about the room full of giggles and smiles.
Her heart squeezed. Tears welled in her eyes. That was only a dream. None of it was real, and all of it was impossible.
Why torture herself like that?
Eventually, Evan fell asleep. As did Cleo.
Not wishing to disturb either of them, Hannah slipped away and left them to their own dreams. She took dinner by herself but told the cook to prepare plates for him; he’d eat when he woke.
No man could ever ignore her cook’s offerings.
Afterward, she retired upstairs. Perhaps he would join her later, but if he didn’t, she would indulge in tears, because once again, he was ruining her life, and he wasn’t even aware of it.
Again.