Chapter Fifteen
Marylebone, London
Hannah moved through a cloud of odd contentment ever since she and Evan talked about the child she’d had and lost. Seeing him so emotional and upset about the babe and not being in Charlotte’s life had knocked away the remaining walls around her heart.
She’d been left with a vulnerability she hadn’t felt for a very long time, but in that there was the potential to build herself into a stronger woman, one who intended to live on her own terms and for her own happiness.
Would that be with Buckthorne? There was no way to tell, but the thought of losing him again left her with icy fingers of fear playing down her spine, for she suspected she was falling for him all over again, and that was pure folly.
With a frown, she glanced at her figure in the full-length cheval glass.
The navy taffeta gown was a favorite, and with tiny clear glass beads lining the square bodice as well as the bottom hem, it sparkled with her every movement.
Was it right for the opera tonight or should she have her maid select something different?
Then the door of the adjoining dressing room opened. The captain joined her in the bedchamber looking far too handsome for his own good in the requisite black evening clothes with the folds of his snowy cravat starched and arranged just so.
“Stunning, as always,” Evan said as he raked his gaze up and down her person, which only made her remember that sweet lovemaking they shared last night.
Tingles of need danced through her lower belly. “So charming. You’ll make some woman a lovely husband once you’re the duke.”
Something flickered in his eyes, but she couldn’t read it. “That isn’t a vibrant enough for you, Anna. You should wear red and gold and green. I can dress you in all of them if you’d let me.”
“Perhaps I will.” But she didn’t commit to that. “It depends on when you’ll attain your title or how soon after that you’ll marry.” Even speaking of it left her regretting having him back in her life at all, no matter how much of the past they’d managed to square.
“I don’t wish to talk of that tonight.”
“Neither do I, as it turns out.” Though she’d been a fool to let herself feel anything around him again, she couldn’t help it.
There was something about the captain she couldn’t ignore or deny.
Then she practically devoured him with her gaze.
“You are perfectly dressed to do very wicked things tonight,” she said then offered him a slight smile. “Too bad we’re going to the opera.”
“Oh?” As Evan came up behind her and slipped his arms about her waist to peer into the cheval glass with her, he nuzzled the crook of her neck.
“Are you saying you’d like to do something else than attend the opera?
The Duke of Ravenhurst has offered the use of his box tonight, and we’re to meet some of the other members of Club Damnation there. ”
How tempting those words were. “Are you anxious to see your friends or even the plays tonight?” She kept her gaze on his in the mirror.
“Not particularly.” He brushed at a piece of lint on his silver satin waistcoat. “You?”
“Truth be told, I don’t want to attend the opera even though I adore it.” Ever since the emotional admissions from last night, she felt a trifle exhausted, but she craved spending quiet time with the captain.
“Fair enough.” When he slid a hand up and paused his fingers just beneath her breast, Hannah trembled. “What do you want to do?”
“I’m not sure.”
The warmth of his breath skated over her nape. “Would you rather go elsewhere?”
“Anywhere but Covent Garden. I want a quiet place where there isn’t a crush of people.”
He held her gaze in the cheval glass. “I know a place you’ll like.”
Half an hour later
Aboard the Avenger
East India Docks
London
“How did you know I wanted to come here?” she asked as they walked the deck toward his quarters.
There was something so… freeing about being aboard this ship, especially under the cover of darkness. A chilly breeze tugged at her skirts as well as the lapels of her pelisse, and it flirted with the ribbons of her bonnet.
“Possibly because I like it here as well when London and society is driving me into madness.” With a hand at the small of her back, Evan escorted her into the cabin then he set to work lighting a few candles throughout the space.
“I’d call this my residence if I could, but it’s too far from Mayfair and the people I need to be around.
Besides, work is starting in the daylight hours. ”
She nodded. “Have you not had luck in securing a townhouse for yourself?”
“I have toured a few, but since I don’t know what I want, there is no purpose of making a decision, especially since I haven’t secured the title yet.”
“There is that.” And it was something she didn’t want to talk about, for her own sanity.
As illumination flooded the cabin with soft pools of golden light, she glanced around with a frown.
“You’ve tidied up. Beyond that, you’ve made the space…
comfortable.” As her gaze landed on a tea tray and various canisters, she wondered if he sneaked out to his ship in order to clear his head.
The sound of his chuckle tickled through her chest. “I have. Again, I’ve contemplated coming here to live, but since the crews have started repairs, I suspect the peace you enjoy here right now will be sorely interrupted.
Replacing decking, hammering, mast repairs, tarring the hold, and whatever else they’ll do isn’t conducive to conversation or anything else.
” As he spoke, he moved to a small stove and opened a small iron door.
“All of that to say, would you like tea? The stove will serve as a heat source for a bit as well.”
“That would be lovely. Thank you.” While he lit some coal to warm the stovetop, she removed her bonnet and pelisse then laid them on one of the chairs at the table. Daring much, she also took off her half boots. “Do you mind if I sit on your bunk?”
“You may go wherever you wish on the ship. There are no restrictions since there is no crew at the moment.” When he loosened the knot of his cravat, tingles went down her spine, for it instantly made him more devil-may-care and slightly dangerous.
Despite wanting to completely snuggle beneath the bedclothes, Hannah sat on the edge of the bunk watching him. “I appreciate that you spent the night with me last night. I wasn’t in any state to be alone.”
He nodded. It might have been the play of shadow and light, but it appeared that he’d aged a few years.
There was a soberness about his face that hadn’t been there before, along with new shadows in the depths of his blue eyes.
“Understandable, but I’m glad all of that came out regardless of the emotions involved.
I, uh, will carry that sketch of Charlotte with me for the conceivable future.
” He poured water into a kettle from a corked bottle.
“Oh.” Her heart squeezed from his admission.
“I don’t think she’d mind.” Though Hannah would never forget her baby, the burden of those memories felt a bit lighter since he carried them as well.
“I forgot to ask this of you last night, but please don’t share the knowledge of Charlotte with anyone else just yet.
It would make her somewhat less special. ”
“I have no intention of talking about my daughter to anyone beyond you. At least for a while, for I want to hold her close even if I never knew her myself. I might not have been able to protect her in life, but I sure as hell will protect her in death.”
That staunch support brought tears to Hannah’s eyes. “You would have been such a lovely father.” Again, hot guilt stabbed through her chest. She could have given him that opportunity if it hadn’t been for fate’s interference.
“I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever have the opportunity to be that.” Since his back was to her as he tended to the kettle that had just begun to whistle, she couldn’t see his expression, but his shoulders slumped a bit.
Blinking away the worst of the tears, Hannah focused on his musings. “No doubt you will. As a duke, once you marry, you’ll need an heir.”
“Perhaps.” Once he’d poured the water into the pot where he’d put tea leaves, he put various containers on the tray along with two porcelain cups then brought the tray to the bunk. “I’m afraid I don’t have biscuits or cakes, so this tea is rather meager.”
“We don’t need all that; I’m merely appreciative of the tea.
It’s rather chilly.” She scooted over so he could set the tray on the bunk between them.
As he settled and leaned his back against a few pillows, she poured the amber liquid into the cups then contented herself with putting a small lump of sugar in hers and a splash of cream into both cups.
“This is lovely. Much more so than attending the opera. Thank you for bringing me here.”
He nodded as he accepted a cup from her. “Truth be told, I was only going because I know how much you enjoy that sort of evening.”
The fact he’d paid attention to that sent warmth into her chest. Being here like this with him was an intimacy she’d missed that had nothing to do with carnal activity. It made her think dangerous and quite impossible thoughts, so she shoved them from her mind.
“Earlier today, I ran into a friend of mine as I passed a chocolate shop. She’d told me it was one of the first times she’d been back into society since the mourning period for her husband ended.
” A sigh left Hannah’s throat. “It seems that many of the women I shared Seasons with are becoming widows these days.”
“Life marches on, I’m afraid.” Evan looked at her as he sipped his tea. “How do you feel about that?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Do I envy them the husbands? I’ve yet to find a man worthy of making me wish I’d been legally tied to him, but perhaps I am jealous that they were able to share their lives with someone daily.”