Chapter 6
Chapter
Six
Levi
What is going on? I have a gorgeous wife, and I can’t respond to her no matter what she does. Fucking Skyler shows up out of the blue, and for the first time since I saw him at Walter Reed, I start to get hard? All he did was touch me, and I chubbed up, and now I see him hugging Brooke, and it happens again. This is so weird.
No sooner do I think this when both of them follow me into the kitchen. Brooke looks about as pissed off as I’ve ever seen her. I guess she has good reason.
“Levi Spencer, you apologize this instant! I’m your wife, and I love you more than anything in the world, and this is your best friend. You saved each other’s lives , for heaven’s sake! And you have the audacity to accuse us of something in our front yard? In broad daylight? As if either of us would? Have you lost your mind?”
“I probably have.” I look up from studying my feet. “Hi, Skyler. Sorry.”
Skyler approaches me like he’s going to hug me too, so I quickly sit down, putting a stop to that. He looks so good. I’m sure he’s had a lot to recover from, and his right arm has scars that show below the sleeve of his t-shirt, but he’s clearly been working out. Oh my God, I have to stop staring at him.
“Want a beer?” I ask.
“Oh…not really, but I could sure go for a bottle of water after I use your bathroom, if you don’t mind. It was a long drive up here.”
“I’ll show you the way,” Brooke tells him. I guess her shopping trip is on hold for a while.
Less than a minute later, she comes marching into the kitchen glaring at me. “Is this how you treat your best friend?” I don’t answer that, and she’s on a roll, so she goes on, “I was merely saying hello to someone I admire and I’m certainly thankful for. Without his intervention, you wouldn’t be sitting here. You need to do better than that lame-ass apology to him. He just told me he drove nearly six hours to see you.” I don’t answer that either, and she has a full head of steam going. “I’m going to run out to the deli and bring back some lunch since he says he hasn’t had anything to eat. I hope by the time I get back you two have worked through what’s going on.” She picks up her purse and stomps out the back door again.
I reach into the fridge for some water and hand it to Skyler as soon as he returns. “Here. Sorry I’m such an asshole.”
“Do you want me to leave? If I’ve come at a bad time…”
“No, stay, please. It’s good to see you. But I have to admit we don’t have much other than bad times lately. It’s all because of me. Brooke is her normal sweet self—even if her present attitude is the exception. I know she’s trying, but I’m still a wreck.”
“Where is she?” Skyler looks around.
“She went to get us all some lunch. I hope you like whatever she picks out.”
“That was nice of her. I guess I left enough room in the driveway for her to get out. You know I’ll eat just about anything. I’m not picky.”
“Yeah, I remember—all except for mushrooms.”
“Well, true. They’re gross. I’ve seen too many nasty toadstools in the garden to ever enjoy a mushroom. I’m always sure I’ll eat a bad one.”
“Are you back working for your mom and dad’s business?”
“Part time, yes. I’m not sure for how long, although I do love it in Honeybee Hollow. You guys ought to come down for a visit. It’s beautiful and relaxing there. The people are great too.”
We shoot the breeze for several minutes, talking about Honeybee Hollow and nothing of much consequence until I can’t stand it anymore. I look at Skyler’s earnest expression and ask, “So why are you here?”
He frowns and snaps, “Because you won’t answer your fucking phone! I’ve been worried about you and…I missed you.”
“Oh.”
“Oh?”
“Um, oh…sorry?”
“Levi, what in the hell is going on with you? Are you still in a lot of pain? On drugs? Something else?”
“I just…I don’t know. Nothing sits right with me. Every little weird noise makes me want to jump out of my skin. The planes and helicopters flying over from the base all the time make me want to dive under the bed, and I have terrible dreams and flashbacks. I just want to disappear.”
“That’s pretty normal after being in combat and especially after being wounded, you know.”
“Yeah, I know. But I feel horribly responsible for our guys who didn’t make it back.” My voice cracks, and that makes me feel even worse. “I was in charge, dammit!”
I wait for Skyler to tell me how it isn’t my fault. I wait for him to say all the things that everyone else says about how I just have to be positive, be patient, give it time. But instead, Skyler just nods. His eyes are sad and resigned, as if he really understands. I blow out a breath, my body relaxing just a little bit. “How are you coping?” I ask.
Skyler shrugs. “Some days are better than others, but I don’t try to put up a good front for anyone, and I don’t live near a base that reminds me of stuff all the time. When I have a bad day, I go fishing or watch too much brainless TV. Sometimes I hike on the nature paths around town.” He pauses for a second and then adds, “I think about you a lot too. That always makes me feel better—except when you treat me like I’m a stranger by not answering my calls. Have you asked for help on the base, or do you know any other vets around here in town you can talk with privately?”
“I haven’t tried.” I scowl. “Brooke has been after me about that.”
“Then you’re lucky I showed up,” Skyler tells me with a big grin. “Even if you haven’t answered your damn phone.”
“How long are you planning to stay?”
“I guess until you either throw me out or come back to the Hollow with me.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Not just you, Levi. You and Brooke. For some time off and a change of scenery.”
“Hmm…”
“Do you like this house?” he asks, looking around.
“Not particularly. Brooke and I rent it month-to-month. I’d like to buy something though. Maybe a little bigger than this, but this place has been fine for us.”
He shrugs. “This place is okay, but I bet houses are way cheaper and lots nicer in Honeybee Hollow. And we don’t have military aircraft annoying the shit out of us by flying over.”
“Are you the Honeybee Hollow ambassador now, or did you just get your realtor’s license?”
“Neither one. I just think you’d like it there. Didn’t you tell me Brooke works remotely?”
“Yeah.”
“Then what’s keeping you here? Do you have more family I don’t know about?”
“Nah. My parents went to Florida to retire a few years ago. I’m not sure they like it though. And my sister and her husband live in Lexington.”
“That’s only a couple of hours away from the Hollow. You could see her more often than you do now, I bet.”
I sigh. “It would be fun to watch her kids grow up.”
“You planning on having any of your own with Brooke?”
I snort. “Not at this rate. I’m pretty sure I can’t.”
Skyler raises an eyebrow. “That’s still a problem? Levi, I saw the hole that got blown into you, and it sure as hell didn’t rid you of your balls. What’s going on?”
I take a long pull on my beer. “I don’t know. I’m afraid of letting Brooke down…maybe? Or I’m afraid I can’t be the same kind of lover I used to be. It was amazing before Afghanistan, but since then, I can’t…oh crap.” I drag my hand over my face in frustration and feel the unwanted sting of tears looming. “I’m self-conscious because I’m all scarred up, but worse…I have visions of making love to her and then in the middle of things, something might trigger me—like a car backfiring, and I’ll lose it. The house creaking, or a flashback, or any of a million other things. I just can’t…uh…find myself. You know? I can’t get it up for her anymore! And that scares the shit out of me.”
“I doubt the scars would faze Brooke unless she’s worried about hurting you. But…so nothing gets you hard? Have you been to a urologist? Or a shrink?”
“I haven’t wanted to see anyone because I keep thinking it’ll go away. But I’m also afraid to try too hard in case it doesn’t work, and we’ll be disappointed. The only…uh… semi I’ve had was a few minutes ago when I saw you hugging Brooke. God, I can’t believe I admitted that.” I take another gulp and drain my beer. Skyler has always gotten me to open up like no one else could—even Brooke, if I’m honest with myself. Probably why I’ve avoided his calls for so long. I just couldn’t bring myself to discuss anything with him, and I knew he’d get it out of me. And now he has.
“Huh. Interesting,” he tells me with an inscrutable look on his face. Then he gazes out the window at our typical urban neighborhood with small to medium houses. Some are in fair shape like ours, and others look like crap. He turns back to me and surprises me by asking, “So what’s this neighborhood like on the Fourth of July?”
Humorlessly, I snort. “Deafening. I hate it. Any day now, the neighbors will start shooting off cherry bombs and firecrackers and keep them going for as long as a month afterward. I’m sure this year I’ll want to hide under the bed like a three-year-old who’s afraid of monsters, and I’m scared I’ll flip out and accidentally hurt someone.”
Brooke comes back in then with a couple sacks that smell delicious. My stomach rumbles. “Meatball subs?” I ask her.
“Yes, among other things. I wasn’t sure what you guys were in the mood for, so I bought some choices, but the meatballs are hot, so I’d recommend those, and I can refrigerate the cold sandwiches for later.” She sets down the bags and grabs some plates and napkins.
“Sounds delicious,” I tell her. “Thanks, babe.” I look at Skyler and grin. “No mushrooms, I promise.” He looks relieved. “But I like to sprinkle these hot peppers on mine.”