Chapter 21
21
RUNE
I was fucked. Well and truly fucked.
Every time Frida smiled at me, it felt like my insides turned to liquid gold. Over the course of the past decade, I could probably count on one hand the number of times I’d made a joke, but I couldn’t stop making them now. Her laughter was like the sun on my face after a long, hard winter. Until now, I’d been living in the dark.
But she was dead set on returning to the guild. And because of that, I could never let her know how I felt.
All I could do was hope she’d change her mind and realize she didn’t belong with those people. They didn’t deserve her smiles. Not that I thought she belonged with me , either—no one did—but she shone too brightly to spend the rest of her life surrounded by the worst kind of scum in the world.
Erik, especially. When I thought of her standing anywhere near him, I felt my hands tighten into fists.
I couldn’t make that choice for her, though. She had to realize it herself.
And so when Freyasday came around again, I had the idea to suggest we head into the village for a day off from dragon-taming, woodworking, and archery. Frida had been avoiding me since our visit to Eldi’s cave, and I’d accepted it without comment. But I also knew we didn’t have long until Louisa’s ship returned to collect Frida. If I wanted to show Frida how much she loved it here, I had to do it soon.
When I heard her rustling around in her room, I spread out a feast to break our fast. The day before, I’d spent hours trading in the village for a carton of eggs, some ham, a fresh loaf of bread, another wheel of Arvid’s cheese, and an enormous bowl of berries. I set it out and waited. When Frida pulled open her bedroom door and saw me sitting there, she stopped short.
“Oh.” Her cheeks turned red. “Good morning, Rune. I didn’t expect to see you there. You’re normally out the door before I am.”
“Which is why I thought it’d be nice to share a meal for once, when we’re not so tired at the end of the day.” I gestured at the elaborate spread.
“It does look delicious,” she said uncertainly. “But Arvid will be waiting for me.”
“Arvid knows I don’t normally work on Freyasday.”
“Is it Freyasday already?” she asked.
“They say time flies when you’re working hard, eh?”
“I thought it was when you’re having fun.”
“Well, I suppose that means you’re enjoying your time on the Floating Forest, eh?” Despite what felt like an encouraging smile from me, Frida still looked reserved. Had I done something to upset her? I wracked my brain, going over everything I’d said and done these past few days, but nothing stuck out to me. Her aloof attitude had begun that night we’d returned from the dragon cave, but I thought we’d had a nice time. We’d laughed and drank and shared stories far past sundown, until the fireflies had come to life to dance around our heads.
It had been one of the nicest evenings I’d had in a very long time. But Frida must not feel the same, and that knowledge twisted my stomach more than I thought it would.
She dumped her pack by the door, crossed the room, and eased into the chair opposite mine. Her eyes roved across the food. She went straight for the cheese. I couldn’t help but smile.
“This is a different kind!” Frida exclaimed after tasting the cheese. The moan that spilled from her lips nearly made me come undone. Fate be damned, I wished my hands could conjure that sound. But she’d made it more than clear she didn’t want me to touch her.
“That one is smoked,” I said. “Thought you might like it.”
“It’s amazing, Rune. Thank you so much.” She looked at me, and a watery sheen covered her eyes. But then she blinked it back so quickly I couldn’t be sure if I’d imagined it. After that, we dug into the rest of our meal. With each bite, Frida let out a string of excited noises. Eventually, we’d indulged in most of the food, only leaving enough for Moira to enjoy an extra snack.
Frida let out a sigh of contentment, leaned back in her chair, and patted her belly. “You know, the guild meals are far less satisfying. It’s basically gruel compared to all this.”
“I know. I remember it very well,” I said.
“Thank you for sharing it with me,” she said. “In only a few days, this will all be lost to me for a very long time.”
It doesn’t have to be , I wanted to say. Stay here, Frida. You’d be so much happier in this place with all the cheese and berries you could ever want.
But I knew what she’d say. She’d made her position clear, time and time again, and pushing her would lead nowhere. She had to encounter that moment herself—the life-changing, gut- churning moment when the world shifted , and you saw things in an entirely new light.
At least, I hoped she would.
“Speaking of enjoying things, I’ve planned for us to head into Oakwater this evening. I thought we could go watch the minstrels again.” I cleared my throat, suddenly unsure if she’d accept after how uneasy she’d been around me lately. “It might be your last chance to dance, after all.”
Her face clouded over. “You’re right. The guild doesn’t like dancing.”
“Frida—” I started to say, then stopped myself. With a sigh, I stood and grabbed my plate to clear the table. I had to do something with my hands if I wanted to stop myself from saying something we’d both regret.
“Why do you think they do that?” she asked softly.
I paused, plate in hand. “The dancing ban?”
“All of it. The bad food, the celibacy, the rule to cut off anyone who isn’t a member of the guild, even if they’re your family. What is it all for , Rune?”
My heart pounded. This was the first time I’d heard her actually question things. I tried to quell my rising hope, but these were the very questions that had launched my own disillusionment. Pick at the seams, and it all unravels.
I put the plate back on the table and sat down, levelling my gaze on her.
“When you join the guild, you’re no longer your own person. The guild is the body, and you’re just a limb. You become the hand that holds the knife, or the fingers that reach into pockets to steal. If you have joy outside of that—a lover, a sister, a book that speaks to your soul—it reminds you of what life is like beyond your role as a tool. You remember you are your own person, which makes you yearn for a real life. And then it makes you leave.” I gave her a grim nod. “The guild has so few members that it cannot afford to lose a single one. So they do what they can to control you and keep you from remembering the joys of life.”
I’d probably said too much, but the words had poured out of me. Words I’d been dying to say to her since the start.
Frida blinked rapidly and clutched the edge of the table. After a moment, she stood and paced. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. Despite the shaking in her hands, her face was blank. She clearly didn’t like what I’d said, but that could be for any number of reasons.
And so I let her pace. When I felt overwhelmed by emotion, the last thing I needed was for someone to ask me what I was thinking. She needed to work through her thoughts first.
Eventually, she came back to the table. Her eyes latched onto mine, and her lips parted, like she wanted to say something. But instead, she grabbed the remaining wedge of cheese and shoved it into her mouth.
When she’d finished chewing, she said, “Thank you, Rune. I would like to go see the minstrels tonight, like you suggested. But first, I’m going to visit Eldi.”
And with that, she practically ran out the door, leaving me to wonder if I’d pushed her too far.