16. Jamieson
sixteen
Jamieson
I f Griff wants me to help him forget about all the ways the assholes he’s been with have made him doubt he’s a desirable man, then I’m going to do it.
But not in some run-of-the-mill cheerleader way where I talk and reason with him. Oh, no. I’m a man of action, and Griff has heard too many empty words.
Once he’s under the shower spray, I turn him to face me and reach behind him to squirt shampoo in my hand. If our dicks touch, it’s only accidentally on purpose and I press a kiss to his nose when he sucks in a breath.
He closes his eyes and lets me wash him. His hair first, and then his body. Since I’m in a devious mood, after I soap him up, I rub up against him while he’s slippery.
“Sharing a shower saves water, so why not take it further and share soap? That’s a good idea, right?”
“I had no idea you were this cruel.” Griff’s lust-thickened voice in my ear draws a laugh from my lips.
“You’re adorable when you’re grumpy.” I turn him around and hold his back against my chest with my very hard cock sliding through his ass cheeks. My Griff has a very fine ass. He does a lot of squats in the gym, and it shows .
He moans every time my dick bumps against his balls and he twists his head in search of a kiss. Griff kisses me with the passion you can’t fake. He’s in this and he wants it. Most importantly, he hasn’t asked me to stop.
But I do because sex in the shower is great and all, but he still has his arm wrapped up and I want to have his dick in my mouth without fear of him slipping or smacking me in the head with his cast. Or a million other things that can wrong in a shower.
“Rinse, please.”
“What?”
His dazed question makes me smile, and I pull him back under the spray with me. I rinse us both off before Griff catches on that he won’t get to come in the shower. He’s all dazed and loopy, and this might be my new favourite thing.
After drying his arms and removing the plastic from his cast, he snaps back to reality and launches himself at me. His mouth is everywhere, along with his hands, and I don’t even mind the scratch of the cast on my skin.
“I’ve never in my life needed a dick in my mouth like I do now. Fucking A+, Jamie. Your torture worked, and now I need you.”
I should care that I made him drop to the porcelain floor so hard his knees will bruise, but once his lips are around my cock, I’m pretty sure it’s not bothering him, so why should it bother me?
“ Holy fuck !”
Griff swallows me. My cock is literally past his tonsils and waving hello to his…whatever the part is that you swallow with. He hums in pleasure and pulls me closer to him, burying his nose at the base of my dick .
I’d like to say I lasted longer than three seconds, but that’s probably a lie because I barely have time to grip his hair and yank him off before I cover his face and chest with my load. His face is a picture of bliss, and he licks what he can reach with his tongue while I gasp and try to return to planet earth because I definitely left this realm for a moment or two.
“I was supposed to suck you off first.” I think I’m pouting because I definitely sound like a kid at a birthday party, disappointed he didn’t get to blow out the candles for the birthday child.
“Then you shouldn’t have teased me that much.” Griff pushes off the floor and stands in front of me. His good hand is still jerking himself like he was while on his knees. His breath comes in short pants, and I know he’s close.
Cupping his balls in my hand, I lower my head to flick my tongue over his nipple.
It’s game over as Griff jerks his body closer and cums over his fist and onto me with a string of curses and words I can’t decipher.
He rests his head on my shoulder, and his chest heaves against mine.
We stand together for a few minutes, and I smooth a hand up and down his back, pressing kisses to his temple.
“That was one of the hottest things I’ve ever done,” Griff mumbles into my shoulder. There’s just something about praise after sex that makes a man feel like he’s every superhero rolled into one, and I puff my chest with pride.
“I’m happy it worked, then. Feel better?”
Griff lifts his head and kisses me. It’s tender and lazy and so fucking perfect.
“I feel like I could sleep for a week. That orgasm came from…I don’t know where, but I can barely stand right now.”
“Then let me tuck you in after we clean up again.”
He nods, sleepy and sated and fucking adorable.
“I want to be the big spoon.”
“Whatever you want, Griff.”
Griff still lay sleeping.
Despite his insistence on being the big spoon, he plastered himself to my front during the night. His head on my chest and our legs twined together are the most perfect things in the world. Even the drool that’s leaking down my chest.
This past week together has done more than just bring us together as a couple. It bonded us closer than we’ve ever been. We have a lot to work out, and Griff should probably get some professional help. I’m no expert, but after witnessing his panic over me rejecting him purely because of the way he prefers sex, I know my words and actions can only go so far. But I’ll do what I can.
Life throws all kinds of curveballs at us. My best friend in love with me for years wasn’t a pitch I could even jump away from. It kind of smacked me right in the gut, and I’m still in a daze.
A good kind, though, because nobody knows me like Griff, and it feels like this is where we’re both supposed to be. If I didn’t think the world revolved around me for the last ten years, maybe I could have saved Griff some of his hurt, too. That’s something I might need my own therapy to work through, but one step at a time, I guess.
We need to drive home today, and all I’ve done is lie here and alternate staring at the ceiling and Griff’s sleeping form at my side while replaying all my life’s choices. Caffeine is about to become my favourite food group.
My phone lights up, and when I glance over, it’s a text from my dad.
Dad: I know it’s early, but your sister said she saw on the rodeo site that you had one of your best rides ever. I’m proud of you and wanted you to know that.
Leave it to my sister to be the one watching so closely. But hearing from my dad and reading his works is the kick-start I need to make changes. Easing myself away from Griff, he mutters and clutches a pillow to his chest as soon as I stand. Grabbing my phone along with a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, I dress quickly before stepping quietly into the hotel hallway.
The sun isn’t up, but it will be soon. The bustle outside on the highway has begun, and the hotel staff nod as I make my way to a quiet corner in the lobby and find a chair.
I hit call, and my dad picks up before the first ring is even over.
“Jamieson. I didn’t think you’d be awake this early. You didn’t need to call.”
My dad’s voice is more surprised than I’d like, but I know he hates to text, and I want to hear his voice.
“I was awake. Hard time sleeping, so I thought I’d call you.”
“Is there a reason you’re awake?”
My dad’s voice carries amusement, and I smile at his innuendo.
My phone buzzes with an incoming text from my sister with a congratulations message, and for a moment, my heart aches that I have family texting me and congratulating me while Griff doesn’t.
“Just Griff. He hogs the blankets.” My dad remains quiet, and the lump in my throat that seems to be present whenever I think of Griff grows bigger. “Um…he’s more than a friend, and I have a lot to tell you.”
“Son…in case I never made it clear before, your sexuality was never an issue with me. I just want you to find someone who loves you and treats you well.” My dad’s voice is the gentlest I’ve heard it in a very long time. “If it helps, I’ve always liked Griff.”
“I have so much I need to tell you, Dad. I…” I squeeze my eyes closed and puff a relieved breath. “Thank you for saying that. It helps.”
“Anytime you’re ready, you call, or even come over. Your mom always loves to make that macaroni salad you like.”
I huff a small laugh. Dad may be comforting me, but he’ll never actually come out and say what he wants. At least not for this. He wants his kids to choose to visit their parents and not do it out of guilt. “Thanks, Dad. Tell her I’ll come over tomorrow.”
“I love you, Jamieson. I always will, okay?”
“I love you, too, Dad. We’ll talk soon.”
Ending the call, I puff a large breath and run a hand over my face. Even my parents are easy on me. Except for the fights about bull riding and school, they’ve been amazing. I’ve lived an almost charmed life. That should make me happy, but I feel like a complete jackass for not being more aware of the people in my life .
Not caring what time it is because I know he’s likely awake, I call the one person who will never, ever whitewash his words to me.
“Jamieson, the sun isn’t up yet. What the hell are you calling me for?”
Despite the weight on my chest, my lips turn up, and I smile.
“Good morning to you as well, Hunter. Listen, I have a question that can’t wait, and I know you’ll be honest with me.”
“Go on.”
“Am I a self-centered asshole?”
He doesn’t even pause before he answers. “I wouldn’t call you an asshole. You’re a nice guy who rarely thinks of how his actions affect others.”
“Well, that’s…not as bad as I thought it might be. At least I’m not an asshole.”
“Why are you calling me to ask this?”
“Because I trust you to be blunt and honest, and I needed to hear it.”
Hunter sighs. “Listen, I know I’m not the easiest person to talk to about stuff, but if you need anything, Jamieson, you can ask.”
“Thanks, but I just did. There’s been a lot of…self-discovery, let’s say, over the past ten days. I wanted to confirm that before moving on.”
“I’m assuming you didn’t think Griff would tell you the truth.”
“God no. He’s…too loyal for that.”
“How’s his arm? You both doing okay?”
“Yeah, yeah…there was, um, a change in post rodeo celebration last night an d—”
“For fuck’s sake, Jamieson, please don’t tell me about any of your bed partners. Normally, I’d want to hear it, but it’s too early for me to concentrate on that.”
I can’t help the bark of laughter that peals out, and a man in a suit peers over at me from the check-in desk. There’s humour in Hunter’s voice, and I smile even as I realize I kind of miss him out here with us.
“I was going to say I miss you, but with a crappy attitude like that, I’m not.”
“But didn’t you just admit that?”
Hunter chuckles over the phone as I admit internally that it’s exactly what I did.
Damn it!
“Oh, I think I’m losing my cell signal.” I make some scratchy noises and jumble words over the sound of Hunter’s laughter. “Bye!”
I settle back in the chair and tap my phone on my thigh.
Hunter confirmed my suspicions that I’ve not given the right things my attention and while it stings, I have the chance to make it better. Mend a lot of fences, as the saying goes.
Right now, my focus is on Griff. I can’t shake this bone-deep longing to do right by him.
After stopping at the hotel café, I juggle a bag and a tray of drinks back to our room.
It’s still dark inside the room, so I catch the door with my foot and ease it closed as quietly as I can, but the wrinkling of the paper takeout bag sounds like gunshots in the silent room .
Griff stirs and I hold my breath, hoping he remains asleep. We both need to wake up and get moving, but if Griff could just sleep for another twenty minutes…
“Jamie? What time is it?”
His voice is thick with sleep, and his uncast arm moves to rub at his eyes. Crossing to the bed in a few steps, I sit on the edge and brush the hair from his forehead.
“It’s just after 5 A.M. You should sleep a little longer.”
“Can you join me?”
Even though my mind races with all the things I need to do and the long day ahead, those blue eyes draw me like a magnet. I can’t look away, and I can’t say no.
“Yeah. That sounds like a great idea.”
Pushing off the bed, I strip out of my shirt and jeans and slide back next to his warm body. Griff resumes his position on my chest and throws his leg over mine, his cast arm resting on my abdomen.
My fingers dust up and down his spine as he presses against me and for a moment, I consider calling the front desk so we can stay here one more night and forget about the world. That would mean I’d also delay setting things right and I don’t want to do that any longer.
“I’m sorry, Griff.” The words, so long overdue, fall off my tongue before I can overthink them. “I’ve not been a very good friend to you, and I’m sorry.”
He says nothing, but his fingertips trace random patterns on my stomach and he presses a kiss to my chest.
“It’s not your fault, Jamie. I should’ve trusted you more and leaned on you. ”
“No, Griff. Don’t you dare take any of the responsibility. You’ve been nothing but generous with your time and comfort to me all these years, and I feel like I let you down. I should’ve been asking the questions.” With a fingertip, I tilt his chin back to meet his eyes. Those eyes are so full of love for me, it’s almost impossible for me to accept. “I should’ve asked how your dad was and pressed for details. I should have asked if you needed me to go with you. That’s just the start of things I should’ve done for you.”
Griff’s throat bobs, and he pushes until our faces are even on the pillow and his hand comes up to cup my face. His cast scratches my stubble, and he can’t lay it flat against my cheek, but he rubs his thumb across my lips.
“Aren’t we a pair? You begging for forgiveness, and me begging to be responsible for things you didn’t do.” He leans in to press a sweet kiss to my lips. “I forgive you, Jamie. Because I love you harder than anything that’s ever come into my life. Maybe that makes me pathetic to forgive you so easily, but I can’t stand the thought of you feeling like you let me down. Just knowing you were there was all I wanted.”
His fingers drag over my tattoo and follow the outline of his initials. “You were there last night for me when I was on the edge of a breakdown. You came through for me. That wasn’t just about sex.”
“You’re right. It wasn’t. I wanted it, but I wanted you to know you’re invaluable to me. More than anything, I needed you to know that. You’ve been there for me, Griff. For every single thing, and I’ve never acknowledged that. All I could think of was that, selfishly, if I had you around, it was all I needed.”
Griff shakes his head and presses a finger to my lips .
“Don’t. That’s what love is, Jamie. I’ve loved you since that first tutoring session where you needed to learn the periodic table and couldn’t accept that there was an element named Germanium.”
Even now, all these years later, I snort a laugh at the memory. “I still maintain it’s a plant my grandparents had and not an element.” We lost a lot of study time that day because I was convinced it was the name of the red flowers my grandfather loved. I was wrong, but we took an unplanned field trip to the local garden centre for Griff to prove to me the plant was a geranium.
Honestly, close enough on a test for me.
Griff’s face softens again. “I loved you and I wanted you to be happy. If me not sharing my problems in detail with you kept you happy, I did it willingly. I chose to not come to you just as much as you chose to be happy just keeping me around.” Griff smiles sadly. “We both could have used a course in communication or something.”
I suppose what he’s saying makes sense, but I don’t have to like it. I don’t want him to do something without support ever again.
“Can I come with you next time?”
His brow scrunches, and I smooth my fingertip over it.
“Where?”
“To meet your dad. To help and support you when you could use someone.”
Griff closes his eyes for a few beats. “I’d like that a lot, but—”
“Please, no buts, Griff. We’re in this together, and I know things have to change. I want to do that for you and for me.”
He’s silent for a few moments, more pensive than I’ve ever seen him.
“Yeah. Okay. You can come. ”
Griff closes his eyes, and I lean in closer to kiss him. He kisses me back, easy and lazy, and it’s so perfect my chest warms with a longing to make this my life. To always have this man adore me just as much as I adore him. For lazy morning kisses and random road trips that bring those excited smiles to his face.
To hold his hand through the hard stuff we’re about to walk into.
Fuck, I want all that.
“Get some more sleep, babe.”
Griff says nothing more and snuggles back into me, and I hold him.
Because holding him has never felt so right.