15. Griff
fifteen
Griff
T his thing with Jamieson is both odd and exhilarating.
Do I want to shout at everyone to back off because this bull rider is mine? Fucking right, I do.
But I’m also worried about what people might think. Jamieson could do better than me, I’m sure, and there are a few cowboys on this circuit he’s hooked up with over the years who are likely wondering what he sees in a bullfighter like me.
The old nagging thought of him being distracted while he rides because of me rages to the front of my concerns.
“Hey, buddy! I didn’t think you’d be working. I heard about the arm.”
Another bullfighter that I’ve become friends with, Dalton, smacks my shoulder as he sits next to me.
“It’s just an arm. I can still work.”
“Oh, true. I guess I thought you might take some downtime before getting back to it.”
My memories are still fresh from the getaway I took with Jamieson, and my lips turn into a smile.
“I did. I went on my first vacation the day after it happened. I’m rested and ready to get back to work. This was the first stop on the way back home and Jamieson can’t miss it. ”
Dalton pauses while lacing up his shoes and casts a sideways look.
“Did you and Jamieson go away together?”
Fuck. I didn’t ask Jamie how he wanted to make this public or if he was even ready. There’s no way Dalton can tell we did anything. Friends go away together all the time. I’m honestly the most prepared guy I know, and yet after eight hours together in a vehicle, we didn’t discuss this once.
“Uh, we—”
“Hey, babe. You almost ready?”
Where the fuck did Jamieson come from? He stops in front of me and leans down to kiss my cheek before smiling over at Dalton.
“Hey, Dalton. It’s been a while.” He offers a fist that Dalton bumps before going back to his shoes. Jamieson bites his lip and sends an apologetic glance my way.
“It has been. You don’t come this way much. Must be following the Bullarama tour?”
“Yeah. I really want to get to the National Finals this year, and the bulls at these events can score higher, so I’m going a little farther from home.”
Dalton sits up and looks between us. “See you out there.” He nods to me and smacks Jamieson on the shoulder as he walks past. “Good luck tonight.”
After he’s left, Jamieson plops beside me on the bench.
“I’m sorry I did that. We should’ve talked about how to handle this. I just came looking for you and saw you struggling to answer his question.” He sighs and turns those soft eyes on me. “I’m sorry. I kind of want everyone to know. ”
“Oh.” I breathe and look at my shoes. I should have known Jamie would charge out and just tell everyone. “It won’t distract you, though, tonight, right? I think that’s been on my mind too much.”
“What do you mean?”
“I want you to focus on riding and scoring high. Part of what worried me about us together is that I’d distract you while you ride.”
Maybe my ego is too big, worrying about thoughts of me in the ring distracting Jamieson, but all it takes is a split second of your mind wandering to bring disaster.
He bumps his knee into mine, and I turn my head to find his warm gaze on me. “It won’t distract me while I’m on the back of a bull. You have my word.”
“Protecting you out there is second nature to me, Jamie. It’s all I ever wanted to be good at.” As soon as the words leave my lips, I huff. “Well, that sounds incredibly obsessive of me.”
Jamieson laughs low and squeezes my thigh.
“You’re one of the best, Griff. I’m not just saying that.” He scuffs his booted foot on the floor. “I think I just want everyone to know that you’re mine. That’s why I kissed you in front of Dalton. I don’t know; maybe it’s a primal thing, but I wanted him to know.”
The way my belly swoops at his words makes me feel like a boy with my first celebrity crush.
“Okay. So we can just let people know then, and it won’t interfere with our job.”
Is it possible for it to be just that easy?
“I’m okay with that if you are. ”
Jamieson offers me his hand, and I take it, kissing his knuckles before releasing it again and standing. “Okay.”
“Let’s check out my bull for the night, then.”
We fall into our pre-event routine, and the comfort I always feel with Jamieson at an event returns. There’s something to be said about routines settling your nerves.
“I have Bust-A-Nut tonight. It’s the brown one over there with a splash of white on his face.” Jamieson points to the bull, and I bark a laugh.
“Bust-A-Nut? Really?” Shaking my head, I walk closer and observe the bull. Nothing odd except his name and no strange vibes. “Is he new? I’d remember a name like that.”
Jamieson shrugs. “I guess so. I’d remember a name like that, too.” His eyes darken as he steps closer. “Tell me, Griff, what do you think about me riding Bust-A-Nut to completion tonight?”
My skin flushes with heat as Jamieson’s breathy words drift across my ear.
“You said this wouldn’t interfere with work, Jamie.” My voice is hoarse, and it takes all my willpower to not pull him into me and kiss him breathless.
“Sorry.” He steps away and stuffs his hands in his pockets. “I’ll just ask you again later.” He winks and I try to stuff the image of a naked and desperate Jamieson aside. I fail and send him a scowl, which makes him chuckle more.
“Right now, I get no vibes from this bull. Just hold on and do what you do best.”
Jamieson’s lopsided smile always does things to me, but now that I know what those lips feel like against mine, it’s hard to think of anything else .
“You know…you said that the first time I met you.”
“It was true then, and it’s true now.”
There’s a new vibe between us, thrumming through the air as bulls snort and rattle bars. Our new dynamic scares and thrills me in equal measure, but I won’t let it distract us.
“You need to do your pre-ride ritual. I’ll see you out there.”
As I pass Jamieson, he reaches a hand out and grabs mine.
“Stay safe for me, Griff.”
The words we both feel stay behind our lips. Instead, I squeeze his hand. “Back at you, Jamie.”
The group of cowboys we normally hang around with wave their goodbyes as Jamie and I walk towards his truck.
“You’re sure you don’t want to go to the bar tonight, Jamie? You had an incredible ride and must be vibrating.”
He really did. Tonight, he scored one of his highest scores and on a bull neither of us knew. He won points, getting closer to finals, and he won money. Jamie often takes a while to come down from rodeos like this, and singing at the bars with a few drinks has been his way to work the adrenaline high out.
We pause at the back of his truck and throw our gear in the back. When I turn to get in the driver’s side, Jamieson grabs my arm.
“I am vibrating, but I’d rather work my adrenaline off with you.” Jamie crowds me against the truck and flicks the brim of my ball cap. “You never did wear cowboy hats like the rest of us when you’re finished work.” He dips his head next to mine, and I shiver as his breath washes over my skin. “I like it.”
“Y-yeah?”
A low rumble in his throat sounds as he twists the hat backwards on my head. His knee presses between my legs, and I bite my lip to stifle the moan threatening to spill out. Being the object of Jamie’s desire is overwhelming. If this is how intense he’ll be every time, I question how I’ll survive long term.
“Is this too much? I can back off if you want me to, but ever since I kissed you in front of Dalton, I’ve been thinking about a new way to work off the high of a good ride.”
I take a moment to form words because Jamie’s lips are on my neck, and I swear every time he breathes on me, it makes me want to drop to my knees.
“N-no, not too much. Not really.”
Jamie pulls back, and his gaze roams my face. “I can dial it back, Griff. Just say the word.”
“I’ll tell you. It’s just…I’m still nervous with you. This is a lot.” He immediately steps away from me, and it’s not what I want. My hands grab his hips, and in the low light from the moon above, Jamie’s face softens as I struggle to get the right words out. “I want you. Always have. I just don’t know how to accept this…affection.”
It’s not just because it’s Jamieson either. Not all my partners were violent when they learned about my sexual preferences, but most of them had unkind reactions. I became conditioned to brace for the worst with every admission about the type of sex I didn’t like. For every time Jamieson acts positively, it’s like a delayed processing reaction. I need extra time to register that he’s real and genuine.
“Okay. I’ll turn it down a notch, but I still want to be with you, baby.” His voice lowers. “I know you like it when I call you that, and I bet you’re blushing.”
Laughing softly, I press a kiss to his lips that he returns with a hunger I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to satisfy. It only takes a moment for me to get caught up in the heat between us, and it’s Jamie who breaks the kiss first.
“Get in the truck, Griff. For the first time in my life, I don’t want food after a rodeo. I want you.”
He doesn’t even wait for my answer and walks to the driver’s side, sliding behind the wheel and starting the truck. I walk to the other side on wobbly legs and climb in.
“You sure you don’t want to stop for food?”
“I’ll order room service if I have to.”
Okay, then.
I have to admit, not going to a bar after a rodeo is a welcome change.
It’s nice not to be around crowds and have a little quiet after the chaos of a bull-riding event .
Once in our hotel room, Jamie waited for my signal. He didn’t push. In fact, he didn’t say a word when I ducked into the bathroom alone and said I was going to take a shower.
That was fifteen minutes ago, and I’m still standing at the counter, clutching the surface like I might fall over if I let go. I can’t even put my finger on why I’m overthinking this so badly. It’s Jamieson. He’s listened to every concern I’ve had so far, and not once has he shown my sexual preferences to be a turnoff for him.
A normal person would talk to their partner about why they’re hiding out in the bathroom. Communicate like a mature adult and all that. I guess I’m so used to keeping it all to myself that this part is harder than I thought.
A soft knock sounds at the door. “Griff? Is everything okay?”
I open the door to find Jamie standing there with my tape and plastic bags for my cast dangling from a finger. “I figured you’d come back out when you noticed these weren’t in there, but you’ve been in for a while…how can I help?”
“I’m…having a moment.” I laugh, but Jamie doesn’t.
“Don’t do that. If something is bothering you, then you need to tell me.”
He sets the tape and bags on the counter and strips off his shirt. My gaze drops to his tattoo, and I draw courage from that. That he already etched me on his heart, and I need to move beyond this fear of him rejecting me.
“I’m afraid of not being enough for you. That you’ll want the kind of intimacy I can’t give you.”
Jamie hums and reaches for my shirt. It’s over my head and on the floor before I register what he’s doing. “I think I know myself well enough to know I’m not missing out on anything.” He motions for me to stick out my cast and places the plastic over it. He folds it tight, and my free hand holds it while he gets the tape. “I understand that you’ve had some shitty people in your life who have some questionable thoughts on what makes a man a desirable partner. I also understand why you’d be sensitive to that.”
He rips off the tape and squeezes it around the top of my arm, making sure it’s a tight seal before tossing the tape on the counter. “But I don’t understand why you think I’m like them.”
“I don’t think you are.” My voice is hoarse, and I reach a hand to the top of his jeans and pop the button. “I know you’re not, but I’m…touching you like this and kissing you can be overwhelming. Sometimes I’m all in and I want to stay naked with you all day.” Pushing away my nerves, I trace the zipper on his jeans with a finger. “Sometimes I feel like a shy virgin who hasn’t touched a dick before.”
Jamie remains motionless as I surge ahead and unzip him. Then I tug at his pants until they fall and puddle at his ankles.
“What do you need from me right now?” Jamie’s voice is hoarse as I run my hand over his bulge.
“I want you to get me out of my head. I don’t want my past to be between us.” Swallowing hard, I force all the insecurities out of my head and focus on the gorgeous man in front of me. “I trust you.”
“You’ll tell me to stop if you need me to?”
“Yes.”
I expected him to steal my breath with a kiss, but he presses a kiss to my forehead instead and pushes me aside to turn on the shower. He chuckles when he steps back in front of me. “Were you hoping for something else?”
I playfully push at his shoulder. “Yes. Don’t be an ass.”
His eyes darken as he reaches for my pants. After making quick work of the zipper and button, he drops to his knees and pulls them down my legs, and my mouth goes dry.
“Is this better?”
“Oh, yeah.”
He peppers kisses on my thigh while his fingertips slide under the elastic of my briefs, and he drags them down. If he moves a little to the left, my dick will slap him in the face. But no, instead, he sits back on his heels and makes me step out of them before standing up with a giant grin on his face.
“Hate me yet?”
“Is this your idea of getting me out of my head? Making me so frustrated that I beg for you?”
“I don’t know. Is it working?” Jamie smirks and loses his briefs before he spins me around to face the shower.
“You know damn well it is.”
“Good. Then let’s keep going.”