Chapter 21 - Gina
My eyes were glued to my computer when I heard the front door open. I glanced up, seeing Lucas. He looked tense as he shut the door behind him, and the entryway fell silent again.
I looked away, forcing my eyes back to the computer. We hadn't really spoken since the other day, and I didn't know what to say. I could hardly stomach it, let alone wrap my head around what the hell we were going to do.
"I brought lunch," Lucas said, stepping into the living room. I looked up, spotting the familiar white bag. I could smell chicken, and my stomach growled in appreciation. He turned, looking at the dining area I had started to clear out. There weren't as many boxes as before, so we could actually sit down to eat properly.
"I see you've been busy today," he said. I shut my laptop, walking after him, feeling the words bubbling up. What are we going to do? About this baby? How were we going to raise it when our relationship was fake?
But I didn't voice them. I didn't know if I was ready to hear what he thought.
"I got chicken soup." He set everything out. "And finger sandwiches. I figured they were safe to eat."
I looked at him, but he avoided eye contact, keeping his eyes on the food. I wondered if he wasn't sure how to bring it up, either.
"You didn't have to," I said. "I know how to cook and buy my own food."
He raised an eyebrow, his gaze going towards my kitchen, which was still a mess. I rolled my eyes. "Just because I don't have a kitchen doesn't mean I don't eat. Look, I got my fridge in."
He tilted his head, making a face. "And what is in your fridge?"
"I…" I froze, not sure I should tell him. It was basic: milk, soda, and water. Some string cheese and snacks but no actual food. "That's not important."
He smirked. "I figured. Which is why I brought you food." He slid me a sandwich, and I took a seat, unwrapping it. The scent hit me, but my stomach didn't twist up violently. It just growled with hunger.
I took a bite and tested myself to see if I could stomach it. After a few moments, I took a couple more. I glanced at Lucas, who was staring at me. I could see he wanted to say something but was holding back.
I shifted in my seat and looked out towards the kitchen and the woods. I decided that maybe we weren't ready to talk about the baby, but we could talk about anything else.
"How is patrol going?"
Lucas shrugged. "It's going fine. There hasn't been much activity since that night here."
I felt a shiver run down my spine. I could still see the shadow in my head from that night. I didn't know who it was, but my wolf had been on guard after that.
"I'm sure it was nothing," I said, a lie I kept telling myself to feel better. I knew it was stupid, but it made me feel better. It let me forget about it, at least.
Lucas frowned across the table. "I am not going with that."
I froze mid-bit, seeing how his eyes remained firm and stern on me. I swallowed slowly. "Lucas, it was probably just a lone wolf. Nothing happened."
"But something could have happened," he said, mater-of-factually. "Something could have happened because you live directly next to the woods."
"Would you feel better if I moved the house twenty feet more away from the woods?" I asked sarcastically, hoping to get him to at least smile.
He scowled, not enjoying my joke.
"Nothing happened," I tell him. "And nothing has happened since. Maybe you made your point, and they aren't coming back."
"Because I've been here," he added. "But that doesn't mean they won't return."
"Or maybe because it was a lone wolf, like I said."
He shook his head. "No, it wasn't."
I sighed, "You don't know that. And you don't know that it was Logan."
"It wasn't Logan, but that doesn't mean it wasn't someone from his pack. He has people working for him just like Ayden does."
I stiffened. I hadn't thought about that.
"And the thought of you being here without me puts me on edge."
I scowled, looking away. "Sorry I cause you so much discomfort."
"That's not what I'm saying," he said, his words softening. I don't mind being here…I just…I don't like having to worry. I can't focus at work when I worry about what could happen to you or the ba… " He didn't finish the sentence, but I knew where he was going.
I looked away, placing my hands in my lap. I felt a little happy he worried about me because no one ever had before, but was it just because of my pregnancy? Was he only worried because I was carrying his child?
"Just because I'm small doesn't mean I don't know how to protect myself, Lucas."
I heard him exhale slowly. "Gina, you know being pregnant makes it harder to shift. What if something were to happen, and your wolf was helpless? What then?"
I looked at him, feeling my face grow serious and my eyes hardening. "Then I use every other skill that I've learned."
"I'm being serious."
"As am I," I said. "Why do you think I'm such a frail girl?"
"I don't," he said a little louder. "I just…I don't want anything to happen to you. I don't want to come here and find you in a pool of your own blood because someone got the upper hand."
It was always a possibility.
"Would you feel better if I put up security?"
His eyebrows went up slightly. "Like…a camera?"
I shook my head. "No, I mean like actual security. I can put up cameras, an alarm, a whole system."
He just stared at me. I had planned to eventually, mostly because I had lived by the wood, and you never knew what could happen. If I was putting money into this house, then it made sense to keep it safe.
"On the outside, not the inside of the house," I added. "I would be more than happy to attach it to your phone so you can get alarms if something happens."
He seemed almost relieved at the thought, and I realized how much it had bothered him. I hadn't thought it was a big deal, but his face said otherwise.
"Yeah, I would be okay with that," he said, nodding his head a few times.
"Okay, I'll get one set up as soon as possible."
Lucas looked at his sandwich and then at the soup. "Do you want some?"
I nodded as he handed me a container of soup, pulling the lid off. I watched him, wondering how everything had changed so much. How had he gone from being someone who wished me dead to someone who was feeding me and worrying about me?
"Why did you treat me the way you did?" I asked as I watched him.
Lucas froze. Clearly, the question threw him off. He looked up at me, his eyes softening. "Because everyone did."
I scowled, hating the answer. "That's not an answer."
"It's the truth," he said. "Everyone did, including your brother. I just went along with it."
"That doesn't make it right."
He winced, looking away for a second before he nodded. "I know. If I could go back and change it, I would, but I can't. I was trying to fit in and be who everyone said I should be. And with you being my mate…I…" He ran a hand through his hair. "They weren't my best years."
I looked at my soup, stirring it with the plastic spoon Lucas had given me. I hated thinking back to those years and how I was just surviving.
"Your wolf was small…and I wanted someone that was strong."
"I am strong," I snapped.
"Before," he said, holding my gaze. "Because Gina…your wolf was just small and fragile. Everyone knew it. You shifted late. You could hardly keep up with things. You were weak and fragile before."
I bit hard onto my cheek. I hated thinking about it, hating thinking back to the person I was.
"But you're not now. And I think everything that happened made you stronger. Each remark, each prank, and each push made you what you are today. It gave you a different kind of strength."
I felt my heart twist, and I tightly held on my spoon. "And you think I'm still small?"
He shrugged. "Your wolf is small, but I'm sure she's changed over the years."
My wolf snapped angrily, and I ground my teeth. I knew he hadn't seen her recently. How did he know what she looked like now? She could have changed. She hadn't, of course, but that wasn't the point.
His eyes softened. "There is nothing wrong with being small."
"But, there is everything wrong with it," I growled.
"In our home, yes, but here." He shook his head. "No, they believe that strength means your wolf's size."
"And what do you think?"
Lucas was quiet for a second before he added. "I'm learning that there are a lot of things I didn’t know and had to relearn when I moved here."
I thought about how different this pack was from ours. This pack was calmer and more forgiving. No one glared at me when I walked down the streets, and everyone was helpful. It had put me on edge, and after being here so long, I found myself enjoying it. I didn't want it to change, but a small part of me, a scared part, was waiting for everything to fall apart.
I looked back at my soup, stirring it up. "Before…you told Chris your folks don't even know where you live. Is that true?"
He went silent for a moment before I looked back at him, and I could see mixed emotions in his eyes. He nodded. "Yes."
"Are you not close to your folks?" I always remembered him being the perfect son. Their family was perfect in every way. I was a little shocked to hear him say that his folks didn't know much. That wasn't the vibe I got.
Lucas was silent for a moment before he sighed. "I have a relationship with my folks, but that's it. I get along fine with my mother but very rarely speak to my father unless my mother asks me to."
"Why is that?"
His eyes looked cold, and his jaw clenched together. "You weren't the only person drowning, Gina. No, I wasn't hated by people, but I was tired of constantly having to be the perfect person."
I wondered what that was like. But the thought disappeared as quickly as it came. I took a bite of my soup and leaned back in the chair.
"I mean it when I said you've done well for yourself."
My eyes flicked back at him.
"You've made a good life for yourself. You should be proud of what you've accomplished."
I felt a blush roll over me, and I scowled. "You're only saying that to…" I stopped remembering the last time I said that. And he responded with, when am I nice?
I swallowed. Lucas didn't just say things. He said things he meant. "Thank you."
"Would you like to come to a barbeque we are having at the fire station tomorrow? Ayden throws one at least once a month, and all the girls will be there. If you feel up for it."
I wasn't sure. I had yet to really meet and chat with anyone. I saw them but had never spoken with them for a long time. Wendy was the only one I’d really spoken to. Wendy and Poppy had stopped by to see me a couple of times at the house.
I looked around the house, knowing I had done nothing but spend every waking moment here that I could. Maybe getting out would do me good. If I wanted friends, it would require me to leave the house and venture out. And from what I'd heard, the guys and girls were worth it.
"Sure," I said, feeling my stomach tense, but I forced it down. This was good. This was a step in the right direction. Lucas and I needed to be on even ground for the baby, if not for ourselves.