Chapter 23 - Gina
I rubbed my eyes, feeling them burn. I'm sure they were bloodshot again from not sleeping last night. I had tried, at least, but I tossed and turned all night, unable to finally relax. My mind was everywhere all at once.
I kept thinking about the fact our wedding, our fake wedding, was in two weeks, and I wanted to physically throw up. I was so worried that Chris was going to find out. He was going to sense I was lying, and everything was going to fall apart.
I'd thought of bringing up the baby, using it as leverage, but that felt wrong—almost as wrong as the fact that Lucas and I had yet to speak a word about it to each other. We had spoken little to each other over the past couple of days, and we both seemed unsure what to say.
I pinched my eyes, sighing heavily. I felt my stomach churn with hunger, and I bit my lip. I wondered if it was my own hunger or the baby's.
I glanced at the pregnancy test I had taken and the little plus sign on it. I had finally built up the nerve to do it at about two in the morning. Seeing the test come back positive had certainly made it real.
I reached for the chips and popped one into my mouth, knowing I should probably get up and eat some actual food. Snacking wasn't keeping me full anymore like it used to.
I set my computer aside, finishing a few things I needed for work. I looked at my planner, which I’d spread out, and made a quick note to message the church about a couple of things. Otherwise, the wedding was set.
I had picked out a simple white dress at the local boutique, which I often shopped at now. It was a simple white dress with laced arms. It wasn't tight, which was good since I had already gained a couple of pounds since being here.
I looked over at the dress lying on the chair across from me. I was planning on pairing it with some cream flats and a simple gold necklace.
I pulled my gaze away from the dress and toward the house. The house was almost done, except for me needing to finish painting and adding things I wanted. I wanted to buy new stuff but was waiting until the deed was in my name. All of this was risky because Chris could change his mind.
But if I had a marriage license, even if he didn't believe Lucas and I were actually married, it wouldn't matter. I had the proof. He had to give me the deed.
I'd had nightmares about it. Lucas never came to the church, and Chris laughed at me. I would jerk awake covered in sweat, afraid of going back to the pack and everyone knowing the truth.
I swallowed, shaking my head, and pulled myself up. I walked towards the dining room and headed into the kitchen. I needed food. Maybe eating would help settle my mind.
It was still a disaster, but I could see the outline coming into shape. The cabinets were in, and the countertop was coming in a few days. The fridge and the stove were hooked up. I opened the fridge and saw leftovers and some bagels.
We hadn't been cooking. Even if we weren't really talking, Lucas still came with food. More now than before, it was almost like he wanted to make sure I was eating more.
I grabbed the bagels and yanked one out, taking a bite. Then I turned and walked back down the dining room and back towards the living room.
Just as I was turning, there was a knock on the door, and I froze. I turned, staring at the shadow in the door's glass. I knew that Lucas was working overnight again, so it wasn't him. I checked the clock, seeing it was six.
I walked over, opened the door, and saw Cayden standing in the doorway. He raised an eyebrow at me, his eyes going to the bagel. "Well, I see I was late."
"For what?"
He held up a bag, and I could smell bacon. My stomach growled loudly, and my mouth watered.
"Lucas asked me to come by with some breakfast for you since you guys still haven't cooked yet. His exact words were, "She likes bacon. Bring her that."
"You didn't have to do that," I said, stepping back and letting him step inside. Cayden had come by many times when Lucas couldn't.
"Are you saying no to the food because I will gladly eat it?"
"Don't you dare," I said, growling at him.
He smirked, holding his hand out, and I grabbed the bag. I opened it, finding a bacon and egg sandwich with orange juice.
"Lucas said you like that."
I felt my heart skip a beat and smiled. "Thank you."
He nodded, turning his gaze around the space. "Looks nice, it's really coming along."
"You think?" I pulled the sandwich out, took a large bite, and internally moaned at how good it was. Better than the bagel.
Cayden nodded, looking from the living room to the dining room. "Yeah, it's got life again."
I swallowed. I had wondered since I got here why the house had remained empty for so long. I knew that the family owned it, but I never fully understood how it became empty. When did we decide to give up on the space?
"Do you know why… it's been empty?"
Cayden glanced at me. "It's your family, shouldn't you?"
I shrugged. "I'm the black sheep…so no. I just know it's been empty."
He gave me a half smile before his eyes went to the stairs. "From what we know, is your relative…. Babette...your great, great grandmother owned it. It was her home before they moved to your town. They kept the house and the land. They traveled here for holidays and stuff, but they traveled less over the years as she aged. And then…Eddy, if I remember."
I nodded.
"She hated the house."
I froze, looking around. It wasn't exactly Eddy's taste, but it was large and spacious. And Eddy liked anything that no one else couldn't have.
"Why? It was certainly everything she could want."
He shrugged. "No idea, but she hated it. We heard that they didn't get along, Babette and Eddy."
This shocked me. I'd never heard about anyone not getting along with Eddy. And even if someone did, they didn't voice it.
"They were very opposite. Babette was soft and sweet. I heard she was caring and gentle to people in need. Eddy…well, Eddy didn't. It wasn't soon after Babette died that they stopped traveling to the house, and I think they just forgot about it."
I frowned, wondering if Eddy hated the house because of what it represented. If it was Babette's, surely she hated the space because she hated Babette.
Cayden continued into the dining room, and I watched a smirk pull at his lips as he stared at an area of plants. "Well, Lucas wasn't kidding when he said you bought a bunch of plants."
I rolled my eyes. "They aren't that many plants."
He laughed. "It is, Gina. But you buy whatever you want. It's your house, after all."
"It's really not..." I said, suddenly feeling my stomach twist again. I looked at my sandwich, feeling that it was all just going to blow up at me.
Cayden raised an eyebrow. "Why do you think that? Isn't that what this is all for? You guys are getting married to get the house?"
"I don't have the deed, and unless Lucas and I can pull this off….this…" I waved a hand around the space. "It's not mine."
Cayden walked back towards me. "But it is. Do you really think Lucas would let you spend so much money on this house if he wasn't hell-bent on making sure you got it?"
I wasn't sure. I didn't know what to think. I'd spent years trying to avoid him, and here I was, letting him help me fix my life. My life was backward.
I shrugged.
"Clearly, you two have a history," he said. "But Lucas wouldn't let something like that happen."
I clicked my tongue. "You say that…but he did in the past."
Cayden's face dropped slightly, and he stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Yeah…well, he isn't the same person he was before, just as I'm sure you aren’t the person you were either."
I wanted to say he was, but I wasn't sure that was true. While Lucas had remained the same, keeping a cold exterior and almost seeming annoyed at him, he had changed. The Lucas I knew when we were younger wouldn't have looked at me twice, let alone asked his friends to bring me breakfast.
"If you don't eat that, I will," Cayden said, pointing at the sandwich.
I took another bite and pointed towards the stairs. "You want to see upstairs?"
After showing Cayden around the house, we settled into the living room. I lay back on the couch, and he sat in a chair across from me.
"What are you watching?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. Lucas put it in the other day."
"Don't you guys have Wi-Fi?"
I nodded, having gotten it soon after Lucas decided to start staying there. "Yeah, but this is easier."
He made a noise and looked at me. "So, have you two spoken about your next steps?"
I shook my head, looking away from the book I had opened. "No, we had a fight, but it seems neither of us really knows how to speak about it."
"Why?"
I sighed. "We have a history, as you said…but I know for me, if we talk about it, we have to open up about everything else."
"Well, aren't you guys going to have to? The baby is going to come whether you want it to or not."
I nodded. "I know, but if we talk about that, we have to talk about the marriage and the house, and… it just makes everything messy."
"And a fake marriage, wasn't it?" Cayden asked, a smirk on his face.
I smiled. "It's messier now. Before it…we could just file for divorce and be done. Sure, I might run into him, but I had no real connection to him."
"You say that, but you don't look like you believe it."
I didn't because no matter what, baby or no baby, it wasn't that simple. I had been telling myself. Repeatedly telling myself that we could just step apart like there was no problem but it wasn't true. Lucas was my mate, and I had felt something for him. It was never clear cut like I kept telling myself. I wasn't going to be able to just step away.
Were we ready to be parents? Would we be able to get along for this baby? Would he eventually change and grow as he had before? Would something go wrong? Would everything go wrong?
I sighed. "I'm terrified." I looked at Cayden. I had no role models for this growing up. I could hardly keep myself alive. How the hell can I do that with a baby? And how do I know that Lucas isn't going to change? That he won’t wake up someday and regret everything. How do I know he won’t hurt me like he used to?"
Cayden gave me a sympathetic look. "Because he isn't like that. Raw, and maybe sharp at times, but not that."
I wanted to believe him, and Lucas had now given me plenty of history where I should. But how could I erase years of abuse, years of taunting and teasing in the span of a few months? Was that possible?
"What was your home like?" Cayden asked.
I frowned. "Cold. I'm the black sheep, people would say. The smallest wolf, the slowest wolf. No one was on my side. It was hard." I swallowed, feeling my throat going dry. "I…I don't ever want to go back to that. After seeing what this feels like…I don't want to ever go back."
"I understand that. I don't come from a loving pack either."
I raised an eyebrow. "You're not from here?"
Cayden shook his head. "No. I was pretty much looked at like the black sheep by my parents, but not because I was weak. I'm the middle child. My older brother and little sister are both married with children, and I haven't even found my mate, and not for the lack of trying. I understand the pressure and the constant looks."
I was surprised. I hadn't ever spoken to someone who understood what it felt like to be looked down on.
"Lucas won't understand that. He will try, but he won't," Cayden added. "But that doesn't mean he won't care. Give him a chance. You might be surprised."
I thought about it. I swallowed, wondering if maybe I had been overthinking everything. Was it really just that simple, that easy? Lucas offered to marry me. He offered to help me get this house. He'd been there every step of the way. He'd even been worried about me. Was this maybe everything I had been wanting and more?