Chapter 23 #2
I swear to God, If he says Hallie, I’ll flip him the bird and take off in the other direction before I’d ever give in to the absolutely insane idea that just popped in my head.
But he doesn’t, and as my eyes stay trained on his erection, I’m thinking what if.
I hate to admit it, but ever since we came so close back in East Jersey, I’ve been feeling unfulfilled.
Chase… like I said: if I want him, I can have him.
So what if I say yes, say that I do? What if I said fuck it again and had my fun with Chase the same way that Veronica and Mav decided to go for theirs?
What if—
“I don’t… fuck me. Or not. Shit.” Mumbling to himself, one hand reaches for his dick, the other grabbing the hem of his jeans down past his ass, obviously about to tuck himself away.
I hold out my hand, stopping Chase. “Don’t.
I… I don’t mind. I mean, if you want to finish what you were doing…
” I inch closer, unable to rip my eyes away from his straining erection.
He was nowhere near finished when I found him, and I bet he’d like to be.
I nod at him, a small smile curving my lips.
“Is that what you’ve been doing every time you find a reason to slip out of camp? ”
Instead of ignoring the situation, I’m being bold as fuck, calling attention to it. Luckily for me, Chase decides it’s a good idea to follow my lead.
He trails his fingertips along the edge of his shaft before jutting his chin out, daring me to continue, daring me not to lose my nerve and look away. After all, it’s just the two of us. No Darryl. No Maverick. No Jack.
Just me. Just Chase.
And just that.
“You want to know?” he asks. I nod. “Then, yeah. The lurkers don’t like it. These days, those zombies are all but dead, and jizz is something only a living guy can shoot out.”
I knew that, and I’m grateful for it. “That’s a good thing, too. Can you imagine if lurkers could fuck? Could breed?”
The idea that they could gives me nightmares. Younglings are bad enough. But a lurker baby? Pure nightmare fuel.
Chase nods in agreement, visibly relieved that I bought his excuse. “So, why not? Sometimes I’ll take the opportunity to mark our borders like this, to keep us safe. A little come is added protection to keep the lurkers away.”
I tilt my head. “You actually believe that shit?”
He opens his mouth. Pauses. Laughs under his breath as his baby blues gleam beneath the moonlight.
“Okay. You caught me.” In more ways than one, baby.
“I really think that’s something Luke DiBella made up when me and Kevin caught him with his pants down one night when he was on patrol.
He didn’t want Jack to hear he was whacking off when he was supposed to be looking for lurkers. But, well… you never know.”
I dart out my tongue, dabbing at the corner of my mouth. “I get that. But you sure there’s not another reason why you needed this kind of relief?”
Come on, Chase. Throw me a bone. Give me a reason to lose myself and do this with you tonight… something I can deny later when my sanity’s returning with the sunlight.
Chase swallows roughly. “You want the truth?” he says before answering his own question.
“Yeah. You always do. Fine.” As I watch, he strokes himself again, speaking around gritted teeth.
“Being around you, Holden, I’m always like this.
Always fucking hard. But I know there ain’t anything else I can do about it so when it gets bad…
someone else can take the watch. I can finish in five minutes or less, and then… ”
And then…
And then he can pretend like he’s not walking around with the worst case of blue balls, following after the ghost of his lover while having to deal with her bitchy, frigid twin who might be a proud bitch, but who isn’t anywhere near as frigid as she appears.
I watch the motion of his hand with a desire that surprises me.
Go on. Take that step, Xandra. Go to him. Because if you do, you’re not just giving him what he needs. You’re taking what you want… and when tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone, why keep acting like you don’t want it?
I swallow roughly, knowing I’ll regret this, but not giving a shit as I take that first hesitant step toward him.
His hand stills while he eyes dart up, watching me with enough fire in his gaze, I can’t help but experience the burn.
Another step as I say, “Only one problem, Chase. No one’s watching the camp right now… but I think that’s alright. I think I want to take you up on that challenge anyway.”
His expression goes suddenly guarded, like he understands what I’m saying but can’t bring himself to really believe it. “Yeah? And what challenge is that?”
I shrug. “I want to see if I can keep you from coming for more than five minutes.” I pause, forcing myself to meet his eyes without looking away from the hunger in their depths. I bite down on my bottom lip, then swipe my tongue along it. “With my mouth.”
Chase swallows his groan. His cock twitches before he stills it with his fingers, and I can tell that it wouldn’t take much at all to make him go off like a rocket.
“Yeah?” His voice has dropped a good octave, going rough as he releases his dick, rubbing his palm against his ass cheek while giving me a full view of his groin. “What about Maverick?”
His tone is almost deceptive. He can’t quite keep the jealousness out of it as he asks, though I know that part of him doesn’t give a shit where the other man is. But Chase… he wants to see how much I care when he brings Mav up.
There’s nothing between Maverick and me.
Chase has got to know that by now, but jealousy is a vicious beast. He explained his relationship with Audrey to me, but that hasn’t stopped the intrusive thoughts that pop into my brain, with Chase plowing into Audrey while I watch horrified from across the room.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he looks at Mav and me and sees the grizzled cop bending Hallie over, but that’ll never happen (and not just because Hallie is gone).
To Mav, we’re reckless kids who were dumb enough to join in his mission.
To Chase, Maverick is another man, but not one I’m interested in. Fuck it. I want Chase, and if this is a way to prove it to him… I’m kind of looking forward to it.
So what about Maverick? I gesture vaguely behind me. “What about him? He went off into the woods with Veronica after you disappeared. They said they’re going to scout for lurkers, but…”
I saw the way that Maverick was looking at Veronica.
When he thought no one was paying attention, there was something there.
I’d call it desperation, but that doesn’t make sense.
Still, it was similar to enough to how I catch Chase looking at me that I have no doubt in my mind what he’s doing with her right now since she definitely seemed open to it.
Just like I really, really want to find out how Chase tastes right now.
Too bad that I don’t think I’ll get the chance. Not the way a muscle jerks in his cheek as his face shadows over despite the moonlight. “So I’m your second choice. Maverick is busy, so you’ll settle for me? That it?”
Is he fucking with me? He’s gotta be fucking with me. I mean, I knew he was jealous, but…
“Choice?” I echo. “There is no choice.”
Shit, Xandra. Wrong thing to say since he turns his head away from me while cursing under his breath.
Oh, no. I don’t like that one bit.
I move until I’ve closed the remaining gap between us. “I mean it, Chase. It’s just you.” I pause, then take one final step closer to him so that the back of my fingers brush against the erection that is right within my reach. “And that.”
I can’t tell if he wants to get away or give in and lean into my caress. It was a simple touch, a fleeting touch, but all Chase does is grate out, “It’s you. Right now… forever… it’s you. It’s only ever been a Holden for me. No one else. Never.”
I believe it.
He wants Hallie. He can’t have her, and I know that—as her twin—I’m his second choice.
And you know what? I can deal with that. Come tomorrow, I know I’ll regret everything that happens next, but like I said: tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone. For the moment, we have tonight.
I shift my position so that I’m standing directly in front of him though his head is still turned away from me. Then, in a throaty voice, I murmur, “Look at me, Chase.”
For a heartbeat, he refuses. My battered and bruised organ thuds, and I think that I read this… him and me… that I read us all fucking wrong. That I ruined whatever relationship we had by trying to turn it sexual without a bottle of whiskey between us.
That I betrayed my twin.
So I do what I always do when I can’t face something or someone. I get ready to walk away. Dropping my hand down to my side, I start to go—but not before he reaches out, circling my wrist with his hand, tethering me to him almost as effectively as those handcuffs did before we cut the chain.
My head pops up to meet his gaze, and all I see is lust warring with need and a hint of trepidation as he whispers back, “I thought…”
“What? That I hated you?”
It’s his turn to swallow roughly before he jerks his head, a single nod.
My stomach goes tight. My fault. This is all my fault…
“No. Chase… if there’s one thing I need you to know, it’s this: I could never hate you.”
I mean that, too. I don’t know how to get him to believe me, but that much is at least true. I move back into him, tilting my face up, letting him see the honest answer written there.
The honest answer, and the offer to show him how much I do care for him.
“You didn’t have to come after me,” I tell Chase. “You did. For whatever reason you left the Grave… you’re here. You’ve got my back. Let me repay you.”
His expression turns puzzled. “Repay me? What do you—”
Another brush of my fingers against his dick. It all but jumps into my hand.
“Oh.”
Yeah. Oh.