Chapter 7
CHAPTER SEVEN
“You don’t look too happy to be at your kid’s school,” Will says, nudging me in the side.
I fight telling him to fuck off because of course I’m happy to be here—sort of. I mean, I’m not thrilled that his teacher is here and staring daggers at me still. I don’t know why I let him get under my skin, but it’s driving me insane that the guy clearly hates my guts and I have no idea why.
“It’s not the school. It’s the teacher,” Bowen says with a happy laugh from the other side of his best friend.
We’re all dressed in our turnouts and helmets, ready to show off the firetruck to all the kindergartners and first graders at the school.
It’s something we do every year as part of fire safety week.
Last year, Elijah was thrilled when I came to his school, but when my eyes find his in the crowd—he’s missing that glow. I hope my kid can learn to love the fact that I’m a firefighter again because it’s killing me.
“Which teacher?” Will asks.
“We’re here to teach fire safety,” I say as our captain goes on his spiel for the kids, and Bowen, Will, and I just stand there in our gear.
Will snorts and then turns to Bowen. “Which teacher?”
Bowen snickers and then nods in the direction of Spencer, who’s standing with his class, his arms folded and that signature angry pout on his face. A face I can’t seem to get out of my head.
He’s changed so much over the years, but his face is the same. Though his jawline is sharper now, and his look is more—refined. He looks the same to me as that kid in school who always intrigued me and I probably spent way too much time thinking about.
“That one.”
Now both of the idiots are staring at Spencer, and it’s obvious he notices when he starts to fidget. I elbow Will. “Stop staring.”
He just laughs easily, completely carefree, much like my brother. “Oh, what did you do to the teacher? Is that Elijah’s teacher?”
“Nothing and yes,” I say quickly, keeping my voice low and my eyes off Spencer—though that last part is hard. I can’t explain it, but when he’s near, just like in high school, it’s like he’s a magnet—drawing me in.
“Nothing? He looks like he wants to murder you. Like he’s contemplating different, creative ways to murder you.”
Bowen laughs. “He definitely did something to him. Probably back in high school.”
“Wait, we went to high school with him?” The wheels are turning in Will’s head, and I forgot how insufferable these two are when they’re together. I might have to cancel the play date we set up this weekend with Will and his kids.
“We did, apparently. I don’t remember him. But he was a nerd.” Bowen holds up one hand. “But don’t call him that. He doesn’t like it.”
“How do you know that?” I ask, turning to him and totally ignoring the speech by Captain Brown. “Did you call him a nerd?”
Will snickers, and Bowen is holding back a laugh. “No?”
“Damn it, Bowen.” I keep my voice low, mindful of the hundred or so kids around us. “He’s my kid’s teacher. Do you want to make his life worse?”
Bowen frowns. “I didn’t call him a nerd. Not really. I apologized.”
I roll my eyes and face the crowd of kids, who are all starting to get fidgety and ready to get up to move. I’ll deal with my brother later.
Thankfully, it’s time for the kids to explore the firetrucks, which is always a hit. I can’t help navigating my way toward Elijah first. “Hey, kiddo? Wanna see?”
His little shoulders shrug. “I’ve seen it before.”
My heart drops a little, but then Bowen is there, placing one of the plastic fire helmets on my kid’s head and scooping him up. “You can’t get tired of seeing the firetruck! That’s blasphemy!”
Elijah giggles. “Uncle Bowen, I’ve seeeen them.”
I grin. “We’ll let you turn on the siren.”
Elijah’s eyes light up at that, and Bowen takes him around to the front door, letting him climb in along with all his little friends, who are asking him about his dad and the firetruck.
Will and Bowen are big kids themselves, who have a blast showing the kids all our equipment, and I hang back a little bit, making sure every kid gets a turn. But I can sense him before I even see Spencer when he comes up next to me.
“Mr. Bell,” I say in greeting.
“Mr. Mitchell. Elijah was pretty excited about today. It was what he shared in our morning meeting.”
I’m stunned and turn to face Spencer to make sure he isn’t messing with me. “Really?”
He looks slightly taken aback, probably not sure why I had such a profound reaction, but I didn’t know he was excited at all. I told him Bowen and I would be at his school today before I dropped him off, but he didn’t show any hint of joy. “Yes,” he says carefully. “Why wouldn’t he be?”
It’s hard to face how my accident changed our lives, and suddenly, a wave of vulnerability takes over, making me look away from Spencer.
The guy hates me. I’m not sure why he’s even talking to me in the first place.
“He just...” I see Elijah holding his little plastic helmet on his head with one hand and showing his friends all the buttons on the dash of the truck, making me smile.
“He doesn’t like to talk about my job very much these days. ”
“Maybe not to you, but I hear him talking to his friends about it a lot.” He’s quiet for a moment and then adds, “All positive.”
I turn to look at him, that vulnerable feeling not going away. “Really?”
He looks conflicted, like he wants to be anywhere but here, but he nods his head. “Yes, really. I know your accident scared him, but he’s proud of you, Kade.”
I swallow hard, the lump in my throat prominent as I look back toward my son. “I wish I could change that day.”
“You made it,” he says kindly, and I nod my head, the lump in my throat growing.
“He shouldn’t have seen me like that. He shouldn’t have been afraid for my life all day. It’s the one thing I’d change if I could.”
And why I’m being so open and honest, I’m not sure, but I’ll never stop being angry at myself for hurting my kid in that way.
“It takes time to heal,” Spencer says softly. “He will.”
“Aw, does this mean you two are friends now?” Bowen comes out of nowhere, wrapping his arms around both our shoulders.
I could kill him, but one look over at Spencer tells me I won’t have to because he’s definitely contemplating ways to do just that. “Go away,” I say, and Bowen just laughs, releasing us.
“Come on, little brother. Your kid is requesting you.”
Damn, if that doesn’t make me light up and start in that direction. Before I get too far away though, I turn and look at Spencer, giving him a quick nod to thank him.
I get a small, tight smile in return.
And I take it as a win because maybe we really can be friends someday. I don’t know why it matters to me, but it does. I realize I want that.
Badly.