Burn With Me (Griffin’s Den #1)

Prologue

Amelia

Q uickening my pace, I race up the last few steps to the door of the townhouse. With shaking hands, I struggle to get the key in and finally manage to unlock the door after the third try.

Leo will be home soon, and he’s never happy when dinner isn’t ready for him by the time he walks through the door. The worst part is that I don’t even know what I want to cook tonight, and god forbid I order takeout.

I don’t know how we got here, but I know this isn’t a normal relationship. I hate myself a little more each day because I won’t just end it, but it’s comfortable at this point.

As I start mentally preparing the meal, I think about my life and the plan I started for my future. I need to have my ducks in a row because my life is so entwined with Leo’s.

I should make a list of what I need to do to help me focus.

I walk over to my container plants and grab some fresh tomatoes, wondering if I have what it takes to start the aquaponics farm I’ve been dreaming of. Self-doubt kicks in with the thought.

Do I even have what it takes to start a business?

It doesn’t help when you’re told over and over that you can’t make a living farming. Or that you aren’t good enough to follow through with anything, let alone start a business.

While the sauce is simmering, I pull out my tablet to look at the plans I’ve come up with. I have my whole aquaponic farm fully planned out, from building plans to how I would execute it, the best mediums to use for each plant, and which fish is best for each section. Growing produce and flowers has always been my passion, and because of this, I took more biology classes than needed for my psychology degree just so I could learn everything I could about it.

It’ll be fully sustainable and able to provide produce to restaurants and other businesses wherever I decide to end up.

During my research, I found a new grant in New Mexico that’s trying to bring start-up businesses to the state, and agriculture is listed as a category they’re accepting applications for.

To hell with it. I’m going to start filling out the application.

I won’t know if they approve it for almost a year. So that gives me plenty of time to figure out my next steps.

After I prepare the garlic bread and start to boil the water for the pasta, the door opens, and Leo walks in, immediately taking his jacket off and draping it across the couch as he walks by.

I tense as I realize I didn’t shut the tablet down before Leo makes his way up behind me.

“Looking at all your unrealistic plans, Amelia? Where are you going to build that in the city where our lives are?”

This is the same fight we have every time he finds me looking at my plans.

“It’s not unrealistic, Leo. It’s possible even in the city. I just don’t want it to happen here,” I respond, voicing this out loud for the first time.

I hate it here. He knows it. I only came to DC because I got a fantastic scholarship for college.

Leo stops pulling things out of his pocket to put in the bowl in the hallway and slowly turns. Alarm bells go off in my head.

While Leo has never been physically abusive, he’s very much the kind of man who wants it his way or the highway, and everyone has to fit into his life exactly how he wants it. There is no negotiating with him.

“What do you mean you don’t want it to happen here, Amelia? My career is here. We’re not going to go to some backwoods town and deal with hicks or boring crimes. Our life is here, end of story,” Leo says as he narrows his eyes, daring me to argue.

“Your career is here, Leo, but I’m not happy here. You know this. Hell, everyone knows this. I got an email earlier about a great grant for people willing to start a new business in New Mexico. I’d like to explore the possibility of this.” I snap my mouth closed, unsure where this word vomit is coming from.

“ New Mexico!? ” Leo roars, and my eyes go big.

Shit, I’ve never seen him this angry, mostly because I never talk back. I’ve learned it’s easier to go with whatever he wants, but I don’t want to do that anymore.

“Unless I’m relocated, I’m not leaving this city. This is where I’m building my career, and you agreed to support me. The promotion I’m eligible for is coming up soon, and I will not let some pipe dream of yours ruin my life. You’re not smart enough to start a business. You can’t even fund it because I sure as fuck won’t help you financially. You never see anything through. You’ll fixate on it for a couple of months, then get bored and move on.” He’s in my face, and damn, are his words cutting deep.

Maybe it’s my fault. I’ve never really talked about how serious I am about this, and he just thinks it’s one of my ADHD fixations.

“I have an image to uphold, Amelia, and you will not ruin this for me. Do you understand?”

While I’m proud of Leo’s career in the FBI, I’ll be the first to admit that it’s changed him and not for the better. Gone is the man I fell in love with, who was sweet, supportive, and fun. At some point, this controlling, angry person took over. I don’t even recognize him anymore. He only cares about one thing: moving up in the FBI as fast as possible.

I’m not happy in this relationship, but what upsets me the most is that it’s not a real partnership. To him, I’m a pawn to help grow his career.

Guilt and sadness overwhelm me as it sinks in that I’m just not happy anymore, not in my relationship or in this city. Leo and I have been together since our sophomore year of college, but he wants a trophy wife. I’m just not that person, never have been, and to be honest, I never want to be. But I’ve been playing a role for so long that I’ve forgotten that.

Wait, wait, wait—focus, Am. What did he just say?

Anger bubbles in my veins.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Normally, I’m cool as a cucumber, not letting much bother me. Which is a huge difference from when I was younger. I was short tempered and quick to start a fight, but with my schooling as a psychologist, I became someone who talks things out and wants to work together on a solution.

Now, though, my blood is starting to boil.

Leo has demonstrated that his career is more important than me, and the fact that he thinks I’ll unquestioningly follow him—because that’s what I’ve been doing—makes me disappointed in myself.

This has to be the end of our relationship. Not only is the city sucking the life out of me, but I’m in a loveless relationship because it’s comfortable, and he’s apparently only with me because it looks good for his career.

Something inside me snaps.

I ball my hands into fists at my sides. “Uh, excuse me. I don’t know when you started only thinking of me as a way to further your career, but you can’t just discredit my thoughts and feelings. Don’t be fucking thick, Leo, it’s not becoming, and it’s not going to change my feelings,” I say, crossing my arms.

I fight the tears threatening to fall as a weight is lifted off my shoulders as I say something I’ve felt for a long time. I’ve put his career and life above my own dreams. Maybe it’s time to change that.

Holy shit, is this happening right now?

My eyes widen and my breath catches when Leo grabs the baking sheet with the garlic bread and chucks it down the hall.

I take a deep breath to try and prepare for what might happen next because this is escalating further than any of our previous arguments.

My mind is racing to make some fast decisions because if this is what my future holds, I really don’t want it. Leo has been mentally and emotionally abusive, but he’s never lost his temper like this in front of me, and this outburst solidifies my decision. I will not let this turn into a physically abusive relationship. I should have never let it turn into the relationship it is now, but I can’t change the past. Moving forward is the only option.

So, I spin on my heel and start down the hall to the bedroom’s ensuite bathroom. Once inside, I slam the door closed and lock it. Sitting on the toilet, I shoot a quick text to Pam. She might live several hours from me, but I need my best friend right now.

Ideas start to race through my head.

Could I leave tonight ?

The door handle jiggles, and Leo pounds on the door. “Open the fucking door, Amelia, and talk to me like an adult.”

“No, thank you,” I snap. “There is no talking at this point. You’re just going to demand what happens next. You won’t even let me talk.”

I stand up and look in the mirror, barely recognizing the woman staring back at me.

My thoughts are going a mile a minute. How quickly can I pack everything up? Is there some place I can go at the last minute tonight? Renting an Airbnb for a couple of weeks while I plan my next steps is probably where I should start. I don’t really have that much other than my clothes and my books, since Leo wouldn’t let me do any decorating.

Is this a rash decision? Yeah, maybe .

But the more I stand here, the more it feels right.

If my education has taught me anything, it’s that he’ll escalate, and while this is a hard and scary choice, it’s the right one. So, I square my shoulders and face the door with a lump forming in my throat as I reach out and grab the handle.

“Come on, sweetheart,” Leo says in a soft voice. “Let’s sit down for dinner and figure this out.”

I roll my eyes so hard I hope he feels it in his soul, and I rest my head on the door. “Leo, I love you, but I think we’ve grown apart, and it isn’t healthy to stay together anymore. We both want different things in our lives, and maybe we should take a step back and reevaluate?” I hold my breath because I have no idea how he’s going to react.

When I don’t hear him, I take a deep breath and slowly open the door, but I immediately regret that decision.

Leo’s face is red, and if this were a cartoon, smoke would probably be coming out of his ears. “Do you think you’re anything without me? Do you think you’ll have any success without me to keep you on track? Amelia, let me tell you, you’re nothing without me . You know what? Fuck it, I’m leaving for the night. But know this: if I walk out that door and you’re gone when I come back tomorrow morning, I will not come save you when your little plan fails.” He’s yelling so close to me that his spit hits my face.

I don’t fight the tears in my eyes anymore, but they aren’t the heartbroken tears I thought I would cry. These are tears of fear of what he might do and tears of the deep-seated fear that he might be right, and I’m going to fail, but you never know until you try, right?

“I am something,” I whisper, more for myself than him.

“You. Are. Nothing,” he repeats. “But you know what? You want to follow this stupid dream? Be my guest. But if you choose to leave, you have until I come back after work tomorrow because that’s all the time you’re getting to get the fuck out. Just remember, if you leave, you’ll regret it. I’ll make sure of that.”

Before I can say anything, he punches the wall next to the door by my head, and I flinch out of instinct. He turns on his heels and walks away.

Once the front door slams shut, I finally take a full breath with tears streaming down my face. I reach into my pocket to grab my phone and call Pam. When she answers, I cry harder.

“I’m going to castrate him with a rusty knife and put his balls in a blender and then make him drink it.”

A muted laugh breaks through my tears, knowing how lucky I am to have her in my life.

“It isn’t even worth it. I’m panicking, and I need you to talk me down,” I tell her as I spin in a circle, looking around the room.

“What the fuck happened?” she asks.

Starting from when he came home, I tell her everything to when he left.

“I have to leave tonight. I don’t know where to start or where I’m gonna go.” My shoulders slump as I realize how much time I don’t have.

I hear drawers opening and closing on her end of the line, and I think I hear Sam in the background.

“What are you doing? Is Sam with you?”

“What do you think I’m doing? I’m packing so I can make the plane tickets I booked to come help you. And yeah, it’s Sam. He said he’ll be there first thing in the morning so he can help with any big stuff we can’t do on our own.”

“Sam is coming too?” I asked, shocked that her brother would be down for a last-minute trip so soon after starting his new job at a fire department in Boston.

“Yeah, he was here for the last load of his stuff, but when he heard what was happening, his He-Man brother side came out, so he’s going to help as muscle. Listen, I have to go or I won’t make it to the airport on time. I’ll send you the Airbnb information when I get one at the airport.”

“Okay,” I whisper.

“Hey, slut bag, I’m on my way,” she says to try to make me laugh. “Love you. See you soon,” she whispers.

After the call disconnects, I look around and have never been so happy to have totes for everything because of my hatred for cardboard boxes.

There are no touches of me in this home . . . if I could even call it a home.

I make my way to the closet and grab armfuls of clothes. As I wait for two of the few people I consider family to come and help me start the next—and possibly scariest—chapter of my life, I throw them in my suitcases.

The whole time I remind myself that I’m going to build the best life and business New Mexico has ever seen, and I’m going to show him and anyone else who doubts me that I’m more than they thought.

Less than eight hours later, the three of us are in the Airbnb, and I’m dead on my feet. I call my boss and give them the lowdown on what’s happening and take the day off. Finally, I lie in bed and have one of the best nights’ sleep I’ve had in a long time.