One
Amelia Five years Later
I smile as I pull into my driveway and throw my Jeep into park.
I finally feel like my hard work is paying off. When I found Griffin’s Den, it didn’t take long to know it was where I wanted to not only live but to build my farm. It’s exactly what you picture a small town being like. Where everyone knows everyone, and there’s a much slower pace of life. However, the town welcomed Pam and me with open arms, and we haven’t looked back since.
I’m happy and have built an amazing life for myself here, despite feeling exhausted every night. I have a dog—who’s probably mad I couldn’t take her to work today—business friends who are more like family, and a best friend who always has my back.
I hop out and grab my backpack with all the things I still have to complete today.
While I love working with the community and local restaurants and stores, days like today are mentally exhausting. I might be fantastic at customer service—figuring out what people might need and problem-solving with them—but I’m an introvert at heart, and nights in, spent decompressing, are perfect for me. That’s why when I hear my phone ring, I almost don’t answer, but looking at my watch, I see it’s Pam.
“Sup, hoe,” I say as I unlock the door.
Penny, my chocolate lab mix, comes toward me with a toy in her mouth. After dropping my stuff on the table, I head down the hall to the back door and let Penny out.
“Oh, you know, same shit, different day,” she replies. “Are we still on for girls’ night tonight?”
Shit, I forgot about that.
“Ugh, I kind of forgot, but yeah, we’re still on. What’re we thinking? Because I could go for some chips and guac,” I say with a smirk.
I can practically hear her gagging.
“Guac looks like baby shit, but I’ll pick it up on my way. Same order as always?”
“Yup. I have to hop in the shower. Just come on in when you get here,” I say and let Penny back in. Then I head to the bathroom to put rosemary oil in my hair.
“Okey dokey. Be there in less than an hour,” she says before hanging up.
While my hair oil works its ten-minute magic, I walk back to the kitchen to grab Penny’s food out of the fridge and set it down. She sits not so patiently for me to give her the command to eat.
“Okay,” I say, and without hesitation, she walks to her food and starts eating.
I was lucky to find this house before COVID made the world crazy. It’s a three-bedroom, two-bathroom adobe-style home that sits on just over an acre, and it was exactly what I was looking for.
I did some minor upgrading while the world was stuck in a weird cycle of shutting down and opening back up, and between that and figuring out how not to waste food that I was growing for my aquaponics business, I kept myself busy.
Penny finishes her food and comes to sit in front of me like the perfect princess she is. She was my foster fail during COVID and the second-best decision I made, moving here being the first. I bend down to give her a couple of pats, grab a nearby toy, and throw it down the hall for her.
Walking back to the bathroom, I reflect on how far I’ve come over the last five years. I’m forever grateful that Pam decided to join me on my adventure.
I strip down and turn on the shower.
While I know I could have made my way down here without her, I’m glad I didn’t have to. She’s my sister from another mister, the peanut butter to my jelly, and my forever alibi. I can never repay her for the day she dropped everything to help me leave fuck face without blinking an eye. She not only supported my decision but saw my vision for what it could be and didn’t think twice as we started to plan.
As anticipated, it took almost a year to hear back about the grant, and good golly, it was a stressful year. Thankfully, my job allowed me to work remotely, so the move was, for the most part, a seamless transition. It also made planning everything a little easier.
I step into the shower, and the hot water helps relax my shoulders, which feel permanently tense lately.
I loved my old job, but working while getting the farm off the ground was exhausting. Putting together a business plan and greenhouse layouts and beginning to build relationships with local restaurants and grocery stores was a second full-time job. There were times I wasn’t sure it was going to happen. Could I get funding if the grant didn’t go through? How long was I going to have to work both jobs without burning myself out?
Thankfully, the grant approval came through, and while it wasn’t enough to build everything I wanted, it was enough for a fantastic kickstart and some bomb tax breaks. I was able to find a local construction company that saw my vision, and Wayne, the owner of the company, helped me break it down into sections so I could grow into my plans.
It was a process, but that’s how Griffin’s Den Aqua Orchard was born.
While I’m extremely proud of what I’ve been able to do so far, I’m so proud of the community section of the greenhouses I have, making sure the community has access to fresh food and the opportunity to learn about the self-sustaining process of aquaponics. Both are so important to me, and I’m glad I was able to incorporate it into the farm.
I’m washing my body when Pam comes into the bathroom.
“Bitch, are you almost done? I’m starving, and you’re taking your sweet-ass time,” she says with a huff.
“I’m just finishing up. Keep your panties on,” I say, rolling my eyes.
“Listen, Linda, I have news, and it’s best shared over Mexican food and not with you in the shower,” she shoots back.
“Ohhh, did Barbra finally get canned?”
Pam works as a nurse at the local clinic, and while I like to think I’m a nice person who doesn’t wish ill will on anyone, Barbra, the office manager, is one person I wouldn’t mind losing her job since she causes my bestie more headaches than she’s worth.
“I wish, but she spends her time sexing her way through the doctors so they don’t realize she doesn’t do her job.”
I turn the water off, grab my microfiber towel for my hair, and wrap it up as I say, “Well, what is it?!” I grab my other towel and wrap it around my? body.
“Sam is moving down here, and he’s bringing his best friend, Luke, with him. I’m working to convince them to help at the farmers’ market on the weekends they don’t work,” she says as she hops off the counter and follows me into my room.
“Wait, why is Sam moving here? I mean, I’m never going to turn down free labor at the farmers’ markets, but also, why are you just now telling me?” I say, only slightly offended she kept this from me, as I grab clothes out of my dresser.
“Well, I also just found out because he’s a doucher. I guess he’s been interviewing at the fire department and didn’t want to get our hopes up, just in case he didn’t get the job. Not that I would care either way. I love him, but he’s annoying.”
If Sam is anything, it’s annoying and a womanizer. He’s the typical older brother and protective of us both. I would have never thought he would leave Boston.
We make our way to the living room, and I turn the TV on. I don’t even ask as I put on Monty Python and the Holy Grail for background noise.
“Well, as long as he doesn’t spend all his time flirting with every female that comes up to the booth, he can stay. Where is he staying, or did he find a place?” I open the bags with our food and pass Pam hers.
When I open my chimichanga, I moan at the smell. I swear it’s one of the best I’ve ever had.
“Girl, you know he’s going to flirt with everyone. He’s crashing with me for a couple of weeks while he finds a place.” With an eye roll, she digs into her tacos.
I laugh because they’ll be ready to kill each other after a couple of weeks of living together, but I know how happy she is that he’ll be closer.
We eat in relative silence while quoting the movie that has been one of our favorites since high school. This right here is why she’s my best friend. We don’t have to talk the whole time, so I can let my social battery recharge like it desperately needs to.
Pam breaks the silence as she starts to clean up her takeout boxes. “How did your meetings go today?”
“Great, actually. It’s nice that everyone is happy with not only the quality of food but also the fact that we’re expanding since I’ve been testing some new produce and herbs along with trying out adding shrimp to the mix. I didn’t want to promise it was going to work since shrimp are very much assholes and super aggressive, but the test batch makes me feel better about trying them out more. Speaking of, I have to go over numbers and make sure I have enough for everyone’s midweek deliveries.” Standing up, I gather our boxes to throw them away.
“While I’m so proud of how successful you’ve become, I don’t envy you being the boss. You’re mostly work and very little play, which makes you a dull and boring bitch,” she says as she rinses the silverware and puts them in the dishwasher.
“Well, being the boss has some perks, one of them being I can bring my dog to work with me most days. Oh, and I don’t have to answer to anyone, and if I want to take time off, I could, but if I took time off, what would we do? Neither of us likes people enough to travel to a city.” I point out, which is mostly true. I don’t know if either of us could handle a big city for a vacation. “We would probably punch someone and end up in jail after three days. Then we’d have to ask Sam to bail us out.”
Sometimes it’s weird that I’ve turned into the voice of reason between the two of us. I can say, though, if I had to deal with the petty bullshit she deals with at the clinic, I don’t think my therapy would be as effective as it has been.
I grab my backpack and head back to the living room.
“Speaking of being your own boss and being able to make your own schedule. You should schedule a night off and try dating again,” Pam says casually.
Groaning, I sit on the couch and pull out my laptop, a notebook, and a pen. I fight to not roll my eyes. “We’ve been over this. I’m not ready yet. I’m too busy to date. With a growing company to run, I feel like I can barely keep up some days. Very few men would likely want to date around my random-ass schedule.” I give her a pointed look.
We’ve had this conversation several times over the last couple of years.
I know she means well, but even after years of therapy, I’m just not ready to put myself out there. Even if I was, I’m too old for hookup culture, and the thought of having to socialize makes my skin crawl.
“Am, I love you, but it’s been five years.” I go to defend my reasoning, but she puts her hand up to stop me. “I get it, really, I do. You were hurt in a way that makes it hard to trust again, but you’re doing yourself a disservice. By sticking to this, you’re going to be alone for the rest of your life. Leo was a fucking asshole, and I hope he chokes on a bag of dicks, but you’re thriving . You grew your business from the ground up, you’re close to expanding. You can make time, you’re just too afraid to,” she says.
Her words are full of the tough love she knows I need. Deep down, I know she’s right. I’ve just come so far, and I’m not sure if I’m ready to hand my heart over to someone yet—or ever.
“I appreciate you more than I’ll ever be able to put into words, but I’m really happy right now and just don’t have the energy to try to get into the dating pool,” I say firmly, hoping we can change the topic.
To drive the point further, I start to work on stuff I need to figure out before tomorrow.
“I know you don’t want to deal with the hookup life, but you need to at least let someone dust those cobwebs out of your cootch because that bitch has to be dusty,” she says as she rolls with laughter.
I throw my extra pen at her. “BOB works just fine, so fuck right off. I’m done talking to you. I don’t know why we’re friends.”
“Because you love me and have no idea how you would survive your life without me,” she says, batting her eyelashes at me dramatically.
“I know, but you’re still annoying as hell,” I say, smirking at her before reviewing some contracts.
When the movie credits kick on, I’m shocked at how much time has passed. “Are you staying the night?” I ask.
I know the answer, but I ask anyway, and I move on to opening up my spreadsheets to check the pH level trends and cost projections.
“Of course, I’m staying. My bitch ass is too tired to drive the ten minutes back home,” she tells me, petting Penny while she looks at my spreadsheets as I start to wrap everything up.
“Holy shit. With those numbers, you can probably start the next expansion to the greenhouses soon.”
I nod because she’s right. If I keep at this pace, I’ll have to expand before the end of the year because Kristen, my only employee, who’s also a biology student, and I can only do so much before it becomes too much for the two of us.
“Which also means I’ll have to see if I can hire a couple of people. I’ll most likely reach out to some universities again and see if I can find anyone doing thesis work in agriculture or maybe a couple of high school seniors,” I say, thinking out loud.
The best part, aside from the sustainability of the aquaponics farm, is that once it’s going, it doesn’t actually take a lot of maintenance other than making sure the water is balanced and the fish are happy. It’s the harvesting that takes time.
Between the farmers’ market every Sunday, the twice-a-week deliveries, the community farm, and the fish breeding, I know we’ll need more help soon. It’s a lot, even if the primary system mostly takes care of itself.
“I was also thinking of talking to the local farmers about starting up a co-op for the days the farmers’ market isn’t open,” I say as I finish updating everything and stand to stretch.
“That’s a great idea! You know, as long as you get Farmer Joe on board, you can get the rest of them on board,” she says.
Farmer Joe and his wife, Ann, rented one of their cabins to us when we first moved to town. They quickly took us under their wing, and once I told him why we moved here, he supported me a hundred percent. His farm might be what people think of when they picture a farm, but he’s also someone who always wants to learn, and between the two of us, we’ve brought together and built relationships with farmers from three counties.
“Alright, Penny Poo, it’s time to go potty, then you have to share your bed with Auntie Pam in the guest room,” I say, and Penny stands with Pam and stretches while looking at both of us.
“Bitch, please. Neither Penny nor I have ever slept in the guest room, and we’re not about to start tonight.” She starts walking and looks down at Penny. “Your mom is a selfish Sally, acting like she isn’t happy I brought food and am staying the night. I don’t know how you put up with her ungrateful ass,” she says as she walks toward my room to let Penny out.
I chuckle and roll my eyes as I follow her and get into bed. “I’m not a selfish Sally. If I was, I would have made your ass drive home.”
She closes the door once Penny comes in. They both get into bed, and I tell Alexa to turn the lights off. I feel Pam roll to face me, and I know our conversation isn’t over yet.
“I don’t want to push you till you get mad, but it makes me sad that you won’t give dating a chance. You’re too amazing to be alone for the rest of your life. You deserve so much happiness with how much you give to everyone else,” she says quietly.
“I am happy. You’re right, I know you are, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to give it a chance or when I’ll be ready. But I promise you, I am happy.”
“I know you are, but you don’t put yourself first in a personal sense, and even if you don’t think it’s time, it’s time. You can’t give him the power to hold you back anymore.”
Thankfully, the lights are off because I don’t want her to see the tears in my eyes. “I know I can’t give him that power, and I can’t hide behind that excuse anymore. Just let me get through this next expansion, and then I’ll really give it a shot.”
“I’m so proud of you,” she says.
I lie there for a while, thinking about what she said. I know she’s right, and I know deep down I don’t want to spend the rest of my days alone. I just don’t know where to start, but I do know one thing. Whatever happens, I’m going to take the relationship slower than molasses because I won’t end up in the same situation again. And with that last thought, I drift off to sleep.