Chapter Thirty Six #2
Smoothing a hand over my styled hair, I ignore my heartbeat pounding in my ears with each step Harper takes.
Each stair is one closer to me. Each soft click of her heel feels like a countdown to my own destruction.
I’ve always been spoiled with things that don’t matter.
Money, cars, connections. But now the only thing I care about in this godforsaken world is walking toward me, shimmering like a dream I don’t deserve.
I want to grab her with both hands, pull her against me, and never let her go.
To claim her. To prove that she’s mine and I’m hers, no matter who’s watching.
Her green eyes come level with mine, and it’s like staring into the truth I’ve been trying to outrun.
There’s sadness in them. Not just sadness, but resignation.
She looks between me and Clayton, and I feel my throat closing.
I force myself to stay still, to not reach for her, to not say a damn word.
My tongue is a live wire in my mouth, filled with arguments, with pleas, with promises I know she’s already stopped believing in. There’s nothing else to say. Harper’s made her decision. I can see it in the hard line of her jaw, the way her shoulders square against the weight of it.
A wave of nausea grips me, twisting deep in my gut.
I’ve been in fights that left me bloodied, dragged across the ground, but nothing has ever felt like this.
Nothing has ever hurt like this. Harper makes me want to rewrite every mistake, every cruel thing I’ve ever done.
She makes me want to beg her to save me.
But now, watching her stand there so calm and so sure, I might be about to lose her and if I do, there won’t be anything left of me to save.
Addy appears at the top of the stairs, beautiful in her own right as much as I hate to think it, but my brain barely even registers her. My gaze zeroes in on the two black duffel bags in her hands.
“What’s going on?” Clayton asks in a gruff bark. It breaks through my fog, registering what I have failed to understand. Harper keeps her head held high and crosses her hands in front of her, as if she’s practiced what she’s about to say a thousand times.
“I’ve been asked to make a decision, and I have.
” She looks at Clay first, then at me, then at some safe, neutral point between us.
I brace myself. “Each of you speaks to a different side to me, but together you both make me whole. I’m just as strong as I am weak, brave as I am scared.
I need my protector and my challenger.” Harper smiles weakly to us both in turn before stepping on the last step to take each of our hands in hers.
Her fingers are shaking, but they clench tightly as if she’s clinging on in sheer desperation.
“This is what I want,” Harper looks from me to Clayton and back again, tears shining in her eyes.
“I can’t lie to myself or ignore the pull I feel towards each of you for different reasons.
When one of you isn’t here, it’s like a piece of my soul is missing.
I understand it’s unusual and incredibly selfish, so I’ve decided that if one of you isn’t on board, then I’ll walk away from you both. ”
“Harper,” I breathe, unfamiliar with the sound of my own voice. She shakes her head, needing to finish what she’s started.
“I’ve had a virtual meeting with Dean Lawrence about being switched onto a home learning program if it comes to it.
That should appease the new policy your father has put in place.
But it wasn’t just about the expulsion. These threats,” Harper sighs with the weight of the world on her shoulders, “I can’t face the threats without you guys by my side, but I can’t have one and see the other everyday either.
It’s unconventional, but when all the bullshit is set aside, it works. We work.”
My head is shaking, my mind tripping over itself. Harper doesn’t want to go back to her aunts, she wants to stay here. Where the blood rushes through my veins, threatening to burn me alive, Clayton is the image of stoic serenity. I can’t gauge what he’s thinking, but it doesn’t matter.
“So, that’s my decision. It’s time for you to make yours.
” Refusing to let the tears fall, Harper withdraws her hands and takes a step back.
Addy places Harper’s bags to the side of the front door, sending a visceral pain shooting through my chest. No.
I’m just starting to understand the strength of my feelings for Harper.
I can’t let her go, no matter the costs.
“I’m all in.” I announce, closing the space between us to take her face in my hands. My heart forgets how to beat, as if my future happiness is hinged on this moment. “I’ve been a slave to you since day one. Whatever you ask of me, I’ll do it. I need you in my life, Babygirl. You’re it for me.”
The first tear falls from Harper’s beautiful emerald eyes and I catch with my thumb. She leans into my hand, allowing herself a moment before shutting off her emotions again. I step in beside her, winding my arm around her waist.
“Clay?” Harper’s voice quivers, her hope and dread rolling into one.
I lift my head to watch him closely, threatening with my eyes for him to not fuck this up.
We will sort logistics later, I’ll build him a shed in the back yard to live in.
Clayton doesn’t look at her at first. His jaw tightens, arms crossing like he’s holding himself together.
When he eventually speaks, it’s a low and impassive sound.
“I’ve fallen for you Beautiful, way too hard.
I want to be your everything, and in return I’d expect the same.
” His onyx black eyes lift, spearing Harper so harshly, I have the urge to step in between them.
Keeping my feet rooted to the spot, I let him say his peace. I suppose it’s the least he’s owed.
“This isn’t the future I envisioned when you gave me back the hope of having one.
You can’t ask me to take turns and watch him treat you like a piece of meat.
I’m sorry, but in the name of making you happy, I’ll be making myself miserable.
You can’t ask that of me. I can’t…” Clayton breaks his stance to run a hand through his blond locks.
“I wouldn’t be my mother’s son if I settled for that. ”
“I understand,” Harper whispers as if she was expecting as much.
There’s a slight shake to her shoulders but she forces a bittersweet smile, pushing through the pain that’s written all over her face.
“Well, we’re all dressed up. Shall we have one last night to remember?
” Harper asks hopefully and na?vely. I can see Clayton’s rejection before he shakes his head side to side.
Harper sucks in a breath and reaches for him, as if she can keep him here by force, but he moves back out of her reach.
He has her answer, and it’s not the one he wanted.
Turning on his heel, he marches straight out of the door.
Just fucking leaves us standing there, resentment and bitterness entwining.
Wrapping my arms around Harper’s shuddering frame, I’ve found a new reason to hate Clayton Michaels, and it’s for breaking Harper’s heart.
“We don’t need him. I’ll do whatever it takes, I’ll be enough,” I promise without the basis to back it up.
All I know is the desperation crawling up my throat, leaving a burning path in its wake.
Harper shifts out of my grip, jerking her chin to the pink-haired imp I forgot was standing there.
Addy retrieves the bags and carries them outside without looking back. “Please, baby. Don’t do this.”
Harper’s tears are spilling freely now. Two perfect trails cutting through her make-up, cutting directly through my soul.
I swear each drop lands somewhere in the hollow space where my heart used to be.
I can’t breathe, I can’t think. The only reason I’ve known for living is right here, yet she’s slipping through my fingers.
“It’s not fair for you to only get half of me.” Harper tries to edge closer to the door, but I step into her way.
“Half is fine, I’ll take half,” my voice cracks.
“You have to stay. You already belong to me and I think…I think I’m in love with you.
” My own brain explodes at the revelation, words I never thought I’d say tumbling out of me.
Harper continues to shake her head, my protests falling on deaf ears, no pun intended.
“You don’t know what love is, Rhys,” she says far too softly. “It’s not owning someone, it’s setting them free with the knowledge they will always come back to you.” Her words break her as much as they do me. She wishes the opposite were true, but she won’t lie to me either.
“Show me,” I beg, reaching for her hand but she pulls away.
Losing patience, I grab her upper arms and tug her against my chest. “I can learn. Just…just stay and teach me how to love you.” Blinking up, Harper looks at me with such tenderness it guts me.
Such misery, that I can read her response without her needing to say a word.
She knows I can’t love, that it’s an emotion I’m not capable of.
The sympathy that pinches her features is my undoing.
“Don’t fucking pity me.” I snarl, yet I pull her closer.
My fingers find her face, thumbs trembling against her skin as I crush my mouth to hers.
The kiss isn’t soft. It’s a punishment, a plea and a desperate, broken promise all in one.
I kiss her plump lips so savagely, I know they will bruise.
This is what I’m good at, all I’m good for.
““You’re not leaving,” I growl against her face, nipping at her jaw. “I won’t let you go.”
Harper gasps against me, her hands pushing weakly at my chest before gripping my shirt, torn between resisting and falling.
Finding her sweet lips again, I kiss Harper until her knees buckle and I’m all that’s keeping her upright.
I pour everything into our connection, every ounce of regret, every memory, every unspoken apology.
If this is the last time I’ll ever touch her, then she’ll damn well remember it. She’ll remember me.