Chapter 7
Alyssa
I couldn’t really read Jade. She’d been pretty explicit last night at the Birdhouse, but then when it was me and Cat together at the coffee shop, she stuck around, made no attempts to brush me off.
Maybe she’d just been in a bad mood last night?
Or maybe she just didn’t want to blow me off where Cat would see.
But it worked in my favor. I was starting to feel resolved, like this would work after all—picturing her and Daniela talking again, making things right, and then even long after I’d left here, I’d keep hearing stories from Daniela about her and Jade being happy together.
I was getting ahead of myself, but I couldn’t help it. My crime was enthusiasm.
Besides, it was weird to sit here and talk to Jade and Cat and think of them as the pariahs who nobody wanted to talk to anymore.
Cat was impossible not to like, chatting away, with a big infectious laugh, even after I’d learned she’d given me a name sign that basically meant girl who drives into a tree.
Jade’s name sign was the sign for candle on a J instead of on a flat hand like the standard sign, and Cat’s was a C moved along the cheek like a whisker—they showed me the name signs, and then the alphabet, where I fumbled with their pop quizzes trying to spell words for them and struggling to remember letters, but they were both good sports with my struggles, and we all laughed along.
“So,” Cat said at one point, once the laughter had subsided and our drinks were running low, “are you missing Boston yet?”
I fidgeted with my ring. “Not quite…”
“It’s a lot quieter out here, I’ll bet,” she said, and I shrugged. I almost looked away in awkwardness—I was always one to avoid confrontations by shying away from people, but talking to Cat was quickly training that out of me, knowing she wouldn’t be able to understand me if I looked away.
“I guess so. We weren’t living in the most central area, anyway, so it wasn’t that busy.”
Just like Jade had said, she could understand me better when I spoke more naturally, and she cocked her head—she really did have the perfect name, all her gestures like a curious, slightly hyperactive cat. “We? Who were you living with?”
My stomach sank. The heavy thoughts from this morning had stayed at the periphery while we were chatting, but suddenly they came in like a crashing storm again, and I forced a smile. “Oh, um… well… I was living with my boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend. I mean, he wasn’t my ex when I lived with him.”
Cat furrowed her brow. “You’re mumbling, I can’t tell what you’re saying.”
Jade pushed out a frustrated breath and leaned in front of me, saying something fully in sign. I felt a little bit like the kid on the bus who didn’t get anyone else’s jokes, but Cat’s expression shifted.
“Oh,” she said. “I gotcha.”
“I don’t need kiddie gloves,” I said, my ears burning a little. “I can talk about my ex!”
“What was his name?” Cat said.
“Sawyer.” It took a second to realize there was no way she was lipreading that, and I fumbled fingerspelling it.
“Like Sawyer?” she said, and I nodded. She held her fist in the sign for the letter S and made a sawing motion over her other hand. “Like the sign for saw. Because it sounds like he deserves his junk cutting off with a saw.”
I spat. “Jesus, Cat.”
Jade broke out laughing, and I think it might have been the first time I saw her full-on laughing, covering her mouth and then laughing again, bending at the waist as she did. Cat pointed at her.
“See? Jade agrees.”
“Okay. How do you say I’m scared in sign?”
Jade demonstrated. Cat laughed. “I’m not going to cut anything off you! Relax!”
“For real, though,” Jade said, “you don’t need to talk about anything you don’t want to. Cat just talks a lot. You can tell her you don’t want to talk about something and she’ll have something else to talk about.”
“I’m really fine… thank you, though,” I said, fidgeting with my ring again. “People have breakups all the time. It sucks, but I’ll get better.”
“I hope things feel better soon,” Cat said. “And I’m glad you have a safe place to land.”
“Yeah. Me too. Um…” I sat up taller, taking a long breath. “You know, I don’t want to bring up anything awkward, but Daniela said a lot of nice things about both of you. She definitely misses being around you both.”
Jade closed off again, and I regretted opening my mouth even before she stood up, sliding out from the booth and stretching her arms out over her head. “Well, maybe I’ll send her a candle then,” she said, her voice cool and measured. “One of the ones she likes, now that I know what it is.”
“Oh, um… I mean, I bet she’d love that.”
Cat raised her eyebrows at her. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“I’ve got to get home,” Jade said. The icy tone in her voice was, I could only imagine, lost on Cat. “I was meaning to do some cleaning tonight.”
Cat frowned. “You’re making things up to get out of talking to people.”
“I have a life, Cat.”
I laughed nervously. “It was nice seeing you again, Jade. Thanks again for your help yesterday. And for putting me and Cat in touch!”
She gave me a loaded look, and she held it just a split second too long before she said, “See you. Try not to hit any trees.”
“Ah, jeez. It was one time! Let me live it down!”
Once Jade left, Cat gave me an apologetic smile, and she cut right to the chase. “Jade still has a complicated relationship with Daniela.”
“I know. I know that, and even so, I keep making bad choices.” I signed I know and bad as I spoke, ones I’d seen Cat doing, slowly picking it up from her. She shrugged.
“She has to face it at some point or another. She’s still moody about the big fights and everything right now, which, you know, I get that.
But everyone will move on eventually. She’s got to figure out how to coexist with everyone again eventually.
That was why I bullied her into going to your party at the Birdhouse yesterday, actually. ”
I raised my eyebrows high. “You told Jade to go, and she went and… gave me your number?”
“I know, right?” She laughed, and it trickled off, an uncertain look on her face. “So… don’t tell anyone I said this. But I’m pretty sure it was doubly loaded for her with Daniela because Jade had feelings for her.”
Something fluttered in my chest. “Oh yeah?” I said. I don’t think I said anything she could read, but I think my expression said it all, and she nodded.
“It’s true! They were being really cute for a while. Jade even got a little jealous over me visiting Daniela’s place one time,” she laughed, but her face fell after that. “And then I happened. So it kinda went sideways.”
I frowned. “It’s not your fault, Cat.”
“It kind of is.”
“You were being harassed, from the sounds of things. You’re right to call it out.”
She scrunched up her face. “Ugh, I guess she told you everything?”
“Jade… gave me the short version.” I mimed a little, but she picked up what I’d said.
She nodded. “Well, I guess the short version probably left out that this has happened a bunch before.”
“Wait, seriously? With…” I spelled out Drew, and she put on a smile, showing me his name sign, the letter D crossing the body like a hug.
“He’s really sweet most of the time, but he loses his temper when he doesn’t get his way.
And I feel like he’s kind of… low-key misogynistic too.
You know, the kind of gay guy who decides that since he doesn’t want to sleep with a woman, he doesn’t have any reason to respect them.
But he puts on a nice face publicly.” She sighed.
“Look at me, I’m doing it again, shit-talking him behind his back.
You can form your own judgments on him. But yeah, it’s not the first time.
It’s just the first time I lost my temper and told people about it.
If I’d realized it would also get Jade ostracized from everything, I would have kept it to myself. ”
“Cat… that’s so sad, though,” I said. “You shouldn’t have to suffer it silently just to maintain the peace. It’s not your fault.”
She slumped. “Thanks, but I’m really okay. Honestly, I’m not too bothered. I’m just happy I said my piece, got it all off my chest, and I’ll let people do what they will with it. I feel lighter for having done it. I’m just worried about Jade.”
“Mm… well, I am, too,” I said, doing the sign for same that I’d picked up she used as a general sign of agreement.
“I kind of wish… I want to help. Daniela isn’t mad at Jade, she just thinks Jade doesn’t want to talk to her.
” I tried signing through it—I fumbled without the sign for mad and tried to charades it, and Cat stifled a laugh before showing me the sign.
“So,” she said, eyes sparkling, “an alliance?”
“Alliance?” I repeated the sign she did as she said it, and she nodded.
“We work together and try to help smooth things over. And maybe then Jade can shoot her shot with Daniela!”
I laughed, a little bubble of excitement building in my chest. “Yeah,” I said. “You know, I think… I think Daniela might have feelings for Jade, too. I was kind of getting that idea.” It wasn’t a breach of her privacy if I coached it like I didn’t really know, right?
Cat softened into a big smile. “So we’ve got a plan.”
“I’m in.” I signed yes, and she reached across the table with her hand out like she was going for a handshake.
I reached to take it, but she shifted in the last second to a fist, and I tried to fist-bump her, but she moved her hand to dodge mine.
“Um… what are we doing right now?” I said, waggling my hand around trying to match her, and she laughed.
“If we’re allies, we’ve gotta have a secret handshake. So I know it’s you.”
“You expect me to have impostors?”
“I can’t tell what you’re saying right now, I’m looking at your hand. C’mon, secret handshake.”
“Oh my god.” I laughed, but I went along with it. Secret handshake. I’d let Cat decide on the details of it.