Chapter 8
Alyssa
By the time we finished up at the café, I had a message from Daniela asking me if I wouldn’t mind grabbing some groceries on my way home, so I made a quick pit stop where I guess I wasn’t too surprised to run into Charlie, shopping after her work ran late.
I knew Paxton Ridge was a small town, but I hadn’t expected it to be running into someone you know at the grocery store on your second day level of small-town vibes.
But we had a nice chat, and as I was sorting through produce trying to find the best zucchini, she finished up her shop by putting a tomato in her cart and smiling warmly at me.
“You should come to the market on Sunday.”
“Oh. I mean, as far as I can tell, I’m already at the market.”
“There’s a small crafts fair and farmer’s market that happens every other Sunday.
Linda and I don’t make crafts like basically everybody else in town does, but we always go to get some local produce and a little treat from one of the booths.
Half our home is filled with Nayla’s woodworking sculptures. ”
“Is that right,” I laughed. “I guess I can see her doing woodworking.”
“It’s the strong arms and serious gaze, right? Spending some time looking?”
“Oh—no, I wasn’t—” I laughed nervously, my hands up in front of me.
I felt myself blushing—I mean—Nayla was pretty, but I wasn’t embarrassed because I was interested in her, just embarrassed because I was interested in…
women, and I wasn’t used to talking about that.
Charlie raised an eyebrow, a careful smile at me.
“Not your type?”
She was asking if I was queer. I laughed again, a little high-pitched this time. “She’s very pretty, but I… um… I’m not looking to get into something with someone here,” I said. “I mean, you know, I’m only visiting.”
She relaxed, giving me a sly wink. “Mm-hm. That’s what they all say.”
“Oh, let me buy a zucchini in peace.”
She laughed. “If you insist. Enjoy your zucchini. But seriously, consider the market. It’s a big part of the community.”
“I will. Thanks, Charlie. Tell Linda I said hi.”
I sent Daniela a text once I’d checked out and was carrying the bag to the car, and once I’d gotten in the car and started the engine, I assumed the text I got was a response from Daniela, so I checked it cursorily as I put the car in reverse, and when I saw the message, I sucked in a short breath and put the car back in park.
Hey. This is Jade. Sorry to bother you, I asked Cat for your number. You can ignore this if you want to.
Something about it gave me a flutter I wasn’t used to… she’d reached out to me. I could tell from the tone that she felt awkward about it, but she’d pushed through the discomfort to do it anyway, and… I didn’t know what it was, but that stuck with me like I never thought it could happen.
Maybe it was just that she was taking me seriously. I’d gotten it into my head that I was easy to overlook.
What a depressing thought. Was I going to blame that one on my ex, too?
I texted her back. Hey, Jade! I’m pretty sure it’s me who’s the one bothering you, up to and including slapping you in the face, but maybe that’s splitting hairs. Something on your mind, or did you just want to say hi?
That was definitely too forward, too friendly. Almost flirtatious. I didn’t even think it through until I’d sent it, and I winced, but she replied right away. Just wanted to make sure you weren’t driving into any trees.
I laughed, taking the phone off the dashboard mount and settling back in my seat.
It was getting late, and I needed to get the groceries back to Daniela, but I just wanted to take one little minute to talk to her first. You tried telling Cat off for giving me a name sign about falling trees, but I think you might be worse than her.
Oh, I take it as a strict responsibility to be the worst I possibly can be.
I grinned, shaking my head. You’re a pro, Jade. What were you actually contacting me about?
It took longer than it should have for her to write a short reply. Are you available to talk right now?
I hesitated. I was about to drive, but if you don’t mind, we could call?
Sure, she sent, and then, All the better to make sure you’re not driving into anything.
After a couple more back-and-forth texts, she called, and I set the phone back in the mount and answered. “Hey, Jade,” I said. “How are you doing?”
“Ugh. I’m good.”
“That didn’t sound good…” I started the car, and she sighed.
“Just… thought I’d answer your question,” she said. “From the café.”
“Er… remind me what my question was?” I said as I backed out of the parking space, asphalt lit by streetlamp glows.
“You asked me why Cat’s trying to find a way to move forward and I’m not.” I heard something moving on the other side, and I frowned.
“Okay… are you in the middle of something? I hope this hasn’t been haunting you or anything.”
“Just candles. Don’t worry about it. I fulfill some orders for them online, so I’ve been spending the evening catching up with orders.”
“Oh, nice. Side hustle.”
“Don’t taint it with those words,” she laughed.
“Just nice to know people like what I make. Mostly it just helps cover the fund I use making them for gifts. Well… not a lot of gift-giving in my future now. Which brings me back to my original point,” she said gruffly.
“Don’t tell Cat about this, please. But I figured you were right that it’s safe enough to trust you with things, and…
I don’t know. Just felt right to tell somebody. ”
“Yeah, of course,” I said, my heart beating a little faster now. Maybe it was because she was closed off to begin with that made me really want Jade to like me. “You can tell me anything, I’ll keep it secret. I know I can’t take it when I have to bottle something up from everybody.”
“I can tell. You like to talk.”
“Okay, well, I can tell you are not overflowing with conversation at every turn, so one of us has got to keep the words flowing,” I said, teasing her back, and she took it in stride, laughing quietly—she had this deep, dark laugh that was kind of…
well, it was inappropriate to think it for a lot of reasons, but it was kind of sexy.
“Okay, okay,” she said. “So… I’m thinking of leaving Paxton Ridge.”
“Oh, Jesus.” I gripped the wheel tighter. “Seriously? Because of the whole…?”
“It’s not just that,” she snapped, and I winced.
“Right. Sorry. Of course. I don’t mean to reduce it.”
“No… there’s nothing to reduce. It’s not like I gave you any context clues.
Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude.” She sighed, and I heard her stop doing whatever she was doing with the candles.
“It’s that. And it’s also more than that.
I’ve been wondering… for a while, honestly, if this place is right for me.
It’s sort of come on slowly. I’ve been… retreating…
into my little corner of the woods, going to fewer of the events.
Don’t know. I’m not a socialite. And I guess everything with Cat and Drew just pushed me over the edge. ”
“God, that sounds exhausting,” I said quietly. My stomach sank slowly. The ink was still drying on the alliance Cat and I had forged—I’d only just found out Daniela’s feelings for Candle Girl were mutual, set out to get them together, and now this?
“Exhausting?” she said, and I shrugged, turning a corner. The roads were quiet tonight, which was nice, but it did give my mind more room to spiral.
“Going through all of that. Questioning your place in a community you’ve been for years.” I paused. “Having to keep it all to yourself, too.”
“Huh.” She was quiet for a second, tinkering idly with whatever she was doing on her side, before she said, “Yeah, maybe. Guess I do feel tired. But yeah. Just thought you should know.”
“You’re thinking of leaving, so probably not like, you’ve already got a ticket booked to… I don’t know, California, right?”
“Yeah, no,” she said with a small, dry laugh.
“I’ll have to find a new job somewhere. I mean, it’s local government work, so everywhere has openings, but it’s a matter of finding where the work doesn’t seem too boring and where I’ll get paid enough, and how long it’s going to take to get through job applications… so, it’s not fun.”
“Mm.” This really wasn’t my business to be involved in, anyway.
I was an outsider who’d been here for two days.
But I couldn’t help wondering if it was just that anyone would want to leave after feeling as rejected as she did.
And if maybe… if maybe I could help patch things up and it would be better for everyone.
Sawyer always told me I didn’t know how to mind my own business and that I needed to stop trying to fix everything for everyone.
But Sawyer also said I was ugly and stupid, so honestly, screw his opinion.
“Well, I’ll keep it a secret,” I said. “Thanks for telling me.”
She sighed. “You’re a bit of a punching bag, aren’t you?”
“Huh?”
“I told you off yesterday at the Birdhouse, and I keep snapping at you, but you keep lining up to be sweet to me.”
I stared straight ahead, out the windshield and up the wooded street that led towards Daniela’s place, before finally, I said, “Okay, first of all, I literally slapped you in the face and you keep coming back, so who’s the punching bag now, Jade?”
She laughed, short and off-guard. “Okay,” she said. “I don’t have a defense for that one. You win. Guess I’m just… confused why you do it. I, er… sorry about being rude last night. I’ve just been under a lot of stress lately and in a bad mood at everyone. No reason to take it out on you, though.”
My chest swelled, and I gripped the wheel tighter. Oh, Jesus. I didn’t know why I was having this much of a reaction, but it was getting embarrassing. “It’s not a problem,” I said, and my voice wobbled. Jesus, was I crying?
“Are you sure?” she said after a loaded pause. “You sound a little like it’s a problem.”