Chapter 19
Alyssa
Daniela pointed across the parking lot when we stopped in front of the restaurant, nudging my shoulder. “There’s your date,” she said.
“My what?” My thoughts had drifted. I pulled myself back to the present, following the gesture to where Abby climbed out of a car down the parking lot, with loose pants and a cute little Peter Pan neckline, all flowy and soft colors, with a glittery ornament in her hair.
“Oh,” I said. It genuinely took me a second to realize Abby was taking me here on a date. “Oh, her outfit looks cute today.”
Daniela gave me a careful smile. “Playing with fire with that one.”
Right. Yeah. I was thinking about Abby. “It’s nothing serious,” I laughed awkwardly. “Just… you know, hanging out.”
“Yeah, yeah. I know how sapphics are. That’s how it always starts.” She grinned. “Look, I love Abby, I’m mostly just giving you both a hard time. I’m kind of hoping this is a double date situation. I’m not sad about that.”
God, I felt like I was going to be sick. She and Jade would be all over each other. I forced a smile. “Well, let’s get inside. I’m getting antsy sitting here. I’m not a good dancer, so don’t expect anything!”
“Relax,” she laughed. “It’s casual. Besides, didn’t Abby give you some private lessons? Or was it more… private dancing lessons?” she said, elbowing me playfully. I snorted, waving her off.
“C’mon, you creep.”
“I’m coming, I’m coming.”
We climbed out of the car, and I was still off in la-la land, because I didn’t notice Abby coming up to me until she nudged me from behind, and I looked back at where she gave me an appreciative once-over.
“Well, hello,” she said. “Where’ve you been hiding an outfit like this? I’m guessing you didn’t wear it into the Birdhouse because you knew I’d trip over my feet looking.”
“Oh, this. I just bought it last night.”
Her eyes lit up. “Just for this?” she said, batting her eyelids flirtatiously, and I got a lump in my throat. I felt like I didn’t know how to stand, how to hold my hands, but I flipped like a switch when I heard a door open and I looked up at where the back door of the restaurant opened.
Oh, Jesus, Jade looked good. She’d seriously dressed up for Daniela.
And I was supposed to be happy about it.
She stepped out onto the back terrace together with Cat—Cat was dressed nicely too, with a pressed shirt and jacket with a short skirt, but I could only look at Jade, dressed up in a full-on suit and bowtie, her hair let down and tousled over her shoulders, and knowing what Daniela’s reaction was going to look like—how much Daniela was going to want her—it made me want to throw up.
The two of them were in the middle of a conversation, signing something I couldn’t follow, but Jade did a double take when she saw me past the railing and the bushes around the terrace.
And that reaction—the way her eyes caught on me like it made her forget Cat was there—changed everything like a blurred picture coming into focus.
I flickered a smile across the terrace at her as I stepped closer to Abby, and I tugged lightly at the loose hem of her shirt.
“You look cute, too,” I said. “Even if I bet you didn’t buy it just for this.”
She laughed. “Well, I’ll make up for it next time,” she said. “I can admit when I’ve been outdone.”
Jade had fully stopped walking, stopped her conversation. I felt her eyes locked on me still. I couldn’t let go of it, and I pretended I couldn’t see her as I put my hand on Abby’s arm. “You’re going to outdance me,” I said. “So it evens out. Let’s get inside. Daniela?”
Daniela laughed, shutting the door on her side of the car and locking it. “I’m not gonna lie, I feel like I should let you two go in without me.”
“Get a move on,” I laughed. I strode inside, leading the way, riding on the confidence from the way Jade had looked at me, and I kept my hand on Abby’s back even though I barely noticed her there.
I didn’t know what I was doing or what was happening in my brain, but I led her through to the back terrace, where Cat looked warily between me and Abby, and then back to Jade.
They sat at a table in the corner, and I felt Jade’s eyes on me the whole way over to her table even with Daniela right next to me.
“Howdy, stranger,” Daniela said, leaning against the table next to her. “You look awfully nice tonight.”
Jade dragged her gaze off me and onto her. “Howdy, yourself,” she said, her voice low, and it instantly sent me off my balance, sick with ugly jealousy at the smoldering way she looked at Daniela. “Don’t even recognize you without some garish sunshine yellow.”
“I’m tacky or I’m a stranger. There’s no winning with you, is there?”
Jade smiled dryly. “Absolutely not. But you keep coming back, so it’s on you. Are you three sitting down, or should we be giving Alyssa and Abby some space?”
I surprised everyone at the table, myself included, by cutting in with, “They won’t mind if we get in a little dance at the start of the night, will they?”
Abby grinned at me. “Ooh, someone’s eager to show off her new moves. I like a girl with some enthusiasm.”
I smiled at her, but it took a second to pull my eyes off Jade and back to Abby. “I like a girl who knows how to dance,” I said. “So… show me.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jade gripping the edge of the table, squeezing tighter. Good, I thought. Let her watch.
Daniela gave me a playful push. “Go get on the dance floor and show off. Let me see what came of those… private dance lessons.”
Jade’s grip tightened even further. I couldn’t take my mind off it, the strength of her grip. “Do we need a private room for the two of them?” she said coolly. Abby snorted.
“Don’t get jealous,” she said, and she turned and offered me a hand. “Let’s go put those lessons to use.”
Jade gripped the table tighter, pushing slightly, and I felt my stomach swoop at the visual.
Suddenly, viscerally, I pictured her gripping me like that—pushing me—and wondered what it would feel like if she held me like she held that table.
Strong arms pushing me against a wall, those smoldering eyes looking into mine.
Jesus, that wasn’t a thought you had about a friend.
I felt briefly dizzy as Abby led me towards the open floor, close to the speaker system, and I tried to look at her, but all I noticed was Jade in the corner of my vision, still looking at me like she wanted to rip me away from Abby. And I wanted her to.
Was this for real? There was no way I was feeling this.
Not when I was trying to see her together with Daniela.
I burned with guilt and shame, like a hot liquid in my face and in my chest, shame for stealing someone else’s partner, as I tried to negotiate with myself, beg and plead for it not to be that.
But I couldn’t close up the thought again now that it had broken free.
Jade was so gorgeous. I wasn’t worried about her taking away my friendship with Daniela or the two of them disappearing, I was getting possessive of Jade. Wanting her for myself. Wanting that strong grip holding onto me as she did something with that jealous look she had.
“You okay?” Abby said, and I swallowed hard. My throat was so dry, my head was spinning. This wasn’t like me.
“I’m good.”
She stopped in front of the stereo with me, eyes searching me in concern. “If you don’t want to do this, you can just say. I’m not trying to pressure you or anything.”
Jesus, I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t come here and rely on Daniela’s goodwill, promise to give her a chance with Jade after all, and then cut in to steal Jade for myself. “I’m just a little confused,” I said quietly, only barely seeing Abby there right in front of me.
“About what?” She cocked her head. “Or… have you not been with a girl before?”
My body flushed with heat. I think she just meant it in a general sense, but my brain snapped back to the image of Jade being…
physical. I almost moaned at the thought of her pushing me back against the wall, closing the distance between us, claiming me.
“What’s it like?” I whispered, and a devilish smile lit up on her features as she started to move to the music.
“It’s a lot of fun,” she said. “Girls pay attention to you and what you want in a way guys could never.”
I moved with her, my hand falling to her waist. I wondered what it would feel like with my hands on Jade’s body. “What if you… shouldn’t?”
She laughed. “Oh, girl,” she said. “There’s no room in life to think things like that. What you should do is feel good and get what you want.”
There was no way. I could never look Daniela in the eye again. I couldn’t betray her trust like that. But… I found my gaze moving past her and landing on Jade. And Jade was still looking at me.
“Can we dance closer?” I said, my voice a ragged whisper, and Abby obliged all too readily, pushing up against my front and slipping a hand around to my lower back.
I’d never felt something so right and so wrong at the same time—using Abby as a proxy for Jade, pressed up against her while fantasizing about another woman.
“Do you like this?” she said, moving slowly with me, and I tried to bring my gaze back to look her in the eye.
“You really shouldn’t be doing this with me,” I whispered. She grinned wider.
“I’m not attached.”
“I’m a problem.”
She traced her fingers along my back, small and delicate.
I wondered what they’d feel like if they were a little bigger, a little stronger, coarser, and if the smell wrapped around me was like cedar and spice instead of Abby’s floral perfume.
“So is alcohol,” she said. “But sometimes I have a drink. Live a little.”