Chapter 19 #2
Jesus, this was a disaster. I guess I needed to do it—lean into Abby and try to use her to distract myself, since apparently she was okay with me treating her like that, as horrible as it was.
But I needed it, needed anything that would point me away from Jade.
I danced with her, still pressed close together, and it wasn’t long before Jade led Daniela to the floor, too, and my chest clenched as they danced close to me.
My gaze kept moving past Abby and landing on Jade, just as Jade’s kept landing on me, and I swear that heated look she gave me felt like she was fantasizing the same way I was.
I couldn’t help myself—the heat kept building inside me, feeling Abby’s warmth against me and imagining it was Jade’s, and I locked eye contact with Jade and bit my lip.
She stumbled. Just a little. Jesus. I needed her to need me like I needed her.
The song ended too soon, and Jade pulled Daniela away, back to the table just as the waiter joined them, and I tried to take the opportunity to steady myself.
I breathed hard, stepping out of the dance and giving Abby what I think was a normal smile as she took my hand and led me back to the table with the others, and I fumbled with the menu as I tried to order something.
Cat gave me tactfully searching looks, and I couldn’t shake the suspicion that she knew. Did everyone know?
I had to play it cool. Had to pretend I was into Abby.
So I did what I could—maintained conversation with the others and spent dinner looking anywhere but at Jade, and I sat painfully close to Abby.
Put my hand on her back, touched her arm, anything to see if I could get my fill from her instead of from Jade.
I found myself getting more and more desperate when nothing even began to satisfy me, and I broke my resolution—by the time we moved to dessert, I let my gaze go back to Jade, and the rest of the table disappeared as soon as we made eye contact.
Daniela was saying something, signing excitedly, and Cat and Abby were both nodding along, but I looked at Jade and felt all of it fade into the background as the waiter set down my caramel mousse in front of me.
I didn’t even notice, not really. Not consciously.
Didn’t notice anything except the way Jade looked at me, eyes searing hot.
I picked up my spoon, not taking my eyes off her for a second, and I scooped the mousse, lifting it up to my lips.
I saw her grip her fork tighter, and my body went taut thinking things about that grip, about her hands.
Slowly, I put the spoon in my mouth, dragging it out over my lip, and the way Jade watched it like she couldn’t see anything else made my body burn.
I didn’t even do it consciously—my body chose for me, and I took the spoon out of my mouth and licked, slowly, along the tip, still looking at her.
Her pupils dilated, neck muscles tightening before she swallowed, and I was so intently watching her that I almost jumped out of my seat when Abby nudged my side.
“Does it taste weird or something?”
“Oh—uh.” I laughed nervously. Jesus, I’d just been eye-fucking Jade. What the hell was I doing? “No, it tastes good. Really good, actually. So good… um. I just lost my sense for a second…” I sputtered with another nervous laugh. My face was burning. “I really like caramel.”
Abby smiled wider. “You’re cute when you blush.”
“I-I just didn’t realize anyone was looking.
It’s good. See?” I took a spoonful, and I pushed it up to Abby’s lips.
She made a surprised noise, opening her mouth, and she gave me charged eye contact as I fed her the mousse.
My breath came short, and I tried to tell myself I wasn’t picturing Jade in front of me instead.
“Okay, kind of sexy,” she said once I took the spoon back. “But I see what you mean, it is really good.”
Was it? I hadn’t tasted it. I could feel Jade’s eyes on me still, practically trying to bore a hole through me, and I couldn’t help myself. “Can I try some of your tiramisu?”
Abby smiled wider, and she took a spoonful of tiramisu, holding it up to my lips.
“Open wide,” she said, her voice low, and I risked flicking my gaze over to see Jade’s white-knuckle grip on her fork.
It made my stomach drop just looking at it, and I opened my mouth with a low noise of satisfaction.
Distantly, I registered something flaring up in Abby’s eyes when I did, and I should have felt guilty, but she was the one who told me to stop thinking should and shouldn’t.
“That’s so good,” I murmured. Abby swiped a thumb over my lower lip.
“Sweet tooth, huh?”
“I know what I like.”
She grinned. “I like that.”
Jade made a low noise—I think it was involuntary, a quiet growl in the back of her throat, and I lost my breath. Wondering if she might make a noise like that with me.
Jesus, I was losing my mind. I had to get out of here. Had to go now, before I did something I regretted.
I pushed my chair back, standing up, and I didn’t really even realize I was doing it until I was standing up, all eyes on me. I pursed my lips, blushing furiously. “Sorry,” I said. “Just one second. I need to go to the bathroom.”
That didn’t come out convincingly at all.
That was fine. People could talk about how desperately I was lusting over Abby.
Anything to distract people from what I was actually thinking.
I turned and pushed away from the table, and I raced past the speaker system, around the corner, past the bathrooms, and down to the grassy area at the bottom of the terrace, shielded from view of everybody, and I leaned back against the wooden boards of the deck, breathing hard, staring up at the night sky above me.
The sound from the speakers just above me swallowed out anything else, and I tried to lose myself in it, just following the beat, thinking about the music—about anything other than Jade and the vivid fantasies that still coursed through me—but all it meant was that I jumped in surprise when a voice came from next to me.
“Don’t see a bathroom here.”
Jade’s voice. I whipped on her with my heart in my mouth, and I felt a heady sense of panic when I turned to see her coming around the corner, leaning against the wall next to me. “Oh…” I managed after a second. “Jade.”
“What do you think you’re doing, exactly?” she said, her voice a low growl, and it stirred something deep inside me. I couldn’t do this. She and Daniela were perfect together. I’d promised Daniela. Jade had been all over her.
“Shouldn’t you be off on your dance routine with Daniela?
” I said, forcing myself to look away, focusing on the thick trees beyond the edge of the property.
She cut in, pushing off from the wall and moving in front of me, and my stomach dropped at the sudden positioning—Jade right in front of me, my back against the wall.
“If you’re going to fuck Abby, go ahead,” she said, her eyes locked on mine, “but you should be focusing on her if you’re doing that.”
Oh, Jesus. She was jealous. My stomach fluttered, heart hammering like I was in free-fall.
I’d been trying to make her jealous—I had been all this time I’d been talking to Abby, I was only now realizing—even though I knew I wasn’t supposed to.
I ducked my head, looking at her through my lashes.
“I don’t know what you mean,” I said, and something flared in her eyes.
“Alyssa…”
“Do you think I should get together with her?” I needed to stop. I’d never been able to shut up once my mouth got ideas.
“Do what you like,” she said, her voice clenched and tight. She wouldn’t look right at me.
“That’s not an answer. Do you think I should? She’d probably let me kiss her.”
She growled, and my stomach fluttered when she stepped closer. My knees quivered at the sensation, backed up against the wall, Jade close enough I could smell the woodsy scent on her clothes. “You’re doing this to me on purpose,” she said.
“Is that a no? You don’t think I should?”
She put a hand on my arm. The touch was electric, her fingers on my bare skin, and I forgot briefly how to breathe. “Alyssa,” she said, her voice a warning.
“Yes, Jade?”
Her eyes dragged down, looking over my body, and I couldn’t believe the way my mind ignited—how I wanted her to look at any thing she wanted to, do whatever she wanted.
Jesus, I needed her so badly, it was like I was gasping for air and she was the only relief.
“I don’t want you to even look at Abby,” she growled, her eyes locking on mine.
“I swear to god, if you touch her like that one more time—fucking looking at me the whole time—I’m going to pull you away from her. ”
“And then?” I said breathlessly, and I let my hand fall on her shoulder, fingertips teasing her collar through her shirt. “What would you do after that?”
She narrowed her eyes. Flicked her gaze down to my lips.
I wasn’t supposed to do this. My god, I wasn’t supposed to do this, but I couldn’t stop it.
I heard a gasp slip out of my lips as she pressed in closer, barely an inch between us, and whispered without taking her eyes off mine.
“You’re a smart woman,” she said. “I think you can figure it out.”
“Maybe I want you to spell it out.”
“Maybe I will,” she said, and she tightened her grip on my arm, shoved me back against the wall, and I moaned involuntarily, the sound breaking out of my lips in surprise—heat raced through me at the sudden fantasy coming vividly true, Jade’s strong grip holding me in place, shoving me back against the wall.
“You’re not going home with Abby,” she growled, eyes flashing.
“Are you going to stop me?”
“If you give me half a chance.”
“Here’s half a chance right now,” I said, and she gripped me tighter.
“For fuck’s sake, Alyssa,” she said, and she kissed me.
Kissed me wasn’t the right term—she claimed me, shoved her lips into mine and took what she wanted from me, and I felt it through every part of my body, moaning against her lips as they ravaged mine.
My knees buckled, but she stepped in closer and pinned me into the wall, holding me steady as she tilted her head to kiss me better—it wasn’t a delicate kiss, not a pretty kiss, but a hungry thing, devouring me.
I couldn’t do this. Not now, not like this.
But I couldn’t stop myself, and my body met her just as eagerly as she was taking me, slipping my hands to her back and kissing her back, parting my lips against the heat of her kiss.
She pulled back through heavy, heady breathing, her eyes half-lidded as she held me in place, and she spoke in a low rasp. “If you don’t tell me to stop right now—”
“I won’t.”
“Jesus Christ, Alyssa,” she breathed, and she bent down and kissed my neck, sensation coursing up and flooding through me.
I moaned—loud—thank god the music was so loud, or the whole terrace above us would have heard me, the way I was moaning and whimpering for her.
The way I’d been needing her, suddenly all spilling out, my body quivering.
Her lips moved, kissing down to my collar, the tops of my breasts, and back up to my jawline before she met my lips again, pinning me into the wall and having her way with me.
I’d never felt anything like this before—the way want coalesced like a hot liquid I could feel physically filling me up and burning me from the inside.
I needed to stop. I’d promised Daniela. This was wrong. But I couldn’t possibly stop, not when I was getting everything I wanted, everything I needed.
I needed her now. Needed Jade.
Silently, somewhere in the back of my mind, I whispered an apology to Daniela, and briefly, just for now, I forgot that I’d ever known her.