Chapter 21 #2
I bounced nervously on the balls of my feet at the door, bag in hand, as the night was heavy and dark around us.
Took a while to work myself up to it, but eventually, I pushed out a breath and rapped on the door, knocking too quickly.
I’d gone back and forth for ages on whether I’d been supposed to text first, but finally breaking the text silence to say hey can I bring you some hot sauce felt weird, and in the end, I’d given up and just found myself here, but I was already regretting it.
My stomach dropped to my feet when I heard footsteps coming, and it jumped back up to start beating double-time as the door unlatched, but I did a double take when it opened to Cat, dressed in a big graphic tee and jean shorts, a gleam in her eyes.
“You knock so loud even I can hear it,” she said, and my brain stalled out for a second, staring blankly at her.
Not my most shining moment. She grinned.
“Well, don’t just give me that dumbfounded look, I’m kidding.
Jade’s in the kitchen and asked me to get the door, and I was like, what door, and she had to tell me someone was knocking at the front door. ”
I gathered myself enough to step inside, kneeling to take my shoes off before I responded, the signs coming more naturally now. “Daniela is looking for you.”
“Oh, what? Does she have something to give me?”
“Well, actually, yes. I’ll spoil the surprise.” I kicked my shoes off and stood up, pulling the little bottle of hot sauce from the bag. “Her world-famous hot sauce that is, for some reason, not world-famous yet. She’s going to give you one, but she sent me to give one to Jade.”
“Oh, sweet,” she laughed, eyes lighting up as she took the bottle carefully, turning it over.
“I’d forgotten how much I love this stuff.
I’m still trying to figure out what torture technique I want to use to try getting her secret recipe.
I’m torn between the iron maiden or tying her up and making her watch The Phantom Menace on repeat until she cracks. ”
“I feel like she’d shrug off the…” I fingerspelled iron maiden, and she grinned, handing the bottle back.
“Phantom Menace watch party it is, then. Well, I’ll look forward to that. What’s with the split deliveries?”
“About that,” I laughed nervously. “Er… you know the whole thing with Jade and Daniela…”
Something I couldn’t read gleamed in her eyes with a wicked smile. “Go on.”
I winced. “Daniela is really happy she’s friends with you two again, but she’s convinced Jade isn’t interested in her, and she’s bummed about it.
So… she wanted me to deliver the hot sauce.
So she wouldn’t come off as, like… clingy.
Seeing Jade all the time. So I actually wanted to talk to you about that, because… ”
She silenced me with a finger up, and I trailed off. She leaned against the wall, a studying smile on her face that I couldn’t make sense of but that gave me nervous shudders. “So, you don’t think Jade and Daniela are getting together after all?”
“Shh—Jesus, she’s in the next room.” I signed quiet frantically, and I groaned, slumping against the wall with her. “I know Daniela still likes her, she just thinks it’s hopeless. But I still think…”
Cat grinned wider. “Except now you like Jade, don’t you?”
“What—Cat!” My face flared up hot, and my throat tightened. Jesus, did she know what we’d done yesterday? “I wouldn’t do that to Daniela. My god.”
“Feelings don’t hold back to be considerate. I’m not asking if you’re fucking her, I’m asking if you like her.”
Well—turned out I wasn’t fucking her, but not for lack of trying.
I’d wondered, if I had a first time with a woman, how I’d do, but I hadn’t counted on her not even letting me try.
And—Jesus Christ, it was really going to start showing on my face if I was thinking things like that.
“I—it's not like that,” I said. “She’s very attractive, and I do like her a lot, but just… not like that. She’s a friend. That’s all.”
“Mm.” She nodded. My chest hammered.
“Do you… think she likes me?” I said, trying for nonchalant.
Jesus, I was glad she couldn’t hear my tone.
Did lipreading have a tone? Was it as obvious in my signs as it was in my voice?
I didn’t want to know. “I mean, if she wasn’t interested in Daniela because she’s interested in me, I’d feel terrible.
Not like—god, not like I think she necessarily should be.
That sounds so egotistical. I’m not expecting women to trip over themselves to be with me, I’m just wondering because you said—”
“Alyssa, I’ve completely lost track of what you’re saying.”
“Right. You can actually ignore most of that.” I scratched my head.
“I am pretty much certain that she does,” she said, and I felt dizzy.
I mean, I guess it should have been obvious, after everything we did, but…
it hadn’t been serious. It hadn’t felt serious.
She’d told me to quit fooling around with Abby just to get to her, and then we’d had a one-sided…
well… but that didn’t necessarily mean anything serious.
“Oh,” was what I finally managed. “I mean… well. I don’t think so, but I guess… I don’t know.” I shifted awkwardly. “So what are we going to do? If we want her and Daniela getting together instead…”
She shrugged, seemingly in no rush to answer, and my heart jumped when I saw a shape move in the doorway, and I turned to where my mouth felt dry when I saw Jade coming around the corner into the entryway.
“I wasn’t planning for you to just abandon me,” she said, and she stopped when she saw me, her pupils dilating, lips parting just for a second.
“Oh,” she said, and I felt it like a rush through my body when I saw her throat tighten, a slight flush of color coming into her cheeks. “Alyssa. Hey. What’s up?”
Jesus, she was so gorgeous. I couldn’t be thinking things like this. I couldn’t get moody hazel eyes out of my mind, and strong arms with a loose plaid shirt over jeans, casual and effortlessly hot… “Hey,” I managed, after a second too long. “Hi. Sorry to show up unannounced. I’m on courier duty.”
“Courier duty,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “Finally scored that big career move, I see.”
“Ha. Yes. That’s me. Professional hot-sauce deliverer. That’ll be killer on my resume.” I held out the bottle for her. “From one Daniela Holman.”
“Oh, look at that.” She took the bottle, and I didn’t miss the way her hand hesitated, just a little, lingering close to mine.
Nervous being close to mine. Jesus, I was the reason Jade wasn’t interested in Daniela anymore, wasn’t I?
I felt so guilty that it felt so good. “Thanks. It’s been a while.
Hasn’t it, Cat?” she said, catching up in sign to summarize the conversation—I assumed, anyway—she signed so quickly that I had a hard time keeping up.
“Apparently Daniela’s looking to deliver one to me too,” Cat said brightly. “And she didn’t plan for us to be in one place. I’ll pop back to meet her real quick.”
Jade’s pupils dilated just a little, and it took me until then to realize Cat was trying to leave me and Jade together, and my stomach swooped.
Was she trying to cause problems for the whole Jade and Daniela thing?
Did she realize I didn’t want to cause problems?
“I’m sure Daniela has figured out how to leave a package at the door,” Jade said, but Cat was already halfway to getting her shoes on.
“I want to catch her there at the door and annoy her, though,” she said, her voice absently getting louder like I’d noticed she did when her mind was elsewhere. “Okay, I’m off. Catch you both later.”
“Oh—uh—bye,” I managed, giving her a helpless look trying to ask without saying anything what are you doing, but she seemed content with my wavering sign for bye and gave me a loaded smile before, practically in the blink of an eye, she was gone.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, turning back to Jade.
“I didn’t mean to drive your guest away. ”
“No, it’s fine, er…” She fussed with her shirt sleeve, looking anywhere but at me. “I was just making dinner. Do you want anything?”
I could not stay at Jade’s house for dinner. Not when I had this knot in my throat just looking at her. But this place was so warm and welcoming and just… felt like home. I knew it wasn’t just because of the cozy design. “Well,” I said, “that depends.”
“On?”
“Does it have hot sauce?”
She paused, leaning against the corner of the doorframe, smiling wider at me. “You tell me. Big on spicy food?”
“Not to brag, but my local Thai place back in Boston eventually stopped giving me white-people spicy.”
She laughed, pushing off from the wall and towards the kitchen. “In that case, I’ll use a heavy pour. C’mon.”