Chapter 21
Alyssa
I almost froze up at the sight of Daniela in her own kitchen, guilt clinging to me like a physical weight. She turned back and picked up her phone, turning down the music when she saw me hovering like a creep at the corner.
“Hey,” she said. Her voice sounded a little heavy, and part of me panicked that it was because she knew what I’d done. Hadn’t we been obvious? I’d been kicking myself for the past twelve hours, and I hadn’t even been able to text Jade this morning like I always did. What was I supposed to say?
“Good morning.”
“Turned into a vampire and you need to be invited into the room?”
Okay, maybe we were all right. She more seemed… disappointed. By something that wasn’t me. Definitely not angry. I forced a smile. “May I enter?”
She picked up a head of garlic and waved it in my direction.
I laughed, even though my heart wasn’t in it, and we went through the motions of normalcy as I joined her in the kitchen for breakfast. We made small talk and avoided the subject of yesterday’s…
double date, but once we sat down together with food and a tall coffee from her Chemex that I was learning to appreciate, she poked at her food in a way that looked like she was miles away, and I couldn’t help myself.
“What’s eating you?” I said, and she shrugged.
“It’s really nothing…”
“Vampires can tell when you’re lying. Supernatural senses.”
She took a big bite of sourdough bread and chewed it moodily, staring into space, before finally, she set it down and said with a sigh, “I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up in the first place, so mostly, I just feel stupid.”
My stomach dropped. She wasn’t talking about Jade. She didn’t know Jade and I had our… um… encounter. “What do you mean?” I said, hoping my voice came out neutral.
“Jade,” she said, and my stomach twisted up tighter.
She took off her glasses, cleaning them idly on her sweater, just for something to do with her hands.
“I’m really glad that we’ve bridged the gap and everything, that we’re talking again, and honestly, that I get to take her and Cat’s side in things.
I think I knew all along she was in the right, and I was just kind of living in denial.
So I’m happy for all of that! But I don’t think Jade…
you know. I think it’s a bit one-sided,” she said, putting on a clumsy attempted British accent like she always did when she felt awkward saying something. I felt dizzy.
“I don’t think so at all,” I said thinly. Was it? From everything she’d said before, everything Cat had said, and even everything Jade had said, I thought she did still like Daniela. But… was it because of me, then?
I didn’t know what happened between me and Jade.
She’d given me the hottest fantasy of my life, shoved me up against the wall outside the restaurant, and fingered me until I lost my mind, and then she walked away without letting me touch her.
Had ignored me leaving with Abby like suddenly she didn’t care about me and her.
Hadn’t texted me or anything. I’d crossed a line and I knew it, but I didn’t know if she was pulling back because she was angry with me over it or if she was just as awkward and confused as I was and wasn’t talking to me for the same reason I wasn’t talking to her.
But it had to be better this way, right?
I couldn’t imagine Daniela’s reaction if she found out what we’d done.
I’d already left Abby reeling and confused when she tried to give me a kiss once she’d driven me home—just an innocent cheek kiss at that—and I’d pulled away with a look like an animal had tried to bite me.
Or Cat’s reaction, since I’d agreed to help her get Daniela and Jade together and then…
“Well, I do think so,” Daniela said, sitting up taller, forcing a smile, trying to act casual and unbothered even as she scraped some butter to butter her already-buttered bread.
“Seemed more interested yesterday in talking to the group, dancing, nothing else. Barely even seemed to talk in the first place. I probably should have figured she wouldn’t love an event like that and not have invited her to it…
” She froze up when she realized the mountain of butter she’d created on her bread now, glitching out over a piece of sourdough.
“I think she just had something else on her mind.” Like me making loaded eye contact with her while I felt up Abby. Jesus, what had gotten into me last night? “I can talk to her, see if I can figure it out.”
She smiled thinly. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be okay. I mean, it sucks, but I can accept that she’s not interested in me.”
“I’m sure she is. It was just—”
“Alyssa, please. I don’t want to dwell on it.
I’ll just feel dumb for a minute until I’ve moved on, and then it’ll be better.
” She sat up taller, pushing out a smile.
“Cat and I are going to Burlington for some shopping tomorrow, though. I wanted to… you know, signal to Jade that I’m not just trying to get in her pants, I actually am trying to engage with both her and Cat as people and everything.
But enough about me. How’s the job search going? ”
Ugh, from one blow to the next. I’d still never gotten back to Linda about her offer for me to work at the college with her.
It felt impossible to make sense of it now in the wake of what happened with Jade.
I wasn’t staying here, she wasn’t staying here, and we weren’t going to the same place, so what was I even trying to do with her?
It shouldn’t have had any bearing on anything, but…
It had been a lot more than just a physical moment behind the restaurant.
I was so deep in denial about it, but I knew deep down what was actually happening inside me.
How Jade had been occupying a bigger and bigger space in my thoughts ever since I first…
well, backhanded her in the face. I really was a problem.
“Linda suggested the other day that I should apply to the college where she works,” I blurted.
I hadn’t meant to say it, but it had been burning at the front of my mind, and I hadn’t thought to catch it before it fell out of my lips.
I felt my face prickle. “I said I probably wasn’t qualified, but she insisted I’d do well… ”
Daniela stared at me for a second before, all in an instant, she lit up, all the weight on her face suddenly disappearing, as she put down her bread. “Are you serious?” she said. “You mean, you’d be working here in Vermont?”
“Well—I don’t know.” My face was burning now. “I don’t think I’d make a good administrator.”
“You’re pleasant to work with, and you’re not a knuckle-dragging mouth-breather, so I think you’ve got all the qualifications you need.”
That was basically what Linda had said. But still, it baffled the mind. “I… I think it’s moot anyway,” I said, voice tight. “I probably burned bridges with her and Charlie by looking like I’m here siding with Cat.”
She shrugged. “People have a lot of feelings. It’s complicated. But it’s worth a try, right? You’re a total sweetheart and impossible not to get along with. I don’t think you have it in you to really hurt or bother anyone.”
Ugh—she said that as if I wasn’t directly responsible for the biggest disappointment in her life right now. “I guess I just don’t want to count on it. I’ve just been wondering if… you know, if it’s worth trying to find something… here.” I scratched my head. “I don’t want to wear out my welcome.”
She pushed her plate out of the way, leaning over the table towards me.
“Alyssa, listen to yourself. You aren’t wearing out your damn welcome.
Why do you think I’ve been working so hard to kidnap you here and then show you all the cool places?
I’m trying to manipulate you into living in Vermont.
Ideally here in Paxton Ridge, two minutes down the road from me, so I can drop in and bother you whenever I’m bored.
I can’t think of anyone here who doesn’t want you around. ”
My throat tightened, and I felt myself crumple up a little. I could think of a few people… Drew, for one. Charlie, if she was going to take his side. Jade, if I screwed with her like I had been doing. Daniela, if I gave in and admitted I had feelings for Jade.
“Thanks,” I managed in a small voice. “I’ll… I’m going to keep thinking it over.”
“You better,” she said, beaming. “Also, I wanted to ask you a favor.”
I sat up taller. She never asked me for favors, and if she was now, maybe I did finally have a place here. “I’m listening.”
“I promised Jade and Cat I’d make them some of my world-famous hot sauces that, for whatever reason, aren’t actually world-famous yet, and I’m happy to bring one to Cat, but I don’t want to go around looking like I’m clingy with Jade and won’t give her space. So… would you mind being my courier?”
Oh, Jesus. And go talk to Jade? After everything that happened?
It wasn’t like I could say no the one time Daniela actually asked me a favor, though.
I plastered on a smile, taking a second to steady my nervous system.
Pushed the sudden images out of my mind of…
things that would happen if I showed up at Jade’s house.
“I’d be happy to.”
∞∞∞