Chapter 20 #2
“Hey, everyone,” she said, signing along with it as she did. “I’m so sorry, I think something in the lasagna set me off, and I need to go home and deal with it. Can you cover my part of the check and tell me later how much it was?”
Daniela half-stood from her chair. “Girl, you came here in my car.”
“Oh, Jesus, I did.”
Abby stood up too, turning to Alyssa. “It’s all right, I can drive you back to your place. Can you send me my share of the bill, too, Daniela?”
My stomach clenched. Alyssa went wide-eyed, looking between me and Abby. “Oh,” she said. “I wouldn’t want to trouble you when…”
“It’s no bother at all,” Abby said. “I’m danced out anyway.”
Alyssa flicked a nervous look my way. I shrugged, looking away, my best attempt at sure, go ahead.
As long as they weren’t going back to Abby’s place.
I’d relax. They wouldn’t be flirting the whole drive.
Or maybe they would, and Alyssa would resent that I didn’t give her something proper, and she’d be pent-up and unsatisfied and hit on Abby, and she’d ask to go home with her, and Abby would spend the night living out the fantasy I’d just gotten a taste of.
“I guess… if it’s okay with you,” Alyssa said. I was pretty sure that was directed at me, but it wasn’t like I could respond, and Abby put a hand on her arm.
“Just wanna make sure you’re all right,” she said. “C’mon, let’s get you home.”
Daniela left for the bathroom shortly after the two of them left, and Cat wasted no time—as soon as it was just the two of us, she gave me a loaded look, and she switched to full sign language.
“You didn’t want to be the one to drive Alyssa home?”
I sighed. “She’s clearly interested in Abby. They’ll have a nice time.”
“Interested in Abby and you feel totally normal about it.”
“Cat,” I signed with a frustrated gesture. “We don’t need to talk about this in public.”
“What were you talking about when you two were gone earlier?”
Talking… yeah. We could say that. “I’m not going to out what she was talking about without her permission,” I said. “Ask her if you want to know.”
She gave me a skeptical look. “You two were…” She opted to charades eye-fucking instead of using real words, signaling eye contact and a scissoring gesture. I choked.
“I—” I fumbled on the signs. “I got jealous seeing her dance with Abby. I went to harass her about if she was leaving with Abby. I guess I fucked things up and made her feel weird. Now can we not talk about it?”
She didn’t believe me, not fully at least, but she didn’t fight it, just studying me for a while before she said, “Sorry. I’m sure she’s not mad.”
“Yeah… mad isn’t really her default state.”
She waited a long time, clearly debating whether to say what was on her mind, but Daniela getting back cut it off, and she dropped it and changed the topic, the three of us chatting as if nothing happened.
It took everything I had to focus on the conversation, keep up with the two of them like I was normal, and I was all too relieved to finally pay for the meal and head out.
Only problem was that Daniela caught me once Cat was in my car and before I’d joined her, keeping her back to the car windows so Cat wouldn’t be able to follow, and she nudged my side. “I had fun today,” she said. “Thanks for coming with. And bringing Cat.”
“Yeah… thanks for having us.”
“I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said,” she said, looking down.
“Everything about Cat and Drew. I was trying to figure out a way to square it all away, but the more I sit with it, the more I realize you’re right.
Trying to take a middle ground is just siding against the victim.
You two are always welcome. I don’t care if it makes other people complain. ”
Right… this was important. Something I needed to pull myself together for. I smiled at her. “Thanks,” I said. “I hope it doesn’t lead to you losing friendships or anything like that, though. I can attest that it sucks.”
“Ha. Yeah, I believe it. Sorry again for being weird about stuff.”
“Please. Let’s leave that in the past where it belongs. I wasn’t exactly approachable either.”
“But I’m really glad we’ve gotten here. Do you think Cat would be cool with me just seeing her too? I don’t want her to think she’s just here as your accessory.”
“Oh.” I paused. “She’s been looking for someone to go shopping down in Burlington with her, but I hate clothes shopping, so I’ve been disappointing her. If you wanted to go with her for that, she’d be ecstatic.”
“Oh, damn. Making it easy for me,” she laughed. “Pass along that I’m interested? Actually, I’ll just text her myself and tell her you put her on blast but that I’m an angel so I’m happy to go with her.”
“Uh-huh. I’m sure she loves self-aggrandizement.”
She laughed. “Thanks. Only problem is whether we’ll actually come back or if we’ll just be clothes shopping together until the end of time. Can I give you a hug?”
“Ah… sure.” I stepped in and squeezed her in a quick hug. “Thanks, Daniela. I’ll see you around at something soon, I’m sure.”
She smiled sweetly at me. “See you, Candle Girl.”
“Ha. I’m not making you any more candles.”
“I take it back. Please forgive me.”
I’d consider it. I wasn’t forgiving myself, though. Not for getting caught up with Alyssa like the dumbass I was. It hung over me all the way to drop off Cat at her place and get back home, and I wasn’t really conscious of anything until I found myself lying in bed staring up at the ceiling.
I should have let her touch me. Now I was going to spend forever wondering what it would have felt like.
But if I had, I would have spent forever missing it, so I guess damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
I needed to pull myself together and be normal, but fuck, for tonight, I could give myself a mulligan.
My body was aching for her, and I felt it like electricity as soon as I put my hand down on my thigh, a moan escaping my lips.
“Dammit, Alyssa,” I whispered, voice trembling in the room as I worked circles on my skin. Remembering what it had felt like to be wrapped up in her, how these same fingers had been inside her…
It wasn’t long before I had my bottoms on the floor, cast aside as I slipped my fingers between my thighs, and I arched into the touch, already seeing stars.
My thoughts were flooded with her, fantasies of those eyes she’d been giving me earlier, heady with desire, the scent of her perfume wrapped around me, and I think I lost my mind, because somewhere along the way, I left the room to rip the lid off the box of scent samplers.
I brought the wax melter back to the bedroom and flicked it on with one of the samplers I’d been trying to scent-match to her perfume, and I crashed on the bed as Alyssa’s scent filled the room, slipping into pleasure as my hands found myself ready and needing.
I’d feel guilty about it tomorrow. For tonight, I’d feel what I wanted.