CHAPTER SEVENTEEN #2
I took another look around the place. I couldn’t help but think about how little she had compared to me.
It was all very strange. South Gate was home to many affluent families, with a notable divide between the rich and the poor in terms of infrastructure, job opportunities, and property ownership.
Mom had always acted like this part of town didn’t exist. Like if you pretended something wasn’t there long enough, it would feel like it didn’t exist in the first place.
But this part had always been here. I just hadn’t cared to acknowledge it and experience how the other side lived.
Now, as I sat here, I felt a gnawing feeling inside me, like a reminder of how I had everything . . . and I contributed nothing.
Maggie returned the coffee pot to its place and dragged another chair across the linoleum floor to sit across from me. “I’m sorry for the mess. I wasn’t expecting anyone.”
“That’s okay. I don’t mind it.”
I pushed back a few wet strands of my hair as I stirred my coffee, resisting the need to fan myself. A ceiling fan behind me provided little relief from the outside heat. Abby was back to playing with her dolls, humming to herself.
“I’m surprised to hear you’re Zach’s friend. He didn’t have any back then. Not that I knew of, anyway.”
My heart squeezed for the old Zach. It was true that I’d never seen him hang out with anyone at school (as a social pariah, no one wanted to be around him), but I’d thought—hoped—he had at least one friend out of school.
“Did you know Zach well?”
“Did I know him? The kid practically grew up in this house. God knows his momma, God rest her soul”—she crossed herself—“wasn’t fit to take care of him. He would eat with us all the time because their fridge was always empty. He would’ve starved if it hadn’t been for us.”
My heart twisted painfully. It was no wonder he’d been so skinny. And I’d mocked him for that.
“He always studied and dreamed of a better future. And when he didn’t spend time here, poring over his textbooks, he’d be at the local library.”
I blew on my coffee and took a sip of it, a rush of heat hitting me from how warm it was. “Why did his mom allow that?”
She sighed. “Millicent was out of it most of the time. She got fired from every job she had and always spent what little money they had to feed her cursed drug addiction. Zach often returned home to see her passed out on the floor. The poor boy was just waiting for the day when he would come home to find her dead. Until it finally happened.”
I almost dropped the cup I held in my hand. “He found her dead?”
She nodded. “Right there, in the middle of their living room in a puddle of her own puke.”
I pressed my hand against my mouth, lowering the cup with a shaky hand. Oh my God.
“And right after that god-awful incident that left him scarred.” She shook her head, tsking.
I stilled, waiting to hear how much she knew about it.
She sighed, glancing at her daughter. “A classmate did that to him. A girl.” She shook her head again. “Can you imagine that? Cornered in a locker room and brutally mutilated. I hope that girl burns in hell.”
I gagged, and I had to take a deep breath, looking away from her so she wouldn’t see the truth on my face.
She’d made it sound like I’d wanted to disfigure Zach, like it was some sick, sadistic game, but it didn’t matter.
The truth wouldn’t make a difference. I was guilty of doing something heinous and almost killing him.
“And to make matters worse, the girl’s dad came soon after to give Millicent hush money. The audacity.”
My stomach recoiled.
I rearranged my face into surprise. “Really? That’s awful.”
“I hope he burns in hell too.”
I squirmed in my chair, thinking of what to say to switch the topics, but Abby saved me by coming to Maggie and tugging at her hand.
“Mommy, look what I did.” She showed her the ponytail she’d done on the doll, all with adorable little hair accessories in it. She smiled at me, displaying her cute, tiny teeth. I smiled back at her.
“It’s gorgeous, sweetie. Show it to Blair too. Blair likes cute hairstyles, right? She has a cute hairstyle herself.” Abby didn’t move from her mother’s side, smiling shyly.
“Wow, that’s such a beautiful hairstyle. You’ve got real talent. Do you want to become a hairdresser?” I winked at her.
Abby giggled, then ran back to her dolls.
Maggie smiled, shaking her head. “Don’t give her any ideas. Yesterday, she wanted to become a cook, and last week, she was all about acting. By tomorrow, I’m sure she’ll find a new profession to daydream about.”
I laughed and took another swallow of the coffee. My smile dropped when I thought about what she’d told me earlier.
“How did Zach react when he found his mom?”
“How do you think? Zach had always been a good, quiet kid. He took care of her and never complained. It was clear his mom’s condition ate at him, but he never voiced his unhappiness.
The same happened after her death, but this time, it was like the incident with his bullies had changed him.
He completely shut off the whole world. It had me very worried. ”
My eyes went downcast. I forced myself to take another sip of coffee, being polite, although I no longer wanted it. I could easily see Zach like that, changed forever. Had he started planning his revenge at that moment?
“Is that why he left?”
“I don’t know. It was all very strange.” She placed her finger across her mouth, appearing deep in thought. “Now that I think about it, a man was asking me about Zach a few days ago.” She angled her head at me. “And now you’re here, asking about him too. It’s such a coincidence.”
The investigator. “Yeah. Sounds like it.” I tucked a few strands of my hair behind my ear, thinking of another question to ask to deflect. “What about Zach’s dad? He never talked to me about him.”
“Zach grew up without a father. Just like my Abby.” She gave her daughter a look filled with sadness.
“And just like Abby’s dad, Zach’s father didn’t have any interest in raising a kid once he found out he was about to have a child.
Millicent told me she tried to contact him for help once, but she learned he died in prison some years ago, and that was that. ”
“Couldn’t she have contacted her family?”
“She didn’t have any family. It was always just Zach and her.”
I felt another throb of pain for Zach in my chest, and I took a long sip of my coffee to buy myself enough time to school my expression.
I’d come here for answers, but I only got the confirmation that I’d ruined him.
He’d wanted to kill himself because of me.
And only his wish for revenge helped him keep going.
I tightened my fingers around the cup, unable to stop the shaking. Seeing what I’d put him through, everything he dished out made perfect sense, and I felt tears welling in my eyes.
I had to leave this place right away.
I stood abruptly, lowering the cup on the table. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.”
Maggie got to her feet, frowning. “Is something wrong?”
“No, everything’s fine. I just . . . I just remembered I have to do something.” I moved for the door, avoiding looking her in the eyes.
“Thank you for the coffee and your time. It was so nice talking to you.” I all but rushed out, refusing to look at Zach’s trailer so I wouldn’t break out in tears before I reached my car. I got inside and slammed the door shut.
Pressing my hands to my face, I leaned my forehead against the steering wheel and started crying.
I’d been so cruel. I’d toyed with Zach, with his emotions, when he’d already had a lot on his plate, and for what?
For stupid control. For power. To conceal that I was attracted to him.
Because I was the queen bee and had to maintain my position by showing I was capable of hurting anyone who even thought of taking that power from me.
Power. Ha. What a joke.
In truth, I’d been disgustingly weak. And in the end, it was all for nothing.
What did that “power” bring me? Just shame and regrets I’d thought I’d dealt with, determined to get on with my life, but Zach’s arrival showed me I hadn’t dealt with anything.
And there would be no way for me to continue living my life as though nothing had happened.
Not when my life wasn’t mine. Not when it was getting harder to get past that.
Not when I had yet to atone for what I’d done.
Not when what Zach had done to me felt less like an undeserved and cruel punishment and more like something I very much deserved.