CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Blair
After visiting the trailer park yesterday, I called to reschedule the swimwear ad shoot I had planned for today, claiming I was sick.
I couldn’t deal with William if he decided to come, but I especially couldn’t handle having to drag myself there and pretend I had a good time.
Now, even more than before, I felt like I didn’t belong there, and I couldn’t bring myself to care about acting unprofessional or Mom’s displeasure that would undoubtedly follow.
I’d sat by my window and looked at the sky when Zach entered my line of sight, going to the bushes of roses near the pool with shears, and I’d been watching him ever since.
My talk with Maggie had changed something in me, making me hate him less for what he’d done to me, although I was now more conflicted.
I could understand his actions, but at the same time, I couldn’t just lie down and roll with it.
His hate was unstoppable, and after everything he’d already done, I feared what else he could come up with.
All the more so now that I knew how much he’d suffered back then.
If only I could get through to him. But that seemed more impossible as more days went by.
What was going through his head now? What were his real interests? Where was he going to go once he got his revenge?
How damaged would I be once he was done with me?
I shivered in fear, but that didn’t stop me from staring at Zach’s defined muscles as he pruned the roses, unable to unglue my gaze from them.
He looked my way, and my pulse skittered.
My cheeks heated because he’d caught me staring at him, but I couldn’t look away.
I continued watching him, waiting for him to look away first, each second wondering what was going through his mind.
Too many times, I’d thought about his mouth on me that day, even as I fought not to. Did he ever think about it too?
My phone buzzed, and I looked down to see a message from an unfamiliar number. I opened it, and my heart dropped.
I missed you on the set. Are you alright? I can’t stop thinking about you. W.
I bent forward, fear and disgust shooting through me. There was only one person who signed his texts like this. William.
I wasn’t even surprised he got this number. I changed my number every once in a while, hoping that would discourage him, but he always asked my dad for it and then contacted me again.
I didn’t answer anything and deleted his message.
Someone knocked at my door, and I flinched, forcing my mind off William.
“Yes?”
“It’s me,” Melody said.
I raised my brows. She was waiting for permission to enter? “Come in.”
She stepped inside, her brows knitted together. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing much. What’s up?”
She crossed over to me and looked outside the window. Her gaze went in Zach’s direction. Her frown deepened, and she looked at me with a question in her eyes.
I raised my brow, lowering my phone next to me. “What?”
“What’s going on between Tom and you?”
My heart jumped in my chest, and I averted my gaze. “Nothing. Why do you think anything happened between him and me?”
She dropped her gaze to the floor and blushed to the roots of her hair, her hands twisting together in front of her. She took a deep breath, then met my gaze head-on. “I saw you with him by the pool the other night.”
Now it was my turn to blush. So that was her.
I swallowed past the embarrassment. “That was nothing.”
“That wasn’t nothing. You looked like you were about to kiss.”
“But we didn’t. We were just talking. It wasn’t anything serious.”
She shifted over to my books and ran her finger idly along the line of one of the shelves. “Are you sure about it?”
My brows lowered. “Yeah, I’m sure. Why are you even questioning me?” I tightened my hands, deciding to take the plunge and ask her directly. “Do you like him?”
“What? No.” That didn’t sound convincing at all.
“You sure?”
She didn’t meet my gaze, stopping by my camera. “Yes, I’m sure.” She sighed. “It’s just . . . it’s just that he’s the help, Blair. You shouldn’t be messing around with the help.”
“Wow. I shouldn’t be messing around with the help? Snobbish much, Melly?”
“That’s reality, B. Chances are, he’s using you to get something. That’s why we don’t mingle with poor people. You can never tell if it’s genuine, for starters.”
I rolled my eyes. “While that might be true, the same could be said for the rich.” While our parents never forced us to choose someone specific, it was given that we should date only those with extremely fat bank accounts. “We all scratch each other’s backs.”
She chuckled. “You’re right, but at least we can benefit from one another. I don’t see how you can benefit from someone who can’t even make sure you have a roof over your head.”
“Why do we have to benefit at all? Isn’t love enough?”
She angled her head, her eyes widening. “Love? Weren’t you always the one who said love was bullshit and didn’t exist?”
I glanced aside, running my hand up and down my arm. “Maybe I changed my mind.”
She grinned. “Really?” She rushed over to my bed and jumped down on it, excitement written all over her face. “Finally. I always wanted to talk with you about love. I believe true love really exists.”
I returned her smile, chuckling. “I mean, you did obsess over Disney princesses and their love stories.”
Her smile widened. “I did. But to answer your question, yes, love should be enough. Have you ever loved someone?”
Zach’s face came to my mind, and I glanced down at my lap, my heart beating a little faster. “No. You?”
She looked down. “I wish.”
I narrowed my gaze at her, trying to determine whether she was honest, as I remembered her reaction by the pool the other day. I didn’t even want to imagine her falling in love with Zach.
“Just make sure that when you fall in love, it’s someone you know really well. And preferably your age.”
Her smile vanished. “Is this about Tom again? It’s funny that you’re warning me off him, but you look interested in him yourself.”
My phone buzzed again before I could answer her. My insides churned when I saw it was another message from William.
You have gorgeous lips. And those breasts? I want to bury my cock between them and cover them in my cum . . .
I pressed my hand against my mouth. What the fuck?
I know you read my texts. I’m looking forward to seeing you again.
I almost gagged, my mind taking me back to the first night with him.
It was supposed to be a simple transaction. Or so my dad had said when he told me William was interested in me. It wasn’t supposed to last for more than one night. But that didn’t stop William from wanting more. He seemed obsessed with me, and I didn’t know how to stop him.
“What’s going on? Who’s texting you?”
“No one.” I deleted William’s messages and turned off my phone.
My gaze went to my camera. I needed to get my mind off William, and recording my thoughts could help, but what Zach had done to my videos made me think twice about it.
I couldn’t be sure if he’d destroy this video as well, and I hated how he’d found yet another way to make me feel limited and out of choices.
That left our home gym. Working out could also help. Plus, I didn’t exercise these days, and I’d better do it before Mom got a whiff of it and chided me for that too.
“Anyway, I’m going to the gym. Wanna join me?”
“No, thanks. You know I hate working out.”
I chuckled.
She left, and I changed into a top and leggings, then went to the gym. Just like any other high-end gym, our gym boasted a wide variety of equipment, from treadmills to chest and leg press machines to dumbbells. We even had a personal trainer at our beck and call.
I turned the stereo on and started my routine as the sounds of Five Finger Death Punch filled the space. I tried to clear my mind of Zach, William, and forced choices, but I couldn’t. Not this time.
I thought about the videos I’d lost and how making them created rare moments when I felt truly happy.
Like I was finally doing something for myself instead of doing what was expected of me.
I knew what was next. After I was done with the college of my parents’ choice, where I made as many connections as possible and did occasional sexual favors—because hey, money and sex made the world go round—I’d be well on my way to marrying someone with the most connections and money.
It had been something I’d accepted, something I was willing to go through if for nothing else than to make sure Melody didn’t have to go through that too.
As she’d said earlier, she believed in true love. I wanted love in Melody’s cards.
But in my cards? Love just wasn’t possible for me.
And I’d been fine with it. But now? Now, a small part of me felt not having a true love was .
. . wrong. And as much as I wanted, I couldn’t deny that it partly had to do with Zach’s arrival here and all the emotions he’d made me feel since then.
It was a mix of hate, confusion, want, and denial all at once. And it was hard to draw a line.
I had just about finished my workout and was heading back to my room to take a shower when the bell rang. Emily went to open the door.
“Where is she? Where is Blair?” Lana demanded, and I stopped halfway to the stairs.
Emily glanced over her shoulder at me, a tight smile on her face. “Um, she—”
“I’m here.” I moved into Lana’s line of sight. “What’s going on? What are you doing here?”
She yanked her shades off her face. “What’s going on? What am I doing here? You know very well what’s going on. I called you several times, but of course, you’re not available.”
“Will you please leave us?” I asked Emily.