Chapter 16
KINCAID
DrunkenPoet: Do you ever get jealous?
IndexEcho: No. Unless I think about you with someone else.
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I was having mixed-up emotions about whether to reopen my search for DrunkenPoet or allow myself to fall into a vat of temptation named Alex Marian.
Neither one was probably good for my mental health, but I couldn’t stop myself from wanting both.
My feelings for Alex were proving to be more than I expected, but before I could even consider pursuing someone I might catch real feelings for, I knew I needed closure about DrunkenPoet.
Even if he didn’t want to hear from me, even if he’d moved on…
hell, even if we’d both grown and changed and didn’t fit anymore, I wanted to explain what happened.
Surely he’d cared enough about me, once upon a time, that he’d want that, too.
But I hadn’t pulled the trigger on calling Max’s private investigator friend. And I was keeping my distance from Alex, too.
Sort of.
I couldn’t stop thinking about him, of course. But I’d managed to go four whole days without texting or seeing him…
And then an inspection reminder popped up on my calendar for Timber.
We were sitting around the big station house kitchen table, having an impromptu schedule debrief over lunch on Friday, when Lieutenant Pope said, “I can take the Timber follow-up, Chief. I’ve got to head over to Sullivan Hardware anyway to pick up a few U-bolts for the storage room shelving thing.”
Letting Kinsey take the Timber inspection would have been the smart choice, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“No, I’ll take this one. But while you’re at Sullivan’s, ask Maddox if he still wants to sponsor an ad in the fire safety leaflet for next year’s camping season.
Hayden Thomasson is typing it all up for us and having it printed after the holidays.
We’ll be able to send out the bundles by February. ”
We continued the meeting, discussing everything on next week’s schedule, plus addressing new concerns, until a call came in for a possible gas leak out on the edge of town. Sujo and McMasters took the truck out to respond to the call, and Pope headed to the hardware store.
I spent some time with two of our rookies, going over some training before Sujo and McMasters returned.
Then it was time to head out. Timber wasn’t the only inspection I had in town this afternoon.
I also needed to stop by the Pinecone for Sadie’s semi-annual inspection.
My plan was to grab dinner to go from whichever place I visited last.
Which was, of course, a lie. Because if Alex Marian was at Timber and not too annoyed by yet another one of the inspections he’d agreed to, my strong preference would be to eat at Timber. Preferably with his company.
Four days had been too fucking long.
So I decided to head to the Pinecone first and knock that out.
Thankfully, I hit it at just the right time between the hectic lunch hours and the dinner shift.
It was my first time inspecting Sadie’s cafe, so I had to familiarize myself with the place as I went through the inspection checklist. Everyone was very friendly and accommodating, and there were only a few minor things she needed to fix.
“A friend pointed out a good deal on a value pack of fire extinguishers at Costco up in Billings when I was there recently. Those would do just fine for the cash register stand, and you can take the other one to your house to store in your kitchen. Or Sullivan Hardware has singles. Theirs are just smaller. Maddox can probably order you the bigger ones.”
“Oh, I didn’t think of Costco. Thanks. You want to stay for an early dinner?” she offered. “Fresh meatloaf tonight, and it’s getting chilly out there.”
I shook my head. “Heading to Timber next. I’ll grab a pizza to take home. Thanks, though.”
As I turned to finish tucking my tools and tablet away into my bag, I heard one of Sadie’s servers lean over to gossip with her.
“Speaking of Timber, I heard Alex Marian’s going out with Will Wascomb tonight.
He’s so cute! I had no idea he was into guys.
Maybe that explains why Sydney couldn’t get him to look at her twice. ”
The two of them kept chatting while I made my way out to the truck.
Will Wascomb? Not only was Alex violating our agreement, but he was doing it with the preppy pissant who’d left a folder on top of his mug-warming plate and started a fire in his office? Christ.
When I got to Timber, my jaw ached from clenching it. It wouldn’t be professional to mix personal feelings with work, so I shoved down my annoyance at Alex and focused on the job.
The now-familiar woman at the host stand welcomed me with a big smile. “Table for one?”
I held up my tool bag, which also had my tablet sticking out of the top. “Afraid not. An inspection. Is Alex around?”
Her smile dropped. “Oh, I… let me see. I know he has plans later. I’ll just go check in the back.”
She came back from the kitchen a moment later. “He said go ahead and do whatever you need to do.”
I blinked at her. Alex wasn’t going to come give me hell about the inspection? Or ride my ass to make sure I didn’t dare look into anything not on the list?
Was he feeling well? I almost wanted to ask, but I held back. “Great, thanks.”
I moved back to the kitchen, where his ornery chef gave me the evil eye. I was not Juni Song’s favorite person. From what I understood, most of her anger came from the placement of one of the fire extinguishers that she took as a personal affront.
“I don’t set fires,” she muttered every time I came back there. As if the mandatory safety regulations had been my personal choice of how to annoy the fuck out of her.
I didn’t bother responding; I simply got to work.
From time to time, I could hear Alex speaking in his office either on the phone or to one of his employees, but it wasn’t until I heard his warm laughter with a tinge of flirtatiousness in it that I snapped.
But instead of saying something intrusive or being a jealous prick, I simply waited until he was off the phone, entered his tiny office, closed the door behind me, and moved to his desk to kiss the ever-loving fuck out of him.
His little whimpers of shock and then surrender went straight to my balls. I knew this was dangerous. Before coming in here, I’d sworn not to mix business with pleasure. But something about this man lit a short fuse in me, and if I hadn’t kissed him, I would have railed at him in anger.
When I pulled back, seeing that Alex’s lips were now red and damp with my own saliva, I felt a kind of satisfaction that was ten times more powerful than if I’d yelled at him.
He cleared his throat and tried to regain his composure. “What exactly are you here to inspect, Chief? My tonsils?”
“Was that our last kiss, Marian?”
Alex blinked at me in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“You and the Wascomb kid. Your choice. It’s totally up to you. Just let me know.”
My gut twisted as I waited for a response. While I was acting like I didn’t care, I definitely did.
“H-how did you hear about that?”
I sat back with my ass propped on the edge of his desk and crossed my arms, facing him. “You live in a town of eight thousand people, and at least seven thousand of them have big mouths.”
He groaned and ran his hand across his mouth. “Fuck. I don’t… I don’t know. I just…” He glanced up at me. “You seemed…”
I waited, but he simply shrugged and didn’t finish the sentence.
I thought of DrunkenPoet, the reason I wasn’t taking Alex out on a real date tonight.
None of it sat right with me. Not the idea of moving on with Alex before I’d gotten closure, and not the idea of Alex moving on from me because I refused to let go of a dream that might have died four years ago.
But it wasn’t fair to keep Alex from having a good time with someone else simply because my head was a mess.
“Just don’t kiss him, Marian,” I said. “Tell him you wanna take it slow. Leave your options open.”
His eyes followed me as I straightened up and reached for my bag. “You passed the inspection. Tonsils and fire safety, both. Well done.”
And then I left and spent the drive back to the station kicking myself for being jealous about a man I wasn’t willing to date for real.
After quickly returning to the station house and reinstating Timber’s special effects permit as a result of the inspection, I went home and emailed the private investigator I’d reached out to for a consult and told him to proceed.
If DrunkenPoet was gone forever, I needed to know so I could move on.
Before Alex Marian moved on, himself. With someone else.