Chapter 26
Kalyani didn’t know what possessed her to reveal such intimate facts to Varum.
Was it loneliness? It could be hopelessness.
Whatever the reason, it had felt good to get the words out.
She couldn’t hold his gaze, though. There was something different in his eyes now, something almost…
vulnerable. It was the exact opposite of what she had come to know him to be, and she wasn’t sure what to do with it.
So, she looked away, pretending she hadn’t seen anything.
“I don’t know why I told you that.” She needed to change the subject. What could she say? What safe topic could remove the embarrassment engulfing her?
“I’m glad you did.”
She kept her gaze on the floor, suddenly more nervous than she’d ever been in his presence.
“You shared something personal. So, I will, too.” Varum paused. “I have a complicated relationship with my parents. Actually, that’s a lie. I don’t have any kind of relationship with them.”
Her gaze jerked to him, utterly taken aback by his words.
“Don’t worry. They’re not in Tarangarh. They left the city—and me—years ago.”
She couldn’t fathom what she was hearing.
Surely, that couldn’t be the whole story.
Nirav spoke so highly of Varum and how he never got into trouble.
There had to be a good reason his parents would abandon him, though for the life of her, she couldn’t find a single one.
“I don’t know what to say, other than I’m sorry you went through that. ”
“There’s no need to apologize. You didn’t do it.”
“Is that when Nirav stepped in to raise you?”
Varum drew in a deep breath, glanced down, and nodded.
“I call him friend, and on occasion, family, but the truth is that he was more of a father to me than mine ever was. I was young, but old enough to know what was happening. Nirav tried to lessen the blow of the truth, but it couldn’t be concealed for long. ”
She wondered what kind of people could so easily discard their child. Varum tried to hide the pain, and he did a decent job of it, but she saw past the mask he wore. Or maybe it was just that she wanted to believe she did.
“My abandonment made others believe there was something wrong with me,” he continued. “It’s one of the reasons I’ve not advanced further in my station. That never bothered me, but it has always infuriated Nirav. He was ostracized after his time on land, and he got more of that after taking me in.”
That explained why the two were as close as they were. It also made her heart ache for both of them. Neither had asked for their circumstances, but both were shouldering the fallout as only the strong and determined could. She had seen the same with Rohan, which made it easy to spot in others.
Varum shook his head. “Don’t pity me. I would rather claim Nirav as my father than the man who holds that title.”
“You haven’t seen them since they…?” She trailed off, not wanting to say the word.
“Left?” he offered, then shook his head.
“They returned once three years ago. They wanted to speak to me, but I had no interest. Nirav met with them. I thought he might urge me to visit with them, but he didn’t.
He’s never pushed me one way or the other.
He’s always let me make my own decisions, and that was no different.
He respected my choice not to talk to them.
Once they understood that I had no interest in them, they left. ”
Kalyani had the urge to go sit by him and give him a hug to comfort him. “I’m not sure I could’ve stayed away. I’m too curious. I would have wanted to know why they suddenly wanted to talk to me, and I’d likely have asked why they left.”
“They left the city because my father saw an opportunity to wield more power and influence elsewhere. Tarangarh is isolated, but other cities are nearer to each other. Each has its own Assembly, but they also have a regional hierarchy. That’s what my father was aiming for. And he got it.”
“That doesn’t mean he can’t have a family.”
Varum shrugged. “It was Mum who wanted a child. He never did. She claimed me while he was away, and he tried to accept me. His image would’ve been tarnished had he returned me.”
“And it wasn’t when he abandoned you?” she asked, outraged.
“I was old enough that it made it seem as if I were the one at fault. As if my remaining with him would end his political career.”
Kalyani hoped she never saw either of Varum’s parents, because she had a few choice words she wanted to say to them. “How could your mum let you go so easily?”
“I neither know nor care. For a short time, I wanted to know, but I soon realized that it didn’t make any difference. Their actions told the story.”
It was a lie. She could see it plainly in his eyes. He longed for the reason, but she wouldn’t call him out on it. That wound was old and deep. It had scarred over some, but it would never fully heal. Not until he got the answers he said he didn’t want.
“The only one I truly trust is Nirav,” Varum stated.
She nodded, understanding more about him in those few words than she had gleaned in the hours she had spent with him. “I hope you understand that what your parents did isn’t about you. It’s about them.”
He flashed her a quick smile. “Nirav told me the same thing.”
“But you don’t believe it, do you?”
Of course, he didn’t. Neither would she in that situation.
He had been abandoned as a child, and he would always believe that he wasn’t good enough.
Wasn’t lovable enough. Or wonder what he had done wrong.
No wonder he always followed the rules. He never wanted anyone to say that he had done something wrong ever again.
One side of his lips lifted in a quick smile. “I accepted my life and put such things in the past.”
He might claim that, but one look in his iridescent blue eyes and anyone could see the pain he fought—and failed—to hide. Could a society that applauded song and dance really be so petty as to shun a child into adulthood for something the parents did? Obviously.
Except not everyone did.
“You said you were snubbed, but that wasn’t by everyone. Tanira doesn’t seem to care about your past.”
Varum snorted a laugh as he briefly looked at the ceiling. “I thought you already had her figured out.”
“I’m just trying to untangle everything.”
“There’s not much to it. Her father is Arvind, the Tidewarden. He’s the head of the Assembly and holds the most power and sway of anyone in the city. Their family is also affluent. She was given everything she ever wanted. No one has ever refused her anything.”
Kalyani really needed to get a look at this elf. “You did.”
“Eventually.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “She’s determined. I’ll give her that. Once Tanira sets her sights on something, she’s relentless until it’s finally hers.”
“I take it others have pursued her?”
“I doubt anyone would turn her away. I’m fairly certain even Nirav would bend to her will. He finds her quite beautiful.”
For some reason, that irked Kalyani.
Varum blew out a breath. “I gave in to her, thinking that once she had me, the novelty would wear off. But it didn’t.
Things went slowly at first because her father wasn’t pleased that she had chosen me.
I thought for sure that would put an end to it, but she won him over.
The next thing I knew, I was going to dinners at their home. ”
“I’m sure that gave your career a boost.”
“Somewhat, I suppose. I declined his offer to move me to another division. I didn’t want any favors from him because I had no intention of staying with Tanira. That’s when I broke things off.”
Kalyani raised her brows. “How did that go?”
“About as badly as you can imagine. As I said, she’s used to getting her way. And she said she loved me.”
“She won’t stop coming for you.”
He threw up his hands in frustration. “I can’t make it any clearer than I already have.”
“Her showing up here twice should tell you that she’s not going to give up.”
“Then what do I do?”
Kalyani picked at a piece of invisible lint on her clothes. “You’re asking the wrong person.”
“You’re a female. You seem to know what she’s going to do.”
“It isn’t as if I’ve been in this kind of situation.”
He lifted one shoulder in a shrug and held her gaze. “You never had to dissuade a suitor?”
There hadn’t been anyone serious. Ever. Though she was loath to tell Varum that. It made her sound pathetic. Yet she couldn’t come up with a believable excuse, and she didn’t want to lie. So, she told the truth. “Nay.”
“You really don’t have a lover waiting for you?”
By the stars, why did he have to say that word? It drew her gaze to his mouth and had her mind contemplating kissing him again. She tried to swallow, but her mouth was dry. “I do not.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
She tore her gaze from him. It was suddenly hot in the room. She gathered her hair in her hands to get it off her neck.
“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he said.
“It’s fine.” It wasn’t, but she didn’t want to admit to that either. How did they end up on this subject, and how did she get off it?
Varum drew in a sharp breath and released it. “It seems I owe you another apology. I’m sorry for stepping over the line and asking such a personal question.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for.”
“Then why won’t you look at me?”
If only he hadn’t said it in that soft voice, she might have been able to deny him. As it was, she was powerless against him. It took her a few tries, but she was eventually able to look him in the eye again.
The moment their gazes met, she felt something shift between them. Some unnamed sensation that once exposed wouldn’t so easily vanish. She released her hair and folded her hands in her lap, yet the word lover kept repeating in her head, eventually sounding like an endearment.
“You told me to kiss you or kill you, but the mention of a lover embarrasses you.” Varum’s grin was slow. “You are a contradiction.”
“I know I’m difficult.”
“You aren’t difficult. You’re a contradiction,” he corrected gently. “Just when I think I have you figured out, you say or do something I don’t expect.”
She shifted slightly while clearing her throat. Was that a compliment?
The question must have shown on her face because he smiled and said, “Take the compliment. Few people surprise me.”
“Thank you,” she murmured, still unsettled by his words.
“I mean it, though.”
She shot him a puzzled look. “About?”
“That I find it hard to believe someone hasn’t claimed you.”
Kalyani took instant exception to that. “I’m not something to be owned.”
“Nay, I can see that.”
Was that humor she spotted in his eyes? She narrowed hers while trying to decipher the elf before her.
“What are the men like in your village?”
“They’re…men.”
Varum pushed to his feet and walked to the kitchen, where he got out two glasses and a bottle.
He set the glasses on the coffee table between them and opened the bottle, pouring a finger of a faintly glowing blue liquid into each glass.
“Is Rohan preventing you from marrying? Or is it that no one has caught your eye?”
“I thought we were talking about your problem with Tanira. Why are we discussing me?”
He flashed her a smile. “You’re much more interesting.”