Chapter 16
Cassian’s stress seemed to impact the weather, effectively slowing the soldiers down on their way up the mountain. Two days passed, and even though my own hike would be shorter the longer we waited, I was beginning to fear the impact the poison was having on me.
I walked through the snow when I was sick before, but it wasn’t up and down a mountain.
Cassian continued to check in on the soldiers’ progress, slipping away often to peek in on them. I did my best to rest, hoping to slow the illness’s movement through my body and gain just a little more time.
“There are easily a hundred of them,” Cassian said, his voice echoing around the icy walls of the extravagant parlor. I sat comfortably on the solid settee, resting on a pile of animal pelts that kept me from freezing to the frosty cushions. “That’s probably why they’re moving so slowly.”
He paced around the room, his image flicking between walls and support pillars like he was wandering through a maze of mirrors.
“How close are they now?” I asked, trying my best to follow his reflection without getting dizzy.
“Close enough,” he said, finally pausing in a round pillar. “But I don’t like how many men they’ve brought. I wonder if I could separate them with just a little avalanche... Just enough to cut their numbers down.”
“Cassian...” I sat up, crossing my arms. “That’s not going to help me convince them you’re a good person.”
“I wouldn’t hurt them,” he pouted, mirroring my folded arms. “Just divide their camp with a little wall of ice and snow.”
“Nice kings don’t create avalanches,” I said.
“But ice kings do.” He smirked.
“I don’t think they’d appreciate you giving them the cold shoulder.” I rolled my eyes, and he chuckled, his eyes brightening with the charming sound.
“All right, you win.” He unfolded his arms, admitting defeat. “No avalanches. For now, at least.”
His reflection disappeared before I could argue with him further, his cheeky smile seared in my mind as I stared at the vacant pillar of ice. I could still sense him in the room, his presence both comforting and cold.
“Will you be watching me along the way?” I asked, my voice aimed at the ceiling as I waited for his image to reappear.
“Every step,” he echoed softly, the ice seeming to pulse. “I know there’s not much I can do from my position, but I promise I won’t leave you to face them alone.”
Not alone...
My fingers twitched, the burning cold of my frosty death tightening my heart. There was nothing worse than being alone in your time of need. Cassian understood that.
“Then I suppose I better get going.” I stood from the settee, my legs feeling a little stiffer than I would have liked. “I promised you I’d prove myself a worthy queen by winning back your kingdom.”
“Yes, I suppose those were our terms.” His image appeared in the wall beside me, his tall figure drawing my eyes up. His hands were fidgety again, toying with his fingers like he needed something else to hold. “Looking back, I suppose I might have made them a bit challenging.”
“They were still plenty fair,” I said. “I can’t be your queen if we don’t have a kingdom.”
“That’s true.” His voice turned wistful, his eyes glittering like freshly fallen snow. “I’m sorry I didn’t already have one to offer you.”
My heart fluttered like a swirl of snow flurries was rushing through it, causing me to tingle from the inside out with the cold. “If I succeed today...will your terms be met?” I asked, my cheeks too hot for being surrounded by ice.
He reached out, his hand stopped by the barrier that trapped him inside the walls. “Yes, but only if you say yes to me upon your return.”
“Yes?” I tilted my head.
“To my proposal,” he explained, his neck turning red as he ran a hand through his hair. “I-I can’t possibly marry you unless I’ve requested your hand.”
My heart skipped a beat, the feeling similar to the moment when Blamore had requested my hand, but I didn’t let my feelings soar like I did then. I knew better than to break my heart twice. Marrying Cassian was a means to protect Rothen, and reclaiming his kingdom was a means to protect Cassian.
I wouldn’t leave this world with any regrets this time.
“Considering I practically begged you to marry me when we first met, I think I can predict what I’ll say,” I said, my disobedient heart still fluttering about.
“Even so, there are rules that must be followed for this sort of thing,” he said with a firm nod of his adorably thoughtful head. “Protocols, traditions... Can you hold out your hand?”
He gazed down at my glove, his expression nudging me to take it off.
“M-my hand?” I gulped, clutching the sickly fingers to my chest.
“Yes, please. I should like to measure you for a ring,” he explained. With a wave of his hand, five sparkling rings of ice appeared on the floor in front of me, each varying in size.
“Already?” I bit my lip. There was no containing the pounding in my chest now. I hadn’t considered needing a ring, though knowing Cassian, I should have known he would want to do everything perfectly. “But I haven’t succeeded in my task yet.”
My hands trembled, but I clutched them together to stop the quivering. My nail beds would be noticeably black by now. Would he know what that meant? Would he even bother to marry a girl whose time was fading away?
“Oh,” he sighed, his smile shy. He swept the rings over into a corner, then sprinkled a little pile of snow on top to cover them. “My apologies, I’m getting ahead of myself. I have yet to ask your father’s permission after all.”
I winced, the small suggestion like a tiny pin pricking me in the back. Cassian noticed my discomfort immediately, the entire room chilling as he shifted closer to the edge of the ice.
“Safara? Did I say something wrong?” he asked gently, his hand pressed against the inside of the wall.
“No, it’s not you.” I forced a smile, but I could feel the mist blurring my eyes. “It’s just that I don’t have a father anymore. I’m afraid he passed away from a heart attack only a month before I moved to Averglas.”
“I’m terribly sorry,” Cassian’s voice surrounded me, his presence a comfort I wished I could feel more than I did. “Hearts are such fragile things. I can’t imagine how painful it must have been to endure such a loss.”
I wiped my eyes, the warm tears heating my cheeks as I brushed them away. “It’s been hard, but I’ve survived worse moments.”
And died to others.
“That doesn’t mean you have to endure them alone.
” Cassian pushed harder against the ice, his fingers curling against the barrier and leaving subtle scratches on his clear wall.
“Will you tell me more about your father when you return? I should like to hear about your memories with him, if that’s all right. ”
“You would?” I asked, my voice hoarse from holding back the tears.
“Absolutely,” he said. “I may not be able to ask him for your hand, but I’d love to know more about the man who raised such a brave and noble queen.”
His kind voice lifted my spirits, and ever so slowly, my heart thawed to the idea of loving a prince again. He was right, hearts were such fragile things... I would need to try harder to keep mine protected.
“Thank you, Cassian,” I said. “I’m sorry you won’t be able to perfectly meet all requirements for a traditional proposal.”
“I’m learning that there are different ways to define perfect,” he said, his eyes tracing over me like my features were as delicately detailed as a snowflake. “Besides, there are plenty of other traditions we can still uphold.”
“You could always ask Douglas’s permission if you’d like,” I suggested with a sly smile.
“Do you think of him as a paternal figure?” he inquired quite seriously.
“No,” I said. “But he’s never said no to anyone before.”
“Ah!” He grinned. “Great point! Leave him behind then. I’ll have a chat with the gentleman while you’re out.”
“As you wish,” I laughed, the tears long gone as I imagined Cassian having any type of serious discussion with a rock. He couldn’t stop smiling at me, looking at me with an adoration that I’d only ever seen come from my father’s eyes.
“Your laugh is beautiful, Safara,” he said, his voice airy, like he was mindlessly speaking his thoughts aloud.
I felt my cheeks flush, but not even that made him look away.
“I’ll miss you in your absence. The castle always feels so much warmer with your smile in it. It’s no wonder Blamore wants you back.”
“He doesn’t want me,” I said. “He wants to steal my kingdom in the same way he did yours. His empty heart only longs for his next treasure.”
“Then those handsome eyes of his must be blinded by the shards of my looking glass...” Cassian breathed. The room felt smaller as he moved as close to the wall as he could, his forehead nearly pressing against the barrier. “Because I can’t imagine seeing a greater treasure than you, Safara.”
My knees felt weak, my legs swaying as the king’s words made me inch closer to that blasted ice. Hearing him say my name like that made me wonder if I was already sicker than I thought.
Why else would I want him to hold me?