Chapter 1 #2
I raised the first shot and drank it fast, feeling the sharp burn of the absinthe as it slithered down my throat.
The bartender watched me, amused at my enthusiasm as I took the second shot without a thought.
I slammed the shot glass upside down onto the bar, then raised my drink as if making a toast. “To being a fucking mess! Bottoms up!” He shook his head and laughed as I chugged the drink, already shit-faced drunk from the two previous rounds I had ordered beforehand.
“Woah! Taste like fucking turpentine!” The bartender laughed.
As I tried to forget the taste, I noticed the beat change again.
The music shifted to a song I knew. “Oh fuck! I love this song!” I clapped my hands and made my way from the bar and through the dancing crowd, back onto the dance floor.
The DJ played the song as the club lights shifted to a vibrant pink, creating the perfect vibe. I shook my ass and danced to the beat, completely trashed and without a care in the world. The music possessed me, and before I knew it, I had completely lost track of time. And control of myself.
I flipped my hair over my shoulder, dancing until I found myself shaking my ass against an unknown man.
He welcomed my presence, and without any thought, I was grinding against his pelvis.
The man danced in unison with me, staring at my body with a big smile.
Everything was turning blurry and foggy from the weed and drinks.
I wasn’t just high and wasted, I was an emotional wreck.
I felt numb and lost. I couldn’t ground myself, but I didn’t want to.
I wanted to completely forget everything and just lose myself in the music.
I just wanted to exist. No secrets, no stress, and no fucking Haze.
I just want to live.
The man gripped my hips and yanked me closer as he moved my body with the music.
I closed my eyes and surrendered myself to the moment, unintentionally leaning back into him.
His cheap cologne nearly choked me out and his five o’clock shadow scratched my cheek.
It wasn’t the comfort I was looking for, but I was too fucked up to fight it. Too lost to find my way.
A swelling feeling of anxiety filled my chest, and I felt as if my lungs were being compressed. I needed to breathe—to gasp for air.
“I can’t breathe,” I whispered. Sweat and glitter smothered my skin and streamed down my body from the packed dance floor.
I was burning from how hot the club was and struggling to breathe.
My only grace was the thin, multicolored chainmail dress I was wearing.
It was draped loosely over my body, barely covering my breasts, and slit high, leaving little to nothing to the imagination and everything to my confidence. “I need air,” I whispered again.
The man leaned in closer, either unaware of what I said or uncaring.
He moved close enough for his breath to hit my ear.
“What’s your name, sweetheart?” I felt the light material shift as the man lifted his hands and tried to reach under the short hem.
Part of me wanted to push him away, but I felt weak, breathless, and so fucking broken.
I didn’t stop him. I couldn’t. But suddenly, I didn’t want to.
The man squeezed his fingers into my bare skin, making me gasp. “We both know you don’t give a fuck about my name,” I breathed. “Make me forget the world, or I’ll find someone else to do the job.”
He chuckled. “Yes, ma’am.” And with those words, I surrendered to him. I let his fingers wander and his mouth do exactly what I needed.
I’m such a fucking mess.
My head dipped back into him, and I moaned faintly as his heavy breathing filled my ear. His fingers moved higher and together we danced. I felt sick at how much I was enjoying it, but I couldn’t stop. I needed him to keep going until I was able to drown my thoughts and fully lose myself.
“God, you’re so fucking hot,” the man breathed. “So fucking—” The man was ripped from my body and pulled away roughly. “What the—”
I turned to see Haze, his hand gripping the man’s shirt as he stared down at him with burning eyes.
“She’s not yours to touch!” His fist slammed into the man’s face, breaking the guy’s nose instantly.
The man cried out, but the music drowned his scream.
“You don’t get to fucking touch her!” Haze swung again, and again, beating the man.
“Haze!” I shot towards my brother and grabbed his arm as I tried to stop him. “Leave him alone!”
My brother turned to face me, breathing heavily.
Our eyes locked for a moment before he dropped the man.
“Is this what you fucking want?” he shouted.
“You want him? Huh?” I jumped from his anger.
He turned to face the poor man, now on the floor.
The man’s face and hands were bloodied as he sat there groaning, begging my brother to stop.
Haze glared down at him and swung his foot, kicking the guy’s torso. “No one touches her!”
“Haze, enough!”
He spun around to face me, fuming with such rage.
“Stop? I can’t stop! And even if I could, I wouldn’t.
” His nostrils flared as he stepped closer.
“You seemed to have forgotten, but I’ll remind you.
” He grabbed my neck and pulled me close, speaking through clenched teeth.
“You’re mine, Indi. And I don’t fucking share. ”
I scoffed and ripped free from his grasp.
Haze watched as I helped the man to his feet.
The man flinched from my touch and flashed us a terrified look before rushing off through the dancing crowd.
“Oh, great! Just as I was beginning to enjoy myself. I bet he calls the fucking cops too!” I scoffed.
He stood there, fuming and uncaring about the risk he just took.
“So what? It’s too dangerous for you to be with me, but you can beat the shit out of some guy in a club? Huh?”
“He was touching you, Indi,” he growled.
“For fuck’s sake, Haze! I’m not some damsel in distress waiting around for you to save me!”
He tilted his head. “Why did you let him touch you, Indi?” he growled the question.
“What else am I supposed to do?” I crossed my arms and he glared at me. “You told me to live, well, here I am, Haze. I’m doing exactly what you wanted me to do. I’m fucking living!”
My brother scoffed and shook his head, his black hair waving around his face as he spoke.
“Living? You think this is how I wanted you to live? Fucking around this place with some random ass guy?” His face hardened.
“No, this isn’t living. This is self-destruction!
You didn’t want him to touch you, I know it.
So why did you? Why?” I glared back at him. “Why?”
My body jolted at his shout. “Because I have nothing! My life is dead! And you–you just expect me to do what? Sit around in my room until you decide to grace me with your presence?” He reached for my hand, but I pulled away.
“No!” I pointed at him. “You told me to live my life, well, here it is, big brother. I’m living it! ”
Before he could say or do anything, I turned and ran. I forcefully pushed my way through the crowd, sinking deeper onto the dance floor. I was pissed, humiliated, and hurt. And yet, deep down, I was happy that he showed up. Which only made me more angry with myself.
Jesus, Indi. Get your shit together!
The music shifted again and I stood there, fighting back tears. “Fuck,” I exhaled. “Get your fucking shit together.”
I suddenly felt his breath against the back of my neck.
“Is that really what you want, little sis?” he asked.
His fingers grazed my nape, gently moving my hair aside as he felt the tattoo of his name.
My heartbeat increased rapidly, and I struggled to control my breathing.
His hands moved and glided along my body as he carefully pulled me in closer.
His body pressed into mine, and I tried to remember to breathe.
“Do you really want someone like him?” He began to move, rocking our bodies to the beat.
“Or do I need to remind you of what you really like?”
Fuck me.
My hands met his, and before I knew it, I was dancing into him. I didn’t speak or say anything. Instead, I let him take control and move my body, touching me in ways only he knew. I surrendered myself to him, letting that sick little desire we shared take control.
Haze leaned closer and whispered into my ear as his hand drifted beneath my dress, meeting its mark. “Oh Indi,” he purred. “When will you learn that I’m the only man who can make your body feel this way?”
I moaned into him, digging my nails into his body as I pulled him closer. “I didn’t even want him,” I breathed. “I–I only came here to forget about everything. The pain, the darkness…you,” I breathed. I gasped, realizing what I had just said aloud.
Haze stopped, and I felt sick to my stomach, regretting my choice of words.
He slowly moved from beneath my dress and stepped away from me.
I turned to face him, realizing how it must’ve sounded.
“I–I didn’t mean it like that!” He eyed me closely.
“I don’t want to forget you, I just needed a break from everything!
To forget everything in my head and just exist!
” I felt uneasy, not knowing what was going on in his head as he watched me. “Haze?”
He clenched his jaw. “Then maybe I should help you forget.”
What?
Haze picked me up and flung me over his shoulder. “Hey! What the—Haze! What’re you doing?” A few onlookers watched and laughed as he carried me through the club. Thankfully, most people were too wasted or fucked up to even notice us.
“You said you wanted to forget—” he shouted, adjusting his grip. “I’m going to help you do just that.”