Chapter 13
Noah
I’ve never been this nervous on a perfectly ordinary Thursday morning as I am today. Luca and I have the first class together, and I’m pretty sure he’ll sit next to me, just like he has every day for the past few weeks. But what about the rest?
How will he approach me? With a simple hello, or…? He probably doesn’t want the others to know that we’re… I don’t know, dating? Is that even dating, or am I reading way too much into this? Dating, shit, that sounds so crazy in my head. But yesterday at the party… he kissed me there too…
Two slender but muscular arms wrap around my shoulders, soft lips brush my cheek, and I jump up reflexively. “Bonjour mon Papillon. ?a va bien?”
So much falls away the moment I feel his skin against mine.
I lean into his touch and soak up his warmth.
I enjoy the closeness, then I hear them.
The voices. Whispering, very softly. Words that hurt.
They think I can’t hear them, but people who see as poorly as I do learn early on to rely on other senses. I understand every word.
“Did you see that?”
“Was that a kiss?”
“Has he lost his mind?”
“What does he want from him?”
“But he’s got eyes, right?”
“You don’t have to do this. I mean it, it’s okay. I…” I try hard to wriggle out of Luca’s embrace, but he won’t let go, damn it. Quite the opposite.
He cups my face with both hands. “And what if I want to? What if I want to touch you and kiss you?”
But the others are talking, about you, about us. They’re merciless and so loud.
“I’m not good enough for you and everyone knows it!”
The words burst out of me, and I reflexively cover my mouth. FUCK! Shit, I didn’t mean to say all that. I squint my eyes and wait for the backlash.
But instead soft lips touch my temple, and a quiet voice sounds in my ear. “I don’t give a fuck what the others think. They don’t know anything about me.”
Then his lips touch mine, and I can’t help but press my lips against his. For a brief, fleeting moment, everything is silent. Just the two of us, nothing and no one around us—then the bubble bursts.
“Uhh, someone’s really not good at this.” A spiteful laugh rings in her voice. “Is that a kiss, or is he eating him?” A few people laugh. “Watch out, drool alarm in three, two, one…!”
Luca pulls me close, and won’t let me go even though there’s nothing I’d rather do than storm out of the classroom.
As quickly as possible and with my eyes downcast so no one can see the tears running down my cheeks.
Her words play on a loop in my head, tightening my chest, robbing me of the air I need to breathe.
A huge lump sits painfully in my throat, and I can’t swallow it down.
Luca wipes the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs, then breaks the kiss. “Give me a second.”
With another kiss, he turns and walks over to the girls who are standing together, giggling. “What’s your problem, Annabelle? Why are you saying hurtful shit like that? Still smarting over the fact that I didn’t want you?”
A murmur ripples through the group and my breath catches briefly. Annabelle wanted Luca?
“No wonder I didn’t stand a chance if that’s your type.” With a dismissive wave of her hand, she gestures in my direction, and my lip starts to tremble again.
“Glad you realize it yourself, Annabelle. You’re right, I’m into honest and friendly people, not sneaky snakes who tear others down just to make themselves look better.” The others look down at their feet, some embarrassed, some trying to suppress a smirk, but Annabelle isn’t backing down.
“Is it about the money? Are you after his money? How pathetic is that?” My heart sinks into my pants. Why didn’t I think of that? What if…?
But my mind doesn’t get any further, because Luca bursts out laughing.
“That’s cute. Seriously. Google my last name, and you’ll see the last thing I need is to marry rich.
I’m with people because I like them. No one here has ever taken the time to exchange more than two words with Noah, and you have no idea what you’ve been missing. ”
I’m still standing in front of my seat, with my gaze fixed on the tabletop.
My hands twitch nervously and I have no idea what to do with them, so I grab my pen as a lifeline.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Luca coming back to me with long and relaxed strides.
Shaking his head, he plops down in the seat next to me and pats my chair invitingly.
The second my butt touches the seat he wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me in his arms. Firmly and without a hint of hesitation or doubt and his lips find my temple in a light kiss.
“Your family has money?”
I stare at him in disbelief. Is that all? Is that all he has to say?
I try to pull myself together so I don’t say something stupid, but I stutter anyway. “I… yeah… but… I… no…”
“Don’t let those assholes get to you. If I didn’t want to be with you, I wouldn’t be with you. You don’t have to understand what I like about you, but you can trust me that I do.” No one has ever liked me, not even my own parents.
“It’s not that easy when…” I take a deep breath before I whisper. “No one has ever liked me before. I have no idea what that feels like, what it means, or what the rules are.”
Luca leans his head against mine and I hear the smile in his voice. “I know exactly how you feel. But the great thing is, there are no rules when it comes to being liked. You can just be yourself, and that’s perfect. There are no conditions.”
Being who I am… an intriguing concept. Who am I when I’m just me? I feel like I’m constantly trying to play some kind of role in the hope that someday someone will notice me. Or just that not everyone laughs at me.
***
After class, we sit on a bench with two cups of hot chocolate.
Luca has an arm around my shoulder and pulls me so close even if I didn’t want to, I’d still be snuggled up tight against him.
But let’s not kid ourselves, I want this.
His warmth, his firm body against mine, his breath on my cheek, closeness.
Just closeness. It’s pathetic and embarrassing to cling to someone you can never really have, to settle for having something just for the moment, knowing it will never be more than that.
I just hope… my whole body tenses up at that thought.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Luca kisses my temple tenderly.
“I… do you do that with other people too? Do you kiss anyone else besides me?”
Almost shaken, he raises his eyebrows. “No, I’ve never done that. That’s not my thing.”
“Then are you… only with me? No… uh, open thing?” My voice trembles, and I can hear the fear dripping from every word. Embarrassing.
But Luca just holds me a little tighter, resting his head against mine. “Only with you. I promise.”