Chapter 18
Luca
My bed is moving. Someone’s here.
“No! I don’t want to! Leave me alone!” I open my eyes in panic.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, but I need my glasses and I can’t find them.”
Noah. I’m at Noah’s place. I spent the night here. Relieved, but with my heart still racing, I fall back onto my back. I actually fell asleep. Holy shit.
Two hands feel their way along my body in search of the nightstand, eyes slightly squinted. I want to kiss him, stroke his cheek, hold him tight until my pulse slows down, but I don’t want to startle him if he can’t see me.
“Wait, here they are. May I?”
“What?” Unsure, he looks in my direction, but completely past me.
“Put them on for you?”
“You don’t have to, I…” Noah’s voice is frantic and defensive. The glasses make him feel so insecure, even though he relies on them so much.
Gently, I place my index finger on his lips, and he flinches back in surprise. “But I’d like to. May I?”
“Okay…” His voice trembles, but he stills, and I reach for the large black frames.
I like the contrast of the black against Noah’s pale skin, and the large, angular frames are a gorgeous compliment to his delicate features.
I love the moment when his world comes back into focus and his gaze immediately seeks mine.
“Did you sleep well?” The nervousness in his voice is unmistakable.
Now that he can see what I’m doing, I stroke his cheek and nod. “Very well, actually.”
And then I kiss him, gently and slowly.
“We have to get up. We have class in an hour and a half. Do you want to take a shower?”
“I don’t want to go to university.” In two quick moves, I flip us over and Noah is lying beneath me.
His breath catches, his eyes widen. Immediately, my lips are back on his.
It takes every ounce of self-control not to rub my cock against his.
Fuck, he’s just as hard as I am, and doing so would be so hot.
But Noah isn’t ready for that, and I’m not going to let something like yesterday happen again.
My phone vibrates. Not now, right now I’m with Noah and nothing is more important at this moment, than his lips on mine. I ignore it.
A little while later, we’re sitting at breakfast when my phone lights up again, this time with a text message.
“Où es-tu?” Papa.
“Fuck.”
Noah looks up from his cereal with wide eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“I have to make a quick call.” Shit, I completely forgot to check in with Papa and Paps.
Another text comes in. “Wo bist du?”
Different language, same message, this time from Paps. I jump up and tap the first number in my call log, knowing they’re together anyway.
“Luca. Thank God. Are you okay?” No accusations, no scolding, just genuine concern. I hear the relief in Paps’s voice and wish I could sink into the ground.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Fuck, I’m so sorry, I should have called you.”
“A text would’ve been enough.” That was Papa in the background, and I laugh.
“I stayed over at Noah’s.” At my boyfriend’s place, who’s staring at me, completely thrown off balance, a spoonful of cereal in his hand.
In two steps I’m standing behind him, my free hand in his thick hair, which sticks out in all directions. Noah’s eyes close and a smile tugs at the corners of his mouth.
“Stayed over? Like…?”
“I’ll explain it to you at home, okay? We have to eat breakfast, or we’ll be late. I’m really sorry.”
“Tout va bien. Nous t’aimons, Coco.” Paps would have liked to say more, I know that for sure, but Papa saved my ass—not for the first time.
“I love you, too. See you later. I’ll be home for dinner.”
“Your parents?” Right, Noah couldn’t understand half of it.
“Yes, they were worried. I… I don’t usually stay out all night.”
“It’s nice they care about you.” The bitterness in his voice is unmistakable. I know things are difficult with his parents, but only because I overheard that one phone call. He hasn’t mentioned his family since then.
“What do you mean?”
He snorts and rolls his eyes. “I could be lying dead in my apartment for three weeks, and no one would notice, no one would miss me.” That hurts.
I wrap both arms around him, hold him tight, and his cheek rests against mine. “I would notice, and I would miss you.”
***
“You gave us quite a scare this morning.” Jannis is standing in my doorway, arms crossed over his chest.
“I know, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“What won’t?” My brother grins at me defiantly. “Staying somewhere else or forgetting to tell us?”
“I didn’t sleep over just anywhere.” Noah isn’t just anyone, he’s special. I trust him.
“I know. You were at Noah’s. It was obvious he had a thing for you, I just didn’t think he was into one-night stands.”
“What are you talking about?”
Jannis raises his hands fake-defensively. He’s messing with me. “No repeats. Your rule, not mine.”
Of course not. Dayyan and him have been inseparable for four and a half years, I don’t even want to know how many repeats have happened in that time. “Noah and I didn’t have sex.”
“You didn’t? That’s new. Tell me more.”
A smile spreads across my face involuntarily. Genuine and unfiltered. “We… you can’t laugh at me!”
Jannis steps into my room and closes the door behind him. I love my brother for a lot of reasons, including his ability to realize when I’m being sincere.
“We’re together.”
He stares at me in disbelief. “Seriously?”
I’d like to be cooler, but my heart is pounding in my throat and my whole body is tingling. “Pretty serious. You said yourself it was obvious that I’m in love with him. Why are you so surprised now?”
In four long strides, Jannis is at my bed and sinks down next to me on the edge of the mattress. Gently he nudges me with his elbow. “Because your fear has always been bigger than any other feelings. I didn’t expect it to be different with Noah. I’m really happy for you.”
“You had your first time with Dayyan, didn’t you?”
Jannis laughs in surprise. “Wow, nice change of subject. Yeah, I did. Why?”
“How long were you two together?” My voice trembles more than I’d like. Damn it, what’s wrong with me? I can talk about sex.
“Two months.”
“And what about the other stuff?”
My brother looks at me, frowning. “Are you asking me for a timeline?”
Helplessly, I shrug my shoulders. I’ve never been this clueless when it comes to sex. “I screwed up yesterday. I realized it in time, but I don’t even want to think about what could have happened...”
“What did happen?”
“We kissed, but I was too pushy, wanted too much too quickly, just like I always do. Noah cried, but he didn’t stop me.”
Jannis nods sympathetically. “That’s tough. How much experience does Noah have with guys?”
“None.”
“I can’t tell you how much time Noah needs. Talk to him about it, and find out how far you can go. Slowly, step by step, always keeping an eye on how he’s really doing. There’s no universal timeline that applies to everyone.”
Slowly. That’s going to be hard. Literally. Noah only has to look at me, just one glance from those hazel eyes, and I want to touch him, feel his body against mine, breathe in his scent, hold him. And I hope he holds me too, at least a little bit.