Chapter 25
Twenty Five
Kaden
The dim light of the living room caught in the rising steam of the two mugs in my hands. I moved quietly, the practiced silence of a fighter, though tonight there’s no opponent, just a beautiful woman on the couch who I don’t want to disturb as she reads.
Val glanced up and raised her brow. I could tell she she wanted to inquire what I’ve been doing the past ten minutes.
In truth, I’d been trying to perfect her hot chocolate raspberry truffle tea, which sounded like something I shouldn’t know how to make.
But for Val, I’d become a student of small things while she took on so many larger concepts.
When I got to the couch, I noticed that Val had been swallowed whole by her oversized heated blanket. She looked like she was wrapped up in a fuzzy, teal cocoon that only let her head and glowing tablet screen peek out.
At first glance she looked small and almost fragile, but I knew better.
I’d seen her hit the heavy bag until her knuckles bleed and stand up tall when her legs were screaming.
Val was one of the strongest people I knew, even though her “trauma brain” as she called it, tried to convince her otherwise.
I set her mug down on the coaster within her reach. The sweet, tart scent of the raspberry teased my senses.
She looked up, and the tension in her forehead smoothed out. I could tell that whatever she was researching tonight was taking a toll and raising lots of questions. “You’re a saint, Kaden.” she whispered just before grabbing her cup and taking a sip. She paused and inhaled the delicious aroma.
“You’re welcome, beautiful.” I kissed her forehead and then took my place on the couch, leaving her just enough space.
I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, thumbing down the volume so that it was more like white noise and less like we were in the middle of the action. There was a preliminary match playing and the fighters were looking good.
I leaned back, resting my head against the cushion, but my eyes didn’t linger on the screen long. Instead, they were on Val, who had gone back to staring at her tablet again, biting her lower lip.
Then it hit me: she was deep into research on impact play. She had been obsessing over the idea of using it as a way to ground her and pull her out of the clouds of her past. It was also a minefield. One we had to navigate carefully.
Suddenly, she made the face that usually indicated she was reading something technical. It was a cute little scrunchy-nosed pout just before her expression turned somber. The glow of the screen reflected in her eyes and I could practically see her gears turning.
I reached out, not saying a word, and found her feet through the layers of blanket, tugging them toward me. She didn’t t protest. Instead, she sighed softly and shifted her weight so that her legs were draped across my lap.
I worked my thumbs into the arches of her feet, kneading away at the tension. “Talk to me,” I said quietly. “Where has that pretty mind of yours ventured off to tonight?”
Val huffed and glanced at me just before playfully sticking out her tongue which usually meant she was trying to mask her true feelings.
“What I’m reading is talking about endorphins and sub-space; how it can trigger a sense of calm due to biological response.” She paused, her thumb hovering over the screen. “I need this, but then I see pictures and start to panic. It’s so frustrating.”
I increased the pressure on her left foot. “You know, trauma doesn’t have a calendar, Val.”
“I know.” she says, looking up at me, only this time she made a ridiculous wide-eyed shocked face which caused me to laugh. “I just don’t want to end up thinking of you as a woman-beater, because the me in current reality knows that you aren’t.”
I smiled awkwardly. Now I was the one feeling nervous. I knew the risk, but hearing her say the words out loud never got any easier.
She leaned forward and put her hand on my arm. “It’s true. You’re the guy who watches rom-coms with me and checks my hand wraps at least three times to make sure I’m safe.”
Instinctively, I grab her hand and place a soft kiss on the back of it to let her know that I’m not taking offense to the conversation. “I don’t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or that could affect our relationship negatively.”
Val pulled her hand back and almost looked upset about what I said. “But I want this. I’ve also been thinking about limits. I think that if we set those, everything should work out perfectly.”
Limits. I smiled, thinking about how much she had been learning. “Let’s hear what you’ve come up with.” I stopped everything I was doing to show her that she had my complete attention.
“Okay,” Val said, her voice steadying. “I believe that right now, anything around my face and neck is a hard no. I think I would shut down, no matter how much I trust you, and then I’m not sure I’d be able to ever try again once I got there.”
I nodded. “That makes a lot of sense.”
“I would also like to start with hands only,” she continued, her eyes searching mine like she was hoping to catch me reacting a certain way.
“Hands only,” I repeated. “Those are smart boundaries and keep the connection direct. Anything else?” I inquired as I resumed rubbing her feet.
Suddenly, Val let out a short, high-pitched giggle and tried to yank her foot back. “Kaden, stop! That tickles!”
“Oh, does it?” I didn’t let go. I found that one spot right near her heel that I knew was Val’s weakness. She began to squirm, the heated blanket quickly sliding down to reveal her messy bun and flushed face.
Val kicked at me weakly. “You’re a bully.” She couldn’t stop laughing.
I raised my hands in surrender. “I was just testing your muscle responsiveness,” I teased and gave her foot one last squeeze before settling back into the massage.
Val relaxed again, looking back at her tablet and her energy shifted. “Speaking of muscle responsiveness, I was reading about nerve endings.”
Her tone came out more clinical than curious. “It says here that certain types of impact can almost reset the nervous system. It’s like a reboot for a computer that’s running too many programs at once.”
The excitement in her voice began to grow. “I want to reset, but I don’t want you to think of me as weak.”
I shifted, leaning closer so I could look her directly in the eye. “Val, I promise you aren’t showing me anything I’m not honored to hold. You’re one of the strongest women I know. Nothing about you is weak. No matter what, I’ll be there to hold you and remind you of how amazing you are.”
She stared at me, her bottom lip trembling for just a fraction of a second before she pulled herself together. “You’re way too sappy for a guy who chokes and punches people for a living,” she joked.
“Don’t tell Arlo. He’ll never let me live it down.”
We spent the rest of the evening laughing and carrying on. Occasionally she would go back to reading and pop in with a comment about sensory processing and aftercare. Each time I gave her my thoughts, followed by more examples to help her understand.
Each time Val spoke, I found myself more and more enamored in her. She was gorgeous, in more than just her physical beauty, and I couldn’t help but admire her for being able to stare down her demons with just a cup of tea and a heated blanket.
Finally, she leaned over and set her tablet and empty cup on the coffee table right before she crawled across the cushions toward me.
I opened my arms and she tucked herself into my side as the main card was being announced. I turned up the volume just a bit as she rested her head on my chest. “Thank you, Kaden,” she muttered into my shirt.
I looked down at her, slightly confused. “For what?”
She looked up at me and smiled. “For making me feel safe, and empowering me to do my research… And for the tea.”
I kissed the top of her head, the scent of mint shampoo tickled my nose. “Always. I dare anyone to try anything otherwise.”
Val smiled and snuggled in to watch the fight. We stayed like that, her breathing evening out as she started to drift toward sleep.
On the screen, two men fought for a title that didn’t mean half as much as the victory that’s happening between us.