35. Chapter Thirty-five
Chapter Thirty-five
Roman
I had a few more days before I made it back to Denver, and I was climbing the walls. Adrian wasn’t making it any better with the shit he was telling me.
“You should have seen it, Ro. The mother started bawling, then Shira was bawling, and all the kids joined them. It was a mess. It was…one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever witnessed.”
Turned out, this was why I hadn’t wanted Adrian to speak to Shira. Now that he’d gotten over himself, they were becoming friends, and she’d invited him to be there with her for the final walk-through of the house Building Dignity had rehabbed for a family in need. I’d been sent pictures and a video, but it wasn’t the same. I didn’t want to be jealous of my own brother, but I was, and there was nothing I could do to fight it.
“You’re right, I should have seen it.” I rubbed my jaw, exhausted from the days of never-ending meetings. Where I’d once lived for the thrill of negotiation, all of it felt tedious. “What the hell am I doing here again?”
“You’re getting matters settled so you can take time off when your son arrives. That’s what is important right now,” he reminded me.
“Right.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “And getting the best deal I can for the employees of GoldMed. Vantage is jerking us around, trying to get away with cutting corners. Nate and I have made it clear what we need for this deal to go through, but they keep coming up short.”
He huffed. “It’s funny. You’ve done deals like this multiple times, and I’ve never seen you so invested in anything but the bottom line.”
“Right. You’re right about that.”
As much as it bothered me, there was something of my father within me. Investing in failing companies had become somewhat of a game to me, and taking care of the employees wasn’t my top priority.
When I’d first started at GoldMed, I’d come in hot on Shira, throwing her own words in her face—though I’d thought they were Frank’s—about not forgetting the human element behind the bottom line. While I’d never forgotten the human side, it had been far down on my list of considerations when I made business decisions—until now.
People were going to be out of jobs. There was no avoiding that, though I’d tried my hardest, and it bothered me more than I expected. I knew that was because of Shira.
“Shira?” Adrian asked.
“Yeah, Shira. She’s good. Like, good down to her marrow. It’s part of her genetic makeup. It doesn’t come naturally to me, but when I’m with her, I want to be better. I want to be good.” Puffing up my cheeks, I blew out a heavy breath. “What is that?”
He chuckled. “I mean, you love her, right? It’s natural for a man to want to be good enough for his woman.”
I wasn’t a man who moved impetuously. My decisions were carefully thought out, along with my emotions. I sifted through them, untwisting them from external complications so I could better understand how I was feeling and why. I’d done the same when it’d come to Shira. I’d parsed my feelings for my son from my feelings for her, finding the place she’d claimed in my heart stood alone. It would have been there without the tie of our son binding us.
“I do love her,” I admitted. “She hasn’t had it easy, and I’ve been a part of making it harder.”
“She told me some things about that.”
“You two are regular ol’ friends now, huh?”
He chuckled. “Are you actually jealous? That’s insane, Rome. You know that, right?”
“I’m jealous that you’re there and I’m here. I know you won’t swoop in and steal her from me, but I’d rather be the one holding her when she’s crying.” I paused. “Tell me you held her when she cried.”
“I did. I don’t know if I was good at it, but it’s hard to stand there when that woman is in tears. It does strange, painful things to my chest.”
I grinned. “That’s your heart, Ade.”
“Heart? What’s this nonsense you speak of?”
I could picture him grimacing. Adrian had a lot of good qualities, but being open with his emotions wasn’t one of them.
“It’s all right to care, you know.”
“I thought we were talking about you,” he intoned, done being the subject of discussion.
“We were.”
“All right. You miss your girl. Finish what you need to get done and come back to her. It’s pretty simple.”
“It should be,” I hedged.
“It is, so why do you sound doubtful?”
“I worry I started us off so wrong, she won’t ever be able to fully trust me. I think—no, I know I’m not good enough for her. Those are things I’m working on, but it’ll take time, and I’m not sure I’ll have it.”
“You can’t be serious. In what realm are you not good enough for anyone ? Shira’s really great, and I finally get why you and our brothers are fully on her team. But, Christ, you’re the best man I know.”
“You know a lot of sexual deviants.”
He laughed dryly. “Don’t brush me off. Besides, sexual deviants aren’t inherently bad. You can stuff it with your puritanical bullshit.”
“I’m kidding. As one of the sexual deviants who’s visited your club, I would never cast true aspersions on the other members.”
If Adrian was curious about what Shira and I had partaken in that night in room ten, he’d never ask. Discretion was his middle name, and he was very much a firm believer in “live and let live.” My brothers and I chided him on his chosen profession, but he took it seriously, and I was proud of him for what he’d built.
“The point stands,” Adrian stated. “You made mistakes, but that doesn’t disqualify you from being good enough to be with Shira. Remove that from your thoughts and concentrate on moving forward. You have a lot of good coming to you. Why focus on the bad?”
I dragged my fingers through my hair, exhausted and homesick. “A lifetime of feeling like nothing I do is enough is hard to shake.”
“That might be so, but it also isn’t true. Look at Nate, Ben, and me. We’re where we are because of you. You were a kid yourself, but you basically raised us. I can speak for myself, but probably Nate and Ben too, when I say we still look to you as an example. Our parents were trash humans. That shaped how you see yourself, but it’s a lie, Rome. The truth is how the people who know you best see you. You just have to make yourself believe that.”
Me: I’ll be home tomorrow, baby.
Shira: Really?! It’s been a week. I was convinced you’d moved to Chicago.
Me: You’re not getting rid of me so easily.
Shira: I don’t want to. Did you make a deal?
Me: It’s not done yet. Nate’s staying on. I’ll sit in on meetings via video conference. I’ve been gone long enough. It’s time for me to come home.
Shira: I’m looking forward to seeing you. Mary and Beanie are too. I’m working tomorrow, but I can cook dinner when I get home if your flight lands on time.
Me: I’ll see you after work. And I’ll do the cooking, baby.