Chapter 9 Levi #2
“I have to be,” he said. “I don’t have a choice. There’s a lot of people who depend on me. A lot of families and small businesses. I’ve always been the one to help out, and always will be.”
“And what about you?”
Austin shrugged. “I’ll be fine.”
I doubted that. I knew he did too. Neither one of us was convinced by his half-assed I’m fine.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you,” I said.
“It’s a two-way street, Levi. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you either. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Dad.”
“It’s all right,” I said. “I forgive you.”
He nodded, and as we’d always done, we put it all to the side. He’d apologized, I’d apologized, and that was that. We didn’t need to hash it out anymore.
“I’m just glad to see you, even if you’re not staying.” He narrowed his eyes on me. “Okay, I’ve bared my soul. What’s up with you? You were at the height of your career, last I checked.”
I blew out a long breath as Maria came back to the table. My mouth immediately watered as she set down the massive stacks of fluffy pancakes with syrupy peaches and a crumble on top .
“Enjoy,” she said. “Holler if you need anything else.”
“Thank you,” I murmured.
“Thanks, Maria.”
I waited until she was out of earshot and kept my voice low. “I’m in constant pain, Austin. My entire body has been destroyed by this sport. I fucking love it. I love the game, I love my team, I love the fans. But I just hit a point where I couldn’t take it anymore.”
“What was the breaking point?”
Well, that was the question of the century, wasn’t it? I mulled it over as I forked a bite of the pancakes, letting out a soft moan as the sweetness hit my tongue. They were perfect.
“Don’t worry, I’ll wait forever,” Austin teased.
“Fuck off,” I chuckled.
It felt good to have our friendship falling back into place so easily, even with the weird Avery stunt. But, he’d always been over-protective of her. Dallas too, even if he didn’t realize it.
“The Friday before I made that announcement, I woke up and could barely move. All my joints hurt. I’ve been pushing my body to be as perfect as possible.
I’ve been on a fucking diet with no room for joy in it.
I got up and tried to do some stretches, and just couldn’t.
Then got a text from someone I’ve hooked up with before who just wanted me for my connections .
. . And I thought—what’s the point of any of this?
I don’t have anyone in my life that loves me outside of what I can offer them.
With my dad passing a few years ago, I don’t even have family. ”
“What about your mom? How’s she doing?”
“She’s living her own life.” Without me. Occasionally, she’d remember I existed outside of my half-siblings and would call, but it was usually only around the holidays or my birthday.
“Maybe we can make our moms be friends or something.”
I raised a brow. “Doubt it. How’s your mom?”
“I don’t even know, Levi. She’s not the same, though. Don’t think she ever will be. She has treated Avery differently since Dad died.” He made a face. “Sorry. Don’t need to get into my family bullshit. All of that is to say, I’m sure you’ve been lonely.”
“Yep. I have been.”
My throat tightened. It’d been a hard pill to swallow, realizing that pushing myself to work so hard all the time meant I hadn’t made many friends.
If anything, I’d gone out of my way to avoid them.
It’d taken my body breaking on me to look up and realize that I was missing out on life.
Missing out on having people around me that wanted to know the real me.
“I’ve got it all and nothing at the same time,” I said. “I needed to escape. I need to figure out what I want. But I don’t think being a hockey player is it anymore. I’d rather become a college coach and take a pay cut than keep doing this.”
“You’ve worked really hard to get to where you’re at,” Austin said. “Harder than most, since nothing was handed to you. Walking away from all of it . . .”
“I know it’s not a good idea,” I said. “I’ve worked my ass off for this for years. And like I said, I love it. I love hockey. But I’m not happy. We’ll see how I feel in six weeks.”
“I’ll support whatever you decide,” Austin said with a shrug. “But maybe you just need to take a season off?”
“Maybe,” I said. “I’ve got six weeks, then my agent will be hunting me down. If I don’t have an answer for her, she’ll fly out here and drag me back to Minnesota. And I don’t want that. She scares me.”
Austin snorted. “She can’t be that bad.”
“She is. Robin terrifies me. That’s why she makes so much money.”
Not to mention, at the end of the day, she did hold my best interests at heart. If I decided to take a break from hockey, she’d figure out how to get me into other doors.
“We have a free yoga class on Sunday mornings at the park,” Austin said. “Avery, Evie, and June usually go. Mateo and I sometimes join if they bully us into it.”
“I don’t know about doing yoga in this heat.”
He laughed. “Hey, it’s under the pavilion. It’s not too hot in the morning. I mean, I always end up drenched. Even holding that tree balancing pose or whatever is fucking hard.”
“It’s definitely too hot for that. But, I’ll think about joining. I have to do something active while I’m here or else I’ll turn into stone.”
“In theory, I should also try to do more. What is it about turning thirty and your entire body starts hating you?”
“It’s bullshit.”
“Agreed.” Austin shook his head as he dug into his pancakes. I smiled to myself, feeling an easiness wash over me that I hadn’t felt in a long time.
So long as I stopped thinking dirty thoughts about Avery and Mateo, maybe being back in Whynot would be good for me.