CHAPTER 14
KENDRICK
When we walk into the conference room, my attention immediately snags on Brevan. I’ve been keeping an eye on him all morning. I’d like to say it’s because he’d overheard the girls talking about him, and I want to make sure he’s okay.
I’m not in the habit of lying to myself, though. It is the truth, but it’s not the only truth. Brevan captivates me. He shouldn’t. I think if I hadn’t joined them for trivia last night, I might have gotten away with mild interest.
Our eyes are constantly drawn to each other. My heart feels like it skips a beat whenever our eyes meet. It startled me the first time since it had been so long since another person stirred any interest in me at all.
Of course, the first person who does in a couple of decades is a damn student. Because that makes perfect sense. Why the hell not?
Even so, even as I try to control myself and not stare, I meet his eyes as soon as he steps into the room. His face is flushed when he pulls down his scarf, which could very well be from the cold. But the way his shoulders are raised indicates he’s a little tense, suggesting something else.
Thankfully, I’m not the only one who notices Brevan’s discomfort. Xile, Wendy, and Jerome seem to have taken Brevan under their wings. I sigh in relief because it’s not appropriate for me to comfort him right now.
Right now… It’s not appropriate at all! Cue internal eye roll.
“Welcome,” Dr. Magnus Albertson greets once everyone is in the room. He raises his hands. “It is good to have you. I hope you’ve enjoyed the Arctic greeting.”
Several of the students huff, earning wide smiles from everyone else in the room and a hearty laugh from Magnus.
“Please have a seat. We will begin introductions when everyone is settled. There’s hot tea and hot coffee behind you if you’d care to warm up.”
“There’s also hot cocoa,” one of the men says.
“I could totally use something hot,” Xile murmurs. “I’m not picky. Brev? Want something?”
Brevan nods and follows my students to the coffee bar. I’m not at all upset that Brevan has seated himself close by. Was that intentional on either of our parts? I don’t have the chance to join them since Byndley brings me back a coffee.
“Thank you.” I accept it gratefully and take a sip. “Either I’m getting too old for the cold or this is really good.” My eyes scan the room. The students are already mingling and chatting together.
Byndley smirks. “You act as if you’re seventy. You’re not even fifty. No need to play it up. I’ve always gotten your coffee.”
“I don’t know how to prepare it,” I say, laughing. “I won’t forget the first time I ordered a coffee at a café without you. I was disgusted by what was put in my hand.”
She grins. “Job security.”
I snort in an undignified manner and then try to cover it up, which makes Byndley try to hold in her laughter.
The two groups of students take their seats mixed together as if they’re longtime friends. I wait to take mine until everyone else is settled.
“Are the hot beverages to your liking?” Magnus asks.
“Best cocoa ever, sir,” Mercy says.
Magnus grins proudly. “It’s local. As are the coffee and tea. Local brews. That’s not to say we don’t largely import all three. The Icelandic environment isn’t necessarily hospitable to growing any of those items to supply our own people with enough. But there are greenhouses.”
“I’m going to need to try all three,” Wendy says. “The tea is wonderful as well.”
“Very good,” Magnus says. “Let’s begin while you warm up.
I am Dr. Magnus Albertson, the provost of tóreargleei University.
I have been with the school for thirteen years, and in this position for the past three.
When your esteemed provost reached out, I knew this was exactly what we needed to bring our school to its next level.
Iceland is proud, peaceful, and boasts being not only one of the safest countries in the world but also one of the most progressive for all people, regardless of gender, sexuality, orientation, creed, disability, or anything else. ”
He certainly looks proud. The way he holds himself makes me smile. Like a proud papa lion overlooking his cubs.
“Let’s go around the table, shall we? Introduce yourselves and what attending Rainbow Dorset or tóreargleei means to you.”
Wendy is to Magnus’s left, and she sets the tone for introductions.
It could have been short, a couple sentences, but I love that her explanation is deeper than that.
She talks about growing up in the Midwest, her Mormon family, and how attending RDU has given her confidence, not only to be herself and embrace all the facets of who she is, but it’s also allowed her to grow into and embrace her passion for science, something that wasn’t encouraged back home.
The first Icelandic student is next. “I am Helgi, an environmental science major. I actually grew up right down the road and have been in Engi my entire life. I chose tóreargleei University because I’d grown up attending events on campus.
There’s something magical about being here.
When you step off the sidewalk onto campus, the sense of being a part of something bigger is all around.
It’s in the air. Under our feet. I knew when I was ten and on a field trip using the indoor field that this was where I wanted to be when I grew up.
Which meant I was a little disappointed when they didn’t have a program I wanted.
” She gives Magnus a big smile. “However, I told them my goal, and Dr. Albertson, as well as the deans of the science department, have helped build a program designed to reach my goal. It includes some courses from other universities around Iceland, as well as one abroad in Greenland, but when I went to them thinking I’d have to give up my dream about attending tóreargleei University because they didn’t have a program for my course of study and they readily said they’d work with me to accommodate my attendance, I knew my childhood dream of tóreargleei University was well placed. ”
“We are glad to have you,” Magnus says. “You have expanded our school for the better, and we’re very happy that more students are now enrolling in the same program.”
Helgi grins.
That brings us to Xile. “Hey,” they say.
“My name is Xile, I’m non-binary. Preferred pronouns they/them, though I’m not going to be offended if you use he/him sometimes.
I’m in the trades department learning to carve stone, wood, and whatever else.
I’m trying to convince Dean Stommer to get some chainsaws up in there so I can carve trunks, though he needs more convincing. ”
I glance at Zarek, and he tries to hide his smirk.
It wasn’t long ago when he, Quinlan Stommer, my dean of the trades department, and Declan Whitaker, a newer athletic trainer, approached me with their unique living situation.
There was an undertone of relationship situations as well, though I was under the impression that wasn’t something they wanted to talk about.
What I’ve gathered from this is that Quin, Declan, and Zarek are involved in some way, as well as three other men.
Which is cool with me. I don’t care. My only concern was how it would impact their jobs.
They assured me it wouldn’t, and here we are.
So far, they’ve kept that promise. Because they’re all in different departments that have nothing to do with each other, I imagine it isn’t difficult to keep that promise.
But I appreciate Zarek’s amusement when one of them is brought up. Knowing them intimately means he probably has a story to tell about whatever subject it is that brought up his lovers.
“I’m from Alabama,” Xile continues. “Home of religious extremists, so while I’d like to keep my introduction light, the reason I chose RDU was first and foremost to get as far away from there as possible.
I was afraid to come out as non-binary. Anything that isn’t straight, prudish, and socially accepted can be met with hostility.
Especially in the smaller towns. I’ve seen some really cruel things, murderous things, and I knew I needed to get away and never turn back.
My search inquiry when looking for a school was in the northwest and ‘queer friendly.’ RDU was the first to come up, and I applied as soon as I clicked on the link and the giant pride flag waved at me in greeting. Since being at RDU…”
Xile takes a breath and closes their eyes.
For a second, they don’t speak. No one rushes them.
Brevan grips their arm in support. “I’m sorry,” Xile says.
“I didn’t realize I was emotional about it.
Like Helgi, the moment I stepped onto campus, I was home.
I knew this was where I was meant to be.
There were guys in skirts and girls with wild hair, and no one was glaring or giving them nasty looks.
There weren’t any derogatory comments. Everyone was free and…
yeah. I feel like the person I was three years ago in Alabama is long gone.
That wasn’t me because I wasn’t allowed to be me.
I wouldn’t be me because I was too afraid.
I’m not sure I’ll ever go back to Alabama, which had always been the plan, but at least now, that decision isn’t out of fear. It’s because that was never my home.”
Helgi pats Xile’s arm and offers a smile. Xile returns it and then looks at Brevan, maybe needing the attention off of them for now.
Brevan’s cheeks pinken. His eyes flicker to mine, and I give him an encouraging nod. He takes a deep breath.
“I’m Brevan,” he says quietly. “I’m a football player—American football. I hope to play professionally. I’m also a library science major. I hope to open a library someday. I chose RDU because…” He chews his lip and looks at me again.
“When I was ten, my parents died. We went to live with my grandparents. Three years later, my grandfather died, and my grandma couldn’t financially support us on her own.
We bounced from temporary housing within the area while she struggled to keep me in the same school district so I could play football.
It got a little better once my older brother graduated and moved out.
Supporting two of us was easier than three.
But I still never felt like I had a home.
It wasn’t her fault. I knew she struggled as much as I did.
I guess I shared this because with the football scholarship that I was offered through RDU, it came with room and board for as long as I was a student there.
The importance of having a secure and permanent place to live was something I couldn’t pass up.
“Then I stepped onto campus, and it felt like a storybook. I was stepping into a world hidden and yet loudly present in the gray, hopeless one I’d grown up in.
A world that had been right under my nose but invisible until I applied for their football program.
Campus felt like a big hug. With everyone there being so friendly and welcoming.
Supportive. I have friends now. I have a home.
I’m surrounded by true freedom. Not just freedom for some but freedom for everyone.
I’ve grown a lot, and I hope to keep the momentum that RDU has encouraged to keep learning about myself.
I’m given the tools to succeed in a program that I’m passionate about, which also allows me to play football. I don’t feel quite so dumb at RDU.”
His eyes flash briefly to Philomena and Anna. I don’t miss the way Zarek’s lips press together. Probably like mine do.
“Not all the time, at least,” Brevan adds. He looks to his left, indicating he’s ready to stop talking.
I watch Brevan for a while. He’d gained confidence as he spoke—right until the very end. As attention moves away from him, he relaxes again, and I’m able to focus on everyone else sharing as well.
One thing I notice by the time introductions get to me is very clear.
Iceland is like RDU on a larger scale. Most of my queer kids have a not-so-pretty picture of where they came from.
I know this isn’t necessarily a true representation of queer kids around the country.
I’m very aware we attract many who specifically come from bad experiences growing up.
They’re here for safety. To escape. To find support.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who sees the pattern, though.
Iceland is a much better place as far as this is concerned.
At least in this small sample gathering of Icelanders, there’s no trauma in their past like my kids have for being queer.
Again, maybe not a true representation of the country, but to me, and likely those with me from the US, it only reinforces what I already know—we as a country are not moving forward like we think we are. We’re leaving a lot of kids behind.